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    IndigoRose

    1. 18 September - The longest lucid so far

      by , 09-19-2021 at 11:01 PM
      comment lucid dream

      A considerably shortened version, it was 20-30 minutes dream

      A very nice non-lucid in the 4th cycle, very light and mostly conscious sleep afterward. After an hour, I feel the 5th REM trying to start (vibrations starting and dissipating), but my mind is a bit too awake. I cuddle up with R. A minute later, vibrations again, and I finally relax into them.

      The beginning
      I see grey blurry spots and R is holding me tightly from behind (IRL we are in a spoons position, with his arm over me). I can barely move. Am I dreaming already? I don't want to risk moving in reality or opening my real eyes, so I close my dream eyes for a moment. But then it feels pretty stable, so I try to free myself. R holds me tighter and won't let go. I have to wrestle with him, and gradually the visuals come in, grey and blurry at first, then clearer and sharper. I throw him to the ground. He's lying under the table, all I can see of him are his legs. I want to unsummon him with a snap of my fingers, but I can't snap, so I just leave the room and forget about him.

      TOTY
      In the hallway, wondering what to do next. I don't expect anything from the dream, I have an unstable sleep in the morning as it is, and if R moves in reality, he'll wake me up.
      TOTY comes to mind first, I don't expect to finish it, but why not try.
      I walk into a larger room where a lot of old people are sitting at tables.
      I call out, "Hey Dream! Superhero time!"
      "Who can tell me what superhero I am?" I ask.
      Two old men raise their hands. I point to one of them. He says something to me, but I don't understand. I lean over to him to repeat it, but I still don't understand. I call out the other. He says something that is more of a feature than a name.
      "It's about the name. I am a superhero. Do you know my name?"
      His eyes light up, he understands, he nods. He doesn't look old anymore, more middle-aged.
      He says four French words.
      Oh. Okay. "Could you repeat it?"
      He repeats it slowly, and I say it after him. Word by word, sometimes he corrects me. We spend about a minute on it. Then I repeat the whole thing. He nods.
      Nice. I start to ask about my powers but realize that's the second task. I ask about the costume and get the answer that it's in a cupboard there.
      The entire wall behind the tables is made up of cabinets with doors, drawers, and compartments. I open a few and find random things, but nothing like a costume.
      I walk out of the room, down a wide corridor, and there I see a toy store. That looks good. And I see a costume rack!
      First on the rack is a burgundy dress with ruffles. Nice, fantasy, but not exactly superhero style. The second is a child's spiderman costume, that's closer, but it's not quite my size.
      The customer who was talking with the saleswoman leaves, and I ask her:
      "I am a superhero. Do you have a costume for me?"
      She nods and hands me a toy wrapped in clear plastic. It's a bee, with a black and blue striped body and red details.
      I'm confused. "Do you want me to use the colours? To have something made in these colours?" She nods.
      Behind her stands a man, thin, stern-looking. He says something like I know there's a message there.
      I walk out of the shop. I unwrap and take apart the toy, nothing.
      But okay. Good enough. I continue out of the building, repeating the French name to myself. I should wake up and write it down, but no... I don't want to... I'll probably wake up soon anyway.

      On my way out
      I walk down the wide staircase, repeating my name to myself. I look around and suddenly I'm confused - where am I? Am I awake? Or still in a dream?
      I do a nose plug RC and it fails. WTF. This again? (It failed for me for the first time 8 days ago.) I look at my hand and I have a sixth finger. That's better.

      Flying
      After training in a few previous shorter dreams, I'm getting much better at the swimming technique of flying. I take off, below me is a nice park built into a slope, further ahead are some fish ponds and behind me is a city.
      I'm practicing faster flying (I'm still not good at that) and flying upwards, at altitude (slowly, but steadily). For a while, I just float on my back and fool around. Some people in sport suits run by, there's an air-running race going on. Then I try to spin and create a tornado, but I can't get enough speed.

      Underwater exploring
      I remember the goal of underwater exploring and fly into one of the ponds. It's deep enough to put me underwater. But it's extremely muddy, I can barely see anything. There are frogs croaking around. I try to breathe, and I have to remind myself that in a dream, you can breathe underwater. I can, but it's uncomfortable, a bit like inhaling mud. I have to keep reminding myself that it's possible. I don't like it in there, so I fly out. Better to try this in the sea, which has better associations. I sense the sea beyond the city, so I head there.

