Lydia's Game of Dreams

2019, 10-30

Skyrim: Bleak Falls Barrow

Regular Dream - Video Game / Semi-lucid - Lucid Dream - Notes

I am playing Skyrim VR, I am exploring Bleak Falls Barrow for what seems like the millionth time. There are bandits at the entrance and I nail them with fireballs when they attack me. To my surprise, one of the bandits actually runs away and doesn’t return to attack again. I go into the barrow and find a few more bandits inside. They have a camp set up and a couple maps, apparently these bandits have heard there is a valuable treasure somewhere in here and they hope to claim it. They attack me on sight and I take them out with fireballs just like the ones outside.

I feel like I’ve played this level a million times, but things seem a bit different. I’m not exactly sure what is different, but something is. Thoughts of it being different slip from my mind as zombies attack. There seem to be more of them than I remember. Maybe I just set the game on a higher difficulty. Yes, that must be the difference. I fight my way through the zombies using fireballs and my sword. It also seems darker in the dungeon than I remember. Did I change the brightness settings? Well this is more realistic… an ancient crypt would be pretty dark.

I continue through the passages, fighting the zombies that attack and finally I reach the chamber with the dragon wall. It looks mostly like I remember it looking in my previous times playing this, and I think any small differences are due to an update on a static mesh improvement mod. I read the word ‘fus’ as it draws my attention right to it and then more draugr attack. There is the boss draugr that comes out of the coffin in front of the dragon wall and three others that I don’t see where they come from. They are all especially weak against fire so I let more fireballs fly.

When the draugr are all re-dead I find the dragonstone map of dragon burial sites in the treasure chest along with some gold. I have to take this back to Whiterun. I leave Bleak Falls Barrow and head down the other side of the mountain towards Whiterun. But I am still on the way when I wake up.

2019, 10-22

Skyrim: The Endless Loop

Regular Dream - Video Game / Semi-lucid - Lucid Dream - Notes

I am on my computer, sitting in my own living room. I am reading a web comic called Cookie and Rose by Cobi van Leeuwen which follows the adventures of two Pusheen sisters named Cookie and Rose and their friends and family. This episode starts out with the ladies entering into an Egyptian pyramid to explore. It is night and the headlights of their jeep provide the only light revealing the entrance. The ladies and a couple other Sheens enter the pyramid. One of them has a map showing the layout of an expansive series of passages and chambers in the pyramid. Shortly after they have entered the main corridor there is a loud noise and the ground disappears from underneath Cookie’s feet. Cookie drops out of sight along with the torch she is carrying. Everysheen gasps and Rose reaches for her sister, but it is too late. Cookie is gone and nosheen knows where to. This is where the episode ends. I leave a comment that says, “COOKIE! NO!” with a shocked emoji. Well that’s enough Facebook for now, I take out my VR headset and start up Skyrim VR.

The game starts up and goes directly to the beginning sequence. I am back in the cart with Ralof, Lokir, and Ulfric. This stupid thing has looped again! I quietly curse at the Thalmor, who I blame for the loop. Then I find myself singing a song from Silent Hill 4 called Tender Sugar… “Not again, not again, not again, this dream I can't awake. What is real, what is real, what is real? It's getting hard for me to take. What I need, what I need, what I need, a little something I rely. And the white sugar gently hides me. Oh the sweet sugar saves me, it's the room that confines me…” The driver of the carriage calls back to stop that singing. I stop singing and I realize Ralof, Lokir, and Ulfric are all staring at me. Can they hear me? This game wasn’t supposed to have voice recognition… Ralof tells me to go ahead and keep singing… what are they going to do? Execute me twice? This sets Lokir off, he says it’s all Ralof’s and Ulfric’s fault that he got captured and if he had his way he would see both of them burned alive over a low fire so it would take a nice long time for them to die. Then he emphasizes that he doesn’t include me in that, he knows I’m no foul Stormcloak and… I tell him to cram it. He does a double take, but then for a wonder, he shuts up.

