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    Hyu's Adventures

    Issues with Faye

    by
    Hyu
    , 07-18-2014 at 03:32 PM (848 Views)
    So... I've been planning on posting new entries to my DJ here on DV, but I'm not quite sure where to start.
    My dreams are one hell of a mess at the moment, and they're probably not much fun to read.
    It seems like many of them are centered around hurting me one way or another.
    Usually this is done through Faye, a recurring DC.
    They're not nightmares though. Well, at least most of them aren't.
    I usually catch those when they start and become lucid, allowing me either change or stop them.

    Here's an example of what I'm talking about:

    I'm hanging out with some waking-life friends.
    We're at V's place, up in his attic, where he has set up a bar and a large couch to relax.
    Overall I'm having a good time, but there's something making me somewhat uncomfortable.
    There's a woman with us that I don't think I have seen before.
    But everyone is acting as if we've all known each other for years.
    In fact, at one point, she is telling a story about her and I getting into trouble
    when we were on vacation together.

    What? I don't remember this woman, and we were supposedly spending out holidays together?
    What is going on?

    We have a few drinks, discuss some things that I cannot recall, and end up talking about what everyone
    is currently doing in their lives. It's mostly a discussion about what our expectations were a few years back,
    about what we would be doing now, and how everything actually turned out.
    It's my turn, and I walk about making video games, and that I am not quite certain how I am going to transition
    from university life to working. I haven't fully decided exactly what I want to do yet, but I do know
    roughly which direction I want to go.

    The woman I do not know interrupts me, and starts saying hurtful things.
    I don't remember exactly how she said it, but she was basically stating that I will never amount to anything.
    I am shocked. I do not understand how one of my friends would ever say anything like that.
    I have a good relationship with all of my friends, nobody would ever do this.
    But for some reason it really hurts. To the point where I actually consider whether or not I am a failure as a person.

    Fortunately, I slowly become aware of what is actually happening.

    I am dreaming.
    This is a dream.

    I attempt to look at the facial expression of everyone, to see if they agreed with what the woman said.
    But they are all gone. I find myself alone with this woman now.
    She looks pleased with herself. She has accomplished what she wanted.

    I try to elevate my level of awareness by thinking about my current situation.
    There is some improvement. Enough to realize that the woman is Faye.

    "Wipe that grin off your face"

    I am pissed.
    She keeps doing this lately and I absolutely hate it.
    I decide to confront her about it.

    "Why do you keep doing this?"
    "You are doing this to yourself. Remember, I am a part of yourself"

    I remember having confronted her before, and she said the exact same thing.
    Why is she my dream guide again? Lately her influence on my dreams has been purely negative...




    Here's another example, where she attempts to distract me (from lucidity):

    I am walking through the city together with a friend of mine.
    She's rushing from shop to shop, looking at all the things.
    Despite the situation being so hectic, I become lucid.

    I also quickly realize that the woman I'm with is Faye.
    I immediately decide that I want to leave. There is nothing of interest in this dream scene.

    I concentrate, trying to leave the current scene behind and go to Riven instead.
    But Faye interrupts me. She grabs my hand and drags me away.
    I tell her to leave me alone, but she won't listen.

    I feel anger building up inside of myself.
    She's done this a few times now, trying to break my lucidity.
    And usually she succeeds...

    "You're not going anywhere!"

    My muscles tense up from anger.
    Suddenly the buildings around me begin to collapse, seemingly as a reacting to tensing up my muscles.
    It's an odd feeling.
    First there is some guilt from destroying the buildings by accident.
    But that quickly disappears once I understand that nobody was in these buildings.
    After all this is a dream.

    Unfortunately Faye is having none of it.
    She takes control of the surrounding DC's and makes them yell at me.

    "Why did you do this? Why did you kill those people?"

    Things like that.
    I eventually loose lucidity...



    These dreams are quite frustrating.
    But I think that I can fix this mess if I manage to reach a high level of lucidity.
    By that I mean, if manage to think clearly within a lucid dream, and be aware of this goal,
    which is difficult with this level of interference and distraction.
    Still, I'm confident that I'll manage to fix it... hopefully soon.

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    Comments

    1. ~Dreamer~'s Avatar
      I'm so pleased to see you journalling again!

      Sorry to hear that you've been having trouble lately.
      I'm sure you will gain some insight from the process, even if there are some hard feelings along the way.
      I hope you'll continue to post your dreams - even if they're negative, so we can follow your progress.
      Best wishes and safe dreams!
      KristaNicole07, Mismagius and Hyu like this.
    2. KristaNicole07's Avatar
      "Why do you keep doing this?"
      "You are doing this to yourself. Remember, I am a part of yourself"
      Wow, this gave me chills for some reason. O_O

      I hope that your dreams improve soon. I am sorry that they have been negative lately. Do you think it has to do with your life transition? I know this was mentioned in the dream, but dreams are often reflections of our waking lives. I know from experience that going through school and then having to go be in the "real world" is tough. I am confident that things will get better for you though, you're a very smart guy. You will figure things out.

