Ninety-Two
by
, 12-12-2014 at 04:00 PM (841 Views)
Long time, no post. I've had lots of interesting dreams, but I've just been too busy to write them down. This one last night is just too disgusting to not record!
In which I poop on a classroom floor and blame it on a student...
I've arrived to a school to work as an aide in a special education classroom. I'm early. The work day does not begin until 7:30, and I'm there at 7:00. I enter the classroom, but I leave the lights out so that no coworkers will know I'm here. I figure I will get more work done this way since no one will stop by to chat. I'm carrying my thermos of coffee, but before I drink any, I realize I need to have a bowel movement.
As if it is the most normal thing in the world, a toilet sits in the middle of the classroom. There are no walls or curtains or stalls enclosing it. There is just a toilet, sitting in the middle of the room, out in the open. This is perfectly natural in my dream.
I sit down on the toilet to pass a BM when I remember that of course this toilet is made for small children and therefore cannot hold my large adult-sized shit. This logic also is perfectly natural in the dream. Therefore, I reach behind my rear and grab the shit with my hands. I then throw it on the floor in front of me with every intention of cleaning it up shortly after finishing.
At that moment, my husband walks into the classroom. I'm surprised. What is he doing here?
He explains that he is there to check up on me and to make sure I'm OK. This makes me angry. Why should he check up on me? He sees the poop on the floor and asks why I've done such a disgusting thing as throw it there in the middle of a classroom.
Suddenly, the perfectly natural dream logic fades. Why have I just thrown my own feces into the middle of a classroom? I have no idea. It seems disgusting and humiliating. My husband is shocked. I'm mortified. I can't explain it. It seems insane.
I yell at him that he needs to leave so that I can clean up my mess before anyone else arrives to see it. He is shocked and upset that I've done something so disgusting. He keeps asking me over and over again what is wrong with me.
Then there is an announcement that I need to be in the office to escort a special needs student to the classroom. The child cannot walk unassisted, and I go to help him at once.
By the time I return to the classroom with the child, another teacher and several other special needs students are all in the room. The other teacher has discovered my pile of poop, but it does not occur to her that I'm the one who threw it there. She assumes that one of the special ed students has pooped in the middle of the room rather than the toilet. Several of our students are in diapers or cannot use the bathroom unassisted.
The other teacher is very angry. She's yelling at the students and blaming them for doing this. I start to feel really guilty. The students are mostly non-verbal and cannot defend themselves. I know that I will get away with it, and I know that it is horribly unjust to let a student take the blame for something insane and disgusting that I have done. But what else can I do? If I admit it, I will loose my job and be humiliated in front of all my coworkers. These students mostly do not have the awareness to feel humiliation, and they do frequently have bowel movements in places that are inappropriate. So in some ways it doesn't seem like too big a deal to let them take the fall this one time.
The ethical dilemma is weighing on me heavily as I take my thermos of coffee from my backpack. I try to pour some of it out, but nothing happens. The coffee will not drip out. I remove the lid to the thermos to see what is causing the obstruction, and it is clogged up with mud and live, wiggly grub worms. I scream in alarm and throw the thermos out of the room.
Immediately I realize how silly I'm behaving and I go out into the hall to retrieve my thermos. Surely the bugs just crawled in as I was gardening over the weekend, and a good washing will take care of them. But as I'm about to re-enter the classroom, I look around the hall and notice a hidden camera. I stand below the camera to see where it is filming and notice that it is pointed directly at the middle of the classroom. It is filming everything that happens inside the classroom.
It is inevitable, then, that someone will see the video and see that I threw the feces across the room. I did it, and the video will reveal that I let an innocent and vulnerable special needs child take the blame for my insane and disgusting behavior. I think about how much I'll be ridiculed and ostracized once this video hits YouTube and the evening TV news.
I try to think of an explanation that will make my case sympathetic, but I really can't think of anything. I just can't explain why I would do such a crazy thing. It seemed normal at the time when I was in the dark, alone. But now I just can't understand it. I feel humiliated, ashamed and confused. I just don't know what to do.