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October 31, 2008

Dreaming Lucid Awake sidenotes

I was in the cafeteria where my school variety show was. We just got finished with the last show. I then became lucid and started to think of the things I could do. I picked up a nearby water bottle and dumped it on one of my friends head. (just because I could!) I laughed and said to her, "Ha, it doesn't even matter because this is my dream!" I then went over to the window to look at the outside and it was dark out with stars. There was smoke coming out of the building so I bragged to my friend Cat that I could make all of that smoke disappear right out of the sky at my own will. Using my power I did it and made all of the stars really visible. Then I made a bunch of butterflies come out of the bushes and I could control them around. Then the dream started to fade. I awake and then I'm laying there thinking, I really want to continue that dream. It all came back to me except my location was different. Hey, I'm still lucid! I thought. I went and looked around and it was as if I was in a big living room with a tall ceiling. There was blue carpeting and a couple vending machines and couches. There were people on the couches but I don't remember their faces. I walked over to a light switch to see if it would actually turn on a light. I flipped the switch and a light shined on my friend. It was weird to me because usually in dreams, this doesn't happen. I remain lucid, and walk over to a vending machine. I waved my hand at it and out came a pop. I gave it to one of my friends and then looked at my hands. I counted five fingers on each but they didn't look right. The last thing I remember thinking is, In reality, I'm really just laying in bed dreaming all of this. Then I woke up. I had fun though!

I realize now that this is not a good method for being lucid. Distorting reality makes the dream bland and blurry. It was not a very clear lucid but it was still good. I also realized later on that I performed a DEILD without even knowing it. If anyone reads this, I'm warning you now not to do this in your LDs because it makes the dream fade, FAST. You should always find an excuse to why you have the powers. i.e. when I controlled the smoke I should have picked up something that gave me that power. Or have someone teach me how to do it. You get the picture... If not PM me and we'll talk!

Real life Dream Lucid Dream sign
For me to remember, dreams are 067300, lucid dreams are the color below blue, #4169e1, and dream signs are the light purple, which is up one and left one from blue, #483d8b.

Rocket screen dream
Interesting dream from a scientific perspective.

I was at a Boy Scout camp. It was the largest Boy Scout event ever in history. It was night time. There was a lake at the camp- Cub Scouts were on the other side. They were cheering very loud, and so were we. I walked around and saw lots of people. Two people I saw had stands set up that had lots of violin bows that looked very badly made. They were really fat, like an inch thick, but had weak points where they was only a centimeter thick. They had no finish. There were no violins there. I asked one stand's owner if she knew how to play. She replied, "No, I only know how to bow." I heard a kid yell something cute really loudly at the other side of the lake and commented about it to someone I don't know very well from school, who was a girl but had a boy scout uniform on. She replied something insignificant.

Then, the fireworks started.

It was the most amazing show I had ever seen, one probably impossible in real life. Huge fireworks went off. By huge, I mean HUGE. I mean a quarter of the entire sky was covered in dazzling orange. I remember popping, sparkling, and vivid colors all across the sky. It was just amazing. It was beautiful. Just awesome in it's huge scale, and amazingly beautiful. But every so often, I'd see a small rocket, maybe a little larger than my thumbnail when I extend my arm all the way. (But they may as well been the size of a house; who knows how far away they were.) They were faintly glowing, and looked a little like this:

They had a weird, faint cyan trail which you can't see in the picture. They had a brighter cyan exhaust, which you can see. They'd dance around very randomly in all directions, even down, and fade away. I was curious as to what they were, since they didn't seem to fit in with the rest of the show. After a while, the show ended. Everyone cheered and clapped very loudly. We all thought it was amazing! But then we all gasped...

The rockets didn't fit in for a reason. They lit up again... All of them. They were arranged in a grid. It was a massive screen, going across a third of the sky, made completely out of floating rockets. They made pictures, with some of them lit up, and others not lit up, showing letters, words and symbols, such as BSA (Boy Scouts of America). It was the coolest thing ever!

Dreamskip.

I was in the control room for the BSA camp. I asked people questions about the rockets.

January 2, 2008

I ran into a store butt-naked because I needed some clothes. I had no money though either so I had to shoplift. Then I saw my basketball coach there and I was thinking to myself, Shit! If he catches me shoplifting I'm gonna be in trouble. Then I casually walked out of the store and he gave me a weird look.

July 4, 2008

I was at a high school that had the theme of Hogwart's (kind of) and I was trying to find my brother to give him a book. The high school was built out of amber colored stone with big pillars and bridges. I then went to a big majestic building that looked like the Taj Mahal. The sky was bright, sunny, and blue. A man with a long white beard then just said out of nowhere, "Spin the Stones." What then happened, was that the big building started rotating very slowly. Just imagine the Taj Mahal on a sunny day and it is tilting slowly like the leaning tower of Pisa. Here is a picture to best describe the scenery. The weird thing is that I had this dream in 2008 and had no idea what the Taj Mahal was at the time. And this picture looks exactly how it did in my dream. Also, just imagine a humongous glass dome above this palace.
Anyways, after the man said, "Spin the stones," it sounded like a bunch of gigantic rotating gears like in a clock were turning. I looked up and there was a boy chained to the top of the dome by his wrists just hanging there. I could not see his face because his long brown hair was covering it. He started to clench and fidget like he was in pain, for he was, and shed one tear. The tear rolled down his face and dropped on the tip of the big building. The tear quickly rolled down the smooth stone and kept going until it slid frictionless on the white stone floor and into the water. (My dream camera angle changed to underwater still watching the droplet at this point.) The droplet turned into a water fish and swam until it went inside a black hole in the wall. Then the water burst out and turned into little tiny colored creatures. They looked like they were made up of little geometric 3-d shapes and they had little faces on them. They formed a stairway with air supporting them. This phenomenon that just happened stuck in my mind as what is called a Mackinaw. I have no idea what it means but that's what it was called in my dream. So yeah. After that its foggy.

