Brienne

Was at OG. People were polyphasic but still adapting. Skyped in. Was asked to move to another room 'cause we were being loud. There was a very Alfred-like butler/chef. We all went to some sort of performance, but it was canceled. Went to Steak and Shake. Was terribly sleepy so I asked someone else to drive home.

Dream was about swing dancing. A big swing dance, I think in Bloomington. An exchange, a workshop maybe. Not at the Union. Christain was there. Ended up in cafeteria of my grade school. Jazz band. We danced to live music from them. I think I sang.Someone was teaching basic dance moves. I was having trouble with one of them. Was very frustrating. I was very irritable in this dream. I lied to someone. TOld them I didn't have a phone. 'Cause I didn't want to have to deal with them, talk to them. Felt really bad about that. I don't know how to get out of a lie. Someone offered me some kind of gum. It was maybe spicy or shocking or something. I turned it down.

Later in a video game. But actually *in* the video game. But I knew it was a video game. That's promising, that's like a dream. That's like knowing you're in a dream almost. I even remember regenerating. It was an FPS. I didn't want to shoot anything. I wanted to take pictures for some reason. But I tried to hit the "take pictures" button and it just ended up shooting. I don't know how it had a take pictures button given that I was actually *in* it. Like virtual reality, but more like a dream.

Several people sitting around having dinner. Candles. Took the wicks out of all the candles so I could melt them down and make big candles. Dragonfly or something hiding on the wall. Hiding in the wallpaper pattern from something. From a bird? A monkey? Some kind of animal. There was a parrot. These few creatures ended up chasing each other around flying through the room. Yeah I was really irritable in this dream and I don't know why.

Success! Finally! Fully lucid with control.

The first, non-lucid part of the dream was about a museum sort of thing. Lots of details I can get to later.

I left there and was running with a couple of other girls. Running in dreams is an in-between for flying for me. I was making my strides longer and jumping higher each time. Soon I was sort of moon-jumping, purposefully making my way toward flying. Then I decided to fly. I was in the middle of a large jump and just before starting to come down, I felt the slightly dizzying lift in the pit of my stomach that always accompanies the beginning of flight. And at the same time, I started moving toward lucidity.

I was looking at a tree when it happened. It takes strongly believing it will actually happen for me to fly in dreams, and usually some sign to myself that I really believe it. In this case, instead of looking down to make sure I wouldn't run into any of the branches, I looked up. Then I shot way up into the air, high above the city. I was flying toward the top of a sky scraper, and I knew I was asleep. I thought, "I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming." My test for whether I'm asleep is to snap my fingers and open my hand, and if there's an apple there I know I'm asleep. I tried it. I couldn't seem to produce an apple. I said, "Apple. Apple!" a few times, trying to get it to work. I was a little frustrated with that, but it didn't really matter, because I already knew I was asleep and it was time to enjoy it. I flew up above the sky scraper and toward a small cloud, making circles around it before diving toward the ground.

I'm a little fuzzy on what happened next. I ended up back in the museum place. I was sitting on the very top shelf of some display or other thinking about what to do next. "I could steal all the jewels in this museum," I thought, "and find out what it's like to be rich." I hopped off of float on my back and fall very gently toward the ground. Then I woke up.

I was an artist. Of more than paint and more than words. I created through raw imagination. I would focus on a canvas and a world would be created inside. My worlds were dark and frightening. My gallary was called "Hell". You could enter through the door but simply opening it was not the way in. Opening the door and stepping through it brought you to just another static gallary of paintings and poetry. You had to make an offering to enter Hell. You dip your fingers in the holy water and instead of crossing yourself you spread the water on the door and listen to it sizzle. Then the veil becomes sheer and Hell can be entered.

I was trapped. Surrounded by fire. My friend--Cordelia?--made it through before the ring was complete. I'd been here before. I could abandon the poem and run through the fire to the other side, to safety. But not this time. This time the poem had to be completed. This time I didn't know I was reading or writing. "I am Milton," I said. "No you're not," pleaded my friend, "Just jump through the fire!" "I can't," I said, "I must complete the poem." The fire drew closer and there was no longer any hope of escape.

In the back of my mind I felt an angel turn its head from God. It tore itself away from the Kingdom and descended upon me. "No," I thought, "Not forever!" but it was too late. The angel took me downward and we descended into Hell.

