false awakening

30-03-22

1) WBTB As I float off to sleep I try to create a dialogue to myself, a bit of self hypnotism and a bit of describing where I am.

Now I am writing it all down next to my bed, this story I telling or possibly the dream I just had? As I try to read it back I realise it is not really here, it keeps changing, changing what I wrote. I sleeping already, but not fully asleep enough. So I continue writing.

After a while I have written myself into this dream, I am in my house helping Fabi looking for something in a large wardrobe. There is a big secret we are trying to hide from the police. I've had enough, so I decide to leave the house. Fabi is calling after me - but it's my dream, my story so I continue out of the house. I need to look for V
As I open the front door it's just a void outside, avoid and awakening is my guess. Fuck, I've written myself out and into a dead end.

SO I continue narrating: I have to go to a train station, to travel into the city for important business. Now the dream forms around me and I am just outside a quant train station in the countryside. It's sunny, the train station is made of a beige colored stone and I appear to be in a kind of garden area for it. (this is interesting because I thought I would end up in the city) Dream is still washy though, not strong enough to leave and search for V yet. SO I look around, stare at the flowers and the courtyard area around me. It's starting to solidify a bit. A dream character tells me to smell the flowers - great idea! I go to each flower and take a strong sniff, beautiful scents enter my nose. The first is like a rose, the second is more of an exotic type flower. I do a few flowers, each has it's own particular scent. (I'm impressed at how well I can smell in a dream!) then I smell the last flower, and it stings my nose a little because it has a kind of gingery peppery type of scent (I mention this to the DC) and then try to get another flower and grab at it's stem, but I get a bunch of small thorns stuck into my palm so I pul back my hand immediatley

'ouch!' I say. Then I look at my hand more closely - wow - I just felt pain! I'm impressed again! But... just as I am about to search for V I awake. grrrr

AWAKE: Now there is only 30 minutes before getting up, so I figure try to continue focus, meditate, self hynotise and observe V from this vantage point. SO I spend 10 - 15 minutes feeling myself go deeper and deeper and when I feel like I am relaxed enough I instruct myself to see a screen in front of me - a blank tv like screen, and that screen is broadcasting a direct image from 'V's mind. I use a kind of tuner to get a signal (searching) and then I start seeing images. Now I feel I am inside the mind, I am drifting through images left and right, swiping left and right to look for anything interesting or relevant. I see people's faces, woman, men, older and younger. I see objects I can't quite understand what they are and objects that are simple everyday things. I see some furniture in a house, and UI grab it and pull toward me to inspect it and this causes more things to appear. I see a man outside with a spotlight on him like a UFO - hmm - interested in UFO's? I put aside as a maybe. (each time I feel like I am associating and putting my own thoughts in I put aside, I am only interested in what is in her head) some more images, a large guy, tall and quite big, I overlay Keven from the Office (series) onto his face because he reminds me of him. (ack, doing it again, stay out!) I see another UFO, this time it's flynig through the sky... interesting. I then see V, she's behind an old wooden framed 4 panel window. Looks like it belongs in a garden out house. she looks .. trapped? There are paints around the window, a bunch of paint brushes I think. She looks at me and simply says 'this sucks' I cna't quite recall if the brushes are outside or inside with her. But as she says this I am pulled out a little, because it's a delicate balance, and not reacting I would simply forget, but reacting too much I pull myself out of the scene and now she is gone

(night of) 09-12-20

Presleep - chanting to find the dog and discover it's name, I get a name while chanting randomly come to my head - not sure if it is the correct one or not....

Searching for 'Dog'

1) I'm having a series of False awakenings, it's dark, I know I am asleep so ignore the false dream around me forming, I fall back asleep, now it's dark, and I try walking, I walk into my bed where I wake again, still lucid - I get out of bed, but it's really dark now, I have to feel my way around, it's not entirely solid either so I have to make sure I am focusing so it is there. I walk down the stairs and what I feel like is my front door - I open it and... Still darkness. Fuck. I go to what I know must be the front garden and take a handful of soil and shove it into my mouth. It's awful, but I feel I am being more solid in the dream now, the area is lighting up around me. I'm in a kind of open space. I hear people talking, from the waking world - an older couple. Then I realize it's just my dream playing tricks on me, I need to focus. I recall my dream goal with Becky - and call out for 'the dog' I here a small voice shout back to me -
'I'm over here - I'm trapped!' I run over to a pile of rubble and lift the largest piece (a broken piece of rock) off of the body. A small boy crawls out, he has round glasses and messy brown hair.
'Hmmm, you're not the dog' I tell him
'YES I am!' he answers back indignantly. I give him a kind of look that says 'you are not fooling anyone'
'OK... I'm not' I look around me and I call out for the dog again. Now I hear a deep bark from somewhere in the distance. I look where the bark is coming from and see a kind of building site and a dark - very large -silhouette.
' He must be HUGE' the boy looks into the distance. Maybe bigger than a person? I don't know - but I want to find out. But before I do I wake up.

Past Times

2) In a small Cafe with a friend, I'm younger, hair is longer. We look how we did when we were going out, gothed up, dark make-up etc. One by one old friends come through the door, I get emotional again. I'm semi lucid. I left these friends too suddenly, I miss them terribly now, I wish I could go back but it's changed, I'm older, so are they. Anna comes through the door, I give her a big hug and start crying, telling her I don't understand why I am doing this - why I keep having this dream. When I wake up something dawns on me, back then I dressed and took my introversion and made me extroverted, I had much more confidence, and then I kind of shrunk back into the shadows as I got older, becoming more introverted. It's not just the friends I miss, but the confident younger version of me

Training

3) Dream frag - of training someone, or getting trained by someone (influenced I think from the Queen's Gambit series) and seeing a mirror behind me and noticing I have a huge bald spot on the back of my head - I never saw that before.