October 26, 2005

A dart came flying towards me so in a frantic attempt to not get hit by it I smacked it down to the floor. It was filled with a liquid that was silvery like mercury. I broke the dart open, and touched the silvery liquid. I then decided to taste it for some reason. When it touched my tongue my whole body went numb and limp and dropped to the floor. Might I also mention that when my body went numb, a really strong vibration took over my body. I saw my dad standing there and he was just looking at me. I then proceeded to tell him, "This stuff is cool." Then it faded.

October 19, 2005

I dreamed that I was the new Avatar (The Last Airbender). I was showing off to all of my friends that I could levitate on a ball of air. The technique to it was to jump up in the air and cross your legs and the ball of air would support me. I floated around the rocky ground. Then one of my DCs said they could do it too. He tried but failed epically because all he did was sit there. Then I said, "Watch me," and I crossed my legs and floated around even more having a blast, while kicking up some nearby stones with the wind I floated on. I then stopped and remembered that I could control all four elements, so I tried fire. It shot out of my hands in a red flame. I tried to propel myself upward but it didn't work very well.

October 4, 2005

I was in a school, not the one I go to but I was supposedly writing insults about the principal. I didn't even know him or what he looked like. So everyone was after me. I quickly ran to the nearest elevator, and usually when you get off an elevator in real life it leads to a hallway. This one went smack-dab right in the middle of the library. It was a pretty big library with a ton of computers. There were people at the desk of every computer there and the principal was after me now. (I don't even know how I knew that) So I crawled under all the desks of the computer until someone spotted me and shouted, "Hey! You're the one who was writing insults about the principal!" Then everyone's head turned and looked at me. I ran to the door to get out but it was locked. Then I woke up.

(Backdating this entry because this is a dream that's been on my mind for several weeks now. Originally posted in my private blog November 13, 2010.)

Okay, this sucker is way too weird not to journal about. And I've just awoken from it, so retention should be pretty good - although it was too detailed and involved to easily forget. I'll follow the usual practice of dream recall and work backwards.

The dream ends with me losing my temper at Aidan right after he finds me hiding in his apartment. I'm yelling at him about everything. In fact, true to Clonazepam's side effects, I'm still yelling at him in my head as I'm getting up from my bed after waking up, or rather hearing him yell that this is all a dream now and I'm awake anyway....

He has just discovered me hiding there in a closet in an empty room that he obviously never uses, sitting on a portable potty he's got in there. (Marker of my dreams: there are lots of these fake potties not connected to any plumbing.) I've managed to evade discovery up to now because Aidan's been in the next room (which has a slightly ajar door connecting to this one) writing/singing a song about how much hate is in him bursting to get free, and a variation on the usual bait line about longing for the right woman, this one about how he'll know her because she will see and discover that hate and know what to do with it.

This is after I've just left some other girl, part of Aidan's circle, sleeping in his spare room - we'd been there because Aidan had given me a key and we were stopping there to get ready to go to the party. I'd left her, found a little alcove with a bed, and found this closet and pulled my laptop into it to blog, with the AC cord plugged in around the corner. I was reading a book that the other girl had written. She said she was from Madison, Wisconsin and four of her five sisters were nurses, while the other was a lawyer and she named the firm (I can't remember, but I think one of the names sounded like Blast). I had read a book that was chronicling what had happened in my life five minutes ago. I was making notes all over it. It was fine when I confronted Aidan and R, a well-known Canadian actor, playwright and activist, together and said, "Obviously I'm well known among your friends. How am I known?" (A waking-life concern for several years now.) Whereupon both of them sort of hem and haw and Aidan finally takes it: "Well, the usual comment is when they see you walk into a place, 'That's your stalker? Wow - I'll take her off your hands, man!'"

(In real life, not to be obnoxious about this, but everyone tells me how beautiful I am and how I don't look my age, and I have to say bluntly that I generally agree. But not once - not once - has it meant my romantic feelings for a specific person have ever been returned in kind. So it's a great compliment, and I always appreciate it because I usually forget it as real-life experience doesn't support it, but I do wish it would lead to better results.)

So I'm reading further into this manuscript - which has an advising professors's name on the front page - and it goes on to describe how other girls at the party say things like, "We've all been taken in by crocodile scrips like Colm." (???) I've finished the book and finished arguing with the girl about how non-roadworthy my car is, and obviously the party's over by this time so she goes to bed. I look for a bathroom to use and notice noises indicating that Aidan's home. It'll look like I'm stalking him if I've stayed there.

Cut to before the apartment: It's 4:00 in the morning, and a wafer-thin African-descent hooker named Lola (word in a crossword puzzle three days ago), with blonded Afro hair and a skin-tight micromini sheath, is following me, saying no one cares about her. The other girl with me from the party is getting exasperated, and she turns into Bree from Desperate Housewives. Cut to a moment before: Lola has been eyeing me as if I'm encroaching on her turf, but then she just says, "You done for the night?" "Yeah." "Good night!" "You're beautiful!" Then she follows me, saying no one ever calls her beautiful. My Bree-like friend looks exasperated. "This is Melissa," I say, "and she already knows she's beautiful!" Melissa gives Lola a strained smile. We get to Aidan's building and I say, "This isn't my apartment, so I can't invite you in - but I'll help you find a homeless shelter for the night." Then the details get lost in how I'm using my iPhone to look up hostels online, but that turns out to be a bad idea because they'll ask for a credit card from Lola.

Cut to: My old parking lot in a suburb of Toronto. The Lada is there that my parents gave me in 1989. That thing was ten years old and never worked properly. It was broken into once just for the radio I'd put into it. It doesn't stop on snow unless you press the brake at least five car lengths ahead of time - the brakes are ground almost to nothing. I'm nearly out of gas. Repeatedly, I impress upon Melissa that perhaps driving this thing to a party in North Hollywood, where I would almost certainly be drinking, wouldn't be the sharpest move. She just goes, "Uh-huh," and does up her seatbelt. I sigh and continue to drive, making a mental note to stop at the store near my parents' house, 1500 miles away, for gas before going on the half-hour drive from Toronto to North Hollywood for this geographical confusion of a party.

Cut to R's (said Canadian famous person) estate in LA. I've met a bunch of girls from various parts of the US that are there for a fan convention. Most of Aidan's crowd has left, but some are straggling around passing around the address where the party will be. I don't have it, so I hook up with a bunch of girls who know the address and have GPS in their cars.

