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    FallenAwake

    No Big Get-Off

    by , 05-05-2011 at 04:01 AM (576 Views)
    26.04.2011
    No Big Get-Off (Non-lucid)

    NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

    *Sexually explicit (though rather clinical, lol. No big get-off to be had here :p)
    *Rough draft

    Visuals took over my meditation. I wasn’t that tired, this has been happening lately. I want to research this. It kind of feels like falling asleep but sometimes I’m aware of my body and the binaural water sounds I’m listening to as well. Maybe sleep paralysis? I really should read up.

    Walking in my home
    I used to live with a man here but I broke up with him,
    I think
    I see some items that are colorful, 3 that go together
    I'm in the bed we used to sleep in together. I lay around a bit. At one point looking out the large window and the white light barely tinted with blue.

    I decide to give head to myself
    Wondering if I’d like the taste
    The taste wasn’t very obvious; it was fine
    I want to try different things
    I’m reacting to it and can feel it at the same time
    I see my hips lift, but I feel like I'm laying below myself at the same time with my head between my legs, of course. :p
    It was pretty clinical. I was figuring out my anatomy and pleasure reactions more than really trying to get off.
    Kinda tentative at first
    Licking it feels nice but too general
    Sucking on my clit is pretty pleasurable I think
    Pressing my chin onto it
    The general pressure feels very good, like I could eventually cum like that
    Hips lifting in reaction to the pleasure I’m giving myself
    Pressing hard makes my chin and pubic bone pretty sore, but my clit is happy. I stop the chin method

    grazing my teeth against my clit feels like a bit of a stab of pleasure, a bit too intense but a nice “jump start” to be used occasionally
    Nibbling my clit with my teeth feels too sharp


    A man comes over and we’re going to a concert together, some alternative rock group I used to like pretty well in high school but wasn’t that crazy about

    Got into the car with one of the guys who came to my house, we’re driving together. I’m driving, and the other guy has another car. He is a bit surly. We go to the corner convenience store. Something somewhat significant happens inside
    (with the man at the counter? I was watching through the window?)

    I remember I have to get something for the concert, a set of 3 items that pertain to the band. The items are important. One was a kind of book. They were like a key to something and would be recognized (by the band?). The surly guy was annoyed. I brushed his annoyance off.

    We had time, there would be an opening band, I imagined and told the guy in my car. He agreed and said something about me being on top of the planning. I questioned that I was, thinking I had procrastinated and that I was lucky there is probably an opening band which I hadn’t taken into account before. I thought that if there wasn’t an opening band we’d be late.

    Driving into my old small curved driveway (where I lived in waking life in high school). When entering it I focus on its small entrance and how it is pretty awkward to veer into it but I do. A tree has overgrown but I pull up enough for the guy in the car behind to have easier access to the house's door as well. The tree’s branches come into the window and they’re more solid than I’d thought. They kinda hurt and I wonder about being able to open the door.

    I had the 3 items
    I think, got to the concert, there are different rooms/areas
    The concert hasn’t started in the main, larger area. The opening group will play in a smaller room that we go to. There are chain link fences. I sit on the bleachers. I am alone, the man has gone off somewhere and will come back and I think the surly guy left a bit before that.

    Old school, old teacher, Claudia and another
    Claudia was being strict about the students sitting in rows of two. Katie, a student, kept sitting where she wanted over and over. Claudia kept correcting/directing her. Katie seemed like she was somewhat unconscious of her actions, and also quietly (subconsciously, perhaps) angry and dismissing, like she was telling them to leave her the hell alone silently.

    I didn’t have a very good seat. I'm in the section to the side of the area where the students were sitting. The other teacher (Leigh?) called my name as if I was still a student. I knew it was a better seat and she gave me a look like she knew I wasn’t supposed to be grouped with them but she was going to pretend she didn’t and make an exception so I could have a better seat. After a couple moments’ hesitation I stood, picked up my backpack and another item, and went to go sit there. Claudia noticed and said something. The other teacher gave a vague argument about why I should be fine sitting there. Claudia was strict, enforced the rules. Leigh gave me a subtly exasperated look mixed with a c'est la vie look about Claudia. I kinda shrugged and sat back down and felt a little embarrassed in front of the students.

    I saw a man I had dream memories of. We had been around each other regularly. He was like Adam (a man who had been a gay porn star I used to be friendly with in waking life. We always had a fun time, joking and being silly and also emotionally and physically affectionate. He had one of those vibrant, open personalities that didn’t seem needy, more just loving. He did little things, like when I was a waitress and had been serving him and his life partner, he poked his head into the back of the restaurant where I was making espressos and handed me the folded-up tip all furtive-like. He whispered matter-of-factly, “thanks for the blowjob.”, turned, and went back to his table. Leaving me cracking up. Very deadpan and playful at the same time, so much fun.) So, this dream character had the spirit of Adam and looked like Ozzy Osbourne (they are a bit similar in looks in some ways in waking life).

    I recalled dream memories of being around him daily because of people we were friends with. They seemed rich and extravagant. He and I would peripherally interact in these memories and there was a sadness there too, like we were sad we had a lot of distance between us. When I saw him at the concert, he was guarded emotionally. I initiated talking with him and he was hesitant. I told him I miss seeing him every day. He started to warm up and we linked arms and walked as we talked. He was surprised I missed him, saying “you did?” and I could feel him melting. I reaffirmed that I did. He warmed up a little more and invited me on a skiing trip and started to name-drop a bit about people who would be there (in real life he spent time and was close to famous people and he, or at least they, tended to like to name drop). It felt kinda cold and superficial, but I was excited at the prospect of going at the same time.

    Our walking took us down, into what felt like the basement/garage of this amphitheater. He wanted to show it to me.

    annoyed at waste, men working

    Trenches for planks of wood, band members one of whom was shooting up

    I’m outdoors, walking on a long balcony. Men to my left in rooms working on projects (with saws and whatnot…you know, picking up heavy objects and putting them back down) My thumb caught on a round electric saw attached to and hanging over the balcony’s railing. The tooth of the saw was slightly deformed and it was caught on my thumb without scraping much. I carefully extract my thumb so as not to cut myself more and reflect on that. The saw feels like it almost has a hold on it.There is some pain.

    Grey’s anatomy short black doctor woman "Nazi" and another familiar but not famous woman had been trying to flag me down before then with some papers she wanted me to sign. I had seen but had been doing some other things. She expressed annoyance. I held my boundaries and stayed good natured.
    The solid short woman took my thumb; it was bleeding. Her finger came close to touching the cut/scrape like she was fascinated. I pulled it away before she could touch it and was like, don’t touch it! Um, aren’t you like a doctor? She kinda shrugged and looked to the side.

    I felt emotionally strong in this dream
    Another man (a doctor?) asks me out. I wasn’t expecting him too. I felt comfortable and wanted him to. He was kind of constrained but I understood why.

    Cousin, aunt/CJ/Diane Hamilton interruption of me and the man.

    At that point I lost the sense of emotional expression balanced with a calm and acceptance stance toward my emotions that held their intensity in check without trying to. I got angry and quiet.

    Woke breathing hard, angry…with Charles in Charge theme song going through my mind, lmao. It is still being sung in my mind as I write this. Joy…*crazy face*

    Oh, and my thumb still kind of hurts. When I picked up my laptop to write this the pressure and roughness of the cushion exacerbated the pain a bit.

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