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    false awakening

    False Awakening

    1. Nightmare with Lucid Meditation

      by , 04-15-2011 at 09:36 PM
      WAKING LIFE DREAMING LUCID UNDERLINED IF IT FEELS PARTICULARLY SIGNIFICANT

      Spoiler for Past Related Dreams and History:

      Nightmare with Lucid Meditation

      The terror dream was a series of people trying to kill me. Each chapter seemed to occur in my current home or a similar one.

      One instance was a psychological death of sorts, where someone wanted me to admit something I’d done that hurt them but I knew that if they knew it would hurt them more than if I didn’t tell them. I felt ashamed. As they tried to dig it out of me tears ran down my face and I avoided looking into their eyes. I think I explained to them at one point that I couldn’t tell them or they would be more hurt. I was conflicted and I’m not sure I held my ground (I think the dream changed at that point).

      The dream continued, one person trying to kill me, the dream morphing, then another person trying to kill me, and so on. They were sneaky, some trying to lull me into feeling comfortable with them. It didn’t work. I knew. I resisted. After a few chapters in the dream,
      I became aware that I was dreaming. In this lucid state I tried different tactics.

      1. Dream Control
      I tried what I now know to be called dream control. Tried to turn my stalker away, tried to make them friendly, tried to make it not be about being stalked. That wasn’t as “successful” as the tactic has been in other lucid dreams I've had.

      2. Wake
      I tried to wake myself. In the dream I had access to my real memories: I recalled that I’d woken myself from a nightmare as a young child, maybe 5 years old, after frantically trying to wake in the dream and having no success. This is how I remember it. I became aware of my physical body in my bed. I tried to open my eyes. Felt my eyebrows raising, my lids stretching, but they stayed together. I tried to move my arms. They were heavy, they wouldn’t move. Then my shoulders responded. Finally my arms moved. I reached up and opened my eyes with my hands and woke like that…my fingers on my eyelids, having pulled them apart manually.


      Remembering the success of this childhood experience, I attempted this tactic in my dream last night while lucid. It failed. Throughout using these wake-myself-up-please tactics,
      I would think I had awakened only to find out I was still in the dream. I became identified with the dream and then lucid and aware I was dreaming (usually because I had a new stalker or less often because something else wouldn't be the same as in my home) again over and over after each failed attempt.

      First I tried to wake myself by simply willing it, then throwing a large amount of the energy of my desire to wake into it.

      Then I tried to feel my body in my bed, to establish a connection like I thought I had in childhood. It seemed that I could feel my body and that I woke.
      This was the first time I thought I'd woken up but after I “woke” myself I soon discovered I was being stalked again and had not escaped the dream.

      Then I tried to not only feel my body but to move my body, however, I found I wasn’t very coordinated and I was flailing. I became afraid of hurting myself or spilling my water on my nightstand, etc.


      The cycle of thinking I had awoken and then realizing I was still in the dream (I think called false awakenings?) came full circle at least 3 times, though in my not completely clear recollection it feels like it was more like 4 to 6 times.

      3. Lucid Meditation
      At one point I tried to meditate in the dream, hold the dream and the fear of the dream in the arms of my awareness so that I wasn’t so self-identified with it and terrified. This was the new accomplishment. A big one. I don’t think it lasted long, maybe a couple minutes.

      I’ve been in different meditative states in many dreams, but this one was intentionally, lucidly, induced. Even though it was a meditation initially infused with the desire to escape from the emotions, I'm still goanna break out with a yay! I came to a place where I wasn’t hiding or trying to wake up. I was confronting in an accepting way while still trying to protect myself.

      The meditation did not relieve the fear but I felt more me, more whole. At first the fear was very present and perhaps more so. It seems that the fear ebbed to some degree after a time. I remember looking down on my body during the meditation. The dream also may have gone to black and white during the meditation and got a static quality to it, like white noise.
      I don't remember ever dreaming in black and white, though now that I look back I don't recall any color in the dream at any point. I am skeptical of it not being in color, however, because now it is days since the dream occurred and I only remember snippets. After the short meditation is when I fuzzily think I woke.

      I don't remember the sequence of the following parts of the dream. I'm about 90% sure I wasn’t lucid at the time:

      I felt physical pain when one stalker was biting my lips. The physical pain felt so…well…physical. It hurt in a sharp way, just as if my dream body was a physical one. That realization is unsettling and also wondrous. Now I realize that both of the times I have been aware of physical pain in dreams was when I was being bitten. Both dreams were at some point lucid dreams, but not lucid at the time that I was being bitten. The other time was a dog biting my fingertips. Now I’m interested in this…why biting? Perhaps this similarity is connected to a pattern, perhaps not. Worth keeping an eye on it and a thought hanging around.

      I tried to manipulate the people out of trying to kill me. I plotted quickly as they advanced. One of the people I offered myself to sexually to try to avoid being killed, to distract him. It worked. It was boring and rather ineffectual sex and I ended up feeling frustrated because I wanted more pleasure, even though I was creeped out and scared.

      Well, that was long. I doubt I'll want to use the energy to write so much in the future (or try to refine the clarity of my writing so much, gah), but this dream absolutely fascinated me and I felt reconnected to past dreaming experiences after dry spells and inattention. It woke the inspiration.

      I think a big part of why it waned was nobody I shared these types of dreams with had similar experiences or seemed to want to dive in. But after reading some of the forum, wow, some of you not only have had similar but extensive experiences. Thanks for reading, I'm interested in learning from others on this site if you want to respond! That said, I also have a very skeptical side and enjoy critical and insightful discussion, though it is tempered by many other sides.

      Updated 04-16-2011 at 07:22 AM by 44605 (Applied text colors and markers of significance.)

      Categories
      dream fragment , side notes , lucid , non-lucid , nightmare , false awakening , memorable
    2. From Thread: What is YOUR dream sign?

      by , 04-14-2011 at 04:52 PM
      - Souls or spirits coming to me for help or helping me, and/or trying to take advantage of me or invade me

      - Terror, anxiety, and/or rushing
      - Tidal waves and tornadoes

      - Being stalked with murderous intent
      - People and animals from my past

      - Spiritual bliss / channeling / meditating / healing / overwhelming beauty and a feeling of my heart opening

      -Extraordinarily (somewhat glowing) vibrant colors, especially in nature and spiritual symbols (usually when experiencing that blissful feeling, sometimes when interacting with souls or spirits)


      I imagine these will change since I haven’t kept records of a lot of my dreams and these are somewhat based on the dreams that were significant enough to me to remember.

      (And hi everyone, I'm new here.)