Katie H from grade school was posessed by something that wanted to kill. I went outside toward the garage and found a group of people cowering in fear. "What's wrong?" I said. They all gasped and one said, "I thought she was back. Get in here. She'll see you." They said Katie was trying to kill them. Sure enough she came around the side of the house at a bizarre sort of drunken gallop, screaming and tearing at her hair. I'm not sure how I managed it but I locked her in the basement. Dad and Lloyd came downstairs to help. Whatever was inside of Katie started jumping to other objects and people in an attempt to escape. For a moment it was in me. I can't remember how it felt. It left me and I started running toward the garage. It was back in Katie and she started throwing things at me, including Dad's throwing stars. I kept dodging.

Another dream: at Phillip's. It's Christmas or some other holiday. The S's are doing that horrid stressful "everything must go exactly as planned" thing. I'm trying not to be involved. Somehow Lowren shows up. Phillip is being polite and talking to him. Pretending everything's ok. I completely ignore him. I know he's here just to find out about me and if I don't encourage him he'll go away. Eventually he does and the S's are furious that I ruined their holiday. They said everything was a complete disaster and they started lecturing me and Phillip. I ended up laughing at them and telling them how pathetic it is that they treat us like children.

Later I entered a race. A 5k I think. It too was a horribly stressful dream because there was so much paperwork to fill out and I kept losing it. I was late and a legal hearing was held to decide whether to delay the race for me. The judge ruled in my favor and finally I found the missing piece of paper. The dream did not include the race itself. Alas.

I was in a car with Robby. Driving and using a GPS. It was a road trip. Same road trip as before? We pulled off so I could find a restroom. Were were by the ocean. This part of the town zig-zagged up a hill.

There were many shops, restaurants, and bars by the ocean. It was tropical, breezy, and full of beautiful people, includin gmany young women in bakinis and tiny shorts, all deeply tanned. Needless to say I liked the place. I suspect it was the very same city I visited in the last road trip dream when I looked out and saw the lights sparkling on the water.

I could see that there was a public restroom near the top of the hill so up I went, taking in the scenery, the scent of banana tannin goil, and the joyous chaos the whole way.

After the restroom I saw some people salsa dancing. There was a girl in a bathtub. She was fully clothed. No idea why she was in a bathtub. When the salsa song was over a good 12 bar blues piece came on. I profered my hand to the girl in the bath and we started dancing. In the bath. In heels. I realized at the end of the dance that she was wearing a coat. Strange for this weather. I asked why. Turned out she had there arms. All fully functioning, but the third freaked people out so she hid it. "It's very painful," she said.
"Because of the immobility?"
"No, because to hide it well I have to dislocate it and tie it down." She showed me her third arm.
"You know, that could be really great for leading."

The dream shifted significantly after that. The girl became a blond male musician with long hair. I was in a group walking down a mountain. The blond man was arguing with another man about the pros and cons, as a musician, of having three arms.

Then we were in a thrift shop and the blond man was a Philippino man with his hair (still long) died dark red and in two braids along the side of his head. I put a hat on him and he undid the braids. Last Saturday the Philippines had been taken over by another country and he'd lost everything. He was very upset and we were trying to comfort him and acquire items to meet his basic needs. Furniture, clothing, etc.

Why am I dreaming about people with three arms?

Kept having dreams about Dad. One where he was much younger and immature. One where we were hiking in the mountains and he had a new baby daughter. A toddler. She was adorable and wore a hat that looked like an alligator head. Her coat was yellow. It was cold and the only jackets were Sharon's, who'd gone ahead 'cause she was mad at Dad. I wrapped a pillow case around my shoulders. There was a tribe who used atlatls. Dad entered some kind of atlatl competition for money.

I didn't sleep well, my head hurts, and I'm so sleepy. Slept lots and lots but it didn't help.

Wow, a lucid dream inside of a non lucid dream! Cool! Actually it was a shared dream. There were malevolent spirits of some kind that would come and force people into nightmares. People in the same room put under by the same spirit shared the nightmare. They weren't random nightmares. The spirits were trying to communicate something. I don't know what.

During one of these nightmares I held onto the understanding that I was dreaming. There was a woman in great emotional agony and I wanted toh elp her. I made a gun appear in my hand and I shot her to wake her up. Somehow this gave everyone the power to leave the dream.

I woke up to dream layer one. There was a large group of people; a class, I guess. Apparently the teacher had told the class that once we finally escape the nightmares we'll have a party. I was supposed to have brought dessert but I had nothing with me. I ran downstairs to the food court to find dessert. Meanwhile irl there's a construction crew outside. I encorporated their racket into my dream by interpreting it as the sound of a blender in the food court. Shortly thereafter I woke up for real.