      Chatting with KD and Vikings
      I end up on some street with street food stands.
      I try to recall the superhero name. Was it Jamon (with ch/[x] sound)? No, thatís ham in Spanish. It was French J. I vaguely remember the rest of the words too but I am not really sure.
      My friend KD is there.
      "Don't you mind that you sleep and dream too much?"He asks.
      "I'm dreaming right now," I reply.
      He voices some more criticism of my supposedly unhealthy lifestyle, but I shrug.
      "Don't you think you've been here too long?"
      For a moment I feel time dilation like I've been here for hours, but my rational self is quickly back and I estimate the time so far at 20-30 minutes.
      There is now a wooden table next to me with a bunch of Vikings drinking beer.
      KD continues, "What about your body, how do you know you're ok, what if you're in a coma?"
      The Vikings are more interesting.
      One of the Vikings is trying to rip a piece of wood from a bench to use as a wooden sword to fight me. I don't know if I want to fight. He has long dark hair and a Viking haircut. I kiss him on the mouth.
      "Is this what you want?" He asks, a little surprised.
      He gets up and walks around the table away, I go with him.


      And I finally wake up.
      Not remembering the name at all.

      Total time IRL between cuddling up with R and waking up - 30 minutes.
    2. 9 July - Mirror, mirror, on the wall

      by , 07-10-2021 at 12:16 AM
      comment lucid

      WILD/pseudoWILD

      The post-WBTB part of the night started with a failed SSILD attempt. I vaguely remember doing 3 long cycles but I think I actually only did one or one and a half and did the rest in the dream. Which was a FA on a field next to a forest and then it developed into a longer dreamÖ nothing to write about.

      Later in the morning, I found myself awake again (and reminded myself that SSILD needs to be done with the intention to expect FAs and to do a RC).
      I decided to do SSILD again, this time a bit more aggressively, to survive at least 3 and ideally 4 long cycles. But it actually put me into a WILDing position - there was motion hypnagogia during the 2nd cycle (bed shaking and similar sensations).
      R. was breathing loudly next to me, almost snoring. I considered using it as an anchor, but he changed position. I was doing my 3rd SSILD cycle and dreams or dreamlets were forming around me, but when I noticed them or engaged with them, they collapsed, like snapping out of a daydream. Imagining a scenario or location also didnít work.
      I wanted to change position to the other side and fall asleep. I still gave physical separation a chance, even though I felt too grounded in reality - but as expected I moved with my real body and opened my eyes for a moment.
      I rolled over onto my other side and lazily did the last cycle. Knowing I wouldn't force my entry into the dream, I decided to just let go most or all of my awareness, to let my mind wander, just let the sleep come and the dream form, and to do a RC in a few minutes.
      There was a short semi-sexual fantasy (1 minute max). I donít know if it was a dream or dreamlet or just visual thoughts, I was completely passive. I ended up half-sitting on my bed.

      Arenít I in the dream already? I thought and tried to fully sit and get up. As I was getting up, my vision glitched and I thought ďI did itĒ, not needing any RC.
      I slowed down a little and touched the sheets, they were silky. That made everything much better and I got up fully. I left the room immediately.
      The door to the second bedroom was bricked up. There was wallpaper around it, but there was only a wall where the door should be. And the hallway was extremely narrow, I could only just squeeze into the main part of the hallway. My first goal was to look in the mirror (in the hallway above the shoe cabinet). Almost there, I remembered that Iíd wanted to look at my hands at some point (I've never used it as an RC and never examined my hands in my dreams). The front of my vision was blurry and/or my field of vision started 30-50cm away from me, I could only see my fingertips and my hands were disappearing in the fog. They were wide and strangely deformed and almost impossible to count. 6 a 3? I don't know.
      Then I looked in the mirror. It was clearly me. The image was distorted, but nothing disturbing - my face was a little wider and irregular and my eyes were a little slanted, but it was undoubtedly me and I was smiling, looking happy.
      I remembered that people use mirrors as portals, and since the plan today was to teleport (the main goal - to use the TV), I tried to climb into the mirror. It's small and it's high up, so I couldn't really do it, but it was obvious that there was space behind the mirror, I could stick my hand in and grab the frame from the inside.
      I wanted to put in a better location, so I reached behind me for a picture, but then I got a better idea - I went through the advertising flyers on the shoe cabinet and pulled one out. It had a beautiful landscape on it - blue sea, blue sky, green hill.
      I put it behind me so it would reflect in the mirror. It worked very well, the picture of the landscape filled most of the mirror and it looked realistic. I tried to climb into the mirror again, but as it was small, I got stuck and couldn't crawl any further.
      As I tried to use more force to push through, the dream faded.
    3. 7 April - A night of low lucidity and insomnia

      by , 04-30-2021 at 02:01 AM
      1st time being lucid 2 times per night!

      comment non-lucid semi/questioning lucid

      Waking up at 10:00 (falling asleep around 5). Journaling 3 dream fragments.
      Some problems with sleeping. 10:50 postman.

      Hill and a subway
      I am hiking to some hill and I take the subway on my way back. I am worried that I fail to get off at the correct station.

