ZAD's DJ

11-14
Dream: In courtyard in front of apartment. Out there with F. We have clothes, our keys, etc. all laid out over trees and tree branches. We just came back from somewhere/are going somehwere? ... I'm in the same place but farther back towards the parking lot (the dimensions have changed, there is a stone cove with a fire pit to the right of us, and we're facing a grassy field and our row of apartments ahead). F now looks like someone else, and a character representing her friend J is also present. We are folding up some (pool?) umbrellas, and as J folds the last umbrellas we can see through the mesh a family of bears right in front of us! Their ears are very strange, sort of like a cocker spaniel's ears but straight up and down. They look angry but we try to maneuver very slowly so that they don't attack -- very intense fear in the moment. They start to come forward then retreat back towards the apartment in the grass. I think at this point my character was dissolved and I was relegated to observer to the F and J avatars. I watched as they made a run for it, J started kicking one of them, who all of the sudden had those kickboxing targets strapped to his hands to catch her kicks? And then ran away leaving F standing there. In the dream, I was really anry at J for leaving F there with the bears. I think this expectation/intense emothion ocmbo made one of the bears strike out at F, and she dramatically fell down, which increased emotion. ... I'm on the sidewalk, my character has returned, I'm fighting with F (maybe J?) and she walks inside a sliding glass door (not ours) and I spit on a postcard (???)
Dream: High school band/in theatre/band parents watching as band, kids, dance team perform a really bad routine to a song -- what song?/we raise our hands in a temple shape on cue in waves/everyone does it very poorly, Mr. D walks out/outside in hall/stairs talk to L
Dream: White marble stairs/Din. Moby Dick and church discussion/T from loose drawing to rl/dom
Dream: Blue juice/dad presents/appliance(?)/leftovers(indian or bbq ramen rice)/dogs and stitch bunny w/ nose fur
Frag: Tubes challenge/tents?/fluid/miniature woman -- linked to above?
Dream: Had an FA, then woke for real. Almost DEILD'd but really wanted to remember the previous dreams.
Dream: (Conan) I'm in a squareish room with dim blue light. I'm naked and just received a large orange banner with some tribal-looking decorations and a bird design throughout. Had a conversation with myself about birds in designs (it's cheating?). The fabric is warm as I unfold it and inspect the design. I drape it around myself and feel it being very warm on my dream body (temperature in dreams - good development). There's a mirror across the way, so I drape the banner around me like a cape and start miming sword fighting like Conan the barbarian as depicted by Frank Frazetta. As I strike my arms out each time, I hit the fabric hard, because it's moving/flowing at a slower timescale than me. My stomach looked far too concave in the mirror, almost hollow, like a bad sculpture.


Notes: I'm putting ... just to indicate that there was either a scene transition, or something did happen here and I just forgot it.

Oct 1 2018

Fragment 1 - With F in hotel or cabin - clearly feels like a form of temporary escape or travel-like lodging. There are layers that we're stacking in order to block this one segment of the house, we try to rearrange them in several different ways. For some reason we don't want to go outside, there's a deep sense of fear. The colors white and black are prominent.

Fragment 2 - In big field helping my dad move something (folding wooden ladder-like structure like an attic pull-down door, but huge. Dad loads it into back of vehicle, I'm laying my body on/across the top of it (several stories up) to "support it". We're driving across a daylit green field. Suddenly he's at the top with me. I see a roach and tell him, it turns out to be a scorpion, he squishes it and it oozes black ichor. Important colors - green, blue, black, wood-brown.

Fragment 3 - Nighttime, in hotel that is based off an elongated version of my apartment block; I'm walking around the outer perimiter and can see in to people's windows clearly. I round the corner and enter the hallway to a seemingly endless hallway of doors. I get spooked by the fact that they're all closed and think about the connection between doorways and expectation and become lucid.

Lucid 1 - I enter the door and see a strange sight - my hairdresser from childhood to the beginning of college, in an all-white small square room. She's a stocky woman with short dyed-red hair in her trademark white and red-dotted shirt and matching shorts. She's standing in the right-backmost corner, facing the wall. To her right there's a black trash can on the floor with her head in it, looking at me. I approach her and say her name, then wake. Important colors - black, white, and red.

Dream 1 - F and I go to an after-hours college professor's dinner. She's rumored to be a murderer or seductress; this is connected to fragments 1 and 3, maybe she's what we were fearing? Here I see several of my high school friends, and we jab at each other for not staying in touch. The woman enters the room and we are all on guard. I can't remember if she killed anyone. Maybe we played a board game or discussed a book. The room was distinct, a deep red.

Note - all of my dreams were extremely emotional and marked by color.

Sep 30 2018

(3 dreams, 2 lucids)

pre-star wars interstate/table in front yard, F's car - why are the keys on a table in the front yard? they can be stolen! have to get her car back, getting angry

lucid/semi-lucid star wars dream* (badass)

wbtb (lasted for 3 hours)

lucid with D and 8, and roach antenae then hopping away like a deer, short, got lucid halfway through

space station dream getting a delivery, we were running out, boss says forget about the reeses puffs and then they give us twice the delivery (everyone mad "we could have been getting twice this whole time? we didn't even get any reeses puffs") and guards and cutting ribbon lines (dad, w/ gun or broom) and other stuff (transformed into noir music video at end); remember the black slats on the divider vividly, and the floor; like an arcade! vivid, long

lots of HI and feeling for dream scene, but no successful WILDs
feeling for a white tennis shoe
feeling for a white metal corner with slats on it

*Star Wars dream:
I'm in the office of 9. My best friend (A) and his previous long-time girlfriend (T) are there. There's also another girl from the previous dream who has orange hair (we'll call her O; I had a feeling she might have been a manifestation of my guide). A has a hooked nose unlike in real life, and he's standing next to the bookcase in the far left corner comforting T. O is sitting in a chair looking at me. It's a persecution-style dream, someone is going to eradicate us. I think I had to kill someone in the office, someone was a traitor. I become lucid but decide that instead of pursuing goals I'll let the dream take me wherever it was intending to go. I have a lightsaber and there was someone else there (my dad or F?) who had one, so I offered the group mine thinking that the other person and I could take them with just one lightsaber. They declined and I decided against it anyway, I would need it. So instead I give them a purplish greenish small box of parts to make their own. The dream shifts and I'm in the front yard in the passenger seat of the van. My sister and F are across the street selling pumpkins (as a disguise/to make it seem normal that we're there and that we have nothing to hide). They need to close up so we can go. In the car with me is O, and my dad and possibly mom are near the car. [I say something to someone.] Sister brings me a pumpkin in F's WL purse, it's ripping, I tell them to stop messing around, there's danger. Eventually the scene transitions and the pumpkin stand disappears, it's darker outside, I can tell Sith are coming. I think I told the van to drive away but I can't remember now.

