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    One Very Weird Night as House of Imports

    by , 05-04-2013 at 04:25 PM (534 Views)
    05-04-2013 -- I am back working a shift at the Mercedes dealership I used to work at, and the other guard is hassling me because I can't seem to open my eyes ... literally. I can hear everything that is going on, but I can't see it because I can't wake up ... or maybe because I haven't fallen deep enough asleep. Anyway, he is also complaining that I am in the reception area, because they have changed policies, and they no longer want us in that area, even though that is where the security monitors are. I'm thinking if they want to make that big a fuss without actually bothering to tell me, they can fire me!

    I've just come on, and the dealership is filled with hundreds of people ... far more than are ever here normally, and there seems to be a sort of party going on, with tons of people, including some lovely ladies, but I can't actually see any of the sales staff anywhere, so I have no idea what is going on. At least I can see, now.

    Decide to go downstairs to use the restroom, just to find the doors to both restrooms have been kind of wallpapered over, so they are unavailable. I seem to remember some kind of employee restroom a little further back in the corridor by the parts department, so go to check there, but get distracted and return to the main showroom floor.

    Where I find myself watching a fight between Spider-Man and the Green Goblin, and they are really going at it! At one point, the Savage Dragon jumps into things, as well! This can't be real, can it? I know super heroes don't really exist ... are they filming a movie or something? That may be it, because every time they turn to look our way, we duck out of sight, and get really quiet! "No," the costumed villain crouched next to me tells me, "We aren't staying out of a movie ... I just don't want to be beaten up."

    Spider-Man scores a good punch on one of the bad guys, and he flies across the room to the lower level of the lobby (which was only a single story in real life ... but in dreams ...), and I decide it's all just too weird tonight, and I'm getting proof, so I whip out my trusty digital camera and start taking pictures. Soon after I start downloading them into my laptop when a Chinese guy starts to berate me for using the staff's computers. He looks like a cross between Charlie Chan and Mr. Fuji. I explain it is my computer and he's like "Uh ... ah ... well all right, then."

    I start to descend the stairway from the reception desk down to the reception desk (hey, dream ...) and the crowds are getting ever thicker. The dress is also getting a lot more formal, and is starting to look like wedding party dresses or prom dresses ... something really nice. A nice looking, older blonde (40s), very professional looking, is a few steps behind me on the staircase, and she drops a present she is carrying, and it bounces down to me, so I pick it up and decide to carry it down for her. But when I get to the bottom of the staircase I find it blocked by a wall of presents, perhaps four feet deep and six feet across, completely blocking it. I drop the present on the stack and start to climb back up, explaining to the lady as I pass her, and fighting through the ever-worsening crowds, at times even climbing over small children to do so.

    When I get back up near Janna's office (and it -is- now Janna's office, not a warehouse with super heroes fighting) I find myself staring at a little oriental girl, perhaps 8-10 years old who is obviously in the middle of a potty-mergency (thank you, Animaniacs) as she dances around. Suddenly an older Chinese woman who reminds me of a non-animated version of Cookie Kwan from the Simpsons walks up and tells me it is my responsibility to guide the girl (and 9 or 10 others) to the restroom. I try to refuse, but give in gracefully after a few seconds, and start to lead them to the short stairway down to the restrooms and parts.

    Men's room no longer blocked, but it is being cleaned. The woman's room is still wallpapered over, so we continue on to the parts department, and this time I manage to find both men's and women's restrooms there. The kids use the restrooms. They also use the parts door leading outside, climb on the flower beds, and fall off. Thankfully the party is interesting enough that when they fall off they decide they aren't hurt.

    I herd them back inside, and back up to the main showroom, and the crowds are worse than ever, so I try to get away slightly by stepping out onto the 'porch' by the main stairs up to the showroom, and just kind of look around, but even here it is crowded. As I stand there, Keith Thompson comes up behind me and demands to know why I have been avoiding him. I try to tell him I haven't been avoiding him as he searches through my (suitcase? gym bag? backpack?) and takes back the Kuya Kano CD he'd loaned me. He glances at it and sees there are a bunch of scratches on it, and demands to know what I have been doing with it, before he realizes the scratches just might be the music tracks.

    I'm trying to explain I'm not avoiding him, things have just been hectic, when a couple of young Chinese guys say something that is probably slightly insulting, and Keith turns around and responds to them. The look of shock on their faces is great, and I just burst out laughing. It is Hiro and Ando from Heroes (yes, I know, when awake, Japanese, Chinese, different ... asleep, not so much). "I love that! I love the faces people make when they realize ..." Ando interrupts me "You know language!" I just keep laughing.

    I start to turn back to Keith, only to discover he has stalked off, still angry, thinking I am avoiding him. I am about to go after him when I am distracted by a potential budding incident. Down at the base of the stairs there are three guys sitting there chanting. It seems to be a cross between Arabic and the chanting that 'Padulla' (Bubba Smith) did in Police Academy 4. Surrounding them are several white bread white guys praying in English. This is getting weirder by the second. They all seem to be working together at something, and again I pull out my camera to try and get some odd pictures, but another person on the stairs asks if I have permission to take photos, saying he doubts they want their fight captured on film. That comment is all it takes for it to start to turn into a fight, rather than working together.

    I am starting to get worried, when everything changes. Across the street (where there is supposed to be a freeway) is a stadium, and there is a serial killer in the stadium who's weapon of choice is an air cannon (t-shirt gun) he loads with some sort of orange goop that kills anyone it hits. He shoots at 10 or 12 people in the stadium, and in the process turns an entire section of seats orange, before he turns his attention to us and starts firing our way.

    Almost seems like he is trying to miss, like he is giving us a chance to scatter and run, but there are several people who are commenting they aren't going to run or back down, and they look like people from my choir. I'm kind of in between. I'm not going to run away, but if a shot comes my way, I am sure going to dodge.

    BLANG! A shot hits the window next to me and coats it orange, then I feel a tiny sting and hear a loud clattering, and I turn to look at the staircase I'm standing on, and there are thousands of jelly beans or gum balls or something of the sort rolling down the stairs. I look around carefully, and find a dumpster where the flowerbed should be, filled with four or five people wearing bird mascot costumes. For some reason they are here to throw candy whenever the serial killer shoots his goop.

    As far as I am concerned, anybody who wears a giant bird mascot costume in public has already consented to have their photo taken, so I am pulling out my camera to try to get some pictures, but suddenly it won't work. The camera won't focus. I keep bumping the wrong buttons, I can barely even hold the camera, and suddenly it is falling to pieces!

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