Recent DJ Posts

Note: For Privacy reasons, I will leave out the dates and some of the details.

I find myself in an unusual world, it felt surreal, but I'm not a stranger to this kind of experiences. I didn't have a body. I was a floating point of consciousness. It seemed everything was made up of pieces of reflections. It's hard to explain. I ask my guide where I was and I hear her voice in my mind - "The Fractal World" and she explains it interconnects different realities. I was fully lucid all this time. I decide to go into the past and try to save Kana. I didn't focus on a time, I just wanted to be taken to a time that will ideally help me save her. One of the fractals pulsates. I go towards it and all of a sudden the world collapses and I wake up in my bed.



I was groggy. I do a reality check half-heartedly and confirm it's not a dream. I look around sleepily and was surprised to see I was in my old bedroom, the one I shared with Kana. I look to my side and she was lying there awake looking at me curiously. I become wide awake. She looked so frail. I grab the phone and look the day, it was the day she was taken to Casualty (ER)! I try all possible reality checks multiple times and none of it shows I'm dreaming. I have had time-dilated dreams that are so realistic that reality checks become unreliable.

Kana says weakly that it's not a dream. She says that when she finds me doing reality checks repeatedly. I feel her temperature and she was chillingly cold as if there was no life left in her... exactly like it was that day. I didn't care if it was a dream or not at this point. I am not going to let it happen again. I insist we go to ER right away and this time we go to another hospital. The hospital we were going didn't have our best interests. Something I didn't know back then. I had my own health problems leaving me sort of crippled, but I fought through it despite the pain.

The hospital we were going to were unprepared to treat her from day 1, so instead of letting her survive and seek treatment elsewhere, they kept making her go for tests day after day without telling us what's up. It only became clear after she passed away that they were unprepared to treat her condition. So, essentially they were milking us of any money we had until she died instead of letting us go get treated elsewhere. They even refused to admit her in a room saying they were full. It came up later that they didn't admit her because they couldn't treat her. It was easier for them to have her die outside their hospital. So, long story short, not only did they not save her, they made her suffer a lot by having her do the same expensive tests over and over. However, what actually killed her was not her condition... it was septic shock from a procedure they did without anesthesia in ICU without consulting anyone or asking for Kana's own consent. Not only it was traumatic for her to endure the pain with no sedatives, the area got infected from contaminated equipment leading to all her organs shutting down. They didn't even do resuscitation when she flatlined a day later the proedure saying there was little they could do even if they revived her. She managed to hang on for around 1 day after the procedure saying she doesn't think she's going to make it but didn't want to leave without talking to me. That night, they didn't let me stay beside her holding her hand as she wanted. They said they don't allow "visitors" after visiting hours. Next time I was called in it was to let me know she has passed away. During her last moments, we had given her tests and scans to another bigger hospital which was quite a bit farther away. They said they were well-equipped to treat her, but now it's too dangerous to move her because her body was shutting down from septic shock. They were furious why we didn't bring her there before the procedure with contaminated equipment. It was still safe to move her before they did that precedure which pretty much sealed her fate.

So, in this dream reality, I wanted to make a difference. I knew how it'll play out if we go into the same hospital. There is still a chance to save her if she doesn't get contaminated. I try to get Kana up from bed, she had no energy. She says she was too weak to go anywhere. I ask her to do it for me and she gives in. I manage to take her to the big hospital. I'll skip over the details. Few days pass. The flow of time was realistic. She was under treatment. She was in ICU for a day but got her own room when she was ready. She had some surgical procedures to treat her actual condition. The day she passed away comes and goes and she was still alive! I did reality checks every chance I got... it was still not a dream. I was happy, was I stuck in a reality where Kana survives? I was overjoyed. I go back to her room and tell her about this other reality where she doesn't make it. I give her a long hug and sit down beside her. She holds my hand tightly.

Kana: "I'm sorry..."

I look at her confused as tears fill up her eyes. The world around me distorts into fractals and I "wake up" in this reality, 3 years in the future, back in a world without Kana. I don't know what to make of it. Was it just a "dream" or did I experience a parellel reality where she survives?

Created Saturday 10 November 2018

Got a FA/WILD/DEILD loop to note, along with some scraps.

Scrap Group 1
Various false awakenings, most in unfamiliar settings. One had a little girl huddling to me, like a scared daughter running to her parents' bedroom. I had no idea what to do. Another included a room with a small window behind me, the light of early dawn peeking in.

Several brief DEILD transitions and lucid FA, each of which collapsed when I tried to move, and transitioned with one or two minutes of waking between them.

Blind DEILD transition in bed. I rub my hands. In fact, I rubbed them so vigorously, that my palms burst into flames. The conflagration spread quickly, bright orange light flickering through my eyelids. Hurt like hell, but I somehow remained calm. Even so, I woke up a minute later.

DEILD transition in bed. After some concentration, I summon my guide, E beside me. Fun ensued... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) The dream eventually collapsed. DEILD transition two minutes after.

Dream 1 - Moody Underground Run

Blind LD transition in bed. I reach beside me, and, as expected, felt that my guide was already there, if completely nude. I seized her, then pulled us both through the mattress and into the Void. With the visuals now faint, I noted the startled expression on her face. I tried imagining a more scenic view, a forest under an aurora, but that didn't seem to happen.

After seating E on my shoulders, I opted to simply run off to find such a destination. In time, an underground environment formed around me, a structure made of ruined concrete. My guide suddenly began panting heavily. Reckoned she was tired, despite me doing all the running for her. But as I looked up from the floor, I noticed rows figures around me, all females in bed robes, each suspended lifelessly in the air. Whether they were floating, or hanging from a noose, I did not know, nor did I want to find out. Despite the macabre view, I never stopped running, dodging below and between the stiff figures.

In time, the structure narrowed into winding tunnels of dirt and loose stone, twisting to curved slopes. More women were huddled silently by the walls ahead of me, each alive, but gaunt and made helpless from despair. Perhaps to suit the mood, the World 4 theme from Eversion began sounding in the background. In any case, I continued more or less undaunted.

Steadily, the environment began becoming clearer and brighter. So too, in a sense, did the structure. Dirt and rocks were slowly replaced with grated steel and smooth concrete, until eventually, the surroundings resembled an urban transit area (well, minus the actual trains and tracks, but I digress). What's more, the women around me appeared much healthier and were much more lively overall. Curiously, they each were also only dressed in less concealing bedclothes. Concurrently, the music subsided. Much of this view somewhat reminded me of one of my earliest recorded dreams. I glanced up expectingly at my guide, who only simpered back at me.

It was only then that I noticed my strength slipping away. Each step now strained me greatly, and E's weight was finally bearing down on me. I could barely haul us both towards an emergency exit. But, the second I tried opening it, I immediately collapsed. So too did the dream.

Scrap Group 2
Something about being on a black haired giantess' head. I rope down a strand of her hair to get at eye level.

Something about stopping a giantess from rampaging in a city.