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    The Nomad Chronicles

    Fear and Loathing in the Dreamworld

    by , 09-24-2010 at 05:22 PM (687 Views)
    June 16, 2010

    Hunter S. Thompson is sitting across from me in a hotel lobby. "This is some good shit, this DMT stuff, boy. Hell yeah. I am going to do this shit this entire afterlife, kid. Mahalo." He is cutting a powder on the table.

    "Uh, Hunter, is that cocaine?"

    "No! And even if it was, who gives a shit? This is our dream, and we are going to do whatever the hell we want."

    He yells his head off.

    "ISN'T THAT RIGHT? YOU FUCKING STUCK UP CONCIERGE PRICK! I AM DREAMING, BITCH! FUCK YOU! I SNORT DMT IN DREAMS. HAHAHHAHA!"

    Hunter turns into a giant albatross with a can of tuna with two mice in it on his back. They turn into Ralph Steadman, and Ralph the Motorcycle Mouse, and then, Hunter flies off.

    Now I am in The Rescuers. I feel confused. I get dizzy and puke.

    I wake up in a hotel bathroom. Johnny Depp is slapping my face. I cough. Smelling salts.

    "Holy shit, kid," he says, turning into Hunter. "That was some crazy shit you just snorted pal. Why don't you take it easy, and just go kill some lubricant aliens. They keep trying to infect my fucking wormholes. See, I got water on the brain, from being in the desert. My skull's bloated man. Don't you get it, you asshole? I thought you were my lawyer, you worthless Samoan. HELP!"

    Hunter has a heart attack, and explodes. There is blood everywhere. I freak out and scream.

    I am in Hunter's den. He's writing a suicide note. He burns it and chuckles.

    He loads a revolver.

    He looks at me. I realize I am looking at him through a mirror.

    He points at his reflection. "FUCK YOU."

    He lifts the gun to his head. I leap through the mirror as he blows his head off.

    I freak out and beat the crap out of his body. 'YOU ASSHOLE! WHAT THE HELL.'

    His ghost taps me on the shoulder.

    "It's all green gravy, kid. No use crying over spilled blood. HAHAHA. Hey, I was planning on it for years. I didn't want to go through any of that old age bullshit. Can you blame me? Now I am free. I am going to be an angel or demon or something write? Get it? Write. See I am speaking to you telepathically, so you can see what I am saying. Anyway, aren't you supposed to give me a pair of wings, kid?"

    "No, I am just a human, you idiot!"

    "Dammit! Don't lie to me!"

    He throttles me.

    "Fugg yew! Here!" I cough. I summon a pair of cheesy red costume bird wings. He puts them on and flies up. He strums a harp, then shoots red arrows.

    "I am going to play Cupid for awhile, Nate."

    "That doesn't make any fucking sense!"

    "Hey, fuck you kid. I will now proceed to wander through Heaven and Hell as I so choose."

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    Updated 04-10-2011 at 08:21 PM by 27486

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    Comments

    1. Samael's Avatar
      Johnny Depp was great here.