Covert

In my introduction I hinted at the fact I have endured Sleep Paralysis many times in my life. They have never really been characteristic of the usual "incubus, succubus" scenarios. Usually I would observe the world around me but being unable to move - I'd experience great fear.

The first time I've really noticed this was at a friends house, falling asleep (or being woken up, I can't recall) with the TV on. Although I'm sure that wasn't the first time it happened. I was a teenager 12 or 13.

I have seen "shadow entities" and have heard ominous voices, but that's not common place with my experiences. This last episode trumped every other episode I have had.

I'm a new mother, I tried to breastfeed - but a poor latch and what I deemed "lactation hallucinations" (because they haven't happened since I dried up my supply) kept me from doing such. Right before my supply was depleted I had an episode of SP that threw me through a total loop. Not only did I see an alien hoovering over her bassinet - I wasn't afraid. I logically rationalized this overly tall - obviously not human entity as being my husband tending to the baby - his image was just distorted by sleep.

However this was not the case - baby was still fussing. I kept trying to wake up but couldn't - I remember hearing my husband's voice speaking to me, saying "we should just let her die" then a familiar voice with which I could not place any name to saying "she's already a ghost"

By that point a panicked. What I thought was strange was how deathly BLANK my visual field was during these moments. I felt a great pressure on my left cheek (the one not on the pillow) That's when I thought to myself "I NEED TO WAKE UP NOW!" I struggled in the abyss like darkness and woke up to a crying baby. I did the ritual all parents are familiar with (change, feed, soothe - in no particular order)

My daughter was sleeping in me and my husbands room in her bassinet. As is the new standard. Above her bassinet was a deer head "trophy" my dearly departed father had murderized before my birth. I have dubbed him Charles - and yes - he is in charge. xD - I accounted the ALF's large eyes to the deer's presence.... The alien itself looked quite similar - although hairless - to my husband... Which may account for the lack of fear I felt when viewing the entity hoovering over my child.

I must admit I was shaken to the core when I realized my husband didn't even wake up to check on our daughter when I saw the presence... I did some research online about The Greys. There's two types - the clone race which are small and their creators whom are the same height and have more human features - like my daughters friend... xD UGH, I know I'm crazy, but I don't want to be - THAT kind of crazy.

There was more to my research than that. What I found most compelling were the theories of service to self and service to others... How The Greys seem to fall on either side of the spectrum. (at this point it feels like I should be on an alien encounters forum) The website said something about Grey's feeding off of fear and such... thought that was interesting.

When I was attempting breastfeeding, I would always "rocket" out of sleep before she started crying when she was hungry. Biologically speaking - mother and baby sync up. So when she'd start doing her hungry dance, making little hungry grunts and stirring in her sleep I'd almost always wake up before she'd start crying in distress. I still do wake up, just not as easily - or forcefully. I would see babies when I'd hallucinate, always on tv. my mother said it was SP yet I remember still seeing these things until baby was fed... She's probably right tho, mother's seem to have that talent

Now this leads me to the dream I had the night before last. Monday morning I believe. After a night of drinking with my husband (a perk to bottle-feeding) and doing a tarot reading with him - I had a very very intense and scary dream.

As I stated in my intro I believe I have psychic dreams sometimes, so that's why I am kind of apprehensive about sharing this dream - also why it's bundled with another experience. (linked to the no fear thing...IDK)

I was at some sort of attraction based center. I assume it was in Egypt. There was this weird little book thing on a sandstone monument. Two sides - right and left. You needed to enter in a code or use a key to open the books. I think at least. I focused in on the right one and began flipping through it's pages. They were lamented and had been marked on and erased, there were black smears on the pages. I don't remember the pages before I came upon the dead and body of a woman. Her face was one I do not readily recognize. She appeared to have burns on her and was bluing.... On the next page there was a "bratz" doll, obviously burned. They reminded me of crime scene photos. I flipped through a few more pages and before reaching the end I panicked and decided to "hid" the fact I was even looking at these photos... I attempted to flip through the pages without touching enough of the surface area to leave a finger print. I rubbed the "crime scene photos" I was looking at with my sleeve and before waking I remember thinking "there's going to be forensic fiber evidence from my jacket- oh well... too late now"

I concealed the fact I looked at the photo's I was viewing that seemed to be of a murder, yet once I got far enough to the beginning of the "book" I felt the mysterious contents weren't incriminating/I felt safe - it was as if my looking at those photos put me at risk of becoming a victim. I post this, with an odd feeling of reassurance. I would look up "bratz killing" online but I don't want to - A. if it's even real, it's very likely the cops want to keep it out of the news until there's a need for the public to know and B. I still feel like "I'm" responsible and don't want to be linked to it...

I post this dream because... I know there's nothing to fear, that even if this is yet another psychic-esque dream, it's likely the forensic evidence has already lead to the capture and conviction of the killer.

On the psychological/spiritual development side of things, I interrupt the dream in with me and my husbands tarot reading... The death of my unjust fear of infidelity linked with the death of my bratty attitude. I won't need to worry about my husband cheating if I don't act so selfishly... in other words. In our reading the outcome was the 2 of cups reversed (love) so inorder to avoid that, my dream was telling me what needed to happen on my end.... at least I hope there isn't a serial killer on the lamb, I try not to take things too literally or seriously, our dreams are very powerful however - and sort of an open realm for all kinds of weirdness - all it takes is a look at edward cayce to know how powerful the dream world can really be.