nightmare

I have decided to, from now on, note bedtimes and times of awakening in this journal. I think this will help me analyse what sleep schedule is best for my dream recall, since it has been quite inconsistent the last few days.

Went to bed: 22:30
Fell asleep: 23:00
Awakening 1: 01:30 (no dreams recalled)
Fell asleep: 02:00
Final awakening: 06:30 (two fragments recalled)

My recall was not amazing this night but tonight it's going to be great!

I recall two fragments. The themes were all a bit negative and a dark atmosphere persevered through my dreams.

Fragment 1: alone at the carnival

I was outside some seemingly desolated building. It felt like it was late at night, it was dark and gloomy. Inside the building I knew was some carnival attraction. I think it resembled the Break Dance (see this picture). I was negotiating with myself whether I wanted to go or not. Part of me wanted to ride, but I didn't want to be the only one on the thing. I walked into the building and to my surprise I found that the attraction was packed. From there I don't recall what happened, but I think I decided not to ride in the end.

Fragment 2: college friends played a prank on me

I was sitting in a hall that I think was supposed to resemble a lecture hall, but it was not sloped and quite small. S was sitting to my right, R to his right, and N to his right in turn. I have no idea what was going on to my left. We were looking at a powerpoint that was being presented. On the current slide were four pictures equally divided over the slide. I have no idea what was on three of the slides, but on the bottom right one was a picture of a bodybuilder with my face from a photo from when I was 12 photoshopped on top of his face. I felt really miserable and disappointed in my friends seeing that. I looked at them and all three of them were laughing. I got a little angry and asked them why they did this. They apologized but couldn't stop laughing. Their eyes held not the slightest trace of regret. I got angrier and shouted at them (I don't remember what) and felt really disrespected. Then I think I went on to other dreams, or I would've recalled it better.

I find it strange to have had three of these negative, dark and unfriendly dreams in the last two days. I wonder what it could mean, but most of all I hope my dreams will be more positive from now. It doesn't really affect my mood negatively, but normally my dreams do affect my mood positively, so I would like to get back to that again.

Tonight's sleep was really quite restless (probably due to the combination of my cafeine sensitivity and 3 cups of coffee) but it resulted in some interesting dreams.

1: Mom should never drive again

I'm leaving the birthday party of my grandpa along with my whole family (mom, dad, R and K). We get into the car, my mom in the driver's seat, my dad in the passenger seat and my siblings and me in the back. My mom starts driving and at first it's just a little wild and uncontrolled, but it gets more and more reckless. She drives much too fast and takes the corners as if we're in Formula 1.
After every corner we end up on the wrong side of the road because she just can't make the turn otherwise at such speed, but fortunately there are no cars driving towards us. I warn her a couple of times, and so does my dad, but were being completely ignored. After one turn we once again end up on the left side of the road, and now someone is driving towards us. My mom panicks and yanks the wheel to the right harshly. To our right was a highway, but it was higher than the road we were driving on and a hill led up to it.

So, after turning sharply right to get off the left lane she drove straight towards the hill leading up to the highway. My dad and I started yelling at her to turn away from it but it was too late. I think that from this point my own perspective changed to an overhead view and with that change I achieved a very low level of lucidity; I didn't realise I was dreaming but I knew somehow that what was happening did not matter at all. We shot up the hill and flew over the wall, onto the highway. My mom managed to dodge 3 incoming cars but the fourth one hit us in the side of the car.

From there the scene changed to a hospital. The whole family was standing around a bed in which my mother was lying. We helped her out and walked through the hallways. Meanwhile I was telling her that she had been so miserably drunk during that drive but she didn't really seem to care. A few moments later I got really emotional and hugged her saying "you could've died, I'm so glad you're still alive" but she kind of ignored me and seemed embarassed for some reason. That's when I woke up.


2: A rose for my ex and throwing bulrushes

I'm at home and in the living room. My mother is also there. On the coffee table by the sofa is a pink rose with photograph next to it. On the photograph I see a man handing a pink rose to a woman. Apparently I am in a relationship with my ex in this dream (this has gotten me lucid before, but not this time) and I decide I'm going to give her the rose. As I get to the street I see my ex (who in reality lives literally 100 miles away from me) and she takes one of our cars (she doesn't even have a driver's license). I take the other and go after her. As we take a turn I try to pass her but then the dream fades.

I shortly wake up but then fall back into the dream.

I am explaining to my mom that sitting in bulrushes next to a pond is actually quite comfortable (what the actual f***!?). Then the scenery changes to what I was visualizing while explaining this. I am now standing on a small footbridge over a narrow part of a pond near my old house. In my left hand is a bundle of bulrushes and reeds. I yank the brown head off of one of the bulrushes and throw it into the water, while still explaining to my apparently flabbergasted mother that this is really not that uncomfortable. Which is the moment I woke up.