DeepEnd

I took a dreaming supplement right before bed. First I had hynogogic hallucinations which were kind of entertaining. I haven’t seen things from my mind projected into the night darkness with that much clarity since I was about 6 or 7 when I was able to practice hypnogigic states naturally. Part of a newspaper formed mid air and then faded away in front of my eyes. I began having bizarre dream type logic to my thoughts. I realized what was happening and settled down to see what happened. Then the mechanical sound began in my ears and I knew that meant SP or OBE which I was not having if I could help it. I made myself move around to stop SP. I only wanted a lucid. I put on Compassion Mantra to fall asleep to and proceeded to have the most intense and exhausting night of vivid dreaming I recall ever having. I had a very interesting dream. I was immediately lucid. In my dream I felt stuck and afraid. There were negative things just at my peripherals. I followed a Buddha and the dream went in a long drawn out circle where I struggled to wake up. So I followed another Buddha and the circle began again, I could not wake up. I tried another and another and another following each with utter devotion. Still I had to begin the circle again. Each cycle was hard and exhausting and led back to beginning again. Only when I separated from the path and walked through the monsters on my own, reciting only the word “love” and facing the fear on my own was I able to finally wake up. My husband heard me struggling- asking him to shake me awake, he knew I was struggling with SP from the supplement. The dream has meaning. Ive been struggling with my temple and my teachers. Many of their words and actions seem to be counterproductive to my path. I feel that I may have to separate from them. Or I must separate my expectations from their abilities to teach me. They will not willingly bridge the cultural gap and teach me in English so I often feel frustrated.