Sorry for my absence. Things have been hectic for me of late. I've been helping Phillip prepare to move into his new house while also moving myself.

~~~
Here's Aug. 7. It's called The Great Turkey Liberation Operation.

I had some more nightmares. This time focused on Mom and Lloyd. But there was one incredibly vivid dream. The one right before waking.

We were driving to Dad's. Mom had a boyfriend and he was horrible. Possibly abusive. His car had two sunroofs but they were covered up. Lloyd and I exposed them and opened them. He was extremely angry.

We stopped in Vtown for gas. Mom was in the front and Lloyd and I were in the back. I have no idea why but there was a wild turkey that belonged to Mom's boyfriend. His pet, maybe. Or perhaps dinner.

Mom motioned for me to get in the front. "Really?" I whispered. She nodded. Quickly I did so. I was wearing shoes I couldn't comfortably drive in so I took them off as quickly as possible. I locked the doors and took off. It was a chase scene for a while when he got in his other car (which he somehow had at the gas station). It was a white SUV with black trim. Eventually we lost him. It was quite exciting if stressful and frightening.

Mom left the dream at some point. We arrived at my Grandparents' old farm and it was just me, Lloyd, and the turkey. By this time we had a plan to set the turkey free in the woods. There were new people living on the farm and farm workers scattered about.

I held the turkey as we ran to the barn. We knew Mom's boyfriend would get here eventually. The bird was calm and easy to hold. We went through the barn, which was multiple levels and a little hard to navigate, and ran into some workers just before sliding through a tiny door toward the back. "If a man comes looking for us," I said to them, "don't tell him where we went.

At this point I remember vividly making sure the turkey felt safe and comfortable. It was hiding its head under my chin and her feathers were soft and downy. I was concerned for her because she didn't know what was happening and would likely feel abandoned. In the end, though, she'd be happier free in the forest with a flock and a family.

We hopped down a level and through the final exit to the middle meadow, as Grandpa used to call it, running the whole way. We went to the woods on the north side of the field--and here's where things get *really* vivid.

There were so many wild flowers on the hillside by the forest where the bushhog couldn't go. There was a patch of lavender colored wild irises--or perhaps giant violets. I thought, "We should bring Mom a bouquet on the way back." There were white and yellow flowers on vines low to the ground and they smelled sweet and light. I looked for one of my favorite species with a similar but more powerful scent, but I found none.

We stopped at the top of a small but very steep hill at the edge of the forest. There was barbed wire to contend with and this spot had the most room beneath the lowest line. Lloyd lifted up the wire and slid down the hill on his back. I was worried about the turkey and we tried to find a way to pass it over the fence, but it was too impractical and we were short on time. Carefully I flattened myself against the ground and protected the turkey best I could from the wire and the sudden stop at the bottom. We slid down and it was fine.

There was one more barbed wire fence to get through if we wanted to leave the turkey near the creek where it could drink. I don't remember passing through this fence but I know it was easier and there was no hill. We left the turkey safe and sound and headed back toward the meadow.

Going back up the hill and under the fence was harder. There was a coil of barbed wire at the top and I pricked myself several times but was mostly unscathed. Lloyd followed. We tore off back to the barn in the hopes of crossing the valley to Dad's house before Mom's boyfriend found us, but it was too late. With the barn in sight we watched his white SUV pull up by the gate.

We got in the car. He was livid, of course. He talked of going through the woods and killing every turkey he met 'till he found his. But we drove off to--somewhere. Somewhere back in Vtown, I think.

In front of Mom he apologized to us and said he loved us. I was furious and said, "Fuck you. I'm out." I gathered up my things that would fit in a backpack and Lloyd did the same. We decided it was Mom's decision if she wanted to stay with him but we didn't have to. We'd be hiking the whole way to Dad's farm so we packed ponchos in case it rained.

Lloyd and I set out through the town, the meadows, and the forest, toward freedom and safety, never to return.

~~~
Aug. 8, 2010
I had sex with Phillip. Don't remember much of it. I was disappointed when I woke up not because it was a good dream that was over but because in the dream I went though all of the emotional preparation and effort I'm usually cause myself when I have sex, and I knew I intended to have sex with Phillip irl that day. I didn't want to have to go through it again.