I walk to the curb and it's much darker like a storm's coming, dust blows by me dramatically and I see two white Hutts at the very end of the street. I remember now that I had told them in the van not to fire their blasters unless they had to, because if they did the others would know where they were. For this reason I don't draw my lightsaber yet (it's probably about 6 houses until the end of the street so I have some distance to cross). When I reach about halfway I notice three more Sith, they looked like Tuscan raiders. Unexpectedly one of the Hutts charged me! It was much faster than I expected because instead of slithering towards me it floated/levitated towards me at an alarming rate. It also held its red lightsaber in a fully forward way, arms up and forward at the chest. It was very intimidating. It also had force lightning. By this point, I had succumbed to the dream's validity to the point where I was still lucid in awareness, but it was more like an elevated state of consciousness and control of my own actions, not control of the dream. In any case I didn't think to use dream powers but was limited to the constraints of the universe, so because I had a blue lightsaber, I only had force push, and becuase they had red, they also had force lightning. So essentially we would circle around each other while facing each other, him sending lightning at me and me pushing or lightsabering it away. This was very intense and I was still only facing one of them. Once I had sen that the van was gone, I decided to flee as I couldn't face them all. I think I may have killed one of the Tuscan raiders first? I ran to a kid's bicycle and as I boarded it, one of the raiders had come up behind me on a Star Wars bike. I used the force to lift the bike up and start flying. The raider and I get into a contest of side-swiping and I dismount him. I have to pull up because there's a white fence/gate at the end of my street.

Now the sky had gone from storm-blue with dust in it to full-on apocalypse brown. I was flying past twisted trees and power lines, turning sideways to dodge them. At some point the dream faded.

Most of these dreams came from day residue; the SW part came from listening to an episode of MBMBAM discussing naming a kid Anakin; we recently got a new end table by our front door where we leave our everyday carried items, and it's next to a window with blinds so I recently thought "what if they can see through those?"; the arcade-themed space station was due to seeing a Dave and Busters-themed scene in the show F was watching (I think Once Upon a Time). Anyway the lightsaber fighting was badass, even though it wasn't as conscious as it could have been; but it probably would have been much shorter if I had been fully lucid the whole time, so I'm in part glad that the dream and the threats it posed felt 100% real.

Interesting note: At the end of the SW dream, I was in an FA with the layout of my room being slightly different and although my eyes were closed, I could see a thin strip of light in front of me (in reality, this would have been to the right of me). I sat recalling my dreams and had a brief visualization/WILD attempt within the FA! Then I woke up. For some reason I wrote in my DJ that it's possible I had the SW dream stemming from visualizations during my FA? Interesting but I don't remember about the FA to say for sure now.

Sep 29 2018

Background - i didn't get nearly enough sleep during the week (b/t 5 and 6.5 hours a night) so i haven't had lucids since last sunday and have only been remembering 1-2 dreams a night on avg. so maybe this was sort of an extended REM rebound effect? i didn't sit down to meditate (although at many points i made myself hyper-aware) or visit the bathhouse, but anyway i remembered to do math in most of my lucids, got to talk to my dream guide (or it felt like it), and got my subconscious to play music. p. cool night!

3 NLs - before waking at 5:30 (went to sleep 11:45) (fortunately i wrote all of these down)
* in 9, my parents are talking to "Mr Jeff" in the front porch, talking about walking sticks as "staves", they examine one i found in the forest when we went to the cabin at the beginning of august
* in 8, seeing an older woman out of the apartment who had just helped F and I with something or was maybe just visiting. she has the body of a younger person but has surface-level wrinkles, almost like they're a painted-on texture with no depth (they're white) and I think she even had black hair. but her skin also looks quite dry. she reminded me of one of my neighbors who walks two dogs
* in 512 (grandpa's house) with F and my dad. F and I are sitting at the dining table across from each other, dad is to the right. i have tea and she has water, my dad asks for some of my soft drink because there's some rule that anytime i have soft drinks he gets a portion (he used to do this IRL too ;_ but i tell him i'm drinking tea and that i don't (or barely) drink soft drinks anymore, he points out a detailed list of times i've had soft drinks over the last year. i'm eating a wrap and unexpectedly i see a splotch of guacamole getting pushed out of the top like a tube of toothpaste, i lick it so it doesn't fall and i can vividly remember the taste - it was spot-on. really good guac!

LD 1 - WILD after WBTB - after lots of HI coming close to successful WILD, finally it's sort of like an FA, in bed, can see light coming through curtain, sit up and move curtain (feel body shift into dream body). It's light out, I look around, look at body and try to transform, wake up. go back to sleep pretty quickly after that

LD chain 2 - WILD, DEILDs, and DILDs - too many so I'll only write summaries - didn't write all of these down because after finally waking from the chain I just dove right in to the second chain
* walking outside in area between 9 and neighbor's house, asked subconscious for music to play, got some symphonic. it came and went, but as it faded I would conduct it with my hands and it would get louder. after a bit the music changed to a medium tempo pop instrumental and I conducted it as well. I was focusing on the sight/sound/touch sensations involving the wood fence, white lattice, the foliage, grass, swingset, etc. very vivid
* converted FA in 8 bedroom, summoning big cuddly dogs (F's grandma has a big dog so whenever we go over there like we did yesterday, I cuddle with it); in the dream they're very warm, i'm starting to feel temperature more in dreams whereas before with touch i would only feel pressure; one of my goals is to actually feel the bones inside my hands and the muscle contractions
* something with F in 9, can't remember details now...
* morning daylight scene, approach white service van and enter, there's a moldy (not really decomposed but with a green patina almost?) girl in the back sort of under the carpet (skin sort of the texture of the under-carpet material in floor boards) I try to move her head and her fully black eyes open, I kiss her (or do CPR?) and every time I do she blows air at me, weird weird weird wtf
* there were a lot more (i'm getting vague impressions of more FAs and maybe one more outdoor one), they're just lost on me -- i'm giving it time and hopefully i'll catch a few more during the day

LD chain 3 - WILD, DEILDs, and DILDs - too many so I'll only write summaries - had these after a brief wakeup and pee
* met dream guide as pudgy girl (reminds me of an outgoing version of F's little cousin), talked to her about my thoughts and whether she was real. I didn't ask my subconscious for the dream guide, I just saw her and knew -- i asked "are you my DG?" and she said yes, we held hands and walked through a crowded mall and talked for a bit.
* fight/murder in crack, blame - there are two men and a woman, the man and woman are fighting (they're married?) on a second-story floor with long cracks perpindicular to the hallway, so that you can see through to the first story (long fall); the second man walks up and says something to the first man that makes him jump through the crack. the woman is distraught but turns to the second man (her lover?) for comfort. at first i'm a semi-lucid observer but after this i summon my dream guide and he shows up in a doorway behind me as a tall built older man, feel his sides (like obliques) through shirt and they're warm. he says it's the only way he could get to me (like KPAX sort of - why is a soap bubble round) (when I first see him I saw other girls who looked similar but definitely different to the girl DG from before, their eyes were different)
* red curtain in parent's bedroom and transition scene - cool technique where I was looking in a mirror and I summoned a huge red curtain and threw it sort of over and around me and wrapped myself in its suspended self to transition to the next dream, however the next dream was somehow "too small" and so it faded quickly as I couldn't get a grasp on it
* lost a lot of these too... will keep trying to recall

as i lay in bed trying to recall and recount these dreams, i'm perfectly still, when i finally do try to move there's heavy resistence and then a snap! and i awaken, it turns out i had been in a detailed FA the whole time, as a result I lost some of the lucids. before waking I could recall 13 lucids total. not too bummed though as I'm sure I'll have a lot tomorrow night too!