Cut to previously mentioned conversation in which R and Aidan reassure me that I'm okay. But this time it's about stalking R!! We also talk about the fact that I'm usually unaware of sex, but when confronted by R's full-frontal naked body, I feel a strange, oddly familiar, and unbidden full-body sensation of pleasure. It's commented, I think by R himself, that this is natural and biological. It occurs to me that pure, plain sex is something I rarely, if ever, think about these days. (And it's true. If I'm ever turned on - and I don't think I am - I don't know it. I'm not certain, but I think it's a side effect of my antidepressants. Possibly when Jeff claps me on the shoulder the way he usually does. What I think of as a "rush of endorphins" when he hugs me might actually be a rush of reproductive hormones, for all I'm aware. I just know I enjoy it.) R is very nice and logical about it, kind of as if he's trying to explain this to a 12-year-old kid entering puberty. (And I think I noticed him favourably in a movie when I was about 16.) But by the end of this conversation, I somehow just want to be around Aidan some more - as if he's raw masculine sexuality, without the complication of actually liking or having any feelings of friendship for him. It's an intriguing feeling.

Prior to this, R is smiling at me and telling me he's sorry he didn't tell me that the pool was a self-contained pool, not a pond connected to the earth. I in turn tell him I was about to apologize for peeing in his pool. And then I'm inside the main house where everyone is drying off, and I'm looking for a place to get to a bathroom and change. The only place avaliable is off R's bedroom, where I walk in to discover him lying naked - only he looks like a giant burnt squid. I still avert my eyes and stick my hand out to block my vision, and I manage to get past him and get to the stall. Meanwhile he wakes up and discovers me there. There's a definite you-are-a-disgusting-stalker colour to being discovered uninvited in a room where an attractive and sought-out man is lying naked.

Before this, I go down to a pond. It's just after dawn, calm and idyllic. I strip down. I'm in the pond, and I decide to relieve my bladder. Then others arrive - all people from Aidan's crowd. It's a closed-off pool. I'm certain the yellow cloud of social-ostracism flag surrounding me is obvious to everyone.

Somewhere in the middle of all this, R and I are doing a scene from MacBeth in which we have to kiss. I'm trying my best not to be obviously attracted to him. He is attracted to me as his character, but when the scene ends, he's an acting teacher. He's even coldly analyzing my kissing technique.

That's pretty much the bulk of what I remember. A few things are obvious in writing this dream down. 1) I must have had to go to the bathroom pretty badly. 2) It's all about my fear of being considered a stalker if I get too familiar and informal around celebrities. 3) There's a slight possibility that I may be feeling the lack of a current boyfriend who is actually in the same city with me.

And 4) It's probably these drugs I'm on that are making my dreams this detailed, complex, convoluted and weird.

Regardless, I know for sure that I'm not an obsessed fan of R in real life, though I do have a good deal of respect for him as an actor and as an activist and teacher. I'm just not the obsessed-fan/stalker type. Getting into that would be just plain dumb. Perhaps he is an attractive man, but that has no relevance to me in waking life and I simply never think about it. I guess I must have seen him on a rerun recently and thought about the romance between his character, a painfully shy scientist, and one of the main characters on the show, and I must have thought of a painfully shy man to whom I've found myself involuntarily attracted lately. Plus, Aidan is still normally not at all attractive to me or even someone I'd normally hang out with. What are either of these two gentlemen doing in my dreams?

Dreams have been pretty repetitive for the past couple of days. MSN conversations, and fragmented sexual escapades. Last night, I had a dream about being on a school bus again. We went to another school, and we were walking through it in a single file line. On that note, it's time to get back into it.

I'm walking into a mall with my girlfriends,we see a bunch of stores that we're excited to shop at. One gf wants to go to one store, but me and another girlfriend want to go in the opposite direction.

We walk into a store that has thousands of boxes of shoes on sale...Nike, Adidas..all the popular brands. The shoes are all white,they range from $11 to $39. I try on a really ugly pair of crock-type runners. They are pink and purple.

We walk into a huge church-like building, there are columns all around and there is some sort of meeting going on. There is mention of something vegan at some point.

I think one of my cats was part of my dreams last night, but I can't remember what happened....

My old boss (my boyfriend's current boss), was my boss in my dream, and told me that they were getting their employees to explore their true passions. She was going to tell my boyfriend on Monday that he is allowed to by a record. She wants me to go home and watch movies and she'll ask for my critique on some stuff tomorrow.

Ok so today I went to bed at midnight and set my alarm for 4:30am again. This time I made sure that my alarm wasn't on vibrate and that I would wake up.

Somehow, and it's very interesting, my biological clock woke me up at 4:25 before my clock could actually ring! I was really surprised at this and am wondering if it would affect my WILDing experience in the future. I think that I woke up too much as a result of this because I had to roll over and turn off my alarm before it went off and I had to pee really badly so I just found a couple of bottles.

When I came back to bed, I was pretty awake, and my roommate as snoring and there were crashing noises going on outside, so I couldn't WILD successfully. I counted to 100 about 3 times, but there was no actual transition! Damn.

I still enjoy the process because after my attempt I had this amazingly long and drawn-out dream that was really vivid! Tomorrow I will try again, and this time I won't drink anything right before sleeping.

Last night I had the most amount of dream and the longest dreams that I've had in a long time. On average, my dreams lasted about 30 minutes and they all were very complex and compelling in hindsight.

Dream Fragment 1-- Movies

So I'm walking down an open hall, it's almost like a bridge in a tall building where there are glass boundaries with steel poles on top. There are 5 college/frat guys who I know that are leaning against this pole on the right side and looking over the edge. I know that I walking towards a movie and I feel really confident in my stride somehow.

They are looking at me and I don't instantly go passive observer, which is awesome. Instead, I just keep walking, but I recognize that they are superior to me or something mentally so when I walk by them I drop my ID card in the police on purpose/accident I can't tell which and then say out loud "I dropped my ID card in the trash can." They all laugh but I remain unreactive and fish out my card without even really looking.