      FA1
      I am in some room, in a guest house, after coming back from the hike. It's the morning and I am putting on a long canvas dress, even though it looks weird and it is cold.

      FA2
      I am again in some kind of accommodation (possibly the same as in the previous dream) but the room is different. I really want to sleep but I am worried that it's too late and I don't know when the checkout time is. Then there is R and he is not worried at all. He offers me some breakfast cereals. I remember I've already eaten them and threw away the box (IRL). I am thinking that he probably hid/put aside some of them. I want him to find out when the checkout is.

      FA3
      I am again in the same room but this time, I am sleeping on a mattress on the ground, close to the bed from the previous dream. R is next to me, taking too much space and waking me up and I am mad because I want to sleep. Then I remember that we actually sleep somewhere else, so I should get enough sleep, even though I am not sleeping here.
      Then the dream shifts to some time later and we are getting up. R is sitting on the mattress. I say "this is a FA" and do a nose-plug RC. I can breathe. But I am still confused and I can't see well. I ignore R (he doesn't exist anyway) and have the idea to find my glasses, maybe they help me with my vision. I go to the bed from FA2, trying to find them. I find it fascinating that I can be dreaming and moving at once. It's like I think I am sort of sleepwalking and the bed from FA2 is my real bed and my body is my real body. I find the glasses but I don't use them - I am thinking that this all is creating in my head so it would be pointless to try to wear the glasses.
      I go to the window, thinking about jumping out and flying. But what if this is reality?
      I go to the door and suddenly, my vision is much better and not blurry at all. I think I woke up (in my sleepwalking body). I do the nose-plug RC again and I can breathe, so I relax. I notice R is watching me and feel bad for ignoring him. I tell him that this is a FA and because he saw me doing the nose-plug RC, I try to show him finger-in-palm RC but it doesn't go through. I try it again, really believing it can go through, but nothing. I think I am really bad at this.
      I finally remember my goal to pass through a wall. But there is no point in trying to go through a wall if I can't make my finger go through my palm.

      I wake up. DEILD attempt failed.

      Time: 12:40
      I can't sleep. Some unstable minidreams.

      MiniWILD
      I can't sleep and I am feeling earthquake-like vibrations. It's annoying because I want to sleep but I am familiar with them and prepare for a separation attempt.
      I stay at our garden door. I slowly sit down, remembering that I need to take things slowly and slowly try to separate. Then I realize I am not in my bed anymore, which means I am already separated.
      The dream collapses.
      Then there is another wave of vibrations. But nothing afterwards.
      I can't sleep...

      I wake up at 13:25, I want to get up. I take another cushion, put my glasses on, trying to find the will for journaling my dreams. But I feel too tired. I put the glasses away and close my eyes... ten more minutes... or maybe a WILD? Falling asleep feels easy.

      PseudoWILD
      I watch HI and daydream a little bit, interacting with the HI and dreamlets.
      At one moment, I notice there is instrumental music in the background. I realize it is in my head and not outside, so I could use it to get into the dream. I focus on the music, trying to raise the volume.
      Through small gaps in my eyes, I start to see a room. It works. But it fades a little bit and I feel my body in the bed (dream body, dream bed). I focus again and I can almost see through my eyes but also not really. I have the idea that my dream eyes are closed and I try to open them. It works. I close my eyes and open them again and my vision is very good.
      I get up, slowly, worried about the stability of the dream, but it's fine and I walk a bit. I am in an unknown room, my dream bed is there and another bed/sofa. And R is here, I bump into him on my way to the door. He blocks my way out, I almost pass through him but not fully. I tell him "you are just a DC, you don't exist" (really meaning "you shouldn't be blocking my way"). He says nothing.
      I take his hand, leading him to the sofa, sitting next to him. He now looks like my brother, J. I say "and that's why you look like J". I feel sorry for him but skip to the only idea I have how to use this dream. "Do you want to have sex?" I ask. He is silent. "Do you want to do something else?" He shakes his head and gives me and an empty look.


      I wake up. The time is 1:51. Interestingly, I feel well and not tired anymore.

      Notes:
      - I struggle with fake insomnia. It can manifest as dreams about not being able to sleep (as above) or I can be in a conscious NREM sleep while thinking I am awake. Basically, my ability to tell the difference between conscious NREM and being awake is almost non-existent.
      - I can't tell if the pseudoWILD was WILD or not. I obviously dreamed most of the "transition". What I perceived as my bed and my body was a dream bed and a dream body (most probably). I can't tell if the music was a HH (then it would count as a confused WILD, I guess) or if it was a part of the dream (so technically not a WILD). But if I lost my self-awareness, I was out for a minute or two, probably not much more. The whole thing took between 20 and 25 minutes.