Sep 26 2018

[D] I'm on a bed in early morning daylight. F is there and urges me to leave the bed and go to a courtyard/street. It reminds me of 6 courtyard mixed with the street I drive to work everyday. The dream transitions and I'm in 9 on the couch. To the left on the treadmill is one of my cousins. He's laughing. Suddenly he's in the hallway and has a large twisted plastic lattice tucked somehow into his briefs (he's also wearing a t-shirt and socks).

Later I'm in a bathroom with F who's trying to get something from the medicine cabinet. We're switching apartments or houses this day. The hair on my legs is 20 times longer and hangs off at the sides like a wavy beard. My dream self thinks/makes a comment about being like a Yak but F is busy and doesn't respond. In retrospect I looked like a satyr. I'm worrying about work, something related to me being adopted and I say the wrong thing.

I'm in a sundown-lit street with F, F is mad at me for something.

I'm drunk, running down a street along the sidewalk on the left side. I almost run into several poles and fences. There are people at several houses/front lawns which are restaurants, some people are leaning back in their chairs and heads are over the fence. I arrive at F's grandma's house. She and a lot of people my age and younger are sitting around tables under a pop up tent in her driveway. I see her and she looks mad at me, I try to appease her by offering to make some pink lemonade (there's a huge pink lemonade canister, probably a foot and a half in diameter and a foot tall, which is mostly empty and somewhat crusty [like how it gets when the powder has been opened and closed so many times and exposed to moisture for too long]). She refuses my offer and refuses to speak to me. Eventually I sit down and notice the cousin from before is on the other side of the table. Finally F's grandma confronts me about the work/adoption issue from before, and says "I thought you were moving in". I try to explain but it all comes out wrong. I understand that my cousin is jealous of my living situation/work because he lives here with F's grandma.



This was all one long dream btw, very vivid. The running dream was interesting -- in these dreams my awareness is usually activated.

Sep 23 2018

Four nights lucid in a row! PB!

[D] FA where I'm in bed, feeling my breath intensely. I can see two spheres of breath rotating and flowing throughout themselves, as if each of them is tearing itself inside out. The spheres are located a few inches in front of my face and are about 5 inches in diameter each. They're arranged one atop the other forming a sort of figure 8. I shift to seeing this in third person from the left side. Maybe they're feeding into each other? But I see and feel their movement aligned with my even, deep breaths.

[?] Wrote something in my DJ but can only vaguely make out the words "tonight", "Jesus", and "fool". Awoke 5:30am.

[L] In 9. The dream starts in my bedroom. My bunk is high, almost shoulder level (like one of my old dorm rooms). There are some assorted items laid out on the bed. It's dark outside. I'm trying to find something. The dream shifts to the front yard briefly, then to the kitchen. I need to make F a BLT without lettuce or tomato, on a long sourdough slice. For some reason I'm trying to find a saucepan (maybe to cook the bacon?) but the only one I can find is submerged in water in a white bowl next to the sink. The pan has a thin coating of spaghetti sauce on it. Around this point I become lucid, or rather reach the threshold of awareness, but decide not to do anything about it and to observe instead. I don't consciously control anything, from dream body to dream logic. I put down the slices of toast in the toaster, and they seem too long but somehow change dimensions to fit. At first the slices are vertical as expected, but after looking away and back, they are arranged horizontally at the bottom of the toaster. I'm talking to F this whole time. Finally I tell her "I'm lucid". She doesn't really react. I decide to do something improvised, a coordinated reality check. I hold out my palm and either through speech/nonverbal command or through expectation, I have her stick her finger through my palm. It worked! However now I couldn't really see her, and could see through her. She was transparent and I could clearly read some text behind her that took the form of her body. The dream shifted quickly and I was outside the kitchen looking in, and the lights were off. I said aloud "lights on!" and some dim lights came on but not all. The dream started to fade. I remembered to do math but lost the dream before I could. When I awoke I tried to DEILD, however I could only see the emerging scene if I strained my eyes to the bottom-right corner; there were maybe 5 or 6 scenes that emerged. When I opened my eyes it was around 6:40.

[F] I find myself outside a sliding glass door with a family inside. They let me in, they're part of a resistance and they're hiding me from someone; before this I was in a ditch. This was in-depth but unfortunately my pen ran out of ink.

[D] I was in a church library. There were bookcases that slid apart, and I was shoved inside. Inside it was dark and there were others. We could see through the cracks of light left by the books. After several implied weeks of pleading my case that we weren't able to read the books in the dark, those imprisoning us finally gave us some better quarters. It was some sort of speakeasy establishment, and our quality of life went up (we had alcohol and other entertainment) but now some of the black prisoners were slaves/barmaids.

Sep 24 2018

I had at least four dreams but can only remember two. I'm trying to utilize a memory palace for dream recall when I don't have a physical DJ next to my bed, but it's not always working (although it does help a bit).

[D] I'm in the backyard of 9, in full knight's armor. I'm carrying a metal jug of gasoline or urine. It's daytime outside and I'm splashing this mystery liquid all over the lawn; I get some on my neighbor's fence.

[D] After a longish dream, I find myself sleeping 9's garage. There are several pillows, and one of them is fancy but makes no sense (day residue from a stupid sweater one of the Property Brothers was wearing). It's made by George (the Walmart brand). It was very visually vivid (and mentally/perceptually clear) at this point, and I think if I didn't get involved with the dream drama I could've easily become lucid. I was in a sling chair but now I'm in some sort of giant furniture bucket looking at a late 90's desktop and monitor. My dad comes in and talks to me for a bit. I decide to go inside and sleep on the couch (worried about bugs). When I go to shut down my computer though, my C drive disappears! I think my hard drive somehow unmounted itself (in the dream I thought somehow it got disconnected/shaken loose). It's a weird mix of XP and Vista and 7 and when I open the start menu I can't search for anything in the search bar. I start freaking out about my computer, eventually I wake up.

