The Internal and Subconscious World of DropTherapy

This dream took place in my childhood home. People from the government were in my living room and I had some trash I needed to discard. In an attempt to toss it in the trash, I accidentally threw it at one of the government workers, a shorter blonde woman. Immediately, she turned around and said she was going to kill me. I asked her if it was because I was trans and if she really thought I was evil and she said yes to both. Cut to me in a black van with her and another blonde-haired stockier white woman. I saw them driving towards a lake and that's approximately when I realized they were trying to drown me by driving in there. They got out of the car and swam up to the surface, failing to lock the car doors so that I could drown properly. In attempting to leave the lake, I was grabbed by the arm.

In another part of the dream I was being treated without humanity. Several people entered my room, escorted by one of the government agents, with the intent to rent it out. This I believe is inspired by the fact that at one point when I was still living in Sacramento, A family was invited by the landlord into our house while we were still living there with the interest in purchasing it. Most of the people called me He and treated me as an animal that was simply inhabiting the room they intended on living in. I tried hiding my face with my phone so as to perhaps avoid being clocked as trans, but I suppose by then the mass dehumanization of trans people had already happened. My first thought was "what the fuck? How am I gonna make music and art or have privacy? This is deliberate psychological torture". Most of the potential renters left and the person who remained was a white dude with pink hair and a scraggly, brown beard. He still treated me like a subhuman creature, but he gave me attention and a degree of dignity despite still misgendering me and let me snuggle up to him while he was in a chair. I begged him to not let them know too much about me as by this point I had already confided in him far too much. He said he could try but he seemed incredibly hesitant, perhaps a queer person trying in vain to appeal to the regime. I became desperate and tried putting my arms around him and right as I was about to close in, my eyes opened and I immediately woke up at 5:30am to my empty room in the bay area that I reside in now.

While this dream is an encapsulated snapshot of my current issues, such as my anxiety about trans genocide and fascism, my attachment and trust issues, and my trauma surrounding being poor and abused by capitalism, it was also, in retrospect, kinda fucking hilarious in a lot of other ways. Like dude at least lock the car like what the fuck. Who taught you how to kill trannies?

All in all, reflecting on this dream makes me feel more hopeful about the future and reminds me of the fact that while I definitely know we're gonna suffer, the american empire will absolutely collapse in my lifetime, even if they get me in a year. An empire collapses every 250 years.