After I get the card, I walk inside and sit in the back of the theater with my longobard in hand. This is really similar to what happened during a recent movie screening a went to. I sat in the back alone while there were a bunch of people around me. In the same way, there were a whole lot of people in the theater I walked into, but I ended up sitting alone in the back. The screen started playing and I got totally captivated in the movie and turned passive observer, which is a main dream sign and occurs usually when I
1) enter conversations
2) watch a movie or play a video game
3) Feel self-critical
4) STop focusing on being aware

So the movie play and it's a scene where there are two cops driving a car. It's a red car and the police are having a discussion about donuts, this leads me into my second dream.

Dream 2-- Donuts, Sugar, and my Dad's Office

Somehow I am in my dad's office building now, but it's not the actual building. It's just a made up place in my head. The DCs are my dad, this one extra guy who I can't remember specifically but I feel like I knew him in my dream, and me. We walk toward my dad's office, and the guy next to me is eating a donut and drinking coffee. I'm on a diet right now, and so I'm rying not to eat superfluous carbs like that. I end up doing a forward roll, like in Ninjitsu.

The move ends up being in some sort of slow motion, where I get really close to the ground, and can see this white powder, which might be powdered sugar or donut glaze, on the ground. It's everywhere, then I slowly roll up and walk behind my dad and the other guy. When we enter my dad's office, there are two brown desks that have some papers scattered around on them. In a way, it resembles what his old office used to look like but there are no windows and it looks a lot messier.

The guy decides to walk past the desk, and I'm analyzing the situation in passive observer mode thinking about where I should sit, what it means to sit where, and how I want to be better than this other guy. But I decide to sit down in front of the desk, and there are 2-3 blank white sheets of paper and a pen next to me, and a chair.

I don't sit, but I don't see the other DCs either. I've noticed that an aspect of my passive observer sometimes contains me not even being able to experience or perceive the outside world. Even though I am present in the dream still, I am massive caught up in my thought process. I can hear the words of my thoughts and feel some of the emotions that it sparks, but ultimately I don't see much, feel much, or say much.

This dream ends here.

Dream Fragment 3-- Beachin with Dean and Austyn

So I know this is part of a much larger dream that lasted about an hour last night. It was probably the longest dream I kept conscious for in my whole life, but I had this dream after I tried to WILD so maybe that makes sense. Sadly, though, I can't remember the whole thing, so I'm posting the fragments that stand out to me the most and I feel are pretty significant.

Anyway, I am on the beach alone, and I've been here before in the same dream. I walk with a sense of purpose, like I know where I am going. I head toward the water where there are a bunch of people laying on beach chairs, and I look around. I see Dean laying down to my left and then Austyn laying down to my left two chairs down from Dean.

So I walk to my left, and start walking directly for Austyn. I had been trying to hook up with this girl for 3 years. We made out once in 9th grade but then I went too far and she got scared/started crying, so we broke off the relationship. Then she got with one of my closer friends, and they ended up dating for 2 years, and she fell in love with him. She would always cry to me about how much she loved her and I always wanted her back.

So I am approaching her, and I see her face, it looks really beautiful, but she shakes her head and mouths the word "No" as if she can totally read my mind. When I see this, I turn to Dean, who I'm standing right next to at this point and say "Sup." He greets me pretty warmly and we chill for alittle bit. He has this huge bottle of vodka out next to him and he's mixing his cup with it. I can tels he's a little drunk.

Soon, a cop wearing a tannish uniform comes up and says "Hey, what did I tell you about things like this" and Dean just drops down, fills up a cup with the vodka and says "Here is some water" and the cop smiles and says "thank you" and that's the end of that fragment.

Dream Fragment 2-- Exploring The Unknown Dorm

So this dream is really vibrant and interesting. I am walking in my normal dorm, when I find this door I had never gone through before. I go through it and it leads me to this darkish hallway. I'm travelling alone, so I decide to just keep walking because I'm sure that it will lead me somewhere cool that no one else has been to.

After a little ways, I stumble upon what looks like an art gallery. There are large black columns spread out in the wide open greyish room. I can see everything clearly. The paintings are really colorful and amazing. There aren't very many people around so I start to look at the drawings. They really intrigue me, and I start talking to this one girl about them. I don't think our conversation lasts very long. I start walking forward, toward the other end of the hall. I find another hallway and travel in it all the way around until I reach my dorm again.

I start talking to all of my friends and people in my dorm about this new place that I've found, I think I'm doing it to make myself look cool though and not actually add to their experience.

Dream Fragment 4-- Conversation with Chris

So I am in my dorm room, and it is legit my dorm room. Everything is laid out the same. I answer my cell phone and it's Chris Eubank, who I used to be really close to. He gave me tours and showed me around when I was a senior in high school. He let me stay in his room.

Anyway, we are on the phone for maybe 10 minutes just chatting. I don't know if I'm in passive observer or not, but I'm shuffling through my clothing drawers and trying to talk with him at the same time. I feel like this conversation is a test or something to see how well I can keep up a conversation and I am horribly failing. There will be these long, drawn-out pauses between surges of speech.

I can't really think of anything to say as we are talking, and I am trying to keep myself busy and not stress out by shuffling through clothes without any real purpose. At least talk and we converse about some party or something that we are going to do later. I can tell now that I am really overthinking my conversations with people, and constantly stressing about what they think of me and if I am doing the right thing or the cool thing or whatever.

My speech should be an expression of ME from my HEART, not a tool to measure my coolness.

Dream Fragments 5/6-- Listening to Mooji

I've a very spiritual person, and I like to listen to Satsangs on youtube while meditating because they have seriously brought me to a new level of consciousness. I don't even need to be present at these extraordinary learning events, and I can meditate on their meaning without distraction while they are occuring.

I was doing this for a while yesterday and last night before I went to sleep, which apparently had a deep impact. Two separate times when I was dreaming, I had totally silence and was just listening to the words Mooji was saying. In the first scene, I am watching another youtube video and seeing him and listening. He is talking about how you can figure out what you are by eliminating what you are not. It goes something like.

"And the emotions you feel. You are not even this. Yes
And the thinking in your head. You are not even this. Yes"

He keeps listing things and I slowly realize he is totally right! I am becoming enlightened even in my dreams!!