Sep 19 2018

[D] A new member of a BBS/forum commits suicide and posts graphic pictures, leaving clues behind. Some users of the BBS call it a hoax, others accept that it's real but are still indifferent. His name is something like OPMQLN (six letters, unsure about the first two only).
[F] Walking down a city street at night. There's an interstate hi-rise above us (I'm walking with one to five other people). It's dark but there's a sort of faded golden glowing property around everything. There was either snow or rain on the ground, and in the sky, but not touching us. Maybe I was with two people and we passed six people? Overall a feeling of good cheer.
[D] I'm in a room similar to a cabin I once stayed at with F. It has a queen bed and is connected to a long living room which leads to a kitchen. I'm working (at my old restaurant possibly) and my (fictional restaurant) coworker drops a glass of spaghetti. The glass had the noodles, meat, and sauce combined already. When the jar shatters there's a ballistics-like scene left over. It reminds me of the strings Dexter puts up for blood spatter analysis. My coworker needs to clean it up and the vibe is that I should help but I refuse because he made the mess. A speck of sauce made it all the way into the first room, and I wipe it off with my finger. I'm bringing two hardcover books (one is light blue) to place on a bookshelf in the original room.
[D] A long, three-stage epic about an apocalypse. The first is live-action and sort of reminds me of Princess Mononoke, it takes place in a dark forest and tells the story of the mother and child; at parts the visuals are clay stop-motion. The second part has visuals similar to Vampire: The Masquerade: Bloodlines (very specific to how the walk cycle animations look in this game, and the general quality). The mother and child are at the ranch home, but on this rainy night an evil woman creature steals the prize horse. The father mounts an evil beast and chases after her. He's weilding a black buster sword. From a distance, she casts some sort charm/weaken/poison spell on him and he (me) starts seeing bats with different visual effects (invert colors, seeing auras, blur, etc.). He dies. The child grows up a bit and one night rides out to the edge of the field, and she reaches a resort hotel where she speaks over a fence to a woman near the swimming pool. In the third part, the child is grown, and the town around her is separated into different Animal-Crossing-like houses. They each represent someone in the town who's died (one of them representing her father) and they look like russian dolls. Then they all simultaneously turn around and just look like houses (they're lined up in a grid). Their brick tiles/shingles on the right side of each house shift slowly up in a symbolic gesture.
[F] I'm in my old church on the altar.
[D] I'm a youngish man with a wife and kid(s), I've just managed to stop the nuclear apocalypse somehow. There were three huge glowing green worms/dragons/snakes (in some scenes they remind me of Mass-produced Evas), and now they're banished or blacked out from our world. Scene transition to me shooting a rocket launcher, but it just puffs. Scene transition to an overview of the land in black, and the three green snakes circling around it, but being unable to enter (there is a circle that they can go behind and be blacked out, but they can't affect anything (I think in-dream -- maybe they can within the blackout circle). Scene shift to a sliding glass window and I see my daughter outside. I almost get lucid and have the opportunity to, but for some reason don't. I'm really drawn in by my (fictional) daughter and rush outside to pick her up. It's a really heartwarming moment. Scene shifts and it's a third person view and my fictional family and I get into a bus. I'm narrating like it's the end of movie and I just did something badass. I remember the line "I make $50,000." We head out of the driveway and are imediately crashed into by a firetruck. My family is fine but I'm injured, the fire department (and chief) are very resentful at me for some reason. Maybe in the way that I saved the world I somehow stepped on their toes. They rummage through our stuff in the bus.
[D] I'm going through a house which feels more like a gift shop. In the entrance there are some people talking, the first time through they feel off but the second time I realize they're platic with speakers and they say the same bit each time. There are glass display cases with objects inside, possibly this is a museum for one of the apocalypses in my former dreams. I pass through a (possibly beaded) doorway on the right if you're coming in (there's a counter or column or something in the middle of the room that you have to walk around). The black guy from Fear the Walking Dead (don't his name as I'm only passively watching this show while F watches it) is leaning at a bar counter and I pass him. Off to the right is a door which I don't think twice about the first time through. The second time through, I go in and there's something secret and important there, like it's an exit into another place (possibly the cabin in my early dream?). There's a valuable item in a chest which I see, can't remember what it was now.

Sep 17 2018

I color-coded again, but somehow still went out of order. Why is the order of ROY G BIV so hard for my just-awoken mind to remember?

[F1] Red - I was in an open wooded area with about 6 others (family/friends), and we were being threatened. Possibly at gunpoint? The dream was long, vivid, and dramatic, but I don't remember much now.
[D1] Yellow - I had a new boss, who looked like a soccer mom/high-powered woman from an episode of Undercover Boss I recently saw. She had serious botox face and bad red lipstick. We became close and trusted each other with secrets. In the office (dark interior, fading afternoon sun coming through huge windows, on a stairwell near a door to an auditorium) I see she's looking at her phone with a night-vision video playing, I understand it to be about my current manager (Y). Y is in the wrong. I ask for details but new boss can't share them. Next we're in a minivan riding down my old street. It's dark, and we drive up to my childhood home, but my dad has left a ~10x5 foot flatscreen TV on a box in the middle of the driveway.
[D2] Orange - I'm in my childhood home with my new boss and family/friends for a barbeque/get-together. It's morning or overcast afternoon, and it has just rained/is about to rain again. I talk with my boss & family for a while and then I understand that my grandpa is coming in (he was dropped off in the backyard?). I go to help him in. I pass a bouncy castle in the back-left corner of the yard where a tree is with kids inside. It's raining and I'm wondering if they'll be okay in there. I hop around, dodging deep muddy ruts and footprints in the yard. Finally I get to my grandpa and help him inside, and I notice he didn't bring any drinks (he always brings soft drinks to social gatherings). When we get to the patio, I look in an oversized ice chest and there aren't any drinks there either. Suddenly the rain intensifies and I warn my dad because the grill is flaming and isn't under the patio.
[F2] Green - This is a strange sequence of events and I'm not sure which came first. In Scene A, I'm downstairs in my WL living room which is brightly lit for a while with others, then the scene transitions and I'm in bed with the side-table lamp on, and there are three servants in the bed next to me. I clap our WL copper cooking tongs together and the servants take a strange formation. In Scene B, I'm in bed in the dark, and I have a close memory of being downstairs, so I focus on the difference between the location of my body in bed (which I can barely feel) and the location of my body downstairs in memory. I try to WILD and almost succeed, unsure if I did. There are three possibilities and I can't remember which is the actual case.
Scenario 1: Scene A came before Scene B, and I was trying to DEILD and failed.
Scenario 2: Scene B came before Scene A, and I successfully WILDed.
Scenario 3: Scene B was an FA, because its memory has a dream-like quality.

In any case these were pretty vivid. I just wish I got more sleep

Sep 15 2018

First a summary of the pre-WBTB NLs:
It's morning on a sunny hilltop, just outside the twon, blue skies. (fragment)
I'm in a version of my childhood home which is an apartment or hotel, 4ish stories up. I'm with my fiancee.

Spoiler for lewdness:

Across the open space in another room I see three girls in lingerie getting down and dirty. I have an understanding that the intimacy is not genuine and is for show. I point them out to my fiancee and we watch.

The lighting/mood was incandescent (I seem to have incandescent dreams and fluorescent ones, and there's a clear distinction of feeling between the two). There was another longer segment before this. (dream)
I'm talking to Adam and Tom (two random DCs). It's a public place, maybe a grocery store in a small town or a town hall (this is a reach) and they're arguing about the fidelity of Adam's wife, who used to be Tom's wife. (fragment)
I'm watching Jack Nicholson, Pheobe from Friends, and some other celebrities corroborate their story in a fluorescent courtroom. (fragment)
FA where I'm writing detailed notes in my DJ, even drawing pictures (I'm an amazing artist in dreams). Very convincing and thorough. (dream)
Pen went out and I didn't write hard enough to leave marks, so I lost some. But one mentions noises, my fiancee, and my dog. It makes me think it was another intruder FA or variation of it (my dog barked a lot last night so I was afraid of having one), but I always remember those, so it wasn't that.

