DarkestDarkness

5th July 2021

Fragment:

I'm looking at my profile on one of the art sites? I notice I have an unread PM and click to check it. It's from a site moderator I think and I check to see if it really is one, by looking for a certain symbol or something? The message reads at first something like "Dear user, as it is so rare to come across individuals like yourself", going on for a short bit and then asking further down if I'd like to become a moderator, myself.

There's still some kind of special application process and scrolling through the, actually somewhat long, message, I see some red hyperlink buttons with white text. They have something to do with answering some questions for the application. At the start of these is also a green one and I perceive green as bad? The green one is for saying that you're not interested in this or something.

I think about this and consider the responsibilities, the kind of things I might have to deal with, potentially unpleasant. And also the fact that it's not a paid role or position, it's voluntary even with the application and so on. Despite all this I still consider applying. Rest of recall faded.

Fragment:

In a game world of some kind, with H. It feels like DOOM, Quake or UT. The zone feels a bit void of anything at all, very empty. There's an orange-purple atmospheric effect? The only things that seem to exist around here are some kind of simple and white geometric structures that we walk across. I do some jumping tricks and get up on top of what is supposed to be like a small building. There's a "BFG 9000" here on the flat rooftop, it's a secret pick-up. This BFG has a unique design and is really quite big, as I pick it up I visually note that H gets it too.

The weapon's design is chunky at the start, then it becomes tri-pronged kind of and extends almost two yards in front. These bits sticking out are like electro-magnetic rails and they are a silvery metal but with a light blue electric glow. The rest of the design is primarily green, the green tone I associate with DOOM.

Anyway, then a boss or elite enemy appears or something. I consider whether or not we should use our new BFGs on it and end up deciding not and that we should just use regular rocket launchers to fight it. I think about the fact that the BFG has very limited ammo and sooner or later we'll end up firing at the same time anyway in combat situations, effectively wasting shots.

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Notes:
- On waking and trying to draw the weapon in its most basic form I realised I couldn't imagine what the grip for it could be like. I then realised I've never really paid attention to this detail on BFG designs.

- The first dream may relate to how I have sometimes done things freely for others because I felt that it was important enough to do as a voluntary thing. The issue has often been for me that I have not been either rewarded nor recognised for it and not even getting some recognition for helping makes it feel like I've been used for my eagerness, ultimately making me feel naive and cynical about such things.

17th December 2020

Fragment:

(left too long because of little opportunity to write)

First bit. Looking at one of my art(ist) profiles. I feel sort of amazed, I have just over 250 people watching my profile, apparently.

Another bit, in some church, near the end of a dream. I'm helping some women, mostly in their 50s and so on. They eventually tell me I can't be allowed to join their group officially as it is for women only but they tell me that because I helped them they can however offer me an honorific title or position.

I feel pleased or satisfied, though I can't remember if I accept, but they seem happy either way too.

19th December 2020

Fragment:

In the car with H. We're driving along some bendy and somewhat narrow road in an industrial estate-like place. Some van "uncloaks" in front of us at a corner. H is upset and surprised by this.

Earlier bit; (recall faded too much) something about a large area of land owned by someone and cities on it. A mountain and atop it some castle? Night time. Lots of street/city lights in the distance. A semi mountainous region in general but a lot of water and rock outcroppings that are at least a couple of hundred stories tall, each.

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Notes:

- Although I seem to remember the dreams from 17th of December were kind of long, the recalled portion has an interesting personal contrast between two worlds that are very different but are also very important to me.

-- The profile watching count certainly comes from recent worries based off/around self-expectation.

- The uncloaking van was certainly based off recently replaying through the Freelancer campaign but interestingly during the day there were at least two incidents with vans appearing a bit out of nowhere when we were on the road.

9th July 2020

Fragment:

Something about talking to A in some imagined version of her home. I remember it was day time and there was a coffee table? An old style computer with a CRT.

