side notes

BLACK: Regular
BLUE: Dream
RED: Notes
PURPLE: Quote (specific words I remember clearly)
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I'm not quite sure how this dream started or ended.
Date: November 30th, 2013
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I was in a hospital [ it looked like one I'd been in before ]. It was quiet, which made me feel very uncomfortable. It didn't seem right. A man [ He appeared to be in his early/mid 20's and had brown hair, young face, was tall, thin, and had dark eyes. He seemed very familiar ] grabbed my arm and pulled me away from where I was. He mentioned something to a woman by me [ I believe she was a nurse like figure, but I'm not sure ] about "finding all the pretty girls in the hospital and raping the f-ck out of them." [ I don't think he thought that I'd heard him. That, or he didn't care if I did or not. ] I began feeling incredibly nervous, but I hid it to the best of my ability. We passed my family [ always female members from my mother's side or my father. None of them ever noticed me, save my father. He glanced at me but said and did nothing ] two times. Some time along the way I mentioned something about "not wanting to be treated this way again." The man looked at me and we sat on some stairs [ the "nurse" woman stood off the the side. The stairs were hard stone ] and he asked me, "You've been raped before?" [ those words rang in my head over and over when I woke up ] I mentioned something about being a virgin but that I'd been sexually abused in the past [ this is true. I have been ]. He raised his eyebrow and almost seemed to feel sorry for me. I thought he'd let me go. Suddenly, he pulled me to my feel and literally dragged me to a room [ more details on the room below ] that looked like both a physical therapy facility and an x-ray/CT scan room. He had the nurse take me to a machine on the far right side of the room. I faced the closed end of it. The man said "We're making sure you won't get pregnant. STAND STILL!" I was shaking violently by this point. I was scared. He had the nurse woman spread my arms out and made me stand holding some bars on either side of me. After this, the man literally growled and tore me away from the machine. He took of my jacket [ it was red ] , leaving me in my tank top [ grey ], jeans, and socks. I noticed my dad outside the room and I told the nurse to shut the door. She did this. The man pushed me onto my back [ I landed on another machine that was on the floor. I hit my back on two bars ] and I crossed my legs over each other and put my arms over my chest. I started pleading with him. "Please, please don't!" I cried over and over [ I was literally crying ]. The man towered over me and he ripped his shirt off and started trying to take my clothes off. I kicked at him and screamed repeatedly. Eventually, I think, I got so afraid that I just woke up. The ending is blurry.
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NOTES:
About the room-
It was on the top floor in the west side of the building. The sun was setting outside the single window which had blinds over it. The room was cold. The colors were desaturated, but there was blue and white all around me -ironically my school colors-. There were various "machines" strewn about. The door that I saw my dad out of was on the right side of the room right next to the machine I stood by. The door was a flimsy plywood sliding door that had no lock. The only light in the room came from that one window. It was dark-ish

Various notes-
I remember that I didn't scream for my dad's help because I didn't want him to see me so vulnerable. I would rather be raped than have him see me like that.

No one seemed to notice what the man was saying. The nurse never spoke or made any noise.

The man was very familiar and was rough, then gentle, then rough.

My dad looked through me when he gazed my way.

All I could think about when I woke up was the mysterious man who'd made me do something sexual (no details because I don't want to say it) when I was 5 years old.

Around the time I started to faze out from the dream, I remember that the man looked animalistic. He also started to "melt." His image literally just began to melt.

I remember my dad (after the whole ordeal, probably) saying something like "Oh I never wanted this to happen again. It's like 10 years ago."


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If you can offer any help here, I'd appreciate it. This dream hits home in too many ways. I've had more and more dreams like this one, lately, It's as though my subconscious is trying to make me see something.

So this is a dream I had from last night <3

I was at the church with the guy I like. I was sitting on the stairs near the stage area in the front of the sanctuary. I was sitting on the right side where the drums are. After a while I stood up and we walked around the sanctuary, it was just the two of us. For some reason, he randomly was outside and I could see him out the window. It was overcast, and there was a slight drizzle of rain. He came back in and we stood on the stage, this time over to the left in the back of the stage. He held me close to him and...(I'm not sure how to explain this) put his forehead on mine and touched the end of my nose with his. He looked into my eyes and I saw my own emotions reflecting back at me. He just stared into my eyes for a long time, until, slowly, the dream faded into darkness and I woke up, my heart beating quickly in my chest.


What I find weird, is that when I dream about him, everything feels real, like it should happen. When I wake up, I'm surprised that it was only a dream. I don't understand why I dream about him so much, and why we're always at church when I dream about him.