Wake 5am. Fiancee (I'll call her F from now on) has work at 5:30 so I don't try to fall back asleep and just half-meditate while reflecting on dreams. Get up with her and walk my dog (calling him D from now on) and look at the stars, getting a strong feeling that I'll become lucid. I end up going back to bed at 6:30 or 6:40, I wear a sleep mask because there's some light entering into the room now. D's being loud and shaking the bed with his scratching so I threaten to kick him out. I end up trying something strange, I put two of the pillows over the sides of my face and my ears to block out noise, and I sort of side-hug them like the ten commandments.

As I'm falling asleep, I have the tranpsarent eyelids effect a couple of times. The first time, I can see D, and I try to latch on to the visuals as a dream, but they pop out of existance. I have this with a few other visuals: a long stalk of grass or leaves, and a pillow or blanket with a tag and words I could clearly read ("english", "c.o.t.r."). A couple of times I feel like I'm going to WILD. I fall asleep and fully wake at 7:24am.

This time I turn on my side but still use the pillow similar to how I did before. I go back to sleep. I wake up around 8:30, although I'm barely awake; I use this time to try and WILD as my body's still in REM atonia. I finally can fully focus on an image/scene, and at some point everything blacks out and I "pop" into the scene! It full materializes around me! I have awareness of my waking body and the fact that I was awake less than a second ago. I was surprised at the blackout before it happened though, I always assumed (and when I've had DEILDs I've experienced) that you go directly from waking to the dream with no visual discontinuity. Anyway, I'm in a tan carpeted room with white walls and a staircase. The stairs are the same as in my WL apartment, tannish carpet and white rails; however the room they open up into is bigger. I'm at the bottom of the staircase sitting on one of the stairs, looking through the rails. I am sort of a point of perception rather than a body; I try to spin but can't use my body to do it, so I think "bathhouse" and will myself to spin. It works! My perception point starts spinning, but I don't go anywhere or transition to another scene, the visuals just intensify. I look closely at the stairs and the room around me, the light coming in from the kitchen window, the layout of furniture in the living room. Suddenly I wake up. (Lucid)

After this, I decided to keep trying to WILD. I kept on the edge of sleep and let myself fall into visuals another time! This time, I went directly into the dream scene with no blackout (it felt more like a DEILD). I find myself in a living room type area, near a sliding glass door. I put my finger through my thumb to stabilize it works with a little resistance. I pick up a small box or something similar and throw it through the glass, which doesn't loudly shatter but sort of just breaks and disappears. I go through the opening and it's a tight fit because the balcony railing is right against where the sliding glass door was, and it's high. I climb up and get my torso over it, then I jump from the balcony to a tree (the trunk looks like a palm but it's twisted). As I jump down onto it, I experience some sort of anti-gravity or limited gravity, which is cool. I land on the tree and grasp the trunk. At first it had branches, but when I look around and notice they're in my way, they disappear and it's all trunk. The trunk is kind of twisted. I decide to thoroughly experience the texture of the tree, so I rub my hands over it, bite it, lick it (it tasted sort of sweet with a bitter aftertaste and rough texture). Some seriously weird stuff omitted.

This dream starts a chain of DEILDs and DILDs that last a while*. In the first, I'm in bed with F. I look at my hands and become lucid. After a bit I get up and ask her to come with me but she's gone. I go to the dark hallway and turn into a bathroom with the light on (sort of reminded me of my best friend from childhood's bathroom). I feel around in the cabinet expecting a few things and although I hit a wall, I say "Oh right, wasn't there a secret compartment there?" and that part of the cabinet pivots away and I find the object I was looking for! Was pretty cool, I did this with some drawers too. I read some vivid words that I don't remember (some tags on towels, labels on some circular plastic packaging). I believe I walked down the hallway too but then it ended.

Again I found myself in a dark room, fingerpalmed, walked over to a table and grabbed a box, then threw it through a sliding glass door. The glass didn't break, so I walked up to it and punched it. I walk outside and it's night in a cyberpunkish or maybe Coruscant-like city. As I walk out onto a large circular balcony, I see that to my right there are three guys leaving theirs as well. I think to myself "I should lock up because they'll break into my apartment", but then I remember that a) it's a dream, and b) I punched through the sliding glass door. I realize that one of the guys is B, a coworker. The two guys with B are wearing old-time diving masks and carrying spears. He's wearing some sort of Rita Repulsa outfit with the big shoulders, but mostly black. I end up with a large stick (a branch from the tree before?) with a thin metal spearhead sticking out the top of it. Then another DILD which again I'll omit.

Woke again, didn't record time but I think around 9:30 or 9:45. Went back to bed and had an FA where my grandpa came up the stairs into my room and handed me something he said was a CD (I was sleeping naked so he didn't want to intrude). The package wasn't a CD though, it was a tight grouping of multicolored beads with a small gamecube-sized disk deep inside of it that I couldn't get to. (fragment) Had a lot of other NLs and I think a few more LDs during the dream chain, but it's really hard to read my writing...I'll edit my post sometime when I have time to decipher them.



*For the September Competition (and my LD Count) I'll count this dream chain as one lucid since they were all basically back-to-back, and then count the first one as its own (since there was a period of longer wake in between them), so two total.

Sep 14 2018

On couch - cousin & wife are facing away from TV while fiancee & I are facing towards it. I wanted them to flip around like we were but they were going to sleep or something (she had some kind of problem). Some discussion between my fiancee and I about how flat the layers of the 36-layer cake (cookies and cream, but it had a special name like "seminole" - not that but close) had gotten (I tasted one of the thin layers, it was good). This layer cake desert was from a previous dream fragment. In this dream I'm trying to accomplish something and it becomes a big deal. C&W are stretching out on couch in front of us w/ our dog and their dog, W is trying to take pictures of ours but they're coming out blurry. Posts on facebook with a picture that missed him, people posted sympathetic comments below about how hard it is to take a picture of a dog these days and she liked the comments and posted a better gif that captured him yawning.

Walking through town at night - look through window and see lights inside, people. Go in, brightly lit, fancy upper class dinner party. There are white tablecloths and food trays and servers. One of us says "These are not our people". Lots of middle-aged women in bright, colorful, but elagant dresses (all one color, some blue, yellow, maybe one peach). Vivid dream, walked through main room and some hallways.

Vivid and long dream about my fiancee and I (we were at this point in the dream teens who didn't know each other). We were attending some kind of religious boarding school. We were assigned to make love to each other in a small room with a glass door (reminded me of group study rooms at the campus library). I think we got to pick, so as lots of students were walking down the hallway, we reached out to each other and held hands and picked each other as partners. After that we entered the glass room. I'll spare the details here. The dream has several smaller scenes spliced together to make it feel like years passed; we grow up together (in the dream we were allowed to find other partners instead but we both stuck with each other). There's a third friend or one of our siblings, a midget with an adult face who is someohw our age. My fiancee and I are in a side hallway by a door or a water fountain, and we look up as a crowd of students and faculty in sort of acolyte robes with red chef hats are passing through, some of them crying. The midget brother I described breaks off from them and comes over to tell us the news; I assume someone has died and say "who is it?" and he says something snobbish.