The second time I hear his voice is when I am in the car with my mom. My family had just exchanged presents earlier, and I got two CDs from my sister. Me and my mom are driving and decide to put in one CD. The first track is a techno song that I think is from Hard Haunted, which is a concert I attended two weekends ago. The second track was Mooji, speaking with clarity again.

He starts talking about everything "I AM" and I can no longer remember his words exactly, but this is ok because I know the words are there on a deep and unconscious level, influencing me and helping me find the truth without me even needing to do anything!

Dream Fragment 7-- Family Gift Exchange

Me and my family, which is my two older sisters, my mom, and my dad are gathered in our downstairs den to celebrate some holiday(its almost TDAY) and we are exchanging presents. This is when my sisters gives me the two orange CDs.

We are all exchanging gifts, but suddenly I realize I had no given a gift to my oldest sister Hayley, and I feel really really bad. I feel like I have totally disregarded her and not paid any attention at all to her. I think this resembles how I feel in real life, where I don't have a substantially strong relationship with her as opposed to all the drama and substance in my other relationships.

I feel like my subconscious is really telling me to reach out to Hayley and make her my best friend ever because she is my sister and she loves me and I love her too. I feel that void and I want to fill it.

I should get her a gift!

I feel like I dreamt so much more and had so much more to say at the outset of this DJ but 7 dream fragments is certainly a lot anyway

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Good morning! Was super tired last night, and slept for a long time. Woke up at 4.00 and did a WBTB, but not a very long one. Although it was enough for me to become lucid!

Sleep: 11.00

04.00: Fragments
*I'm at this big white house. I take a look inside and it's enormous. The ceiling is very high and there are several doors, leading to rooms just in the huge hallway. I close the door and tell some guy I'm with how amazing it is. We walk for a while and end up at a cool sheet of glass, acting as an elevator. My co-worker Snusknicke is there, and he's riding it to the top, only to fall off it. He isn't hurt, and tells me it's so cool. I try to stand under it, and I don't get crushed! But when I jump on it, it's solid. Like in a game.

*A large tanker is standing at a gas station, and it has been cleaned. Some guy is complaining about the way it has been done, and tells me they have no right to do it.

04.00: WBTB: 10 minutes or less.

10.00: Nice control MILD
I'm at work and we're laying down sewage pipes. There's a big block of concrete which the pipes are going in to. I walk away for a while and come back. Everything's almost complete, but I spot something about one of the pipes. "How are we supposed to bend that pipe without breaking it?" I ask. "Well, you can just push down on it, but we do need tennis balls" Björn tells me. I don't think much about it, but figure it's for some kind of hole in need of plugging. I walk away towards the large tennis arena.

Two guys are just about to close the metallic gates. "Wait! Don't close it yet!" I yell at them and they stop. "Hey, I need a few tennis balls. Can I have some? It's work related" They shake their heads. "Sorry... It's closed, and you can't have them for free anyways, if it's work related, you could rent them for around 10k" one of them says. I look around and spot several balls in a fence and up in a tree. I slowly become lucid and reach out towards them with my hand. Six of them comes rushing at me at once, and the guys get nervous.

I make them spin around all of us for a while, and then line them up on the ground infront of us. I start wondering if I could do telekinesis without using my hands. The balls start bouncing around and move at my will. I forget about the guys and focus on a piece of scrap metal on the ground. I grab it with telekinesis and make it fly towards a few cars parked at a wall. I totally destroy one car with the metal, but there is absolutely no sound. I decide to try out what I've been wanting to do lately, just walking around.

I take a good look at my hand, and I notice atleast 4-5 small fingers branching off the larger ones. I then turn around to check how stable the dream is. I appear to be at some kind of dock, and it's pretty grey outside. It must have been dusk. I can see very far over the water, alot further than I can IRL and it's all very clear and vivid. I start walking down the road, with absolutely nothing in mind but keeping the dream stable. I got a very nice buzzing feeling going through my whole body. Every second I stay lucid and the dream is stable is so cool! My head starts to hurt a bit from all the concentrating but I don't mind. I walk on.

"Perhaps it's so stable because I've just taken Calea?" I wonder. There are dumpsters on each side and I feel the texture of one of them as I walk. A homeles pair appear to the right and smiles at me, but I ignore them. After a few more seconds, I must have gotten bored with just walking, and suddenly the gravity gets weaker with each step I take. Each step makes me float more and more, and soon I'm flying through the air. I spot a construction company's name but I forgot about it. I also spot a school and the name is Jach something.

I fly for a while and end up ontop of a roof. The weather is still very grey and quiet. "Haha I bet I will wake up soon" BAM! I start to feel my body, and try to L-DEILD. My hands are feeling very numb, and I'm afraid I am cutting off the blood flow. I get a bit more awake and the feeling goes away. I concentrate for a while, and I get the same feeling back. But I never succeed in going back... I wake up with a headache. Perhaps from sleeping so much, but perhaps from the Calea. I had a headache last time I took it aswell.

Wake up: 10.00

Amount of sleep: 11 hours

Food before bed: 2 x Omega-3, Applejuice
WBTB food: 1 x Calea extract pill

That's it! Feels awesome to have another lucid, and one with great control, and thinking ability! I would say it was the longest I've had in a long time, perhaps 3 minutes or more. But still awesome! I'm not sure, but I think I will do the same thing next time I have a lucid. Just walk around and keep the dream stabilized!

Keep on dreaming, HARE BRA!

just wanted to share a quick dream i had last night quite surprised that i didn't become lucid in this one, but it was also a fun one to just watch play out. any comments or interpretations are welcome. hope you enjoy reading it almost as much as i liked dreaming it.

