non-lucid

Me and someone else were on a ship of some sort, or at least that's what it seemed like. Outside of the windows, it was pitch black nothingness and inside it was a postmodern apartment. Me and this other person were on a date and he seemed really hesitant and flat out denied an opportunity to meet his dad, an older Jewish/Italian man who was quite eccentric. He'd laugh to himself about something and then refuse to tell us what was so funny, but eventually I started to notice things disappearing, such as a lot of the apartment save for a bedroom and a narrow corner hallway that leads out of it, and I got really terrified. Eventually it got urgent for me and I asked him once more as my date looked at us from across the room. His father said "fine! You wanna know what's so funny? Here's what's so funny," grabbed my shoulders, looked me in the eyes and said "love is a bug!!!" And despite his apparent madness I could tell he was more right than anyone could possibly be. All I could do was laugh hysterically as my date said "he's being deleted right now. Don't take him too seriously". I watched him laugh to himself and melt and after a while so did me and my date. The last thing I saw was the ceiling as I imagined a meme of this scenario. The last thing I felt was my date's ooze against mine, and once I closed my eyes I felt my body dematerialize into the void it came from.

I think the overall idea of this dream is that I was going in and out of consciousness and explaining elements of my dreams to... Someone I was sharing a bed with? Documentary style??? One such element was a modification of either dph or heroin popular in the 4chan trans community that made the user hear an ominous text to speech voice followed by a feeling of intense dread and paralysis. The greek goddess Artemis herself took control of my body after I woke up, sat at the edge of the bed, turned on the lights, grasped her head and expressed grief and righteous parental concern at the idea of anyone doing that to herself. A lot of this part of the dream involved strategically looking at nothing and smothering my face in darkness so as to reduce the effect. At some other point after I fell back asleep in the dream, I was at what was supposedly the watt/I-80 station dropping off/making sure a housemate was alright to get where she needed to be. I told her of the similarities this scene had to the last dream, although the last dream was a nightmare and my housemate had a legit knife instead of a butter knife in her hand. We were overlooking a lake on a bridge. After taking the elevator down and avoiding eye contact with anything not directly in front of me, I hop onto the train back to... Watt/I-80? The point is I was taking the blue line back to the station near my house (which isn't that one). A fare inspector came by despite my expectation that since it was so early in the morning I'd be off the hook. He looked like my second year community college sociology professor and I noted the gorgeous frozen lake sunset scenery just as my zip pass randomly got deleted. He told me I had to get off and I said that was fine because this was my next stop. What should have been Watt/I-80 West or the one before that was "West Antarctic Station". I got off at a frozen riverbank where no train tracks appeared to be present. The river opened into the same gorgeous lake I pointed out to the fare inspector and I was officially stranded while waiting for the next train.

My girlfriend was in this dream somewhere at some point but I couldn't tell you where. There were also points in the dream where I got off at a bus stop at a corner store near an intersection in an otherwise nature-y area.

I was ordering takeout with my fiance. His mom was there who I quite do not like irl and so I simply told her "I haven't seen you in a while". Eventually morning came and we were still waiting on the sushi. Someone else we were with opted to order pizza, and so we were waiting for pizza as well. The place we were in was unfamiliar but it looked nice, albeit somewhat like a display in a store with how large the front window looking out onto the alley we were in was.

