haylaycat

Dreamt that I went to my 6:15 a.m. conditioning class this morning, but I was unprepared and super self-conscious. I felt incompetent compared to the men's basketball team (who make up the majority of the class in reality), and I started emotionally beating up on myself for being "not good enough." I also felt self-conscious of my body, felt fat, and hated myself.
I think the main theme here is the belief of being not good enough. I have been struggling with that since arriving at college. I feel like I'm one of the only sober (due to my addiction/alcoholism) people on campus, and because of that I feel disconnected emotionally from much of the student body. This translates into me not feeling good enough, as well as feeling lonely. My "addict" tells me that I'm not good enough to be friends with most people here because my sobriety will get in the way of a relationship. I know that's not true with the logical side of my brain, however the emotional side of my brain is strong right now. When I don't feel good enough on the inside, I usually have crappy body image on the outside.