I'm in my kitchen i hear a strange house coming from outside i look out into the north and see a triangle UFO coming toward my house it's difficult to see, because it's black with a dark blue outline but you can see it if you look into the setting sun. i was not the only one to see this UFO, there is now a man out on my driveway staring up at where it came from scratching his head after it was flying straight over my house then made an impossible maneuver and shot straight up and backwards ( was flying south and pivots 135 degrees and shouts north traveling up on a 45 degree incline), and a bunch of people down where the kids play hockey they heard the noise but only me and the guy in the driveway saw, i see a second and third ship coming from the north the sun is setting now and it's more difficult to see them against the night sky one lands on my neighbors roof and a two year old boy comes out of the basement and starts trying to climb through the window onto the roof, i struggle to keep the kid from falling as it's trying to climb the roof, i don't recognize the child or no the relationship with the child but i know that i care for it and it's not my little brother, who is down the street at my parents house. the second one lands and after a few mins. of people gathering outside the hatch opens and aliens that remind me a lot of a human figure, but i cant make them out clearly come out of the ship, out of fear some people start attacking the aliens and they start to retreat into the ship. I yell out the window for people to stop attacking them that they're friendly and they need our help. To demonstrate this i go out side and start to tickle one of the aliens everyone stops fighting and we're all friends. they need someone to go with them to help them save their planet, someone asks me if they're dreaming, i say, "no, this is real but I've dreamed of something similar before. this is why i know it's real, I've been waiting for this to happen." they ask, "are you sure?" i take in my surroundings and decide "Yes, I'm sure, this is real, this feels real" I volunteer to go with them, i feel like i have to like I'm supposed to., they tell me i will be gone for a while and that i should say goodbye to anyone who i need to now. i go say goodbye to my family gathered outside my parents place and head into my own house to say goodbye to the 2 year old child and anyone else who might also be there, i go into the basement where the basement is a giant dirt floor with a big pile of sand and a hole dug into the ground in the sand. I yell down the hole.... HELLO?!?!. My Friend S comes up the hole a bit confused as to why i called her awake, i told her what had happened and she said that i should go and wished me luck i said goodbye but before i leave i had to ask her what it was like sleeping in an earthworm hole, she said it was fine and comfy, i said but what about if a snake or worm dug their tunnel into hers and she said, I'd just dig deeper, then i asked what if the hole caved in, she said then she would eat her way out and i was a moron for not knowing the answer, i agreed, when i realized that i did already know this as it was common sense for you to eat your way out of a hole if it caved in. Then i left the basement went out climbed onto the roof and got int he alien ship, the dream starts to fade at this point, i remember little fragments now like being in the ship and the feelings about possibly never seeing my friends and family again, because when you travel at the speed of light you don't age but everyone else does, but then the aliens re-assured me that they had a way around this and my family and friends would still continue to age at the same rate as i do. i see starts become lines and we start to travel fast. The last thing i remember is coming to the aliens home planet. i remember there wasn't much vegetation or life on the surface, just a lot of deep cuts in the ground and valley's to fly between the rocks had an orange tinge.

(Good morning, everybody. This is a really long entry. Sorry.

I remember three dreams from last night. The first two dreams happened sometime between midnight and 5 AM. The third dream was between about 5:30 AM and 7 AM.

I became lucid in the third dream, and sustained my lucidity for quite a while. But I think it was mainly because I “conserved my energy” and didn’t really try anything out of my normal range of dream-activity.)

Dream #1

I was coming back to “my apartment.” I was walking through a building that itself was as big as a small neighborhood. I walked through one area, a huge room with tall ceilings and wood walls.

As I walked through the area, I went past a young man and woman who were possibly standing outside the door to the woman’s apartment. The door may have been pale blue.

The woman was very pretty, with copper-colored skin and long, straight, black hair. The man was handsome, white, tall, with blonde hair about down to his shoulders. He wore a grey, wool cap and some winter clothes.

The man was telling the woman that he would make sure her move went smoothly. She was apparently moving to another place, and she was nervous about it. I gathered, from the man’s speech to the woman, that the man would make sure she didn’t experience the same harassment she’d experienced at her present apartment.

But as I was walking past the couple (I didn’t actually get very close to them, and I had to exit via another door into another room in order to get to “my building”), the man and woman expressed some kind of concern that I was going to get them in trouble. It was as if, as well as the woman experiencing harassment from some group of people, the man and the woman had themselves been accused of causing trouble in their neighborhood. They thought I was the kind of person who would get them in trouble again.

I walked softly and quickly through the door, trying my best to give an impression to the man and woman that I was nice, that I wouldn’t harass the woman, and that I wouldn’t get the man and woman in trouble – in other words, that I would just mind my own business.

I walked into the next area, which was like a mix between some completely forgotten room or corridor in an enormous mansion and a back alley. A light shone from high above, and at the heights of the room, it was dark as night, though it was light enough near the floor. The walls were wood, and the floor had a pale, blue-grey carpeting. But there was junk everywhere, like tattered cardboard boxes, wadded up pieces of wrapping plastic, and other garbage. There seemed to be turns and staircases here and there, leading up to other “apartment buildings.”

I walked toward my building, which didn’t even have a front door, just a staircase leading up to a winding ramp into darkness. My landlord, an older, black man or woman, stood at the top of or on one of the curves in the ramp. He/she apparently knew I was coming home, so he/she was waiting to welcome me back. I may have been away for a few days, doing something like visiting my family.

I didn’t realize, but the young man had followed me all the way here. My “building,” it turned out, was the building that the young woman would be staying in. I thought that for sure the man would now be panicked. He and the woman had been so afraid to begin with that I would get them in trouble. And now it looked like I had “reverse followed” him all the way to the woman’s new residence.

I tried to act natural and cool, to make the man understand I wasn’t going to do anything mean to him or the woman. I spoke a little bit with the landlord, in a kind of easy, happy tone. I then said I was going to head on in to my room and get a little rest.

As I headed toward my room, through a door along a dim balcony facing at an odd angle to the ramps and the long alley-corridor, I heard the landlord now speaking with the young man. I thought, Why not prove that I’m a good guy, and let the young man see inside my room? Once he sees how lived-in my place is, he’ll know I’ve been here a few years, I’m a decent guy, and that I won’t do anything rude or mean to the woman or him?

So I called attention to the landlord and the young man. I had them come over to my room. I opened the door to my room. The room was humongous and dim. But I could tell, just by glancing inside, that the room was a complete mess – a disaster! Plus, the place just let out a horrendous smell, like tons and tons of socks that hadn’t been washed for months!