It's years later in a separate dream from the previous dream and I'm watching in third person now. My fiancee is still with "me", but the version of me I'm looking at doesn't resemble me at all (kind of look like a pudgy Elvis impersonator). I'm under a bridge, trying out my new unicycle/stilt that has a "Cuddler" attached to the top where I am -- a Cuddler is one of those chairs that's a cross between a recliner and a loveseat, big enough for two people. Anyway I think the chair is white or black. "I" am standing on the chair's seat cuhion, rocking it back and forth to increase the height of the stilt/unicycle. If I rock back and forth in the opposite direction it will go back down. Fiancee is sitting on the curb watching irritatedly, we both have to go somewhere and I'm holding us up (I say something like "go without me"). The dream self is clearly more focused on reaching the top of the bridge before coming back down. He seems like a bit of a deadbeat (is wearing all white and has a pompadour). I think he's a struggling performer.

Sep 12 2018

I woke up and color-coded my dreams in a weird order (Red, then Blue, then Green instead of RGB or ROY G BIV). In my first NL, I'm in a strange competition where the teams of two have to come up with a piece of art and a story (but it can be derivative?). My parents and some older relatives (aunts, uncles) are also playing. I'm ambitious and want to try something we've never read before and reinterpret it and create something original from it within the timeframe (we have 1 day, or maybe 1 night, to complete it). Everyone else is cheating and making really simple art, which I'm frustrated at because I'm trying to create something good. This is all taking place in a long room with tables and chairs/stools set up, with large windows that have whitish light coming in. The entire room has a blue, overcast tint to it (it's been rainy lately, I think lighting in dreams could be an important dreamsign).

The scene transitions and I'm in a brighter (incandescant) hallway looking at posters and diagrams. There are displays with black and white etchings or line drawings or diagrams of a man who reminds me of Nietzche in pugilist attire. The display (or a DC) says "engineers have been fascinated with the human body for hundresds (or thousands) of years". I get through the hallway and reach a balcony opening up on a room below (sort of like an operating theater but no separation). There are people in the room below, maybe related to the competition.

I'm now in a blueish comic book store. It's dark outside and in front of me in line, there's a guy trying to buy a macbook. He doesn't pay (or should have in advance) and the cashier scolds him and shoos him out, giving him a warning. Me and the cashier go way back, and he mentions my competition. He suggests a pairing of characters from a fictional anime, and we debate eastern vs western art for a while. He shows me some pictures of the characters for reference. This all felt like one long connected dream.

I'm in my childhood home backyard with my fiancee, we're playing ping-pong with some drunk guy. It's me and her against him, he has a big beard. The ball is bright orange and there's a black trash bag on the table. I miss a couple of balls (I might be drunk too) and feel bad. Suddenly the table is thinner length-wise (maybe it collapsed?). We keep losing balls and there's something on the ground (an unfamiliar dog or other creature?).

Sep 13 2018

I went to bed at 12:30am. The first NL I remember a variation of my reocurring intruder dream, but instead of the intruder, I walk into the hallway from my bedroom and see that the bathroom light is on. Our apartment's maintenance man is finally fixing our sink, but it's the middle of the night. At some point I have a fragment about the server that I've been working on for work.

I wake around 3:50 and move my dog so he stops scratching his collar. Fall asleep and have some NLs. In the next one I remember, I'm in a play place. Think McDonald's with tubes and such, but along the floor only, much too small, and made out of those pop-up tents that resemble windshield sun shades with holes in them. I'm with my fiancee, we're crawling through on hands and knees through the holes. She's ahead of me and I have to expend a lot of effort to get through. There are cobwebs all around, and some small items are stuck in them. I remember vividly that there were a lot of bees/wasps on the ground. As we crawl towards the back, my fiancee finds a large blue crystal ring. We get in a fight about it. A female therapist appears, and she sides with my fiancee. I become irate.

I'm now walking into a room with some old ladies. It's a slightly dim, carpeted, beige room with the curtains drawn but light still filtering in around the edges. I'm naked, and the old ladies, who are sitting in chairs along one of the walls, are looking at me out of the corners of their eyes. I'm standing behind my fiancee (or another DC) after entering the room to try and hide. Eventually something clicks and I realize how ridiculous the situation is, and I look at my hands and become lucid! The old ladies' chair positions have moved, their backs are to the windows now and they're looking directly at me. Some old men (more men than there are ladies) are standing behind them looking upset, and looking away. I shake their hands and tell them I'm dreaming, but they're looking away from me, and each time I shake one of their hands it's like I intercepted them trying to shake someone else's hand. I walk around the room a bit (I didn't write this down immediately so I'm not sure what else I did here), and I remember thinking how lucky I was to be lucid so frequently these past weeks (waking life awareness!!). I then decided to try spinning again. This was my first time spinning from a standing position, and it was at least mostly successful (I had thought about doing this in the night while walking my dog). I wanted to visit my incubated dream world, so I said nonverbally "waterhouse" (I meant bathhouse). My intention was vague and unclear, so it took a while longer to form the dream scene and the dream must have latched on to some floating thoughts to form something coherent out of the word.

The scene materializes (like a squareish shape of white light approaching from the distance) and my full field of vision is focused on a video playing. The video is gaudy, bright, and annoying (my fiancee showed me the new iPhone commercial last night). There were words on the screen in a tacky font, sort of like lyrics although they weren't. There was no sound. Bright neon colors (I remember green and yellow) and images of a woman in a yellow or red dress standing on a stage as if she was singing were flashing on the screen. My field of vision slowly allowed me to disconnect from the screen and realize that it was a phone or tablet that I was holding. I was in a living room similar to my own, with a glass coffee table and a long couch behind me. Although the layout is similar to mine, the dimensions, lighting, and general decor remind me of the house of one of my dad's old clients, a rich Jew.

I look back at the phone again and the screen is dimmer now, and no matter what I do I can't get it to go bright again. I put the phone on the table and decide to do a reality check, so I put my first two fingers into the palm of my left hand. With the two hands stuck together, I decide to try and stick my fingers through the roof of my mouth as well, but I can't. I turn around and look at the couch. There's now a female body on the couch, although it seems like a mannequin. I try to put my fingers through her abdomen/solar plexus, but instead of entering in, the skin flakes off like peeling paint. I peel it like an onion and take off one layer up to the face. The face underneath is different. I take more and more layers off, and each time the face is slightly different. Some parts of the skin reminded me of plastic wrap that sort of warps and has indentations, or like the shrink wrap they use on college textbooks. I start thinking too much and wake up.

It's 5:30am, I color-code my dreams (again with the weird Red, Blue, Green order) and try to stay still because I feel that I'm still in REM and can easily DEILD. I see the white light and almost get into a couple of dreams, but my dog keeps scratching and moving around, other noises keep popping up and bringing me out of it, and I end up just lying there for a while. I try to get back to sleep and maybe I drifted off for a little bit but ultimately I woke up before my 6:40 alarm and DJ'd on my phone.

I'm starting to really believe and understand Sensei's article about catching "the feeling" and holding onto it, trusting yourself that you will LD tonight rather than techniquing yourself to death. Really proud of my frequency lately! But I'm ready for a full night of deep sleep. Work is killing me.

