nightmare

Went hiking with D and a few other people. It’s a hike I recognized, wooden trail spiraling up to a platform. The wood is new. There are black labs who are scared to walk on the planks. Work keeps calling D, telling him there’s an emergency he needs to deal with but there’s nothing he can do since he's so far away. We head back down and the guy we’re with says we have to rope swing across the lake. He says it’s crucial we don’t touch the water more than necessary because ‘we would not believe what was growing in there’. I was completely confused, I don’t remember having to do this on the way up. Plus, I’m not wet and I would be if we had done this. I also am carrying a pillow that’s completely dry. I ask someone, “What did I do with this pillow last time to keep it dry?” They told me to fold it up and put it in my shirt, so I did. The guy went first and didn’t make it far before he went head first into the water. We scoffed, “so much for not touching the water.” D went second and swung out to hip height and waded to the other side. I decided to angle my swing to the left toward the land, so I got minimally wet. When I got to the other side, everyone started getting concerned because the first guy had not come up yet. D was annoyed that he was going to have to dive in and search for him, but then the other lady managed to pull him out. I was in a room and couldn’t see what was happening but D started gagging, telling me that the guy was covered in unsightly mud and disgusting debris. He was unconscious so D delegated to me to get the first aid kit. There wasn’t much in there besides IV equipment so I grabbed what I could. D wanted a 1” IV tape but I explained to him that the only reason I was able to take the 1/2” tape from the hospital is because nobody likes to use it, so that’s all we had. People start performing CPR and I leave the room to help. It’s a very disturbing sight, indeed. He looks deformed. He’s blue, has a swollen and bulging neck, and they had to cut off his fingers and toes - leaving strings of rotting flesh in place of his fingers. Someone holds him while people perform CPR. I take my turn at compressions and then he starts talking. D explains to him that he probably broke his neck. I asses his body and it’s full of gnarly wounds. They had all been exposed to bacteria. D is now at risk for catching the life threatening bacteria since he handled this guy’s blood. He’s irritated about it. I go home and have to retell the story to Mike and sob while I do. Mom says she thinks it’s her karma from frequently passing out in front of people. The girl we were with, Sarah, posts about it on DV and I comment about how painful and traumatizing it is to read and remember.

(Titled so because all of the pets I dreamt of are dead in real life, the dolphins looked like zombies, and the snake was literally a zombie)

+Sadie keeps trying to curl up next to me on the bed and I encourage her. I am dating T.H from high school. His druggie dad just got out of prison and is coming to visit all his children and their mothers. There are countless women and children. T is excited to see his brother. They keep sending me all these pictures and group texts with inside jokes that I don’t understand. They all send pictures of the tops of their heads and joke about how short they are. They also joke about being gay brothers. His dad drives in in a semi-truck that says “no hard drugs” written on the side. He’s happily greeted by a chubby, middle aged woman who curled her highlighted hair. I go inside and stress about food. I bought so many vegetables but my mom doesn’t know the hours she’s working this week. I don’t want the food to go bad. I decide I’m going to make stirfry for T and his brother. I’ll add green onions to it. I feel happy cooking for them. I start sweeping and the storage room is absolutely dirty. How did it get so dirty? There’s enough hair to make a wig. And then I see a dead snake. T’s dad has an obsession with snakes. It’s dead so I sweep it up. I sweep some of the dirt out of the front door. I’m naked and think nobody’s outside but still try and hide behind the wall. As I close the door I see a lot of people outside and wonder if they saw me naked. Oh well, despite feeling embarrassed I’ll just own it. If they ask, I’ll tell them the truth, that I like being naked. Michael is giving me a hard time as I’m trying to sweep up the extra room. I grab a swiffer pad to collect the snake and dirt but my mom tells me not to pick it up. I tell her that I can’t just leave it there. I go to grab it and feel something sharp on my finger. I look at the snake’s mouth is now stuck in an open position and it has a lot of little sharp teeth. Then it slowly starts to move. I freak out and leave the room, I tell mom and Alesia and they’re not even that concerned. It leaves the extra room and makes its way to the office, it even does somersaults. I delegate to my sister to call 911 and to my mom to call animal control while I keep an eye on the snake so we don’t lose it. But my mom refuses because she doesn’t feel like it. So I grab the phone but have a hard time finding animal control’s number. 911 tells my sister she has to call animal control for help. Heidi dog gets around the snake while it’s coiled behind the office door. They both get defensive and Heidi swats at it. That agitates the snake which starts posturing at my mom, right next to Heidi. I can see it’s going to strike so I move to swat it away from her. As I do that, it latches onto my left pointer finger. I can feel it inject its venom multiple times. I feel the pain and pressure symmetrically in my opposite pointer finger. I start to feel pressure in my head and manage to squeak out “Help me” before I pass out and wake up for real. I felt weak upon awakening.

