Hopeless Wanderings

This night was very vivid and full of intense dreams. Unfortunately I don't have the best dream recall right now so I can't remember all the details, just some of the main stuff. I would have liked to remember more of the first dream because it was so overwhelming but since it was the first dream it faded from my memory over the night.

A Beautiful Tragedy
One of my old friends had died(by suicide, I think?) and it was my fault. Although I haven't spoken to her in awhile I still cared a lot about her and I had done something to cause her death. I was a complete mess, crying and crying nonstop for what seemed like forever. I didn't want to live with myself because of what I had done. It was just awful, and the pain felt so real. I don't think I've ever felt so.. broken(then again no one close to me has ever died in RL). I went to my room and curled up on my bed and just weeped and weeped and it was just such a real, heavy feeling. My mom came into my room and she just held me and comforted me as I continued crying. It was almost like.. a beautiful tragedy. When I felt myself waking up from this, I was actually sad that it was a dream. I wanted to go back to that place, back to that feeling. I don't know why.. but it was just so beautiful.

Dorm Livin
I was in a lake or a river with some people and swimming when someone came up to me and said something like, "It's your turn," and started shoving me under the water, not allowing me to come up. I didn't think they were trying to kill me because they had done this with some other people and they were fine, but after awhile of intense struggling more people came to help him push me down under the water and I just gave up. I thought if I stopped moving they would let go. My eyes were closed, and I took a breath of air through my nose, as if it were sticking up from the surface, allowing me to breathe. Then I "woke up" and I was at the end of the hallway of the dorms where the door is, opening it to let someone in. She was someone who had gone to my high school but was now at my same college. I found it odd that I had appeared here and not awake in my bed, so I said "I think I was sleeping up until this point because I just woke up now and here I am.. I don't know how I got here." She didn't seem to believe me. Then me and two new people who I had just met there(not in RL) started painting some picture on white boards. One of the girls looked at me suspiciously, then threw some paint at me, starting a paint fight. I thought it would be cool to have a shirt made of paint splatters so we took turns hand-printing each others shirts.


Hotel Danger
Me, my parents and my sis were in a hotel in Chicago and we wanted to get back to our rooms. We had to go in this elevator, which really freaked me out because it didn't look right and when I tried to get in the doors almost closed on me. Inside the elevator I was shaking and actually crying with fear, as everyone else just stood there normally. The elevator seemed to drop 100 floors and then finally came to a stop at the lobby. I got off right when the doors opened but my sis and mom stayed on because they wanted to go to their floor were our room was. I refused to go back on that thing, so my dad came out and accompanied me. We were going to take the escalators back up instead, but the escalators were huge, like 10 times wider and larger than they should be. The first two escalators were out of service and my dad didn't know that so he tried to go on one and a lady dressed like a hooker said "Sir you can't go on this escalator" so he went on the next one and she followed him and said he couldn't go on that one either, till finally he was able to get on the only working one. I tried to get on it but it was already going up and I couldn't lift my body over the side of it. It was like a giant raft, and the whole thing moved up and down. Then it started bouncing up and down like a trampoline and people were having a party on it. I saw my friend Dani fall off the side of it and wanted to go see if she was okay, but them a HUGE wave appeared. It was the size of the building, which was like 8 stories high. I freaked out and ran to the wave pool that just happened to be there, the wave following behind me, and I went to the deep end of the wave pool and faced the wall. I took a deep breath and went under, hoping this would help take the impact. The wave crashed over me smoothly as I heard people around talking about how huge and awesome the wave was. Then I took a breath and realized I could breathe underwater, then woke up.