I wonder if he likes me just as I like him, because in this dream, I felt so close to him, and we realized just how strong the bond was between us. He acts like he likes me, but I can't be sure. It's just, I wish these dreams would come true, but I don't know... Maybe there's no chance of me and him ever being more than friends, but well... I won't go on and on...

Please comment, thank you.

okayyyy great recall last night! nonlucids
any color except black=dream Lucid

dream 1: I find myself at an outdoor Skillet concert. John, Korey, and Jen were onstage. It is midday and it is very hot. I am on the right side of the crowd, near the front. John stands in the middle, Korey on the left, and Jen in back. Ben is no where to be seen. The concert is over very soon and I appear in their tour bus.
It is very large on the inside, almost like a condo, and I talk to Korey. I don't remeber what we said. Jen comes in wearing a short-sleeved gray shirt, jeans, and tennis shoes. She sits next to Korey and me on the peach colored couch and we talk.
(Time skip)
John is standing next to a mirror and he is fixing his hair. I tell him,"You should do that mohawk thing." he looks at me and shrugs.
(fuzziness)
I finally find Ben and I go over to him. I find that I am almost as tall as him. He has bangs that sweep down the right side of his face. I rub the top of his head to mess up his hair and he asks me why. I shrug and walk away. I find John and Korey's kids, Alex and Xavier. We play a little bit in a tiny playhouse like thing. They look older then they really are.
(fuzziness)
I look around for Ben and Jen and I find them sitting on the couch. I think to myself It'd be cute if they'd kiss. or something similar. Ben and Jen are talking, too low for me to hear. Jen leans on Ben's shoulder and sighs. Ben puts an arm around her and sighs also. He is wearing a vest, tie, normal jeans, and some sort of shoes. His hair is still kinda boring looking. Jen looks up and they lean with their lips VERY close to each other: like this [---------------] far apart. Jen gets this *woah* look in her eyes and they kiss each other, a little passionate.
(time skip)
I am talking to Jen. Korey walks up and smiles at her. Ben is staring out the window like he can't believe what happened, and John is drinking Dr. Pepper like always. By the way, John took my advice and did the little mohawk thing.
I WOKE UP THEN AT 3AM


DREAM2: I arrive at home to find the carpet and walls covered in orange paint. I know that I can't touch the paint so I leap really far and barely miss the paint. I go to my room and find my grandma sitting at my computer desk. I find that I feel really tired and can hardly move or focus on anything. My grandmother hands me a headset and I think it is cool.
(fuzzieness)
I watch my mom try to hook te headset up to the internet so I can video chat and voice chat with people online. She looks confused and I now find that I cannot open my left eye. I don't freak out. I feel tired again and it feels like everything is "carnival mirror" like. I look around in confusion and shrug.
(more fuzzy)
I am in the dining room and my mom has a bunch of stuff on the table. It is just a bunch of old toys that my grandma used to use. I grumble and walk away in boredom. My sister and brother are in their room and I say hi then walk away. I feel sooo tired and everything is fuzzy and unclear. I still cannot open my left eye. I am irritated.
I WAKE UP AT 12NOON

notes:
Yup, my major dream sign is hanging out with Skillet
I think another one is feeling tired and/or not being able to open my left eye

okay, these are mostly fragments so... lol

dream1: I was outside of my school (hmm I dream alot about school, dream sign perhaps?) and my PE/health teacher was there, along with some other students including my friend Ashley (or Ash. for short). I looked at her and asked what we were doing. She shrugged and I saw a large white bus/space ship like thing. Mr. C. told us to get in it. We did. I sat in the back (the seat was looking out the back window.) along with Ash. She mumbled something I think and I said something. We "took off" and were in the sky. I saw my other friend "Em" in another one. Suddenly I was poilet and everyone else was gone. I had to ram into Emily's "ship". I hit it hard and her's kinda exploded. I fell out but survived. I looked for Emily, but she was gone. Then I woke up.

dream 2: There was a kitten & bunny. (another grey kitten, dream sign?) The kitten talked to the bunny and said something like, "We'll be best friends forever!" then they got swallowed by a whale. (by the way, I don't know where I was in the dream, I think I was invisible or something) They seemed to be in a forest though. They played and stuff, then I woke up. AWWW CUTE BUNNY AND KITTY!!!

Dream3: Hehe, I was with a guy from church who I kinda like. (Not saying names) He talked to me, and I talked to him. Then I woke up.

Dream4: uhm...I think I was on Noah's Ark or something... and I read a book.


notes:
I think my dream signs might be:
*Seeing a little grey kitten
**sometimes she has wings
*Seeing anyone from Skillet
**with Ben sometimes singing
*Being at school
**Seeing my gym/health teacher
** *Seeing my science teacher/ him killing/liking me