+At some hospital, hotel thing. It’s night and I’m trying to help workers find a submarine outside but I can’t access the back of the building. While trying I end up in nicely renovated bathrooms that are cherry wood and completely private. People shower there after working out. I leave and follow A.B. to the counter to return my towel. Why isn’t my hair wet like hers? Probably because I only washed my body, not my hair. There are a bunch of groups of sorority girls and there’s drama with one of them. I think she’s on drugs and she gets excommunicated for having a messier room than the rest. But in reality, all of them have messy rooms. I go into a black girl’s room and she has a stack of cute bras on her dresser. Cute bras are hot, I need some. Outside there’s a type of dolphin farm. They’re all jumping out of the water. Some look extremely mutated. People fish for these dolphins and then collect the spearfish they’ve eaten from their stomachs. I wonder how there’s even any wild dolphins left with the large amount that I see at this farm thing. It’s sad.

Supplements: Usual
Bedtime: 9:00
Mantras: None
ADA rating: 2
Moon Cycle: Waxing crescent 37%
Nightly Awakenings: Multiple bathroom
WBTB: None
HH: Vibrations and ringing while falling asleep in middle of night
Wake Time: 6:00
Total hours of sleep: 9

Competition Night #2 Highlights

D and I started watching a scary movie because we thought it might be healthy to overcome fears. There was a man following all these women, including Vanessa. I was scared and could barely look because I knew the man had a creepy white mask on. Then he broke all of their necks. His mask was twisted so his mouth was int he eye hole. I wondered how he was seeing anything. He kept mumbling and whispering about necks and how much he hated them. Then he went into a house and I became immersed in the movie. I was a little girl that was home alone and I ran around the house trying to “break the necks’ of doors. Then I decided to grab a closet rod and I broke it in three so I could use it to defend myself. A climbed onto my bunkbed and into a trap closet I had, which would lead me outside. This wasn’t the first time this had happened, I was scared to go out because last time I got caught by the police and brought back home. Before I could get out I heard breathing and the masked man entered my room, pleased to have found me. He stared at me and I tried to whack him with my stick but it did nothing. I tried to bite his fingers and that also did nothing. So I begged him to just kill me and get it over with but he just laughed.

I’m in New Zealand mountain biking by myself. I’m catching tons of air and biking on very narrow and uneven passages but I’m not scared at all. Something happens that keeps me for a long time and when I go to return the bikes it’s night time and the gates are closed. I don't know what I’m going to do. Then I realized that the blue gate is motion sensored, so i get in. The workers take my bike and I get ushered to the front of the line.

I’m playing a game with a group of people. We are listening to a recording and watching a screen of random images and we have to come up with a good catchphrase in under 1.5 minutes. My recorder isn’t working at first. I see an aerial view of the flight paths to and from New Zealand and think of saying something about a plane but I don’t know enough about them. There is an underwater mountain range to the north east of NZ and an island called New Delhi.. Then I see an image of a woman in the ocean and one her breasts is sticking out of the water. I decide on “Tits: Because everything in the ocean is naked anyway” and I think it is so hilarious. All of a sudden I’m in the ocean swimming with B&A. There’s a koi fish following me and I try to bop it away because it grosses me out. A looks scared and tells me to swim fast. I assume it’s a shark and know that I’m not fast enough to out-swim a shark. I swim toward the boat and am amazed how fast I am. Turns out it was a massive group of koi fish chasing us. I wake up within another dream and tell my husband about my hilarious catchphrase.