I quickly closed the door and told the landlord and young man nevermind, that I must have forgotten what I wanted to tell them. They walked away, kind of disappeared.

I suddenly felt suspicious of the young man. I felt that, now that he’d seen even just a little into my room, and he’d seen where I live, that he’d try to break into my room. I closed my door. I walked slowly away, as if I was trying to put on some kind of show that I didn’t really live in this apartment.

I suddenly recognized that, just beyond my door, the wall to my room only went up to about the middle of my chest. You could see inside the room just by standing out on the balcony. I looked inside, hoping that nothing of value would be easily spotted, prompting the young man to break into my house and steal things.

All I could see, though, anywhere, was a bunch of clutter and garbage. I felt like there was no way I could have left my place this way when I’d left. Had I been that neglectful of things? Or had I been gone so long that my place just kind of dissolved into these shambles of itself?

I walked around the corner of the balcony, now facing some dim corner of the alley-corridor directly, but still having a good view into my room.

Down below, in my room, I saw a huge, pale-blue, L-shaped couch. It was completely torn up. The stuffing of the couch was bloating out of the cushions, and a black, metal frame jutted out the edges.

Suddenly, my mother burst out from the inside of the couch. She scrambled out of the couch cushions. She then rabidly twitched and scratched against the couch, tearing it even more to pieces. She looked terrible, like she’d become some kind of wild animal.

I was terrified by this. But I quickly became indignant. Who had allowed my mother into my apartment? I ran down the balcony to find someone to complain to.

I ended up on some dark hilltop, under a small tree. It was pitch black night, but I could see, as if a car from somewhere were shining its lights on the scene. There were a few people wandering around, possibly Hispanic.

I found my father, who was almost cartoonishly wide. He was also dressed somewhat like a clown, in red clothes with pink and orange polka-dots. He may even have worn a clown-nose.

I yelled at my dad, “Why did you let my mom into my apartment?”

My dad gave me some kind of excuse that sounded half-hearted but official, so that I couldn’t really argue against it.

Dream #2

I was in a subway station, waiting for the train to come. I was in a far-off, unfamiliar neighborhood, and I had been doing some kind of activity that made me tired and ready to go back somewhere familiar.

The subway station was more like the lobby for a building like a hospital. I sat at a table in an area that looked like a makeshift café. The serving counter may have been in a small room, off to my right. Behind me, there may have been the main lobby area, large and bright, with a lot of sunlight flowing through the window-walls.

To my left was a wide doorway, through which I could see one subway platform. Through a kind of dim, plasticky window at the opposite end of the room and in front of me, I could see another subway platform.

I pulled out a book, crossed my legs, slumped in my chair, and started reading. A couple of teenage boys sat down a couple of tables away from me. They were making jokes with each other, pretty relaxed. They seemed cool. But for some reason, I didn’t want them to notice me. I thought they might start trouble.

Suddenly I could see, from some kind of reflection, that the train on the platform to my left was coming. It seemed to be coming without warning and very quickly. In a rush, the boys and I stood up from our tables and ran to the platform.

But I didn’t want the boys to know I got on this train. I felt that if they knew this about me they could hurt me somehow. So I tried to act like I wasn’t getting onto this train.

But when I got out to the platform (which was huge, wide, with tall ceilings, nothing like in NYC), the train wasn’t there. I heard the rushing of a train to my left. I looked and saw, down the platform, and up at the top of a tall staircase, a different train arriving at another platform. Was it just that train I’d heard? But I could have sworn I’d seen the train arrive on this platform, as well as heard it.

I looked down into the well for the train and tracks for my platform – and was terribly shocked! Instead of tracks, the floor was completely empty, trackless, and painted a bright yellow. There were no tracks! No train could ever have arrived here! But I was sure this was where the train was supposed to be – where I had actually seen it arrive!

I felt terribly foggy all of the sudden, as if I had fallen into a different world.

I heard the train on the second platform, off to my right, arriving. I thought I’d take that train. But I knew it wouldn’t get me anywhere close to where I wanted to go. I knew I’d just have to take this train, at this platform, whenever it came, no matter how long it took.

So I went back into the café area to go back to reading my book.

Dream #3

I was in my great-grandmother’s house. I had apparently been there for a long time. The place looked nothing like it had looked while my great-grandmother was alive: it was dim, grey-blue, and strewn garbage, household items, and even streams of toilet paper.

I walked around in the kitchen and dining room, possibly picking up and eating and drinking pieces of food and drink that had been left out for a long time on dirty plates and in dirty, grimy cups. There may also have been dirty, rusty knives, or something like that, somewhere.

I walked back into the living room. I felt like I had isolated myself in my great-grandmother’s house for so long. It had been days. Here I’d been, back home all this time, and I hadn’t visited my mother once!

I thought I’d give her a call and let her know I was at my great-grandma’s house, and that she could come visit me or maybe even pick me up so we could go somewhere to visit with each other. But I hesitated – I now felt so guilty having neglected my mother for all these days, that I knew just calling her would cause me a lot of heart-breaking pain.

I was suddenly in “my bedroom” at “my house.” The room was clean, a little barren. Nice sunlight flowed in through the window. It was cheerful enough. But it felt somehow lonely – not just lonely, but sterile, padded.

Something about this feeling made me realize I was dreaming. I realized I was now lucid. I told myself to keep calm and just go exploring this place as if it were a real environment.

(Oddly enough, when I became lucid, I may have “transformed” into a tallish, white, young man with tanned skin, blue eyes, and short-shaved, blonde hair. I have no idea why.)

I walked out of the bedroom and into “my living room.” I was in a suburban house. The house looked small and nice. But it was completely empty. It had thick, brown carpet.

I walked very slowly, to keep my emotions calm. I was heading for the front door. This was a kind of challenge for me, and I knew (even in my dream-state), that I had to keep calm in order to do this. I knew, I remembered (the truth, not a false memory – I mean, insofar as etc., etc.) that when I’d become lucid indoors in the past, my lucidity would end as soon as I walked outside, as if I hadn’t believed my imagination could “create” an outdoor space.