Earlier dream: Phillip was trying to make an ice cream Sunday at DQ. He wasn't doing a very good job of it.

~~~
Aug 10, 2010

Remember very little. I moved into Robby's house yesterday (irl) and things have been hectic. Missed yesterday's entry entirely.

I remember one brief weird scene. There were chickengs. I wanted to go make friends with them. But they were scared and kept running away. I kneeled down and opened my palm to a less frightened one. He slowly approached me and was Phillip hunched over and squatting down. In the dream I still considered it a chicken. and didn't know anything was weird. He poked my hand a few times, hugged me, and we both fell over and play-wrestled a little on the ground.

I talked to one of the older chickens (an old man with glasses) about making friends with his flock. He said humans just want to teach them things. They bring books and make the chickens read. I said I didn't want to do that and I wasn't even sure chickens were capable of learning to read. One chicken said she knows she's not capable because she needs new glasses.

~~~

Lights out at 1:35AM. At 4:13 the cat woke me up and I wrote this:

A train. Packing. Fear. Playing something on the computer. Train goes between states off consciousness? Maybe. Can't remember. I'm a little girl and I'm scared. I'm all the DC's. Or at least two. The little girl's afraid of me. Should she be? Maybe. Where am I taking her on the train? Have to hurry--the road closes at night. Levels. Of what?

At 8:38 the other cat woke me and I wrote this: Drinking with Lloyd in Mtown, then driving to Dad's along the river in my old convertible. Stopped at a playground along the way. The slide was made of wood. Dad's house was different. Much bigger. Sharon had something painted on the back of her brown dress. It was for work. I felt anxious and wanted to be alone. I ran through the house to the back room and shut the door. But Lloyd followed me. He was trying to convince me to come out and socialize and he got ever more condescending about it. He just wouldn't stop. Eventually I was in tears and though the cat *was* trying to get my attention what woke me was the sound of my own voice when I yelled aloud, "Just leave me alone!"

I now have a dream goal: I will sing in a Renaissance choir.

Robby's house. Lots of people over. Why??? Can't remember. They stayed overnight so I wanted to make them breakfast, but Robby had no real food in the house. I looked all through his fridge, freezer, and pantry.

OMG I tasted something! First time that's happened. We were all chatting about taste in dreams before the last class. It was peanut butter. I think. Tasted like peanut butter, right consistency, but a little too light and it had sesame seeds in it. I'd say tahini but definitely tasted of peanuts. I actually tasted it to find out what it was.

Anyway, I brought bananas around to the guests. There weren't many so they got half bananas. Lloyd was there. There were two bunches of different ages, but they were joined at the top. Which is impossible 'cause one was fresh and one was old. In fact when I started peeling an old one it turned out they'd rotted from the inside. They were mostly liquid (and sesame seeds, for some reason).

Food prep was taking a long time and I felt bad (second time that scenario's happened in the past two weeks). I couldn't find anything useful.

I went into a space behind the kitchen. It was like a barn. And the drawer with all the condiments was way up high. When I looked again it was not a drawer but rather a trash can suspended with bungee cords. There was another trash can on the floor that I used as a step stool to get to it. I was in heels so it was very difficult.

I was frustrated by the impracticality and disorganization of Robby and his family. I'd happ8ily cook for everyone but with all these people coming over meals should have been planned and shopping lists executed. They'd probably just order delivery. Crap food for too much money.

There was an earlier dream that I've almost completely lost. I woke up right after it and thought, "What an awesome, epic dream. I should write it down right now." Then I went to sleep and promptly forgot the whole thing. All I remember is that I was on a tall building. It was cold, and there was a woman with a sword. I remember flying in some kind of ship that was about to crash. So epic and exciting but totally gone.

At one point I read and the words were not at all garbled. I was reading the Wikipedia page on IRC commands. I remember the letters in the heading of each section being bold and clear. Next time I'm reading, I'll remember to do a RC.

Missed dream signs:
-Sesame seeds in bananas.
-Drawer transformed into trash can.

I was mugged!

I drove to an Aldi for groceries. It was night time. I saw an ad for cigarettes on the side of a bus. I'd heard somewhere all tobacco used to be called "Inuit" brand. The Inuit used to be the main tobacco growers before the big corporations took over. Someone said the Inuit ad campaign had pairs of fire flies flitting in circles near stores at night. Suddenly it was true.


I was in a bad part of town because that's where the cheapest groceries live. I don't know why but I decided to cross the parking lot. It was very dark. I think the street lights were out on that side. So I could see the fireflies clearly. I believe that may have been why I walked that direction in the first place. There was a playground nearby and a working street light beside it. I was getting scared so I headed toward it.