Next, I was in the bay area trying to locate the nearest practice space so my band could start doing stuff. Everyone else was there already and at first I was doing okay but eventually I found myself lost on the peninsula and was turned around quite a bit. I got help from the owner of a chinese restaurant that I promised I'd come back to afterwards and I was able to use their wifi. While trying to locate the studio in google maps which showed quite an odd version of the bay area and adjacent landmasses, I overheard a chinese woman talking to the owner, saying she was surprised she still remembered english. Afterwards I thanked them and was on my way towards geary street, which in the dream extended quite far down past san francisco. However, I found myself instead inside someone's incredibly poorly lit house. I found pieces of writing on the ground/on furniture and walls and pieces of paper that suggested that the person whose house I was in was an actor and eventually I found myself in the middle of my childhood kitchen. I hugged my grandma, who resembled more closely a stereotypical russian grandma and had an emotional moment with her where I said I felt bad that she probably always saw me as my mom's kid, which she seemed somewhat offended by in a "I would never see you like that" way before disappearing and leaving me in the kitchen. I gained lucidity when I realized that there's no way I could actually even be in this house anymore and I grabbed a small axe to defend myself before waking myself up and placing the hatchet on my computer desk. That being said I can tell you safely that I have never had an axe or hatchet of any kind so I don't know what that was about because it's certainly not there right now. It felt as if there was no clean transition between dreaming and wakefulness.

(At some point in a vaguely remembered separate fragment, I was discussing working with Set with someone I think)

I was ordering takeout with my fiance. His mom was there who I quite do not like irl and so I simply told her "I haven't seen you in a while". Eventually morning came and we were still waiting on the sushi. Someone else we were with opted to order pizza, and so we were waiting for pizza a well. The place we were in was unfamiliar but it looked nice, albeit somewhat like a display in a store with how large the front window looking out onto the alley we were in was.

Next, I was in the bay area trying to locate the nearest practice space so my band could start doing stuff. Everyone else was there already and at first I was doing okay but eventually I found myself lost on the peninsula and was turned around quite a bit. I got help from the owner of a chinese restaurant that I promised I'd come back to afterwards and I was able to use their wifi. While trying to locate the studio in google maps which showed quite an odd version of the bay area and adjacent landmasses, I overheard a chinese woman talking to the owner, saying she was surprised she still remembered english. Afterwards I thanked them and was on my way towards geary street, which in the dream extended quite far down past san francisco. However, I found myself instead inside someone's incredibly poorly lit house. I found pieces of writing on the ground/on furniture and walls and pieces of paper that suggested that the person whose house I was in was an actor and eventually I found myself in the middle of my childhood kitchen. I hugged my grandma, who resembled more closely a stereotypical russian grandma and had an emotional moment with her where I said I felt bad that she probably always saw me as my mom's kid, which she seemed somewhat offended by in a "I would never see you like that" way before disappearing and leaving me in the kitchen. I gained lucidity when I realized that there's no way I could actually even be in this house anymore and I grabbed a hatchet with my left hand to defend myself before waking myself up and placing the hatchet on my computer desk. That being said I can tell you safely that I have never had an axe or hatchet of any kind so I don't know what that was about because it's certainly not there right now. It felt as if there was no clean transition between dreaming and wakefulness.

(At some point in a vaguely remembered separate fragment, I was discussing working with Set with someone I think)

At one point I was in my bed silently worshipping/basking in the positive vibes of a few different demons, such as lucifer and ipos, but also a third deity whose name I don't remember. They radiated masculine energy and their name was one to two syllables. The color yellow was prevalent in my head at the time and their appearance in my head may have been not too dissimilar to a greek deity perhaps. Zeta made me food. Only we lived in my room. Everything looked a little emptier and a bit messier and the mini fridge was on the opposite side of the room to where it is irl

I don't know when this happened in the dream but I was talking to Edynn's grandparents and failed horrifically at recalling the czech I had learned. They were teasing me about it

I was doing my laundry in the parking lot of the arden fair mall and talking to people about musical gear

I was on the light rail at a passenger seat while someone operating the train was pirating stuff for my computer, ranging from games that don't exist to titles like subnautica. I saw a friend of axelle's outside at a train station and at one point I saw a digital sign being like "don't pirate games" with an angry face emoticon next to it that I disregarded

I found this really short trans woman at my old house being all weird. She was up to maybe my knees and I got mad and told her I could punt her across the street if I wanted to. Her height changed to that of roughly 6'7 and I immediately gained substantially different feelings about her. While distinct, her appearance resembles my girlfriend's friend who I have not met yet. I asked her how old she was and she said she was 37. We started to get quite sensual. At some point I was organizing vaporwave music and trying to move it from a dream folder into a folder on my irl computer. Cut to a different point in the dream. I'm trying to find this dream character's house, which I do successfully. It's quite a small area and she expresses the desire to have sex, which we begin to do.