We arrive in Helgen and go in. I see Elenwen on a horse not far off. I mutter to myself that I will definitely fus her straight to Oblivion this time. A fus, a ro, and a dah and she will go flying off of the highest cliff I can find into the endless abyss. Then I realize I’m thinking aloud and Ulfric is looking at me and I shut up. Now I am in front of the Imperial captain who orders my unjust execution and the lyrics of Metallica come out… “Die, die, die, my darling! Don't utter a single word! Die, die, die, my darling! Just shut your pretty mouth, I'll be seeing you again. I'll be seeing you in Hell!” Then General Tullius is giving his monologue. Ulfric is completely ignoring him and looking at me. This seems to frustrate Tullius a bit, his monologue seems less confident and he finally walks off. Ulfric keeps staring at me. Now Evanescence lyrics from the song Taking Over Me come out, I don’t seem to be able to stop myself… “You don't remember me, but I remember you. I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you. But who can decide what they dream? And dream I do…” The lyrics trail off as I ask if Ulfric somehow DOES remember me… no, that’s impossible. This is another loop.

Everything goes normally from there. They try to have my head off and then Alduin attacks. I follow Ralof and the other Stormcloaks into the tower. But then it hits me that I’ve lost all of the progress I’d made in my previous game. This feels extremely depressing and I just drop to my knees under the weight of the depression. I ignore Ulfric when he says we need to move now, he’s not talking about me. Ralof tells me to get up the tower, but I ignore him, too. I say I think I’ll sit this one out. Ulfric asks what I’m waiting for. I look up, wondering why Ulfric would be addressing me when there are Stormcloaks who need to get away safely, including a wounded Stormcloak near me. I focus healing energy and he recovers. It must have been him Ulfric was talking to. I return to waiting to see what happens if I just sit here. Then someone is pulling me to my feet. I look and see Ulfric. He says he doesn’t know why I have decided to give up so easily… I say I have done this sooooo many times… Ulfric continues and says there’s no way the Dragonborn would give up, we’re leaving now. Then Ralof is also pulling me up. If I don’t go I’ll probably get Ralof and Ulfric killed… but how does Ulfric know I’m Dragonborn? That hasn’t been discovered yet…

I get up and go along with Ulfric and Ralof. Aside from Ulfric being with us everything is following the normal course. I get separated for a bit and have to follow Hadvar until I find Ralof again. I don’t see Ulfric. Ralof says they got separated. The rest of the intro quest goes normally. I take too much pleasure in setting the Imperial captain on fire, the one who ordered my execution even though I wasn’t on the list. Ralof and I get out of Helgen just as Alduin is flying away. Ralof wants to get my promise that there will be no more talk of giving up. I realize my depression has lifted some and I no longer feel like giving this cycle up. I tell Ralof it was a passing depression, and it has passed now. I thank him for helping me. He says we are both safe, that’s what counts. We make our way to Riverwood before I wake up.

2019, 10-17

Underground Slavery

Regular Dream - Video Game / Semi-lucid - Lucid Dream - Notes

I am playing Skyrim VR. I am in a cage. There is a Dunmer outside the cage gazing in at me. He is wearing green robes and has some mechanical device over his left eye that makes it look like he has been assimilated by the Borg. I ask who he is and he says he is Shanath Selthri, we are now in Sadrith Kegran, and I am his property. I say no, I belong to no one. He says he bought and paid for me so I am his. I tell him I’ve heard enough of that bullshit, I’m out of here. He says not until he lets me out, I can’t even get out of that cage unless he lets me out. I form my right arm into an Alex Mercer blade and cut through the cage bars, creating an easy exit. Shanath steps back and stares at this and repeats that I am his slave and I must obey him. I find myself speaking in Disturbed lyrics. “I’m no slave, are you feeling brave? Or have you gone out of your mind?” I am thinking to cut him in two but then I stop… he’s no threat to me so there’s no need to kill. Instead I cut my blade through the air just centimeters from his chest. I’m rewarded with a look of fear and smell of urine. He has wet himself. Good enough. I unform my blade and walk out the door.

