The Kestrel's Dreams

July 04, 2014

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Animal Crossing

I was playing my Animal Crossing: New Leaf game, except I was in the game. I kept changing my clothes because I couldn't figure out what to wear that day.




Penises and FUCK THIS SHIT

I was at a fancy party with Zukin. It was on the roof of a really tall building, and we were all dressed up super sexy and elegant and whatnot. We were walking around, and I looked around, watching the faces... I had a target at this party.

I was secretly an agent. I was an assassin, to be precise. My target was a man at this party, and Zukin didn't know I was a spy... I saw the man I was to kill, and mentioned to Zukin that I wanted to go eat some pineapples. She looked at me, followed my eyes, and nodded eagerly. We went to the buffet and grabbed a plate of pineapples, and then walked over to my target.

"Care for some pineapples?" I asked him.

He nodded, and took a piece from the plate. We all walked around for about half an hour, chatting. We all became such good pals that he invited us to go someplace with him after the party. We agreed. I was thinking how easy this would be.

We walked past a giant fountain, and I slipped a bit, falling into his arms. He made sure I was alright and stood me back up, pulling some hair from in front of my face, tucking it back behind my ear. I smiled up at him, and we all kept walking.

We decided to pause for a bit, and I sat with Zukin in a little window-seat type thing. Even though we were on the roof, there was a wall on one edge, along which we sat. Then all hell broke loose; There was a siren of sorts, and an announcement that we all had to leave, because the party was over. Zukin and I stood up and got swept away by the crowd; I could see my target behind us, keeping his eyes on us so as not to loose us.

We filed down the stairs and into a wide, tall hallway. We ducked into a little cut-out where the girl's bathroom door was. Zukin said she had to pee, and so I waited outside while she was inside the one-person restroom. I also kept my eyes open for my target, hoping to catch him as he left and remind him of his offer to us.

Then, I got a call: it was my boss. They told me my target had changed. The man we'd been schmoozing all night was no longer a threat... the new target: Zukin. On the inside, I was screaming "FUCK YOU BASTARDS." But I said, "understood."

I knocked on the door. "Is it safe to come in, Zukin?"
"Yeah, just washing my hands now."
I opened the door and slid in without making much sound.
"Zukin."
"Yeah?" She was drying her hands.

I told her I was a spy, and that my new target was her. She stared at me.
"So this is what we're gonna do," I said.
After I explained the plan to her, she was so psyched.

We got in some kind of badass flying machine, headed for the Headquarters of my spy organization. I pulled a pistol out of a strap at my thigh, and handed it to Zukin. We busted through the doors of HQ, holding out the guns and shouting.

Then my watch beeped. In the middle of busting up HQ, I did a reality check, realized I was dreaming, and also how absurd it all was.

I decided that, since I was dreaming, and I already had this big-ass gun, I would continue to wreck shit up with Zukin. I let off a few rounds into the air, shouting and running around. Zukin was bashing someone's head into a table.

I wondered if this counted toward the bonus task for the month, but didn't dwell on it for very long, since I was busy spray-painting the walls with penises and things like "FUCK THIS SHIT" and your mother jokes.