We talked about a few things, mostly random ones, but also about my art and I asked if she knew anyone who might be interested.

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10th July 2020

Fragment:

Dream about being on the computer and looking through one of the art sites I frequent. I remember looking at my own art and other peoples' art, but the rest of the recall is gone.

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11th July 2020

Fragment:

On the computer, looking at one of the art sites again, and at my account page. I think I'd received some comments and I was typing up replies to the comments. I vaguely remember new dream-generated artwork, both of my own authorship and of other artists.

Something about wanting to make a second account for only certain types of posts (?) but in the end I decided it would be too confusing if I had duplicate uploads between two different accounts.

---

Notes:
- There is quite a mix within these three days, the dreams being pretty much about the same thing in one way or another; my art and how both I and others perceive it.
- At present this hasn't been manifesting in dreams quite as much but at the time of these dreams I was perhaps finding myself obsessively thinking about these things a bit through the days, more so than currently.
- The recalled part of the first dream relates directly to how I no longer have direct contacts/friendships with people who are interested in the same things, thus trying to see if a friend did know anyone and if we could basically be introduced; I've had this thought consciously a few times during certain days but since then have decided that I can't meaningfully seek this out in a natural/organic way and since then I've also had a conversation about this topic with a friend.

Non-dream stuff - Woke up at about 8:30 but didn't remember any dreams, fell asleep and woke up again at 10:15, initially remembering a couple of dreams that started to fragment before I got up to write on the DJ.

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Dream:
I was at a computer and looking at a website; it had a plain black background and it was some sort of shop, selling plushies. There was a dropdown box and there were about 5 options. I had a dream memory or dream bit where I bought something like a crate of 200 ram plushies from some other website at a much lower price, for about 50 in total. On this website, each plushie cost anything between 16.99 and 38.99 or so.

I remember buying a goat plushie and when I clicked on the plushie titles from the dropdown box an image changed to show a rotating photo of them as a preview. Then I saw there was a little wolf, called something like "bloodthirsty wolf" or something, and it was really cute and had really large bloodied fangs and had an open maw. The size of the mouth and head looked exaggerated on purpose. Most of the plushies looked to be exceedingly well detailed, despite not being much bigger in size than my closed fist; they were in a cartoony style. I really wanted to buy the wolf plushie too and I think I did, but I started to wonder if I should be spending so much money on plushies. Remember thinking to look at my bank balance, but for some reason my phone wasn't near me and I ended up not checking.

It seems I've forgotten the other dreams as I wrote this one, hopefully remember them or fragments while doing something else...

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Some notes:

• While I really do like collecting animal plushes, I haven't bought any in some time now.
• I also wouldn't, in principle, be looking to buy them online. I like to know the quality of the material as I buy them, as when I was a child I always had a somewhat irrational fear that plushes I had would tear apart etc if you weren't very careful. I still feel like I have to be very careful with some, as I don't like the idea of damaging them.
• There's a big connection to my childhood from plushes in general, as my room had a lot of them by the time I was a teen. Friends often made fun of it if they were visiting and my oldest sibling would sometimes mess around with them which would really upset me and almost make me cry sometimes, though he actually didn't mean it with any ill intent. I just saw things as being very fragile, while he never did.
• A pair of plushies I last bought were two fluffy sheep. The ones available on the dream website seemed to be sheep, rams, goats and wolves.
• I'm not sure what brought on this dream context as a whole, as I see my and my partner's plushies around the house often, every day.
• Edit: discussed the dream briefly with my partner and he reminded me that recently we'd been working with goat and sheep leather, and that was probably what elated this dream context. I found myself immediately thinking about the leather as he mentioned this, and thinking how the fluffy side would be interesting as a material on plushes.

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Scoring thus far:
+ Previous score: 51.0

+ This DJ entry score (breakdown below): 1.0
++ Recall a non-lucid dream: 1.0

= Total score thus far: 52.0