I exit Shanath’s house into a city with huge glowing mushrooms. Graceful bridges span streams of phosphorescent water and strange crab creatures have glowing things on their backs. It is as bright as noon, but when I look up I see I’m not outside, I’m are in a huge underground cavern. Everything glows a different color, the result is beautiful. I wander through the town looking at the sights. The town is filled with mostly Dunmer, though there are some other people around. I notice the other people are all wearing rags while the Dunmer are wearing brightly colored robes like Shanath had been. I approach a woman in rags and speak to her. She looks at me but doesn’t answer. I try again. A Dunmer in dark pink robes comes over and tells me to leave her slave alone. I tell her she just lost her slave. And unless she wants to lose more than that she will walk away. I am feeling angry as I form my right arm into an Alex Mercer blade and fix the Dunmer woman with what I hope is an intimidating glare. She starts responding with, “How dare you…” but then thinks better of it and hurries off.

I turn my attention back to the woman. She looks scared. I tell her she’s safe with me now and will soon be free. I ask her if she can respond to me. She shakes her head and opens her mouth to reveal she has no tongue. I ask if these foul slave traders did that to her and she nods. I am even angrier now. I focus healing energy on the woman and it is able to regenerate her tongue. Her speech is a bit slurred as if she’s forgotten how to talk properly. She then points behind me. I look and see the woman from earlier along with a Dunmer man in green robes and several guards. The Dunmer woman points at me and says I’m the one who was so arrogant as to think I can take her slave. I glare at both of them and say true arrogance is thinking you have the right to abduct innocent people and bring them into an existence of forced labor and imprisonment. I tell her that ends now. I am taking the slaves with me. I will heal them and set them free. I brandish my Alex Mercer blade and add that if anyone interferes they will find themselves minus more than just a couple slaves.

I keep the slave woman close to me as I go to look for more. The guards block my way. I still have hope of getting out without killing so I fus the group of five guards. FUS-RO-DAH! The guards fly backwards and land in a pile. I tell them that is the last non-lethal method I will use, so do not interfere! The Dunmer man says I can’t leave so I might as well give up. I ignore him and go off to find more slaves. I find more and heal their tongues. I have a dozen slaves with me when we head for the exit. When I go to pass through I feel my energy getting drained. I see I have an amulet on that is doing it. I pull the amulet off and throw it on the ground. I see they are all wearing the amulets so I take all of the amulets off and leave them in a pile on the ground. We all walk out of a cave and into the sunlight. Everyone seems to be unsure of what to do. I figure they need money to start a new life. I pull a purse full of gold from my robes. I have tons of it! I give each person 10,000 gold to start with and I still have tons left. What do I want to spend it on? I’ll hang on to it for now. I wake up here.

2019, 10-04

Fus You, You Foul Bullies!

Regular Dream - Video Game / Semi-lucid - Lucid Dream - Notes

I am in high school. I’m a student. Everyone is outside doing a scavenger hunt. There are items we are supposed to gather. Everyone is looking. I find a trash can with plastic bottles in it so I collect the bottles. I want to recycle them. A couple of girls laugh at me for going through the garbage. I go inside the library and find a girl reading. She finishes some soda in a red plastic cup and throws the cup away. She gets a new cup out and pours more soda. Why doesn’t she use the same cup? I go and pull the cups from the trash. The girl asks if I’m recycling. I say yes. She drinks the soda in her current cup and hands it to me before taking out another new cup. I say she can use the same cup. She laughs and pours into the new cup. I am annoyed as I leave the library. It is dark outside. I didn’t think I’d been inside that long. I start walking home. After I go a short distance, I think I’m going the wrong way. I keep going and I come to a bridge. This isn’t the way home! There are people on the bridge that look like they’re arguing. I head over there. I rub my nose and something seems off, so I pinch my nose to do a reality check. I’m dreaming!

