nightmare

Pre-dream: I had just received my datura ferox seeds and valerian root from an online vendor yesterday, so I decided to see what effects they might have if I were to consume some and take a nap. I meditated and asked the spirit of the plants that they guide me in the dream world, I gave them my respect and sent them energy. I crushed two datura seeds and brewed them in a tea and drank it whilst my valerian root was brewing. Before I began drinking the valerian I already felt a strange head pressure, almost a headache, and a very deep sedating effect. I proceeded to take the valerian tea but by the time I finished I felt very heavy and was feeling slight delirium in my thought process.

I laid down and watched my hypnagogic imagery and was promptly shown an eye that was in the center of my vision, staring at me. Unlike other times I believe I've seen my third eye, I think it was lady datura this time because it was glaring at me and promptly after I fell asleep and had a few disturbing dreams.

Dream: I had various fragments of random visions including taking care of some kids I didn't know that were vomiting water and I kept panicking not knowing how to deal with the problem, running up and down a mountain trying to avoid jaguars and shadow people, and lastly being cornered in front of my sister's house by a pitch black grizzly bear. The dream with the bear was the most memorable probably because it was the last one before waking up. It would morph into a cub to seem less sinister and would approach me but then it would morph into a huge black grizzly and try to attack me, I'd randomly find pointy but short objects like daggers or forks to defend myself with and I'd proceed to stab it whenever I could, trying to survive.


What happened next was the disturbing part though because I had stabbed it numerous times and it was on the floor choking on its own blood and it was no longer the menacing bear but instead an innocent little puppy. At this point I thought "Oh my god I took datura and now I'm delirious and just killed an innocent puppy and was hallucinating. I have to hide it's body. Did anyone see me? It's broad daylight. What have I done?!" I never noticed I had fallen asleep or was now miles away from home at my sisters house for no apparent reason. I saw the poor animal gasping for air and I couldn't stand it so I tore (yeah, tore, with a fork thing, because I had no knives) its throat open so it would die instantly and stop suffering. It was very grotesque and detailed, I hated every second of it. I had blood all over my hands and felt like a psychopath, how could my life ever be the same after this?


I woke up soon after with a few false awakenings and imagining seeing myself doing random things like ironing clothes, taking bread out of the toaster, and pouring myself a glass of water, only to find myself back in bed.

I would never go to waking life delirum doses of datura but I do plan on continuing to take 2-3 seed doses for oneiric purposes. I feel that Lady Datura is testing me but I'm not giving up that easily, I'm gonna fight off the night terrors until I become lucid so I may speak to her and find out why she tries to invoke fear in her users.

So this was disturbing. It was a nightmare not in a fearful sense, but the contents of the dream caused me great discomfort, even upon waking.

I had a dream that for reasons unknown to me, I was supposed to move a dog and 2 cats from a cage they were in, to a blanket outside on the grass. It was horrific because they were sliced in half, yet still ALIVE AND BREATHING, their two halves only hanging on by their spine, which was not cut. So as I'm holding the cats i feel their two halves in various weights shifting up and down in my grasp but they're light so I kept them pretty steady. At one point when I returned for the dog, one of the cats got up and was trying to walk and his guts were slowly drooping out. The dog, being heavier was insanely disturbing and depressing to move because I couldn't seem to find a balance in his two halves, they just kept shifting up and down between my arms and his wiggling was not helping.

I wanted nothing more than to kill them to put them out of their misery, but I just couldn't sum up the ability to do it. I woke up feeling nauseous and with a greater sense and urge for living with a vegetarian or vegan diet. The dogs whimpers still haunt me.