false awakening

I used to have very frightening hypnagogic images on a regular basis (along with hypnopompic hallucinations), but ever since minimizing my internet use last October, I've only had a few occurrences and it's not something I've really had to struggle with anymore.

And now that I've overcome that, I've realized, like my sleep paralysis, my HIs could actually be a blessing in disguise: a key to both falling asleep easily (when normally it takes me hours to fall asleep) and lucid dreaming. On Tuesday night after seeing a beautiful HI of a humongous whale inside an aquarium [not that I condone whales in aquariums], I slipped into a false awakening WILD. I was in bed and could see my cat and husband in bed with me, but the room was lighter. I realized it was a false awakening when I noticed I could see despite my eyes being closed, and then woke up.

If I work on this, I could turn seeing HIs and having lucid dreams as soon as I go to bed into a regular activity for me. At the very least, it could help me fall asleep more easily, even if they don't always lead to instant lucid dreams. Now that I no longer have to be afraid of my HIs, I can take full advantage of them.

10/17/14

9am DILD

After a series of normal dreams, I fell asleep after my alarm waking me up again (maybe pressing snooze is a good technique for lucid dreaming?! always seems to trigger one) and entered a lucid dream.

I was in my living room and really thought I had woken up, but for some reason, it entered my mind that I should check if this is a dream, even if I thought it was silly because I was awake, and to my surprise, it was a dream! I forget how I checked it was a dream. Maybe levitation, but I don't think it worked when I tried to jump up. Even though my RC didn't work, I think just the process made me realize it was a dream by the tunnel vision I had looking at the floor.

From there, my mind sent me back to my room and I was standing by my bed and looking at my lamp. I knew lights didn't work in dreams, so instead I said "bright" and after a few tries with variations of the word, it works and the room was slightly brighter.

I went back into the living room and tried to turn on the light knowing it wouldn't work (and now that I think about it, I actually don't have a light switch where I tried) and it didn't.

My mind sent me from room to room and from a standing position to my bed quite a few times as I struggled to wake up.

I went out to the kitchen and saw my two cats, one grey and one black, and then noticed a third, white cat. We only have the grey and black cat in waking life. I knew all the while that this was just a dream and took the opportunity to bend down and pet the third cat.

Finally, in bed, my alarm goes off and I wake up. Probably should've explored more instead of trying to wake myself up and just let my alarm do the job! The whole dream I was very aware that I was dreaming, more so than the usual FA lucid dream. I had fun looking at my environment as I was trying to wake up, instead of the usual panic of feeling like I'm half dreaming.

9/17/14

7:15 am DILD

I was having a dream about fighting space creatures like in Gantz when I woke up from it into a false awakening. I tried turning on the light and it didn't work. That's when I realized I was dreaming and became lucid. My window shade was gon and I could see outdoors into the wilderness. I walked through the window. Everything was so crisp and vivid. Then I saw big foot. I was scared so I said こんにちは, "hello" in Japanese, to assure myself and it said こんにちは back. It was walking away from me and I followed it. Then it faced me. I was so scared that it wold turn me into a werewolf or eat me, so I shoved it on the ground. I felt guilty, but was still scared, so I woke up.

7/8/14

7:23am MILD 2x

I realized I was dreaming and went for the door. I was excited to go to Japan. I thought as I held the doorknob and started opening the door, not just Japan, but my mother in law's house and tried to picture it. But when I opened the door, it was just the hallway to my apartment complex. I realized I needed to go through the hall to the next door that leads outside. But I woke up.

Before this FA, I had two other FAs. In the first one, non-lucid, I woke up in a mix of my apartment and my mom's house. I helped my mom out a bit with the daycare by supervising a kid playing a computer game while sleeping on the couch, but when I saw my mom, reminded her, today's my day off and I need to work on my translation internship, so I went back to my room to get some sleep.

In the computer game, it was a kids game and I remembered being able to choose a side character that gives you advice. So I kept wanting her to choose the butterfly. Also, she was able to switch the language settings to have the side character talk in Japanese.