I see a series of small children doing a funny hobbit dance in hobbit style clothes. It is so cute. I find out that they belong to attractive, young, trendy lesbians. All of them adopted except for one girl who claims to be the only one with both of her mothers’ genes. I’m not sure how that’s possible. Perhaps a three way mixture of both eggs and the donor sperm. I’m in the dining room and one of the lesbians who looks a bit asian american is painting henna free-hand on the wall. She tells me I need to unleash the intense creative power within me.
I’m renting out a duplex with my older sister. There’s a couple that live next door, but our places are also connected from the inside. Sometimes we use their bathroom. Once the man knocked on our door, asking to hang out. My sister is uncomfortable but I feel like we owe him so I allow him in. I go to sleep at some point and wake up in the middle of the night with him next to me. He’s pinning me down. He tries to tickle me a little bit. I scream at him but can't make any sound. I weakly realize it's because I'm dreaming. I try to get away. I finally break free and he follows me. I get my sister and tell that we need to leave now. She’s paralyzed with fear so I carry her out to the side of the road that looks like my parent’s street. There are a lot of white cars and I don’t know which one is ours. I unlock one and he gets in the driver seat and drives away, thinking I’m in there with him. I unlock my mom’s van and we frantically get inside and peel out. We’re taking an alternate route to my mom’s work. When I get to her work I write what happened with a quill and ink on a belt and in a black and white fashion magazine. Then I go to work, which happens to be a high end fashion show. He’s there and part of the show. Everyone loves him and thinks he’s so sweet and innocent. It makes me sick. My husband is there. After the show he goes to work an Asian breakfast restaurant and ignores us when my husband gently confronts him. I go home. I turn on the light in my bedroom and he’s laying in my bed with sunglasses. This is the second time he’s done that. “I told you you have to stop doing that!” I yell at him. At this point I decide that my best strategy is manipulating him, since resisting hasn’t worked. I get in bed and ask him why he’s doing this. We have an argument about dolphin swimming and water depth. He tries to impress me by showing me the millions of “stickies” he has under the covers for his cell phone. We go together to a different room that looks like my mom’s room. We’re playing baseball with a bunch of older kids in there. He’s the coach. Everything is disorganized. I bide my time and then after a while, say I have to go to the bathroom. I grab my phone that I left the previous night and I go into my bedroom. I contemplate that it’s a lot like Becky’s old bedroom. I try and think of a solution to my predicament. I think of asking people on dream views how to get rid of a stalker. But I realize it would be a dream stalker, following me and assaulting me in all of my dreams.

