nightmare

I remember that instead of my husband in this dream fragment my five year old son was the one loosing hair.

Upon waking up I remembered another fragment, but by now All I remember is that it was also disturbing and tense.

In this dream I had a hysterectomy operation (something I may need to have in reality, not certain yet, but got mentioned by my doctor).

While on the operating table, I died or almost died, and had a near death experience. I knew that to return back to life, i had to find enough will to live, but i was not sure whether I had enough. I did find enough only to "wake up" from the near death to a scene on the operating tabel where I was opened up for the operation, in pain, and the medical staff unaware what had just happened to me.

I woke up from this at 1am quite shake up and could not fall back to sleep without a half melatonin dose. Depression sucks.

My husband was about to throw away a box of chocolates my mom brought. "No, these chocolates are my favorites!" I objected and stopped him.

In this nightmare my best friend's kids were my kids, so instead of having my two boys, I had a 7 year old son and a two year old daughter. My father and stepmother were visiting or rather it appeared both we and them were staying at a big hotel. And it seemed that both my husband and I had trouble keeping track of our kids, multiple times in the dream one of us thought the kids were with the other while the other thought they were with one. At the end of the dream, my daughter went missing, and I knew I would never see her again, and I knew it was my fault because of how negligent a parent I was, and it appeared that my father and stepmother were mostly in this dream to witness that. Though at one point I also saw my stepmother sprawled across my father in a way that was indecent for in public, while they were sitting on a bench outside, so there was this awkward moment there too.

My family was visiting my dad and step mother, but we were staying next door in some sort of rental. I did not notice that neither their home nor neighborhood were anything like they actually are.

My husband and sons and dad and step mother were going to go somewhere in a car, but I was not going. I was helping them to the car, carrying a booster seat for my almost 5 year old. I did not notice that the booster seat was a way more elaborate contraption than in reality. But suddenly they were gone, and I did not remember them having left, and I was left with the booster seat.

i did the finger through palm reality check, but it failed. Instead of seriously questioning reality or following up with another reality check, I started rationalizing that something must be mentally wrong with me, that I must not have long to live. I tried calling my dad on my cell phone, but he did not answer. I rationalized further that they must have had another booster seat in the car, and maybe the one I was carrying was not needed. I did not notice that the booster seat then disappeared.

I then tried finding the place where we were staying, but could not. The neighborhood was nothing like what I "remembered" it being - both not matching reality and not matching false memories. It in fact became a more and more elaborate neighborhood, the longer I walked. It was like a small tourist town with shops. I heard some tourist comment, how quaint it was, that they had no clue this charming town was there, that they needed to explore it more. I heard someone laugh.

I meanwhile was panicking more and more, and doubting my sanity. i did more reality checking. Again just the finger through palm attempt, but again without serious questioning, and again it failed. However, by then I was too panicked to stop and think. I tried calling my dad again and my husband in vain. I was crying, and thinking that this can't be happening to me.

And that's when I woke up, and realized that it was not happening to me. And that I checked reality repeatedly in this dream, but did not seriously question it, even though the reason I checked was because stuff was happening that should not be happening! Soooo close, and yet sooo far.

I believe in my dream I could travel in time across parallel universes and relive variations of my life. I knew what was going to happen in the one I was in, and that everyone including me would die if we tried to save the baby.

The baby was supposedly my roommate's baby not mine. The crib started flooding, and luckily I knew that there was nothing we could do to stop the flood or to save the baby.

I told my room mate that this was not really her baby that we needed to leave. My roommate looked, and the baby's hair had turned grey, and now e head was turning orange, and the baby was growing into an orange monster. Luckily my roommate realized that I was right and did not try to save the baby.

I ran out of the apartment door first, but then waited for my roommate, pulled her out and kicked the monster in the face, and as it fell back, I closed the door. I had a brief flash of accidentally kicking my roommate instead, like that was an alternate turn of events that I was aware of, but this time I managed to kick the right one.

Hesitated briefly over whether to take the elevator or stairs, but I knew the stairs would be better. I do not remember actually running down the stairs, so I think we cut to the lobby of the apartment building like in a movie scene.

As we ran out we shouted to lobby attendant, something like "Evacuate! flood!" He tried to stop us, but we ran out of the building. As we kept running, I called 911 on my cell, even though I knew I would be blamed for starting the flood, and even though I knew they could not stop it, and that a lot of residents of that building would die despite is call. But I did not know what else I could do.

This was where the dream faded/ended, and I woke up.

