Deanstar

Well finally I dreamt something, though I don't think this was a positive dream and not Lucid. I have only been asleep a few hours to write this. Some of it could even be embarassing.

A few things I remember I was watching a movie where some people were playing a video game backwards, but they were in the video game and they had to go through it in rewind. Quite a weird movie. I had some ginger beer with me. But I decided to go outside and go for a walk. I was walking along this warf by the ocean and there was some ships. At the end there was like this pirate ship that was coming in where people could swim by it. Someone asked me about it a small child. I said that's where everyone can swim I think. Somehow I was trying to help these people with their boat. Somehow while I was in the boat it took off lol. I didn't want that but then accepted it and thought okay I am now on a boat ride, great. So I helped steer the boat, then when it stopped I went to change position and there was some confusion and we couldn't figure out which position we were going in next, and it was with some friends I knew she just said with a look of amusement and apathy, I really don't mind which position we go in. So I dived into the water and decided I had enough and went to the land. She came with me.

As we were walking along the shop. I walked by the guy with a gun. I looked over at him and wondered why he was loading bullets into his gun. Out of no-where he aimed it at me and shot the gun. The bullet didn't fire out of it. He said something to me I think he was telling me to shut up (it was something he didn't like I can't remember) I just said okay. And he loaded my bullets in his gun and implied that I was chicken. So I went right up to his gun and said. I'm not afraid of getting shot, that's not why I agreed with you. I thought this is it, he's going to shoot me for sure now. Instead of shooting me directly, he aimed it at my stomach and shot several rounds in my gut and into my groin. I felt the rounds go off and into my stomach very realistic. He made a joke about me no longer being able to have kids and left. This is when I felt a sharp pain in my stomach and obviously groin and I felt the blood start coming out.

I sort of knew it was a dream, because I tried to change the dream and go back to before I was shot, without success, but it didn't work. I wasn't really Lucid though. So I went to one of the rest rooms, and I pulled 2 bullets out of my stomach. I thought this isn't really that bad. But I was thinking down below is going to have to be more careful and I was thinking hospital. The restroom was full of people. No privacy. So I decided to go out.

When I woke up, I was just glad to have everything intact and to not be shot. Very glad! It's that wave of relief you get when you wake up from something you just didn't want to happen. This is an interesting psychological phenomenon when you get a bad dream that you feel relieved, and then you apreciate what you have.

If I look back at it now. The dream seems to be about sacrifice, or about having courage in the face of danger. Even though I was willing to avoid conflict to make the agressor happy. When I got accused of something, that's when I stood infront of the gun and said very directly I'm not afraid. In my eyes I was making a statement, but now I'm thinking if it's better to let that slide, in the face of getting shot, or if it would be worth the statement morally. When I reason about it now. I should have been more responsible for my safety.

Other than that, I'm not sure what the movie I was watching meant. Pirate boats seem to be a bit of a theme in my dreams. I'm often in something to do with boats. Which is suprising.