'UG'

4) Something about wrestling, Andre the Giant is coming out of retirement and fighting again (he's not dead in this dream!) a poster of him shows he is huge, gigantic, and super super muscular like the Hulk. some older guy is takling about when he first found Andre in a small town, and it was like striking gold - getting a super sized wrestler for the same price as a regular one. Now Andre is doing a spot for TV, advertising his come back - he is dressed like a viking, and his female viking warrior princess (with long dark hair) is standing opposite from him. His name is 'UG' - he tells her that he loves her but surprises everyone by saying his lines in this old Nordic language, the viking lady is surprised at first but then answers something back in Nordic as well

dream 1 - I am back in Korea with my old friend on a tour bus. we go to a restaurant and my brother and I confronts 4-5 American gangs? at the entrance... or some gloomy place. I try to avoid them smiling, and saying 'hey woah woah.. lets be all friends!' but they try to fight with us... anyway we get into the restaurant and sit besides the table. I see big white plates.

false awakening: in the morning my brother and I talk about those American gangs in dream with our mom. I think that my brother and I had shared dream.

false awakening: I dont know when I dreamt this but I am doing the internet pming Katsuno on DV in the morning..

dream 2 - I am in typical American village. its warm summer. next to me, there's a man who's an animation/ film director.(Brad Bird?) we are observing the backgrounds to get inspired for filming. I am holding a digital camera to film the houses. the village is really beautiful and sort of fairy. the director says 'isnt it nice to recall 1960's?' and then we go to a lake along the houses. I walk closely on the shore, but I'm scared of falling into the water so I shout 'somebody lend me a hand!' above the ground.(there is a little cliff next to me and there are bunch of people up there, maybe partying?) a man grabs my hand and I go up. the man looks like he's in ill. sunddenly that man slips my hand and I fall into the lake. I am puzzled. the water is deep. I float on the surface of the water and the man grabs my hand again. I acted as if this was okay..

maybe false awakening, I am in my room sitting on a bed. my brother and I are making little pictures for some kind of poem I wrote. it's in Korean, so I have to write all the pronounciation in English. there are 2 hispanic female friends to help me out for pronouncing the poem. we have to do this infront of kindergarten kids.(they are in my room)

my recall is foggy. I think I went outside my room. I watch a TV; the announcer says that there's gonna be a snow blizzard tonight due to electrical-thunder-snow-blizzard in Antarctica. I see penguins suffering in extreme windy weather. (kinda sad...) so I tell my mom this news in the living room. suddenly there is another 'new' mom. I recognized that we had new mom before...(in dream) so terrible. my real mom is kinda sulky about this situation.

anyway I return to my room, and the pictures and poem writings are disarranged. I ask my brother, whats going on? and he says, the DVD player is broken(I dont see the connection b/w DVD player and this poem stuff)... so I'm like, okay.
a kindergarten boy is sleeping on the floor with pillow and blanket. I wake him up, saying "do you wanna sleep in my brother's room?" and he nods, slowly walking out of my room.

here my dad knocked my room and I woke up.

dream 1 - I meet my friend M in high school. I say, hey how come you are here? u on break from college?
we have distinct conversation about art school, but dont remember what I said....

dream 2 - I tried to do MILD but forgot, just fell back asleep.
false awakening! I am in my room wearing pajama. my parents come in and they say,
"dont do WILD anymore. stop that lucid dream stuff. it's dangerous you do that everyday!"
I sigh, with frustration.
"I only do it 2-3 times a week... it's nothing serious!"

woke up again. I closed my eyes, trying lifting my dream body. I felt my dream-ear slipping off from my real body. I could only 'feel'; I was completely blind. all I could see was total dark scene...

I roll from my bed, stand up, walk towards the door, grab the door frame, and go to bathroom.
I rub my eyes and the dream scene is finally settled! I can see the mirror infront of me.
I walk into the living room. my dad is smoking at the backyard. I ignore it, opening the veranda door, then fly away. the sky is perfect blue. I see some airplanes(like the one from Sonic) across the field.
I suddenly remember thinking about 'how about asking a DC to take me to a place where dream never wakes up?' in reality, so I can stay longer in dream... so I find some people down, and I land. I feel that they are some kind of foreigners. I think about renting an airplane from them. I ask,
"could you take me to a dream place where the dream never wakes up?"
"sure. which plane do you want to fly?"
"I need a pilot to take me though..."
so I give this man 5 grand worth of dollar. he is so mad happy that he can take me anywhere.
we fly an airplane over the green field. in the distant I see McDonald joker(pierro) big doll/ figure at the amusement park. and I'm like, why the place where dream never wakes up is an amusement park? after I woke up I realized that this meant a happy place where you never realize that it's a reality or dream... without realizing the 'truth' of reality was a pure innocent thing we have. and this means we are not fully 'woke up'. how abstract.... O_o ..?! dream is mystery...
anyway, we land in front of the park. there is no specific entry for ticketing. it is totally free for all people.
I see some kids cheerful sliding down the twirly green slide.
I want to summon a friend to hang with me; Miho Kim come up in my head. so I do Naruto justu hand-thingy(idk what its called) and then slap my hand on the ground. but it doesnt work. then I realized that I missed the important thing: feeling her energy. so I visualize her and feel what it's like to be with her, then I shout "summoning jutsu!!" and slap on the ground again. doesnt work again. at this point my mom walked into my room and I woke up...
why didnt it work?? I realized that I didnt visualize smoke and the popping sound for the summoning jutsu...