This might have been a kidnapper dream, or anyway bad guy(s). I don't think I was myself, and I don't think my kids were in it or anyone else I know. I remember an ominous moving structure up on a high rise. It looked kind of like melted plastic, a bit like a huge chain, with large enough holes to put a person in or a body. And it mad moving up and down. I had the impression the bad guy was about to put someone in it. And I wondered whether the melted plastic used to be people.

In this nightmare came home to discover that our home had been broken into and anything of value stolen or trashed. Our Wii for example was gone, the most decent of the boys toys, any valuables we might have, all gone. Our van that had been I. The driveway was trashed, anything inside it stolen, and the licence plates stolen too.

Boy am I glad that was just a dream.

Ok, this was one if those dreams that happen about college years after one is out of college.

In this dream I was three courses short of finishing my Masters degrees, so I signed up for three courses that would allow me to finish. The administration sent my father a letter that one of the courses was full, and suggestion that I take a course in Choreography with the same professor as one of my other courses instead. In my dream my father agreed to this without consulting me.

Meanwhile I was aware of having a leasurely schedule, so I went to have breakfast with a couple of professors I was friends with in this dream (unknown in real life), the breakfast was more like a huge dinner actually. I also needed to drop of my kids for the day, in my dream they needed to be taking medicines, but they had large rashes on their faces, which was due to allergy to these medicines, but in my dream that was ok for some reason.

So after I had the large meal and dropped off the kids for the day, I was ready to get to my first class, and I realized that I was so late that I would arrive just as the class was ending! And so I did. The professor was not happy with me for having missed her first class - it was some sort of dance class. She told me something like, I will see you in my Choreography class then, and that's how I first realized that I had the change of schedule. I asked, "But will that course be appropriate for me to finish my degree?" She said "I don't know. You need to check with the administration with whoever you have been working with on establishing that you get all you need to get the degree." I realized that I had not been working with any ody in administration, and this was a problem which might prevent me from graduating. I just knew that this Choreography course would not do to meet my requirement, so my feeling of contentment at being able to graduate this semester had turned into full out dread by the end of this dream.

I arrived late at a banquet organized by my work place. the sorbet had already melted, and all that was left was cool aid. Then the bad guys (terrorists) started to demonstrate how they could control people through the spiked food they ate. they could cause remote controlled agonizing pain or embarrassing sexual pleasure in those who had eaten the food. Then the bad guys proceeded to take the credit for our team's accomplishments.

Oh, and somewhere in this dream I walked outside with a woman and noticed that she was a bad guy because she had a radioactive necklace that glowed in the dark. I was scared of that necklace and her.

I had another one of my kidnappers try to snatch my kids nightmares.

They tried to snatch my kids while the kids and I were running for the safety of a building. I managed to somehow fend them of. I don't remember how.

In general my awareness in this dream was fuzzy, which is why I did not recognize my dream sign: the kidnappers.

We had let our kids go out in the woods alone, and I was tracking their GPS on my phone, and could occasionally zoom in to look at what they were doing.

At some point I noticed that my four year old had become a proficient swimmer. I knew he had it in him! I thought proudly.

However, then the GPS signal of my four year old started to get confused and when I zoomed in a different kid would show. I could see my seven-year old climbing a tree, but that was not my younger son beside him.

My husband said that it was ok, just a glitch, but I told him that I had a feeling of dread like something terrible had happened.

We reached the woods, and found a group of kids tied loosely to a tree with some cable. They lay there as if in a stupor. I still had not found my son. I heard the voice of the evil man who had done this saying something over a loudspeaker. I don't remember all he said, but it included "it does not matter." I could somehow know that the tree cables or something there was boobytrapped so I could not free the kids. I also somehow knew the evil man could see me.

I still also had not reached my older son yet, even though I had seen him on GPS phone video, had not lost him.

I woke up from this nightmare after this, quite shaken.

I had to look in on my sons, and found them safe asleep in bed of course. Despite risk of waking him up, I kissed my younger son on cheek - I would have kissed my older one, but he was harder to reach not being near the edge of the top bunk at the moment.

In hindsight, even before my conscious self was aware of it that this would turn into a nightmare, the setting was clearly there. We are watching kids over GPS and phone while they are alone in the woods! They are engaging in potentially dangerous activities such as swimming unsupervised without lifeguard or lifejacket for my younger son and tree climbing on very high tree for my older son.