I’m on a date with my previous step dad. We’re eating dinner on a balcony across from a hospital. It’s night so I can see inside some of the rooms with lights on. My previous step dad has a double who is working at the hospital. I see him in the room opening up chlorhexidine wipes. The one I’m on a date with asks what I do for a living. I point to his nursing double at the hospital but he refuses to look. I don’t like him and I’m totally over the date. I’m eating a snack bag of potato chips. A girl and her mom come over to my table (both overweight) and ask to have the chips. I tell them absolutely not! They then offer to pay for them. Once they get up to the $20 range I let them have it, it’s half eaten anyway and I start to feel like I’m cheating them. In the process, some other guy gets involved and I ditch my date for him. “Are you sure? I don’t have that much money.” He asks. “You have more money than him.” I say while rolling my eyes. We end up getting married and buying a house together. It’s a pretty old house on a farm. I feel like I’m settling a little bit but this is good for now. I like the surrounding open spaces with horses. He is excited about the view on the roof from the hot tub. We end up having 6 kids. 3 of them are now teenagers and 3 are toddlers. My husband gets into the wrong crowd and starts dealing drugs. From third person I watch a car and motorcycle chase he’s involved in. I shake my head in disappointment as he drives by the house and he looks surprised to see me. At this point it’s as though I’m in a movie and I know what’s going to happen next. I call a hitman on my husband who sits outside my house in a yellow minivan. I don’t know when he’s going to shoot so I’m trying to hide. I expect to hear gunshots but he must have used a silencer. When I come out to look, he’s shot all of my children except my teenage daughter who got away with an unwashed keepsake jacket from her brother. Each of my toddlers are sitting in their highchairs with bullets in the heads, surrounded by blood. I’m devastated but because this was like a movie I’d seen before, I expected it. The van was still there and they were watching me. I was hiding behind an ottoman and eventually they lost me so they started raiding the house. I ran out the front door with an overweight female friend. She was shot on the way out and dropped. I didn’t have time to save her. I ran faster than I ever have. I almost ran into a tree so I jumped off of it, which set me back a couple of feet. At this point the man was following me and gaining on me, yet he was walking calmly. I’m not sure why he didn’t just shoot me. He catches up to me and I jump on his back to attack him. He gives me a marker to write a specific derogatory term on his chin. I rebel by writing different derogatory things elsewhere and trying to choke him. He gets some kind of sexual pleasure out of it. I wonder if he’s someone from my past that I wasn’t nice to. Perhaps I bullied him in school. He takes me to a motel who shelters abusive evil people. Through the windows I can see men who have skinned their own faces, raping women. I know I will find no refuge here. I leap into some bushes across the street and stay still. My captor is pissed off and asks a female from the hotel to help find me. I suddenly feel him start touching and grabbing my body but he’s not sure if it’s me. “I think this could be a hoodie.” He said as he touched the hood on my jacket. The lady made them tea from an apartment right next to me and turned on the pool lights. They started swimming and I figured they were distracted enough for me to run for it. But I had nowhere to go but in the pool with them. I tried to push them underwater and drown them. They stopped following me but I still didn’t feel safe without knowing if he was dead or not. I called 911 but they didn’t help. I went to my aunt’s old house and ate purple flowers. They tasted very perfume-y. My sister and some of her friends were there and they were sharing recipes. I was just drawing in a notebook with wooden pages. I was supposed to do my hair in a specific way in three low buns and I insisted I knew how because I wanted to be left alone, but I didn’t know how and people had to come back and help me. They told me my bobby pins suck. I went back home, exhausted of running for my life. I thought I had to do it more but I remembered that the rest of the running was on Breaking Bad and not part of my personal story. Although now I do have all those precious plastic beads I have to hide. Everyone knows that drug dealers (like my deceased husband) are great at making jewelry and their enemies want to steal the plastic beads. I went upstairs and grabbed some boxes of beads trying to decide where I could put them. There was a whole room full of them. I took them to a window overlooking a football field hosting a game and threw some out of the window. I was worried it would hurt the players. I didn’t want to be involved anymore so I went to the party room. It was nicer than I remembered. The floor was a nice hardwood but it was messy. I went in there and relaxed with the college kids who were playing drinking games during daylight.