At some point I had another non-lucid, either before or after the FA, in which I was outside on a jungle gym type structure trying to climb it with lots of kids and young adults around doing the same.

In my second FA, I realized I was dreaming when a little boy, from that jungle gym dream, was in my apartment. My husband was in the bathroom in this FA. I tried using a window as a portal but just entered another FA.

7/5/14

Only slept four hours the night before since I couldn't sleep. Had to wake up the next morning early to watch my mom's dogs since she's on vacation. Took a nap on the couch, but didn't have much time since I had lunch planned with my grandpa.

Laid in supine position, knowing that it'd increase my chances of a WILD (Also, was more comfortable this way). Took a while to fall asleep.

11:30 a.m. WILD

I realized I was dreaming when I waved my hand in front of my face and couldn't see it (heard of this RC check in an article about False Awakenings, which used survey results from three different lucid dreaming websites, including DreamViews!). I heard a repetitive, slightly scary auditory hallucination, but couldn't change it, despite my attempt to change it to a pleasant song. I didn't mind the auditory hallucination, since I was too excited. I could feel my body lifting up (first time experiencing this sensation) like I was going to float and it felt really nice and pleasant.

I also at one point felt myself losing the ability to swallow, and remembered that's a sign of a WILD. I think this was before I did the RC.

Unfortunately, didn't last long and I woke up shortly after without getting the chance to explore my dream. Didn't leave the couch in my dream.

This was the first time experiencing a WILD without feeling fear. I feel my control of my emotions and rationalization is getting stronger in my lucid dreams.

lucid

Another lucid dream this morning.

I was having a false awakening. I was in bed, sleeping on my back, and couldn't move. At some point I looked over at my phone to see if there are texts and was surprised there weren't any. Not sure if I did this while awake or while dreaming. But when I woke up for real, there were texts.

Suddenly, something grabs my foot, and I think it's an intruder. I can't see the figure well, only out of the corner of my eye. He says something. I realize he's my husband, though I wasn't sure, and that he came back home from work early for some reason.

Most of my dream is spent in bed, struggling to move, but sometimes I'm out of bed. At one point, I realize I'm dreaming. I wasn't sure, but I decided, why don't I try the thumb/palm RC. At first it didn't go through, but I really wanted to make sure, and then it went through! I realized for sure I was dreaming. However, I was back in bed, still struggling to wake up.

I heard a repetitive voice saying something, I forget what. It was annoying and a little scary. I changed it to, "lover" "lover" 'lover", to make it less threatening. It sounded similar to lover before and I only had to change the first syllable.

I tried to roll out of my body and control my dream, but I just couldn't move. Eventually, I woke up.

non-lucid

Before the false awakening dream, I was dreaming about a My Little Pony convention or a convention of some sort (maybe video games) that later turned into a MLP convention at some point. Not sure exactly. It was a place that was opened regularly. You had to be on time or you weren't given a ticket. On your way back, you had to exit through the proper door. The door for people without ticket gave people a punishment and they had to sit in a room for a while for being late.

At one point while watching an MLP premier, I saw a young Asian couple with their young son. They were talking about how they think it's okay if he wants to play MLP, but his sister (who wasn't there) must be around if he does. I told them, you know, at first when my kid played MLP I made sure there was a girl around too, but overtime I just didn't care. I was referring to a daycare kid, not my son. But said that I don't know about when he reaches school age whether he'd be bullied or not, but it's fine for now.

In a different dream after the MLP convention dream, I dreamed I had a bunch of books to translate, and some of them were MLP books. The books were in English, despite the fact that I translate from Japanese into English.

Before all of these dreams, I also had another dream in which I saw a friend that I hadn't seen since Japanese camp back in high school.

Earlier this morning, I had a non-lucid dream about a false awakening at my mom's. I recognized this and did a mantra when falling back to sleep that I am falling asleep in my room, so if I wake up anywhere else, I am dreaming.

Then, comes my MILD!