At some point I'm in Edynn's front yard on a vibrant summer day except it's not her house because I suppose she doesn't exist in this dream. There seems to be a celebration of sorts going on, and I run into a childhood friend of mine who is still as he was when we were kids because I don't know what he currently looks like. I told him he looked like that one kid from the little rascals (which may have been kinda racist to say to be honest) and he says "oh hey he's actually upstairs playing video games if you wanna say hi" while absolutely going crazy on the drums. I head upstairs to find a very clearly queer teenager and I say hi while he keeps playing his switch/psp. I go to the room across from where I was on the upstairs level and somehow I'm convinced I have woken up until I see some peculiar looking old guys who questioned my awakeness. I then looked at my hand, which was missing a finger.


I wake up back in the reality where I am currently facing eviction from my house. I think someone was giving me a break, and I hope I run into some of these dream characters again.

Me and my fiance's dad were exploring San Francisco when we came across what was apparently the main street of the Castro district. It was mostly candy shops with occasional swedish theming, which tracks with how the area used to be a little scandinavia of sorts. One of the places tried ripping us off. One of the smaller boxes of candy was like, 60 dollars. We told the owner and he reprimanded the other owner who was responsible for doing that. I think I made a personal jab or something and they laid on the ground, although I clarified that it was meant to be a lighthearted thing. Afterwards, me and my fiance's dad left and we ended up deciding it was time for dinner. One incredibly weird crosswalk later, we crossed into a poorly upkept part of the city, where we found an abandoned office/mental health clinic of sorts. However, it looked more like my old house with an extra room attached. I went up some stairs and found the file of a friend of mine from high school who apparently had died in the dream long before the events of it took place. It was mainly screenshots of their discord history with a queerplatonic partner of mine, who in real life she has never met. After that I went downstairs to the kitchen, opened the (still running) fridge and debated whether or not to eat the catfish. It had been sitting in here for years but it looked just fine. I took a small bite and it tasted just weird enough for me to spit it out and stick in back in the fridge. My fiance's dad came around the corner down the hall in a way that initially scared me considering the whole fact that we were in an abandoned building at night but he apologized and we left.

Omar Rodriguez Lopez found himself in a dreamscape of a simulacrum of the San Francisco bay area and somewhere in south america. He was on a street on an incredibly high hill with a remarkable overlook into the woods below. The dreamscape shared a lot in common with his waking world, albeit certain businesses on the main street were open and some were closed of abandoned. In the background were discussions about hip replacement surgery and menstruation as he navigated this dreamscape and tried to look for something in particular. Whenever he wanted to wake up he would find a specific fenced corridor decorated with foliage to travel through. What started out as an empty street soon became full of kids playing and businesses operating. I forget what it was he was looking for. Perhaps it was some sort of personal truth. He drank some dirty water at one point and eventually woke up in a bathtub in one of these abandoned places. An old lady that ran one of the restaurants introduced him to some of the kids he saw in the dream.

I'm unsure how to explain it but this dream evoked a type of liminal feeling introspective/retrospective feeling you can only get in dreams. It's an odd and fascinating feeling. Quite peaceful.

Fragment 1:
I found myself on one of the new light rail trains, perhaps by mistake. It felt like a spaceship.

Fragment 2:
I was in my fiance's room and got surprised by the presence of the vocalist of Love Spiral, a screamo band from Oakland. We talked about various things and overall it was a good time. I believe someone else was there too.