Sep 11 2018

I had two long and detailed NLs during the night, but after waking from each one, I couldn't remember anything*; I was pretty disappointed at my recall. It was around 4 in the morning and I had time to sleep in, at least until around 6:40. I decided to make the best of it. I got up and walked around, did some relaxation and tried to WILD for a bit with no luck. Finally I repeated my mantra only twice and went directly to sleep.

I had a long non-lucid in my childhood home. It was night and I was in the kitchen, looking out the window. I could see a huge field outside. My dad was there, and we were planning something (resistance?). Scene transitions to a more brightly lit room, I have a toy typewriter that types in a brownish color on a clear sheet of glass or plastic; possibly the letters are cookies. I type "how to get rid of giant crickets" and think about cockroaches briefly (fear/loathing of these is starting to become a dreamsign). I think we were fighting against giant crickets in the dark house. I walk from the living room into a long kitchen area. It reminds me of the Oculus Touch VR demo I played about a year ago (with the little robot guy with the cartridges). There's a little kid sitting to the left of the kitchen where I enter; he's sitting and looking at some complicated instruments, similar to a plane or helicopter. However I get the understanding that they're for a car. I teach him about the controls and explain what they're all for. He's doubtful in his abilities and I reassure him.

The scene shifts and the kid and I are in an airplane with the same controls. There may be another DC kid sitting there. I'm telling him to pull up, pull up, pull up! because we're flying really low almost touching an interstate highrise. Finally we're rolling on the ground, the wheels are touching the cement rails/guards on either side of the thing, I say pull up goddammit! He finally does and we're flying again.

Scene transitions and I'm flying on my own, with just my body. Waves of pleasant vibrations are washing over my body and I feel the rushing sensation of the air. I become lucid! I look at my hands to confirm and then look around, and put my hands in a superman pose. I shoot forward! The sensation was insane. I fly for a little longer and then approach another bridge, veering up to avoid hitting it, but slowing down as I consider landing on it. For some reason I hesitate and doubt my ability to land effectively; the dream doesn't destabilize but I remember that I wanted to try spinning in a dream.

I spin counterclockwise, flapping my arms side to control my motion as if I'm trying to spin while swimming. The scene fades and I feel a new one being created although I don't see anything yet. I feel myself sort of fall into a pool of water. I'm in a secluded watery area. All around me there are reddish metal walls with seams and rivets. To the left there's more of an open area. I touch the wall and look closely at the rivets. I walk along the permiter of the wall to my right and then along the wall in front of me, and arrive at a tree with a thin trunk (maybe 6 inches diameter). I can't see any leaves or branches, and the trunk is straight with smooth bark, making me think it's a palm. I try to write my initials on the bark and I can't really see them show up, but I can see them fade (I guess because my fingers were wet?). I remember my coin totem and try to summon it from my pocket. I reach into my left pocket and there's nothing there, but I pretend there is. I pretend to flip the coin with my left hand, nonverbally making the "sheeeeen" sound that it makes when it flips. I catch it in my left palm and slap it onto the back of my right hand, and after a second I feel it there! I move my hand and there it is, looking exactly as it does in real life, except for some fake-looking black rust spots (this could have been because I found an obnoxious amount of mold on my provalone last night). I look at it for a bit, excited that I could actually summon an item from waking life. Unfortunately I forgot the entire purpose of it, to rub it for stabilization. Oh well, there's always next time. Also this whole scene exhibited a huge degree of detail and solidity compared to the flying scene, possibly because I formed it/entered it while already lucid rather than being a preexisting dream. Also, I think that in this area I was in, there was a cover of some kind.

I walk the perimeter to the open area (to the left of where I initially was). I look to the raised area with some pebbles and trees/bushes in sort of a garden. The walls here look like red brick, and there's no cover above, I can see sunlight clearly. I look at a bush and see a doe walk out! She's in perfect detail, and is beautiful. Then she lifts a leg and pees on the bush. I laugh and wake up. As I'm waking up, I realize that there was beautiful, soothing music playing at this place, and I'm able to sort of recapture and hold on to it; then I realize that the music was formed partly by my fiancee's breathing.



*Note: I haven't been keeping a physical DJ on days when my fiancee is working. She's a light sleeper, so the scratching of the pen on paper sometimes wakes her up and she doesn't get enough sleep on working days anyway.

Sep 8

Long NL. I'm in my apartment complex's front yard and office area. My manager from work is there, along with some coworkers and random DCs. We are in school sdesks arranged in the parking lot, doing work on laptops. I see an email in red letters that says "failed", although I know the test was successful. The email gets sent out again with SUCCESS, and mentions something like "good job everyone", but I notice that it's not just an email, it's a meeting invite. My boss comes around and pats people on the back, telling us to "enjoy the long weekend" and mentioning that we can work from our beds. My fiancee is there as well (either as a worker or just as my fiancee) and calls this out as bullshit as we were already working overtime. Before or during there is also the understanding that I have to assassinate someone.

Dream scene changes and I'm in a room walking towards a door. My dog is there and so is my fiancee. I am holding my dog as I pass through a door. I become lucid! I keep telling myself "I'm lucid" and "I'm dreaming" but don't do any RCs. I see a small door (like a dumbwaiter) and consider using it to teleport to my dream world I've been incubating, but for some reason I hesitate and don't (don't know if this was a conscious decision). Instead I go with the flow of the dream.

The scene shifts. I'm still holding my dog, and I think "he's the best". I'm in a somewhat cluttered room now, and I understand that I need to kill all of the DCs here. I do some jedi mind tricks to make sure they don't resist, and they work. I tell them I'm dreaming and they all react in a friendly way. Each time I go to kill one of them, it seems like they go through the 5 stages of grief for themselves in front of my eyes, always ending up at "acceptance" before dying. I kill 2 of them, and then decide to use ice powers*. At first I was intending for Skyrim ice shards, but it came out as more of a stream of icy powder/wind from my fingertips. My thumb and forefinger are pressed together and the way the stream of ice comes out is something like when you put your thumb over a garden hose to spray pressured water at someone. As I'm pondering this I go into intense visualizations of the streams, and there are 3D mesh outlines of the stream and its "weather patterns" overlain on my vision, like a series of oblong lines. The visualization shifts to a long sawblade with teeth marked with numbers. As I mentally change the number from 8 to 2 and adjust it by notches, I see the angle and strength of the stream change.

The scene shifts to a security cam view, and as I press my left thumb and forefinger together, I can send ice shards from the camera, although they're not reliable. The camera reminds me of the show Person of Interest. After this I'm transmitted into the room. There is a blue tint to the room, and I look around and see some DCs. I walk out of a door behind me and peer into the hallway (very bright incandescent light and white walls and floors), then I go back into the blue room. I tell the DCs "I'm dreaming" and again as I approach them they go through stages of grief. I do this to a couple of DCs then walk through a doorway/archway. Above the archway are two drill bits. I jump up and grab them. I test one on a wall and it drills right through, despite having barely any threads (it was basically an ice pick). I go up to an old lady DC and say "I'm dreaming". She looks at me with sadness and says "We'll take care of each other/ourselves", then I wake up.

The dream lasted around 2-3 minutes and was very vivid. I was lucid and aware the whole time, but it still felt like a guided/directed dream.