7:32 am MILD

False awakening lucid at my mom's. I hear the door bell ring and answer it. I know it's a dream because I remember I fell asleep at my apartment. It is one of the daycare moms at the door here to pick up her son, N. I see N, and another daycare kid, M, below me. I look down at M and try testing the gravity. I think he asks me what I am doing and I think I tell him I need to check the gravity because I'm dreaming.

Despite the fact that I know I'm dreaming, the dream feels so weird, it doesn't feel like a dream, except for the fact that I'm levitating. The way in which the dream characters are acting are how they would've in real life.

It takes a bit of effort but I manage to propel myself into the air and levitate after spinning. I see my mom and try to ask her 世界を変えることはできますか？ but the words are so hard to get out of my mouth. As I'm struggling to say them she asks, "What?" and once I finally say it she says, "Yes" very briefly and casually in English while looking the other way. She seems distracted by her own reality instead of paying attention to my lucid dream efforts. I'm not sure if she actually understood me.

I wake up because I don't feel fully asleep and am afraid to fall asleep and can feel my paralysis. I'm also afraid I won't be aware of my surroundings in waking life if an intruder breaks in.

After waking up and writing down my dream, I went back to sleep. I had many false awakening dreams in my apartment. I try to focus my brain away from lucid dreaming because at this point I just want to sleep and finally I fall asleep and have four non-lucid dreams.

One of the non-lucid dreams had Japanese Sign Language in it.

9:30 am non-lucid

I have a dream that a boy who knows Japanese Sign Language and who is deaf came to our daycare. He signs the signs for "sign language" "can" "can not do" "question marker" to me. I reply with "can" and am excited. His father however doesn't seem to know how to sign and could hear. I text my friend from the farm dream about how there's a little boy who's native language is JSL at daycare.

3/18/14

8 am non-lucid

Had dream set in my apartment but not false awakening, just a normal dream.

In a few instances, people (seemingly harmless, like an old lady) would sneak into my apartment and try to steal things, but then I'd catch the, and shoo them away.

There was a man in my dream who stayed with me to protect me. Something was wrong with him, maybe depression, so he didn't have a job. He was engaged to someone. He is Asian. I think he is one of my online friends from waking life.

At one point, he and my husband met. They talked about me in a protective, caring way.

9:16 am non-lucid

I did have sort of a false awakening dream where I was scared of an intruder and couldn't get out of bed, but I wasn't lucid.

Someone who isn't Christian is teaching the Bible. He comes to a point where the class thinks there is a contradiction. He explains that they're right and how that's just a mistake since it's just a book. I want to say no, but I'm in bed so I can't. Then someone next to me in a chair, Darryl from The Office, says, "No, it's not a contradiction."

3/10/14

Awake at 7:20 am

Brushed teeth, went to the bathroom, hugged husband goodbye.

A little afraid to fall back to sleep and have a FA. I remind myself I need the sleep and this is the way I can achieve my lucid dream.

I visualize my dream plan and pray to God I have a lucid dream and fly. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep.

8:05 am MILD

I had a dream that I had a FA, but was scared and "woke up" but really it was another FA.

I went out my living room door, reminding myself that I'm going to try to fly. Some sort of cart in the hallway. Then I go outside to a playground/baseball field. I attempt flying many times with little success, so I use the things around to push myself up. Then finally, I'm dog paddling and swimming high in the air! I land and remind myself I need to stabilize the dream. So I rub my hands together. Then flew over to a dream character. There were three male dream characters. This one in particular looked like a past high school classmate of mine with brown hair and kind of a jock. I remembered the task of the month and asked him, "What's my middle name?" He replied, "Windy," took my hands and flew with me in the sky. (I got the task of the month wrong! Ha. I'm supposed to ask what his middle name is!)

At one point I travel down the sidewalks. With each step I float a little down the sidewalk. There are skaters on the sidewalk, one a young girl. I wonder if people who fly in dreams have the same stigma as people who skate in waking life.