Fragment 3:
I was in San Francisco trying to head back to my hotel on a bus. A black haired girl in baggy clothing was telling me about something starting that she's organizing where here and a bunch of other people are going to be tagging everywhere they can find throughout the city. We look out the window and she says "oh huh, looks like it's already started". Somehow I end up talking about COVID safety and one lady with blonde hair and a blue shirt and dress is upset about mask restrictions, saying that the pandemic is over. I get extremely argumentive to start with but then dial it back and talk about a friend of mine who has long covid and can't walk. Her mind appeared to have been changed. A friend of the other girl was acting quite rowdy and a Wikipedia page plays in my head about how she's the drummer of the band that the other girl is in, and that they're known for being this wild on the bus. I get off at a stop closer to the protesters with the black haired girl and she gets in her car to drive the rest of the way while I walk. San Francisco looks quite a bit more suburban and expansive in the dream, as if it isn't on a peninsula.

It starts out in an apartment, presumably around the Arden-north highlands area by the look of it. I was with a various group of people when a bullet crashes through the window. Me and everyone else get down in an attempt to save ourselves as we figure out the hitman's target. Turns out it's this woman who was with us. The shooter enters the apartment and I ask why he's doing this. He says it's because she won't reply to him on tumblr, which seems to activate a pity response in everyone, so we hug him and tell him everything is okay.

After that situation settles, I, who for some reason am some heavy set white middle aged trucker dude in this dream, not unlike muscle man's dad from regular show, exit the apartment, climb down the stairs, and realize that in the space between buildings a couple of guy fawkes mask wearing killers are approaching me. Being aware of the dream at this point, I attempt to fly away to the bus stop I was intending to catch, and then I wake up, however I can't completely do so. I lose visual of the dream, but the audio is clear as ever, as well as the sensation of a blond kid pestering me about my wings and how his brother has the same ones.

In the faux waking world, I am in the room of my childhood home at night, dodging various vague figures in the shadows whose existence is merely implied. I try various things, including screaming, singing "bring me to life" by evanescence, which comes out as pathetic whimpering, and hobbling over to the light switch whenever my attempts very briefly succeed enough for me to be semi-conscious. My entire body felt numb but I realized I had leverage whenever I scratched the back of my thigh relatively deeply. In the dream I was in front of a post as I was singing bring me to life while scratching myself, and eventually it works and I finally do wake up. Turns out I was literally just being restrained by my fiance, who was nearly sleeping ON me.

The dream started in a house that was a mix of my house, my guitarist's, and my fiance's houses. My girlfriend and I were getting ready to go to a concert for a band that doesn't exist. We ended up just walking through some suburbs in fancy goth outfits but it was still nice. We then went outback, where there was a super nature-y neighborhood (mainly trailers and tents and stuff but also some houses) where she wanted to check out a listing for a 3 bedroom trailer. We got there and it was a one bedroom/studio trailer with a giant pylon installed through it. Needless to say, she needed to keep searching.

Later, I show a friend (either it was Edynn or one of my headmates, hard to tell) the listing, and it was gone. We continued through the neighborhood and saw drive in theaters playing sci-fi movies about robots and 3D models of trailers. We then came upon an exact replica of my childhood home.

Upon entering, my grandma was in the kitchen. She was talking incoherently and on the stand in front of the back window was a small paperback cook book she authored after she lost lucidity. The book was page after page of incoherent nonsense with illustrations of recipes made from ingredients that don't exist. Think AI generated food but it looked as if they were actual photos. I go up to her and ask "hey grandma, what made you decide to make a cook book?" And she responded by taking it out of my hands, mumbling vaguely about regret, and beginning to tear it up page by page. I panicked and took it out of her hands, to which she responded by screaming at me and chasing me and my friend out the front door.

Before we could fully leave, she stopped and began to apologize to her late husband, which we soon connected the dots as representing an attempt to apologize to me directly. For a moment, we saw a glimpse into the memories she was living through in that moment, sitting on a recliner in front of a shadowy, warped figure. It was like it was projected in front of us and the grandma that was in front of me temporarily vanished. When she came back, we hugged as she talked, and an illustration of a lion showed up behind us, after which I audibly said "oh my god, you're still alive" and began crying in her arms. The whole time I should mention that sad symphonic movie music was playing. I don't remember if I told her I loved her or not. I suppose this whole scene was my brain's roundabout way of saying she was still alive in my heart or something like that.