Out of the shadows stepped a figure. I couldn't make him out yet. I was afraid but I smiled, waved, and said hello. I was scolding myself for my stupidity. Phillip told me this part of town isn't safe. I could get killed.

I got closer, and so did he. He was white with a tall black mohawk. And he was holding a gun. Aimed at my head.

"Hi," I said. "Nice hair."
He smiled. Thanks. You too."
"You can have my wallet. Just stop pointing that gun at my head." He didn't. He motioned for me to come with him. I was terrified but not showing it much. I kept being friendly and he seemed taken aback.

We went to some shop close by. He put the gun away. I think he had my money at this point. It was daytime. It turned out he wanted my money for a donation. People had been killed at his old middle school, including a close friend of his. There was a memorial ceremony happening. He seemed upset or perhaps uncomfortable with the social situation so I took over. There was a form to fill out. He asked if a candle could be donated in his friend's honor. The woman taking the donations thought for a moment and said that he could fill out a Mother's day ceremony candle donation form. So I did that. I think I hugged him or otherwise gave my condolences and then we parted.

It was night again driving home, which was Mom's house. I was so *sleepy* going up the hill that I could no longer see the road before me. Sight is an effort for me in dreams. I was straining but I just couldn't do it. So I decided to let someone else drive. Now this part's very odd because I was alone. I did let someone else take the whleel, but the someone was *me*. I'm not sure how to describe it. It's like I let the me who had been driving go to sleep and woke up a me who had been sleeping. It was a sudden change and immediately I could see more easily. I was still sleepy and it was still difficult, but I was no longer blind.

When I got home I told Mom I'd been mugged. I asked her not to tell Phillip because he'd be made that I went to a bad part of town alone.

My very first moments of lucidity in dreamland. Before I went to sleep I repeated to myself, "I'm dreaming." A couple of dreams later, one of my dream characters told me, "You're dreaming!" He said it twice and then I gasped and said, "I'm dreaming!" at which point I had a strange rushing feeling and everything went blank. I was waking up so quickly and I was so taken by surprise I didn't think to spin. When fully awake I almost didn't believe it had happened.

I started my dream log on the 25th of July, so it's been just over a week from my decision to lucid dream to my first successful experience. Considering that I've never had a lucid dream before, even by accident, I consider this enormously encouraging. Thanks, fellow dreamers, for your support.

Important note: Encountered dream cue. Strange things with my hair.


I didn't sleep well. Couldn't remember a single dream. Kept waking up and going back to sleep. Until Phillip went to church. I woke up for a while and when I went back to sleep I had an EPIC dream.

This time I was on a road trip down south with Lloyd and Robby. Most of what I remember is driving back up North. I was using a GPS but I kept making wrong turns so we visited lots of different places, stopping whenever we saw something interesting. Many things happened but there's a particular image I want to preserve.

It's night time and I'm high up on a hill overlooking a city. The city's built on the shore--and the islands--of a vast lake. The lights of the houses wink on and off like a hundred million fireflies or early morning dew on a freshly baled field, and each is reflected in the dark water. I am full of awe and the perfect understanding of why I travel.

Another especially interesting fragment: my subconscious is trying its damndest to hand control over to my conscious mind. In my dream I'd stopped at a hotel and while asleep I'd dreamed about my main dream cue.

In the dream in a dream I'm sitting on a bench outside a strip mall kind of thing. It's very upscale and the windows of the shops are enormous. i'm waiting for someone. Robby, I think. I'm still on the road trip. I dont' know how much of what I remember is the dream in a dream. But I'm certain of this part.

I look in a window and see my reflection. I decide I want no hair on the left half of my head. I take out a razor and begin shaving. It's a pink disposable razor and I'm having trouble. At some point it becomes a brush made of hard plastic spirals. I think instead of shaving it actually pulled hair out. It pulled, anyway, and hurt slightly. I was still having trouble with it and could only manage to make a bald spot on the left front of my head. A girl on a bench across from me commented that I was messing up the color distributions (in the waking world I have dark blond hair and a bleached mohawk) and I explained what I was up to.

Later (back in dream layer one) I was in the car and remembering my dream from the night before. But when I put my hand through my hair the bald spot was STILL THERE. "How could that be?" I thought. I had a brief minor freak out in which I believe I *almost* attained lucidity. Instead I decided I mush have actually pulled my hair out while I was asleep. I'm getting close.

So many scenes and places. Takes so long to write. I've captured the two most important parts so I'll leave things here for now. Perhaps I'll pick up later.