I go back to my apartment, remembering that I need to wake up. I struggle to. At one point, my grandma enters the dream. I tell her I need to wake up. I go back to my bed and reach for my dream journal to try to write my dream down, but it doesn't work, I just barely write scribbles. Somehow, I'm hoping that in waking life I'm also writing things down, it never occurs to me in my FA that what I do in the FA is not affecting the waking world. It's 1 pm in my dream, I need to get up. Then, I reach over for hand lotion on my side table (though, in real life, this hand lotion is out in the living room), squirt some on my fingers and rub it on my tongue to try to wake myself up. It works, I'm repulsed by the taste and wake up.

Dramatic and passionate music sung by a man throughout the dream. A lot of "ooh, ooh, ooh" vocals.

Finished writing my dream down at 8:18 am.

February 25th, 2014

Mantra: あの草原に行きたい (I want to go to that field) 夢を見ることを分かってます (I will realize I'm dreaming)

Playing music as I tried MILD did not work out. I woke up around 2:30 am and tried it. Finally turned it off around 4 am. It kept my mind so aware, I couldn't fall asleep at all. I was up until around 5am and started dozing off around then.

5am lucid

While trying to fall asleep, I thought of moving to the couch to see if it would help. As I dozed off, I dreamed I had moved to the couch and was paralyzed. I remember seeing the TV off in front of me and feeling one of the blankets I use on the couch over me. I was in an upright position, slouched. I thought, I need to get unparalyzed and into bed, I don't want to fall asleep out here. Then I realized I am already in bed. I didn't like the feeling of being paralyzed so woke myself up.

Sleeping on my back triggered the paralysis. I rarely sleep on my back, but tried it to see if I would fall asleep.

February 23, 2014

3:33 am non-lucid

I had a dream that I went to Japanese camp to teach, but when I got there together with my husband who was dropping me off, I was having second thoughts. I didn't want to be away from my husband for 2 weeks, no cell phone contact. So I had to confront my employers, who knew me since I went to Japanese camp as a teen. There was a Chinese male and a white female. Went to the back room offices to talk. At first small talk, but the Chinese man could tell something was wrong. I hugged him at one point since it's been a while since I've seen him. When I mentioned how I didn't think this was going to work, he said not all marriages work out. Then I said hold up, no, I'm talking about the job. We were confused over the word pre-meditated, or a word similar to that, which caused the misunderstanding. The word's definition in the dream eluded to something not working out, not the definition in waking life. He told me to reconsider working there and how it is only two weeks and my Japanese would improve a lot.

The lighting was very dim, like nighttime throughout the dream. I remember going out and reminiscing over the camp. Then I went over to a bunch of children's books that were about mythical native American or Inuit creatures in the snow. Theme of heritage, culture being passed down. I read one of the books, which had a theme of pride in one's culture. The book had a few foreign words in it, but not in Japanese. It could've been a book about the same content, but in Japanese, yet it wasn't. I didn't understand why.

Before I confronted my employers, there was another worker in the dream who when found out about the cell phone rule, also felt she couldn't do that. She was short, I think her hair was pulled back, dark hair. Not a language employee, instead another kind of staff. Her face kind of resembled my piano instructor's. She was encouraged to speak up after hearing that I wanted to and has a husband too. She's older than me.

I remembering arguing to the Chinese man that if only my husband could work that summer too, but couldn't because of his job, implying that he should hire him and pay him to solve things.

When contemplating, I was leaning my head on a wall or pole.

I was having second thoughts before we even left to go to the camp, which is states away, but still decided to drive there with my husband.

I felt sad to be conflicted. Loved Japanese camp so much, but had to choose between keeping my marriage strong (which could end up fine even if I did work at the camp) or working at a place I loved and grew from. Reminiscent, though setting not at all like the actual camp, as usual in dreams.

The white lady resembled my TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) instructor, who is pregnant in waking life and pregnant in the dream. Dream was in English and non-lucid.

I woke up with a song from Animal Crossing: New Leaf playing in my head. I immediately realized I had a dream when I woke up, wanted to record it and jumped to my dream journal.

Time after writing down this dream: 4:01am.

