Lucid Time!

I seriously wonder what is up with my brain sometimes.

Some long and very dull dream about some activity night going on at my dorm room. Most of it already slipped through my memory anyway. Skip.

Spoiler for Proceed at your own risk:

I was back at my old high school, having the classic 'class that I forgot dream'. I was at the school after hours though, so everybody had left and I was walking down the halls alone.
I come across one of the school janitors on my way out. But he doesn't look like one of the school janitors. He's a black man, probably about 60. Very small and skinny with a thin beard and big round eyes. And he's wearing these formal British clothes with a scarf and what not, all in this obnoxious brownish-orange color.
He starts asking me questions, but some of them seem a little off. He then takes me to show me his greatest secret. He walks me over to the old trophy case and opens a secret door to a back room that I didn't know existed.
This was the weird part. He has a huge secret room, right next to where the principals office was. And the entire wall of the room, every inch of it is covered in framed photographs of erect penises. All of the photos had been taken from the same angle. The man gestures to the center of the wall where there is a photograph of a huge penis. He says it is his and that he has the biggest one out of anyone he as photographed.
He was literally the winner of a dick measuring contest.
There is also a duplicate of the trophy case along each side wall of the room. Both trophy cases were filled with adult penis toys.
The man keeps giving me this really creepy look where he smiles and his eyes seem to bug out of his head. His teeth look fake. I woke up. It was the middle of the night.

I can recall in being what felt like my cousin's sub. I was walking down the street. I had become partially lucid.
...
My recall is more than a little patchy but I can recall at one point, I went inside of a house. The first room had a bunch of doors in it. There is also a bed and a dresser. A small piece of wallpaper peeled off from between two doors, entirely by itself.
The wallpaper then folded itself into a diaper. Parts of stretched out to become small legs and part of it ripped to become a mouth. Oh yeah, and because it was a diaper, it was full with crap that came out of nowhere. It had basically become this little monster thing that I wound up fighting.
The diaper had some connection to the house. Like the family that lived there had a baby and they made diapers out of wallpaper or something.
So we ended up having the worlds longest fight. I held the upper hand being... well a human and not a diaper. I can't recall the fight play-by-play but there was a part where I was whacking it with a big stick that I found under a bed that was in the room. There was a part where the diaper climbed onto the ceiling and tried to jump down on top of me.
There was even a part where I used firebending and the 'Fus roh dah' shout from Skyrim to blast it into a corner.
Eventually for whatever reason, the diaper monster became a squirrel. At this point I stopped fighting it and turned to walk back outside, only to find that the door that had led me into this random room led back out into my bedroom.
I looked outside. The weather was cold and grey. A rumble of thunder was heard in the distance. For whatever reason I decided I wanted to try flying. I opened the window, forced out the screen. I then did a last-minute stabilization by rubbing my hands together, and saying 'I'm dreaming!'
I then jumped out the window, and fell like a rock into the bush below my window.
Then I suddenly thought "What if this is real life, and I just jumped out of the window in real life?!" I did a nose pinch. I could breathe.
"Wait..." I said to myself. I forget what indicates being in a dream. Being able to breathe or not being able to breathe? Because I can most defiantly breathe." I then remember, being able to breathe means you are dreaming.
For a few moments I managed to anchor myself on the cold wind that was blowing in the dream. I start to become very lucid when I lose the dream.

FA in my college dorm room. I have peed in the bed. I get up and start changing out of my clothes.

FA in my home bedroom. I have peed in the bed here as well. I do a reality check and become lucid momentarily lucid before FAing once more.

FA. Something to do with the Simpsons of all things. Bart is buying these special schoolbooks that come with cereal. Supposedly these were supposed to help improve his grades because if you read the books while eating the cereal, you remember them better. Bart his happy because the cereal is dinosaur shapes.

I wake up into WL. Reality check and fortunately, I have not wet the bed.