I woke up crying for the first time ever about my grandmother's death since it happened in September 2019. I suppose I deliberately prevented myself from saying goodbye in the waking world so as to not have to handle emotions that I was still afraid of at the time. I don't know if she would have approved of me being trans or any of the other stuff I came out as since her death, but she tried her hardest to raise me even as her dementia got worse, so I have something to thank her for regardless.


RIP Martha Flinchum, 1933-2019

I had a dream where humanity found an underwater portion of mars underground and dug a large hole into it that resided in the center lobby of a tall, square shaped hotel complex in the middle of nowhere. The government required everyone interested in travelling down there to take a pill to improve respiration underwater and give the body a natural capacity for filtering toxins, thehe side effect being suicidal ideation. I remember being ignored in the dream and then taking the elevator to the top of the hotel where some people coaxed me down. a little bit afterwards there were reports of increasing radiation in Earth's pocket of mars due to human activity and I became horribly depressed to see us as a species ruin another pretty cool thing. On a separate occasion I remember almost taking too much estrogen. The worst part about this dream is that I have felt feelings that are kind of a precursor to how I felt suicidal in the dream, especially last night when I was too invested in drama between friends and was too stoned to emotionally handle it properly.

I had a dream where I was at someone's house. I remember being in the pool and in the laundry room, where I overheard someone say that those who hasn't had sex yet would often do it with mothers that aren't their own so there's less judgement.

After that, I was at the upper level of a pretty nice appartment with my dream friend, Calvin. They seemed aware of their creation and asked of their origin and what I call them. I told them that I refer to them as Calvin and they got really mad at me, screeching and asking why I gave a native american a white person's name. They left and I put on some non-existent music immidiately after it all happened. The album cover on my phone was that of a statue of Buddha, but I don't remember what the song sounded like. If I recall, I began to write a song expressing my regret, for whatever reason referring to calvin as Mackerole.

Afterwards, I went outside in order to feel better and hung out with some Australian people who were eating some homemade coleslaw.

I remember being at school and loudly criticizing the new plans for the curriculum amd the way they were gonna start doing things in class. The principal said the old ways were unsustainable. After that, me and Aaron were stopping by a gender clinic before heading to his place. I went in and an old lady asked me questions about the effects of Testosterone. I gave a similar response to what I would give irl. I later come to learn that the kid getting the hormones is named Cloud and he already passes as male quite well. He had messy straight black hair and a blue graphic short sleeve button-down shirt, as well as gray, baggy cargo shorts. We talked for a bit and it turned out that he was a bit of a total asshole who didn't make an effort to be inclusive of most non-binary people. As he was leaving, I suppose I must have said something super aggravating because his older brother came out, grabbed me, and slapped the shit out of me, which I believe is turned into a beating in front of the clinic. My mom helped me out and I guess I got my book about spanking people back??? The dream kind of fell apart after a certain point.

I had a dream earlier this morning where my mom's physical condition became progressively worse and it made me anxious about if it's even possible to live independently anymore. After I woke up, Aaron mentioned we could move to the Netherlands if push comes to shove but I'd miss my friends

My friend Chris has his own local tabletop RPG going from within our friend group irl called space D&D, which as of writing this I have made a character for and have been excited to play, but it's kept getting delayed for whatever reason. In this dream, I was at my old house waiting for him to be online for it, working on my Scottish accent for the character I intended to play. I asked my fiance what he thought and he jokingly said it was a 5 or 6/10 accent. I was in the kitchen when I saw chris and a few other people on a call, so I excitedly bolted upstairs and got on the call while shouting "YEEEAAAAHHHH!!!". I joined as people were talking about their families, but I could tell something was off in their intonation, along with the fact that I didn't recognize a lot of the voices in the call. With this realization, I started to feel defeated and frustrated, because by this point I could tell none of this was real. I then woke up.