I got to the door. It had a strange bolt-lock on it, which I thought was kind of over-doing things. I worked the lock out and pulled open the door.

It was a bright, sunshiny day in a suburban neighborhood. I told myself to remain calm, remember this was all a dream, and just explore the place like it was a real environment.

My front yard was a tangle of flowery vegetation and rough, dark shrubs. There was a driveway off to my right, with a big, brown, 1970s-style car.

A blonde man, very tan, with a long tangle of hair and beard, was messing around near “my car.” He looked crazy, and I was afraid of him. But I was also pissed that he was messing around my car. So I yelled at him, “Hey! Hey! What are you doing?”

The crazy man hunched up (he never really stood) and turned toward me. He shouted and growled and barked all kinds of weird things at me and started rambling toward me violently. For some reason, he was holding a Panini and a paper plate in his hands, as if he had been eating a Panini when he’d seen my car and decided to vandalize it or rip it off.

It seemed as if the crazy man were going to try to invade my home. So I yelled at him, “Don’t you come near!”

The neighbor from the house to my left, an Asian man, in his late 30s or early 40s, wearing glasses, a pink-red polo shirt, and khaki shorts, walked out of his house and into my yard. He’d heard the commotion and was coming to help me.

I yelled again at the crazy man to back off and not to come anywhere near my home. But I also tried to make it seem to my neighbor like I had the situation under control. I felt like this crazy man was somehow important to whatever I was supposed to learn from this lucid dream. So I had to keep him at a distance without scaring him away entirely. I also wanted to make sure my neighbor didn’t scare away the crazy man.

Off to my right, in my garden, I saw a strange plant that looked like a Cleome topped with a cabbage. The cabbage was pink and white, like Cleome flowers.

Somehow, either my yelling my neighbor’s yelling had finally scared away the crazy man. He ran off. I, and possibly my neighbor, ran after him.

He ran down toward a chain link fence that ran along the crest of a kind of tall, kind of steep, cliff-like hill. I was calling to the crazy man to stop. I wasn’t trying to do him harm. But my neighbor was running faster than me, and he was chasing the crazy man quite violently.

The crazy man found a bent-up part of chain-link fence and crawled under it. I followed. I saw the crazy man run down the steep, brown hill-face, jumping into a shallow, muddy river or creek at the bottom.

My neighbor was still ahead of me, intent on capturing the crazy man. But once the crazy man was in the water, he did something to himself so that my neighbor could no longer see him. He had changed his wild, blonde hair into a weird, pink, green, and white, spiky flower style, looking like a hairdo-mix of a Cleome and a lotus. He ducked down low in the creek so that only his head was above water.

But I could still see that it was the crazy man. I wondered why my neighbor couldn’t. Nothing was different about the crazy man’s face: it was just his hair that looked like a lotus floating on the water.

I could see that the crazy man was drifting toward a group of copper-skinned, black haired children who were playing and splashing about near the creek’s banks. I thought that it might be a good idea to get the crazy man away from the children. He had gone over to them to blend in with them until we left. But I had a feeling that if he suddenly went crazy again, he could hurt the kids.

But now the crazy man and my neighbor were gone. I stood in some rocky area, looking down to the kids playing in the creek. At some point I looked over to my right and saw that there was a subway station, just jutting in a platform out of the hill, as if it were half-finished, forgotten. But it also looked new, clean, modern, even futuristic. And it was functional.

I saw some kids, maybe pre-teen or teenage, playing around near the platform, waiting for the train. I was up near the top of the hill now (which, instead of being muddy or earthy, was now rocky). I was at a pretty level view with the platform and with the kids. I hoped they wouldn’t notice me, because I didn’t want them to start trouble with me.

My emotions got so unstable that I felt my lucidity fading away.

But instead of the dream continuing, not lucid, everything blacked out. I told myself, you’re losing your lucidity. You’re waking up altogether. Go back to being in the dream, and being lucid.

So now I was back in the dream, lucid. I lay, stomach down, over some ledge of rock, looking down to some of the kids playing in the creek. They may have been a boy and a girl. They noticed me and started handing me toys to play with with them. One of the toys was a plastic horse.

I played around with the horse a little bit, then handed it back to the kids, who went back into the water.

I walked into the subway station. Inside, it seemed like it had become night. The station was lit gently with a kind of street-quality, greenish, fluorescent flood-lamp. The walls were a brownish stone, and the floors were some kind of granite-like grey. There was a downward staircase in the center of the lobby-area, and there were a few different corridors leading off from the main lobby-area.

I walked down one of the corridors off to my right. I heard a bunch of teenage kids who sounded like they were joking and having a good time. I decided that I should probably talk with the kids instead of being nervous and shy around them. This was a dream, and I was here to explore whatever I ran into.

So I saw the kids. They were a group of white boys and girls, dressed in kind of loose baggy sweaters and wool caps. They were making a bunch of jokes which struck me as intelligent and funny. I thought I’d talk to them. But they really didn’t pay any attention to me. So, rather than trying to hard to get their attention and getting hostile attention, I walked down another corridor.

But now I heard somebody calling for me. I wound around through the corridors, back to the area where the kids had been. It had definitely sounded like one of the boys, calling me back to be part of the group.

But when I got back to the area – something like a lobby, with a long, wooden counter at the front of the room, and a tall, nice painting on the cinder-block wall to my left – there were no kids, only two women. The women were both naked. They walked toward me, side by side.

The woman on the right was very tall, maybe a foot taller than I (or “I” in the dream). She was naked, but she wore a dark-blue plume of feathers as a headdress and a spray of dark blue feathers around her waist and back. She looked like a burlesque performer.

The woman on the left was still taller than I, maybe by an inch or two. She was pale, with long, curly, light-red hair. The women were both offering themselves to me for sex. I chose the shorter woman.

The woman stood right in front of me, almost to the point of pressing up to me. I asked her a question, and she replied. Satisfied, I began kissing her body.

We had sex in two or three different positions. But in one position I realized I was just doing a terrible job, and that I must just be making a weird situation for the woman, even though she did at least appear to be having fun. Regardless, I got so ashamed of what I perceived as being my stupid clumsiness that I woke up.