Hopeless Wanderings

So last night I had a really long(I woke up twice and the dream kept on when I fell back asleep each time), really depressing dream. I don't want to post it on here so I'm just going to give the basic plot of it up until the lucid.

Basically, someone(J) close to me died and throughout the dream I was crying hysterically and blaming myself. this went on for a very long time, it seemed like a week. It was very depressing, but honestly in a way I kind of liked it because it's not often you get dreams with that much strong emotion.

Anyways, I started thinking "What if this was just a dream?" and "Wait, this has to be real! This really happened!" and then "But whenever something really bad like this happens, it's usually a dream.." and that's where it got to me. So I looked at my hands to do a reality check. They looked normal(they usually have more or less fingers) but I still knew I was dreaming. I was inside my house at the time and decided to go outside onto my front porch. At first I was starting to lose it but them I was really calm and everything was very clear(this might have been one of the clearest ones I've ever had). The sky was a dark blue, almost night but not quite. I wasn't sure what to do, but I wanted to summon someone. I couldn't think of a specific person, so I looked over by the tree in the middle of the yard and said "Show me an angel!" and concentrated hard. At first, nothing was happening so I shouted it again. Then a glowing white figure appeared. It was an angel, who kind of looked like Clarence from "It's A Wonderful Life"(which I just happened to watch a few days ago) except this angel actually had its wings. I wanted some answers, to what, I don't know, but I just needed some answers! But the angel only mumbled something I couldn't understand and wouldn't say anything else. I got frustrated and decided to attempt to take off into the night sky. I took a leap from the porch and flew up a few feet, only to float back down because I couldn't stay up in the air. I don't know what happened after that..