It is interesting that the nightmare again goes to kidnapper theme. I thought I had successfully vanquished those kidnappers in my previous dream, where I felt so much empowerment due to having rescued my boys and preparing to fight bad guys using my superior martial arts skills. Well apparently they are back with a vengance and this time there is no empowerment for me. Of course, due to the GPS and leaving them alone in the woods, it is all my fault this time. Also i do not even get the relief of seeing my boys before the dream ends, making sure that they are alive and well in the dream. Fear of kidnappers in waking life is one of those cultural irrationally blown out of proportion fears: I know that in reality the odds of boys being kidnapped are miniscule, and I did not think that I really feared this in waking life that much to give me nightmares (perhaps it is not so much the likelihood as what would be worst case scenario - fear of kidnappers and boogieman), but of course I am as a good parent worried for my sons safety, and that of course is the cause of these dreams.

I dreamed that I was awake at night. Perhaps had gone to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water or something. When suddenly I realized there was an intruder in our house: a black man with a flashlight. Interestingly enough even though he did have a flashlight which was on, the lights in the room were also on, so I could clearly see everything (in fact I think that's why my dream mind decided to have the lights on).

(Side note: why was he black? Is my subconscious racist? Did he just happen to be black? Have I been conditioned by society to fear black men more, so that an intruder is more scary if black? I am white btw.)

He was on the younger side of middle aged, looked clean and clean shaven, and made the impression of being smart and surprisingly well off for someone who chose to burgle homes at night. He was wearing a clean sweater that looked good on him. He seemed fit, not athletic, but slim and healthy looking - like he took care of himself.

He was clearly here just looking for valuables: a burglar. He was very surprised to see me. He stopped and stared at me in shock, and said something like "What the heck? This has never happened before." He was clearly unprepared to face an awake inhabitant of the house. He did not seem aggressive, and just seemed to be thinking of what to say and do next.

Meanwhile I was terrified. I realized I expected that he would rape me. Next thing I know I am lying on my back on the floor with my knees up, even though I had been standing a moment ago, and the dream does not even bother to provide a transition. The burglar looks at me clearly confused and disturbed by my actions, as if he wanted to say "What are you doing woman?" He does not appear to have any intensions to rape me. he appears to be a cultured gentleman burglar.

This however does not diminish my fear. Next thing I know I wake up still horrified.

Side note: Why I had this dream: On DV some woman questioned why do rape victims make such a big deal out of it - a statement which kind of shocked me. Then on Facebook a friend of mine posted an interesting article about a professor teaching high school kids how not to rape, an article I read last evening, and someone else also posted a rape related comment because of News of course.

Upon waking part of me wondered whether the reason why I assumed the position was because part of me wanted to be raped in my dream. But no, I don't think so, my reaction was definitely sheer fear not any anticipation. I assumed the position in my dream because of the simple expectations cause effect in dreams.

Reassuringly enough my burglar's personality was such that I believe I was in no danger of actually being raped, even if I had not woken up. He seemed to be evaluating my reaction, and judging me to be a very confusing and ridiculous woman. So it was all in my head. My DC was not actually threatening, despite the potentially dangerous situation. Maybe given his personality I should not have expected him to try to rape me, but rather expected him to invite me to sit down with him at the table and calmly discuss the consequences: whether he could persuade me to please not call the police.

On another note: this was a very vivid dream. I think the vividness was enhanced by and also helped cause the intense emotions.

In my dream my husband is out of town (as he is in real life).

In my dream I asked a coworker out on a date, and he happily accepted.

See this is a perfect example of why I want to lucid dream. This is not who I am in waking life. This is not who I want to be. This is not who I choose to be.

Yes, I am lonely when my husband is out of town I get it.
I will also admit that I like this coworker ... as a coworker, as a buddy, as someone to share ideas with and to joke with.

Infidelity is a big no-no for me, and I also get that my mind therefore decided to present me with this scenario to shock me, to tell me "See I know how to push your buttons." Here is something that would really bother you.

But we already knew that! We already knew that I am struggling with self-esteem issues and with taking control over who I want to perceive myself as and deciding what is proper.

This however I know is not proper. And I refuse to think that I "need" this, so subconscious fuck off! I am going to relearn lucid dreaming, and make sure that I get to decide what I do and what is right for me.

If I am so fucking lonely tonight, why not give me a dream of my husband instead. That would have been nice, ok? But no, my subconscious, you decided to play games with me. Well, I don't appreciate that!

In an hour I need to get up and go to work and face this coworker, and forget that my subconscious asked him out on a date.