At my grandma's. There’s a party. I just woke up upstairs and walk downstairs to the bathroom. I’m in boxers and a shirt that says something about beer and hamburgers. I have sunglasses on my head and my hair looks nice for just waking up. D has some responsibilities he’s tending to and JM calls me a dyke with a dick. I’m pissed and a feud ensues. I tell D all about it at the restaurant he owns. I see memes about the Krusty Krab menu looking like Monopoly games: “the look you give when you lose a game of monopoly and have to clean it up”. We’re interrupted when the party comes into his restaurant. I leave and go into a bedroom to go to sleep. My sister is there and we have to share a bed. JM comes in and I tell her I can’t be around that many people without being drunk. She gets in bed next to my sister and they start masturbating each other. I tell them, “I know what you’re doing. Stop. Don’t do that when I’m here.” My sister plays dumb but JM doesn’t. I ask her about all the party people she brought with her. She says they are magical beings and the only way to get rid of them is to trap them in a nitrous oxide tank. I call D since he just got certified in scuba diving. He says he’s not allowed to do that because it would take too much pto. I go to the restaurant and see a giant gorilla with a blue, prosthetic arm that is shaped just like a stick that tapers at the end. We are poking him with ski sticks but it’s just pissing him off. That’s it. We’re going to die. I don’t know what to do. I remember we have Fragarach (a magical sword) so I grab it and chop off the gorilla’s arms and head. I can’t remember if I grabbed it from a table or D’s back. The inside of the restaurant looks like my aunt's old house.
Later I am walking down the street people-watching. I see an attractive blonde couple sitting at a table outside with ice cream. I sit down at a table across the street. It’s dawn. Eventually I look to my right and there’s a girl I kinda recognize. She’s been trying to get my attention. “Didn’t you hear me?!” She exclaimed. “No. Im half deaf right now.” I reply. She asks what D’s business hours are because they’re inconsistent and not adhered to. She says they went to Thailand on what ended up being an extended vacation where they tried to start a restaurant. Now they want to talk to D about the restaurant business. I tell them that by now it’s 6 a.m. so people should be already coming for breakfast and he should be there. He’s been there all night. I go to his restaurant and they had put a sticky sign up next to his hours sign that said they will return to look for him in 5 hours. I go inside and there was a pile up of vehicles. D’s truck was in the middle. AW had a white car off to the left that didn’t get hit. I talked to AW and she told me about what happened. She grabbed a sticky pad like the one that was put by the hours sign and said it’s the shape that represents her sun sign or something. She put it on her back like a tramp stamp. I talked about how the media is going to be so confused about this accident. How unusual, a pile up..inside a building!!

I’m swimming in murky, mossy water next to a bunch of Japanese people on vacation. They think it feels good, I’m just trying not to touch the bottom because I'm grossed out. People get out of a watering hole just in time before it overflows. They think it's fun.

D and I are walking through a building. He talks about being a Monk. It’s something he’s interested in. I see jiujitsu type robes but it turns out they’re pants that come up to the waist with a square cutout at the very center. It's specifically for the monks. The monks overhear him talking about his interest and invite him to talk with them. He does and I leave the room and wait for him in the entrance of the bulding. Girls are coming in to take showers. They start whispering that I lost my husband. I look around and am not seeing him. “Oh no, I lost him again.” I asked the Monks where he went and they started acting very shady. They were Indian. They wanted money before they told me. I gave them the coin they asked for and then they were telling me multiple things, unsure of which lie to stick with. I became really upset. I told them this shouldn’t be that hard. All of them were silent except the one to my left. I looked their monastery up online. There were pics of D on their website as though he worked there. They had quotes from him and stories about Western repressed sexuality. But then someone had posted an undercover video of the Monks called, “The only thing they want to give you is LIES”. Now I was furious and felt sick. I went back to them. The talkative guy had gone into a glass box like a protected receptionist's desk. I told him, “I have a lot of money,” and showed him a handful of coins from my pocket. “I will give it all to you but you have to tell me where he is and you have to be right about it. If I find him I will come back and pay you.” He refused. He said nothing. I felt a huge sense of loss and despair. I wondered if this was a dream. This was so awful it had to be a dream. But it was so real. I thought really hard about what is real and woke up with a startle and reached in the bed to make sure my husband was actually there. Then I fell back asleep and re-entered the dream. I walked outside into the courtyard. Naturally, I figured he shape shifted into a snake. I called for him and got down on all fours so I’d be easier to see. I even hissed. Then I saw his phone and my old phone in someone’s yard. It had a lot of missed calls on it from me. I walked up to the house and there were people inside talking. A couple. They were talking about how he’s in a relationship, a religious one (marriage). I want to break in to look for D but I know that if I do, I’ll have to kill those people.