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    The Nomad Chronicles

    The Great Montulu

    by , 07-19-2011 at 03:21 PM (654 Views)
    I am a giant monster disguised as a mountain outside the forest of Denn. I have great tentacles which grow underground like roots. I stick the tips up out of the earth, and make orcs appear. The orcs muck about, and begin chopping trees, hunting rabbit, and digging for roots, mushrooms, and grubs. Some elves ride up on horses and they battle.
    My DC’s are awesome. I make the elves and orcs vanish. I make them appear again. Oh, my this is fun. I feel like a godly Jabba the Hut for some reason. I clap my tentacles together, and toss a frog in my mouth. Tastes like chicken. Gross! I hate chicken. I spit the frog out, and turn it into brocolli. Much better.
    “I am the great Montulu!” I rumble. “I am the great Dark Underbelly Creature Monster Death Thing of the Land of Aud. I am all nightmares and all fairy tales. Oh shit! Someones in the Tavern.”
    I teleport my consciousness down a tentacle, and into the tavern. Okay... Now it’s name is “Crunchy Peanut Bottom?” It has a picture of a peanut shaped like an ass, with a dude giving the thumbs up sign. WTF? Whatever. I morph into the bartender, and nonchalantly whistle as I wipe the counter down. Hmm... that beer looks good. I pour myself a beer, and drink it. Omigod. It tastes perfect. I forget why I am there. I hear a fist slam on the counter behind me. “Service!” a female voice demands. I am startled and spit out my beer. I see the other Raven, the White Ninja Raven smirking at me amusedly. She chuckles and grabs my beer.
    “Which one of you schmucks is worthy enough to fight by my side in battle? I challenge you to a a duel!” She downs the beer, and passes out. I catch her. An assassin shoots her in the chest. She wakes up and pulls the arrow out. “Hey! Who just shot me? I am going to kick your little punk ass, bitch!” She teleports outside, and I grab on to her cape. We are floating in the air, and there is a monkey ninja pirate throwing red barrel of monkey toys at us. Except the toys are bladed. Some of the blades slice us up for a second. Ninja Raven teleports behind the monkey, and slices him in the back of the head, all the way down to his tail, about an inch deep. The monkey screams in anger and teleports away. I morph into a wraith samurai enwreathed in violet flame. “Who the fuck are you?” Raven says.
    “Silent Death. I am the Owl King.”
    I bilocate, and send one of my bodies above the battle. I attack the monkey from the front and back. It screeches, and I rip the fabric of time and space, and shove the little bastard in. The Cusp appears out of a portal with an armful of flying pirate monkey ninjas. Each monkey becomes a flock. I summon swarms of tiny orcs riding on beetles to counterattack. “What the hell? A friend of yours?” says Ninja Raven. The Cusp waves, and leaps back into the portal. All the monkeys fall to the ground and dissipate.
    “Haha! I didn’t even need to summon these orcs,” I say, summoning an army of orcs. Ninja Raven instantly multiplies herself and kills them all.

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