Mantra: 夢を見ることを分かっています (I will realize I'm dreaming) 野原に風で空を飛びたい (I will fly in a field using the wind)

I had asked my husband if he has had a flying dream before, and he said yes, many times. He recalled one in which he was being caught up by the wind in a field and flying really high. So I imagined using that method to fly.

4:07 am Haven't fallen asleep
4:15 am Still not asleep
4:40 am Still not asleep

6:02 am

Dream 1 MILD

I realize that I am dreaming and check through the thumb/palm RC. I am so excited to confirm my thoughts that I am dreaming by seeing my thumb go through my palm. I try to jump so that I can levitate/fly, excited that I am lucid dreaming, afraid to be short on time. The gravity is definitely not normal and I kind of float through the air as I jump, but I don't exactly get far off of the ground. This is probably because I'm inside a building.

Before I become lucid, my dream is set in my apartment at night and I feel there has been an intruder. The intruder is female and I could hear her have a phone call in Spanish and sing from my bed. My husband and I are both in the bed and I try to alert him but he doesn't really think there's any threat and just goes back to sleep. I am extremely afraid and I think at some point my husband does leave the bed and is harmed, but the scenario resets itself. I eventually realize I am dreaming and next to my bed practice jumping.

The dream is in English and was induced with MILD. Along with saying my mantas about flying, I also was a little paranoid about an intruder, though I tried to push the thought away.

Dream 2 non-lucid

I was heading towards a babysitting job for a Japanese family. When I met the mother, she talked to me in Japanese and I replied in Japanese, though I didn't remember any of the dialogue. She lived in an apartment.

I remember walking down the hall to the apartment and seeing her neighbors, who aren't Japanese. Her neighbors were intimate and I remember it being embarrassing to witness, but I don't remember what happened. I think their bathroom was in the hall and one was using the toilet, yet with no shame of being in public and still smiling and waving.

This was non-lucid.

I think I might've woken up in between the 1st and 2nd dream, or if not consciously thought in between the dreams that I need to write down my lucid dream before I forget, but instead moved onto a 2nd dream.

Time after writing down these dreams: 6:22am

This morning my husband woke me up to say goodbye before going to work. I got up and brushed my teeth (don't like the bad taste) then went back to bed. Like usual, before falling asleep I thought about the possibility of an intruder and worried I'd have another intruder, false-awakening, paralysis dream in which I knew I was awake.

I fell asleep with my cat on the bed and the cat was still sleeping with me in the dream. I remember seeing my window, which has brown curtains, and knowing that I was still sleeping. I could feel myself paralyzed in bed and wanted to wake up. At this point I was half paralyzed, as I was lifting up my arm, stretched out towards the window. In my thinking in the dream, I was half awake, but in reality it was all a dream and my real body outside of the dream wasn't moving at all. I thought if only I can move enough, then I'll fully wake up. Finally, I struggle off the bed and onto the floor, then hear a tune very audibly. It was unfamiliar to me. A few seconds later I wake up. When I wake up, I wonder if the tune was coming from outside the dream or fabricated in the dream (often I rely on cues from reality to help me wake up from false awakening dreams, like the radio or an alarm, but I didn't this time) and realized it was in the dream. I knew I didn't know the tune, but I wondered if it was the song from Helix that my dad sent me as a ringtone recently. It wasn't perfectly like it, but it reminded me of it. Now I don't remember how the tune goes. This is the first time that this particular reoccuring dream has had a tune in it.

This was all with the knowledge in my dream that this same scenario happens all the time, and when it happens an intruder will come or my husband will come home early. I want to wake up so badly because I don't want to face the intruder. This time I didn't face him at all. My last encounter with the intruder I was trying to block him from opening up the door and suddenly woke up (I wasn't aware I was dreaming in this instance). I've also seen him in person in the dream, an Asian man (my husband is Japanese), but looks nothing like my husband. But it didn't seem like he is going to hurt me.

Usually, I'm really scared of this dream happening. But now I want to face it and talk to the intruder. So I hope to post more dream journals here and track my progress on this particular dream.