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    EbbTide000

    Disgusted with child of mixed marage, wished it dead

    by , 12-24-2011 at 11:28 AM (839 Views)
    I don't like it when I go lucid. I go lucid about twice a year, (naturally, as in, spontainiisly) but I feel yuky in the dream and I feel yuky when I awaken from a lucid dream. I went lucid night before last her it is:

    The lucid reminded me of that dream ceromony rvdc did where folk had to confront, (in dreams) how they felt about a mixed marrage.

    A black guy and his white little son sat next to me on a tram/train. I felt disgusted and tried to ignor them. As I got off the tram I was whatching an ugly, deformed but innocent human baby thing. I was watching it hoping it would just die. It was almost floating on its back with a fat belly and very short, skinny arms and legs. It was around, under the tram/train wheels. I didn't attemp to help it. I ignored and tried to forget it cos it shouldn't live.

    Walking down a back street I said out loud to myself, "I want to live here".

    I then knew where I really lived, here at Chipps House, and wondered why I would want to leave my small, cosy and comfortable abode.

    I saw several densly-packed-wire sculptures on an unkept dry lawn. Then things felt odd and familiar. I began to jump and floated up.

    A lady 50ish watched me, (redish fur coat and hat). She said "I will to join you".

    I said, "if you can then this is not my lucid dream cos only I can float in my lucid dreams. She didn't join me so I was satisfied that I was lucid.

    I enjoyed floating but it was hard, (as usual) to do. I began using the side of a buildind to pull myself along and lost lucidity.

    I got onto a tram to go home but it was too posh and it was a dining train cart. A nice man was talking to me, encouraging me to stay but I explain why I had to get off.

    A very gentle knock on my real door. The softness of it let me know that it was nothing urgent so I stayed-still to remember the dream as advised.

    When I am lucid I dont like who I am. And when I wake up I feel dissappionted with who I am when lucid and normally I want to forget the dream. But since I am on Lucid Dreaming dream site I supose I should record any lucids I regretably get.

    Date was morning of 23rd Dec 2011. Here in Adelaide Australia.

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    Comments

    1. DreamBliss's Avatar
      I had a lucid dream once that I will never publicly share where I did something that if I did it in real life I could never forgive myself. I mistranslated this dream, became angry with myself, and screwed up my ability to have lucid dreams for a while. After reading Robert Moss, as he constantly says, "Your dreams are on your side..."

      So I created a mental movie script, and use the visualization to change the ending of the dream, thus removing that which bothered me. It was not enough however to simply change it. It was also a process of choosing a better response than what I did when I was lucid. This is hard to explain here, but a simple re-write would not have worked. The viz helped me remove the block. But there is something here I needed to keep in mind, and you need to keep this in mind too...

      My subconscious self was telling me something, based on deep personal issues I had, and perhaps still have the remainders of. Remember our dreams do not mean to harm us, they are trying to help us. I needed to deal with these issues, and I have long since started that processes, dealing with the root of the issue.

      I pictured it as a twisted, diseased tree. I traced the roots back to where these issues originated, and then in my mind I destroyed the tree. I combined my anger viz with that one, I see anger as lava, and after I tore the tree out I dumped lava all over it. This was not the best way to handle this issue. The tree did not die completely. The best way is the Buddhist way. To notice, to accept, not to judge a thing as either good or evil. To forgive one's self, respond to these dark parts of one's self with compassion in order to transform them, to bring light to them.

      You can't destroy evil, because evil in itself and by nature is destruction. It is like trying to wash your muddy hands with mud. They will never get clean. Even as I write this I gain new insight here, let me send out a thank you to the mechanisms responsible. Anyhow I am still trying to understand and apply this myself, but this is what I would do, if it were my dream.

      I would find this twisted tree deep inside me, trace it roots. I would smile at the issues that have caused me to feel and respond the way I did in my dream. I would simply notice and accept. I would not judge these inner issues as being either good or bad. I would embrace them with love and transform them. I would create the inner change needed to heal myself. Then I would enjoy my lucid dreams.

      Non-health in your dreams means there is non-health in your subconscious. Once you heal yourself, deep inside where that hurt festers, where the roots of these issues are, you dreams will also become healthy, and your spirit will become healthy.
      - DreamBliss
    2. EbbTide000's Avatar
      DreamBliss Thank you

      My dad bitterly hated Blacks

      Long after mum escaped my violent dad mum got pregnant to a man who knew he could not have children. Mums fetus, (Rosmary) died two weeks before it was due to be born and it had no skull-bone. (And, yes, it was a little girl). Rosemary was my loving mum's last pregnancy.

      I owe my existance to the monster Hitler and his cruel war machine. Mum's childhood sweetheart was born in Poland. His mum and dad did not have blonde hair and blue eyes so he was allowed to live to serve the master race of blue eyed and blonde haired Arians but he was never to reproduce. His testicals were removed as a baby before he left hospital.

      If mum would have had his children she would never have met my war-damaged dad and had me.

      It is me I hate and am disgusted with me and wish had not come into being. Mum's life would have been much better if Hitler had not done what he had done to non-Arian Polish baby boys.

      When mum was pregnant with the Rosemary she went into trance and in a babies voice, cried through her. Months later, after Rosemary died, mum told me that she prayed asking why did her baby cry throuh her. She told me that the answer she got was that Rosemary was Hitler and knew he was dieing.

      Hitler cannot forgive himself and come out of the thick-dense goo he has put himself in. So the call went out for volunteers to carry his untill he can forget himself enough to get born. My mum is one of the mums who answered the call.

      Years later after mum died I realised how I owe my life to hitler and how mum felt she had carried him as far as he was willing to go, that time.

      When I learned about DNA I saw how mum could be right, as in (To begin with he will not pull together the right DNA to be able to live. But he has to live. So after a few tries he will make it to birth and slowely get a mum who will love him out of his shame and guilt enough to ... Live beyond the womb).

      Many good folk were slaughtered by Hitlers Superior Race Machine. I guess I feel deeply inferior to those who should have been, (like the babies my mum should have had with her childhood sweetheart. He never married and sent large cards to mum every Birthday, Christmas and Valantines Day for about 15 years writing in them, "to my dear wife".

      I wouldn't have put all that together with out your help DreamBliss