Longer NL -- I'm a young boy who is somehow a vertical venetian blind(???). I am on a quest with a young girl, we're descending into a deep level of some underground building, with a furnace and monsters. Her face doesn't seem real, more like a porcelain doll or something. We arrive and there's a giant hydra in a brightly lit room. It has a "cement burning rocket" that's burning me and melting my armor. The girl is wrapped up in one of the hydra's necks or tentacles. I back away and reach a closet with the venetian blinds. They tell me or some other voice tells me that I am one with the blinds.

I had a few other NLs and fragments. In one, I'm in my grandpa's house and there's a weird square baby with thin, posable arms. It reminds me of BMO from Adventure Time. It was a premature. The parents are proud. There's an old lady to my left who looks like my aunt, who's wearing a white shirt with gold lettering. I note it, it's in different languages (Chines, Latin, Greek) together. At some point I had my midget intruder FA again, but it was very hazy and I yelled "Fuck you!" or "I'll kill you!" loudly and it fades quickly. In another fragment, I'm Dexter and Rita is dropping in the pool next to me. I'm supposed to be enjoying it, but I'm Dexter so I hate it. I say something like "Rita, the water is going like 20 mph". Scene shift to Deb and Quin, Deb's in a room playing with a reclining bicycle for toddlers and Quin comes in and says something while smiling and laughing. Next scene, Deb is driving a bus, Rita and I and the kids are in there. She's taking a risky corner under an interstate high rise. I don't see the bus flip, but I understand it does. Rita scolds Deb in that annoying way she does. Finally, I have the transparent eyelids effect, I can see my room clearly and thought I heard my fiancee calling me, when I move my waking body my head is under the blanket and I go downstairs to find my fiancee watching TV, turns out she didn't call me.



*I don't know if this counts as the "Breathe an element" goal

Sep 7 2018

First dream of night: I'm at childhood home. I'm younger, I think. There is a party or gathering coming up, and we're discussing it in the backyard. My mom wants us (fiance and I) to wear a giant Barney suit. We tentatively agree. I try on the suit and can't fit the headpiece on. It's a rectangular oblong plasic open box (thinka tupperware container, but oblong. It was in no way the appropriate size for my head. On the two, I think there was a felt cap or something (driveR). I think the torso had a separate piece from the legs for the costume. After trying the headpiece on without the tupperware "structural mask", mI found that I could shift my focus and see myself in 3rd person (still non-lucid). I remember it looked nothing like a Barney head or any formed animal costume head for that matter; instead it was like a purple ghost outfit (i.e. loose draped rag with eye holes).

The dream shifts and we're all in a parking lot. My mom's request for us to work during the party has come up, but it turns out she wants us to work for 5 hours each. I say that's bullshit, she wsays "well you agreed, you just idn't specify timeframe or current ball timeframe". We were in some kind of parking lot, I was in a white van I believe. I was trying to pull out of the spot and around the corner. I fought with my momm about this and eventually resigned us completely from doing the ball.

Before getting in the van I believe, I was walking around a version of the parking a lot that was fused with my backyard. Off towards the far right/forward corner of the yard, there's a system of roots that went on for a few fet in either direction. I didn't realize, but some of them are completely rotten. I step over them and they collapse, while the healthy parts remain intact. The rotten roots fall away into a large grave-sized hole.

The dream shifts and I'm inside the house, in a false version of my room. My fiance is there with me, but is playing the role of a sister (posibly step sister or family friend, it was vague). The mood was fierce and rebellious. We are talking about how best to approach the Barney situation and my dad ends up walking around the corner. He has a few guys with him and he cracks some inappropriate jokes, and some of the guys with him say some stuff that's way out of line. My zipper is down. Before this my "sister" and I were watching TV or in the kitchen.

Dream fragment about "how to meet your heroes" or something similar.

Edit: In the main dream, I remember at multiple points having to swat away both lovebugs and wasps.



*Note: Seems like in my dreams, I usually get in huge fights with my mom (way more intense than anything ever IWL), and my dad is always laid back (innappropriately so).

Sep 5 2018

I'm in the front yard of my childhood home. It's dark out, a long while before dawn. My parents are there (we're all sitting on ice chests or plastic/yard chairs, I can't remember seeing them) and we're preparing for a party or get-together of some kind. The song "Sweet Child of Mine" is playing, and for some reason I have to learn the solo (I know it vaguely from playing it IWL in high school). This could be from the fact that my parents always wanted me to play guitar at family gatherings and I always hated it. I wrote down something like "just...play it" in my DJ but don't remember the significance. For some reason my high school girlfriend who I dated for like 3 weeks was going to be there, and I remember her name in loopy script. Can't remember if I wrote it or someone else did.

Very vague dream fragment in a restaurant. After that, a vivid dream where I'm on the patio/balcony of my current apartment. I had a "profound sense of acceptance" to quote my DJ.

I woke up around 5am into pretty good paralysis and decided to try a quick WILD attempt (my fiance gets up at 5:30am). Unfortunately my dog got up, flapped his ears loudly, and sat right on my arms/chest, which pulled me out if it. I lay awake for the remaining time and let my fiance sleep, but I heard some weird soft sighing. At first I thought it was her, but as she was leaving I brought it up and she said she heard it too. The only rational explanation is that it was our dog, but it sounded like a human female...

I walked the dog and looked at the stars, pushing my alarm back a little and resolving to get lucid.

In my next dream, I'm on a computer and for some reason I have to download a set of 128 bit pixel smileys. They're coming from a website called Jered/Jerek's World, or Site. The smileys are crude in an "early internet" kind of way. One of them was a picture of exaggerated red lips, another is more orange and is laughing, and my fiance laughs at them. I open up the windows search bar and paste what I had, into the search. It pastes the words "Jerek's World", and as I read the words in my head, the desktop background starts alternating between some tiled images, one tan one saying Jerek/Jered's Site and another grey one saying "Jerek's Billion Dollar Software Company". They transitioned in horizontal and vertical screen wipes.

Next, I'm in a long kitchen stretching out maybe 10 feet to the left and 20 to the right. I'm not aware of anything behind me, but I understand that in front of me past an archway is the living room. I'm standing at the sink, looking for something or someone. Possibly my fiance is there. I was just walking around with a Brita pitcher, and now I see that there's a second, rounder one on the counter. I try to find the lid for it and I see it's in the sink, but the inside of it is covered with a greasy layer of spaghetti sauce.

In my next dream, my boss's boss is giving advice on business lunches, i.e. where to take clients. She suggests some other restaurant, but her favorite is the hotel restaurant. She hands it over to a younger guy who looks annoyed and seems to be a drier, more monotone version of a WL coworker. The room is tinged with blue lighting. He hands out a textbook. We're going to go on a business lunch with him, which he's not pleased about. I pull my phone out and subtly try to voice-record him, but no such luck. I end up taking notes on paper and draw a vivid picture of lips (was one of the smileys). I think at this point I was trying to record my dreams in-dream! Should capitalize on this. I woke with slight headache.



*Note: Analyzing my dreamsigns from the entries I've posted on DV, I think I can safely say my strongest ones are a) childhood home b) fiance c) family members. Hopefully I can add trying to dream journal as a new one, we'll see if it keeps manifesting.