      Also, very glad to see you journaling again. I agree with Dreamer; keep us posted if you can.
    3. Hyu's Avatar
      You're right, I do think that my life transition has something to do with it.
      I have some degree of anxiety about my future.
      It's difficult to find a good job in the games industry, which is where I want to work.
      Even if I do I'd have to move very far from home. But I knew that when I started studying, this hardly comes as a surprise.
      I have also considered opening my own company, but I'm not quite sure if I have the balls to do that.

      So yeah, that probably plays a role.
      Add some health issues into the mix, and some meds that completely fucked with my dreams (yay for side-effects),
      then these dreams hardly surprise me.

      It gets better every day though. My dreams were a lot worse a few weeks ago.
      I also think discussing these things here on DV helps.
      So I thank you both for the kind words!
    4. ~Dreamer~'s Avatar
      You might like to talk to CanisLucidus for some inspiration! I think he would have some relevant advice for your life situation, I'll put him onto this post.

      I definitely find it's best to allow any issues to surface so you can properly understand them, and either find a solution or let them go.
      Letting things brew inside and trying to manage things solo can present bigger problems, and it's helpful to get an outside perspective sometimes.

      Glad to hear things are looking up!
    5. KristaNicole07's Avatar
      I understand the meds fucking with your dreams thing. Though mine is now if I forget to take my meds...then I have crazy realistic nightmares that jar me awake so violently, I am wide awake and can't go back to sleep.

      I definitely find it's best to allow any issues to surface so you can properly understand them, and either find a solution or let them go.
      Letting things brew inside and trying to manage things solo can present bigger problems, and it's helpful to get an outside perspective sometimes.
      I agree. And we are all here to help in any way we can.
      Hyu and ~Dreamer~ like this.
    6. CanisLucidus's Avatar
      Hey Hyu, I'm really sorry to hear about the negative dream content and frustrating experiences with Faye! I'm sure that when things settle down a bit for you in waking life that your dreams will improve right along with it.

      And yeah, like Dreamer said, I work in the video game industry so if there's anything I can help talk over with you, I'm happy to help any way I can. Let me shoot you a PM this afternoon!
      Hyu, ~Dreamer~ and KristaNicole07 like this.
    7. Mismagius's Avatar
      Hi Hyu, I've been a fan of your DJ for quite sometime, so it's great to see you on and journaling again

      Sorry to hear about the negative dreams, hopefully this'll pass soon and just become a memory you can look back on and say "Hey, remember those weird dreams where Faye was being a jerk?"

      I wish you the best of luck and hope everything goes well for you
      ~Dreamer~, Hyu and KristaNicole07 like this.
    8. Dark_Merlin's Avatar
      Good to see you back man!

      I think it's important to acknowledge what she said in "You are doing this to yourself, I am part of yourself." I think it would definitely be anxiety or doubt in your own mind being reflected in your dreams, she is obviously trying to teach you something, sometimes tough love can be the best thing for us. Though you may not understand it consciously, try delving further into it in a lucid, confront it and face the fear that is driving the theme there, I am sure the answers will become clear to you. Heck, it may make a path for your future much clearer

      Tell Yuya I said hi
      Hyu, KristaNicole07 and ~Dreamer~ like this.
    9. Hyu's Avatar
      I understand the meds fucking with your dreams thing. Though mine is now if I forget to take my meds...then I have crazy realistic nightmares that jar me awake so violently, I am wide awake and can't go back to sleep.
      I'm sorry to hear that. I hope that you'll eventually no longer need them.

      Hey Hyu, I'm really sorry to hear about the negative dream content and frustrating experiences with Faye! I'm sure that when things settle down a bit for you in waking life that your dreams will improve right along with it.

      And yeah, like Dreamer said, I work in the video game industry so if there's anything I can help talk over with you, I'm happy to help any way I can. Let me shoot you a PM this afternoon!
      Thanks, I really appreciate it!

      Hi Hyu, I've been a fan of your DJ for quite sometime, so it's great to see you on and journaling again

      Sorry to hear about the negative dreams, hopefully this'll pass soon and just become a memory you can look back on and say "Hey, remember those weird dreams where Faye was being a jerk?"

      I wish you the best of luck and hope everything goes well for you
      Thanks!

      I think it's important to acknowledge what she said in "You are doing this to yourself, I am part of yourself." I think it would definitely be anxiety or doubt in your own mind being reflected in your dreams, she is obviously trying to teach you something, sometimes tough love can be the best thing for us. Though you may not understand it consciously, try delving further into it in a lucid, confront it and face the fear that is driving the theme there, I am sure the answers will become clear to you. Heck, it may make a path for your future much clearer
      I agree with most of this, but I no longer feel like she's trying to teach me something.
      It feels like my dreams were thrown off balance by a combination of things (meds, anxiety...).
      Everything is slowly stabilizing, things seem to get better with every dream, except for Faye.
      She's always been a bit of a weird DC, but it almost feels as if everything good about her is gone,
      as if all that remains is a broken version of a DC that is no longer there.

      I don't know... I'm just rambling. Maybe there is something to be learned from this after all.