The arguing from the people on the bridge sounds like it’s getting serious. I get closer and I hear them talking to each other, something about a hat. When I get closer still I hear expletives, some nasty slurs referring to gay people. Then the fight starts. Three guys start beating the crap out of a fourth while a fifth calls out for help. I go over there and the man calling for help tells me to go get help, fast, before they kill Ade! I don’t need help for a few bullies. I go over to them and yell at them to stop. I get their attention. One kicks the man they have been beating one more time before coming towards me. The man on the ground is writhing in pain. One of the bullies who looks to be the leader asks what I’m going to do if they won’t stop? He calls me a little girl and tells me to go away before he decides it’s ok to hit girls. I tell them to leave the two men alone or else. He asks or else what? Am I going to cry? I say no, but I will fus them off this bridge. He starts to undo his pants and says he’ll give me a fus I’ll never forget. He approaches me. I ask if they’re refusing to leave the two men alone. He says he’ll finish with them after he’s done with me.

I surreptitiously position myself where I can hit the three bullies with one fus. I tell the lead bully he’s done right now then I fus all three of them. FUS-RO-DAH! The force blasts all three bullies off the bridge. I look after the three of them and I see the splashes as they hit the water below. They struggle for a bit to regain full motion and then swim for the shore. They are swimming for different places on the shore, but that’s not a problem. They’ll live. I see someone waiting on the bank where the lead bully is heading. That person is dressed in a clown suit! What the fus is a clown doing down there? The man who had been calling for help asks me how I did that. I pay no attention, I am watching the clown as he pulls the lead bully out of the water. The bully, clearly angry and not wanting help, pulls his arm free of the clown and glares at him. That makes the clown mad. The clown’s face transforms into one big maw with what looks like hundreds of razor-sharp shark teeth. The lead bully is screaming in terror when the clown literally bites his face off! What kind of monster is that? I jump off the bridge to go after what I am thinking must be a demon of some kind. But instead of falling into the water I fall into bed and wake up.

2019, 10-02

Regular Dream - Video Game / Semi-lucid - Lucid Dream - Notes

The Dark Tower: I F’d Up In One Place

I am in my bathroom. I am getting ready to go to bed. I am brushing my teeth. I look down and I see my kitty Shadow sitting in front of the tub. I know Shadow has crossed the Rainbow Bridge so I think she is a ghost. I go over and stroke her soft fur. I note how soft and silky the fur feels and I hear her reply with a purr. I keep petting her and she purrs louder. The bathroom door flies open and a man in robes who looks like Obi-Wan Kenobi rushes in, opens the toilet, then hikes up his robes and sits on the pot with an audible sigh of relief followed by some obnoxious noises. Shadow hisses at him and leaves the room. I am about to scold Obi-Wan Kenobi for scaring my ghost cat away, but I stop when I realize how absurd that sounds. Instead of getting mad at Obi-Wan Kenobi I pinch my nose to do a reality check. I am dreaming! Well that explains a lot…

I want to get to the Dark Tower world. Doors are frequently used as portals in the Dark Tower world so I close the bathroom door and focus on the idea it will lead to the Dark Tower world. Then I remember I said I’d try to get MoSh in on the dream so I change my focus to MoSh’s inner world. Obi-Wan Kenobi makes some more obnoxious noises and a foul stench wafts from the toilet. I really want out of that bathroom now. I open the door and hurry through. I look around now and I see a place I don’t recognize. It looks like a normal neighborhood. MoSh is there, I go tell him it’s Dark Tower time. He asks if Jamie can come. I can’t remember who Jamie is. I ask MoSh if Jamie can handle herself if things get ugly. He doesn’t seem to know. I tell him I’m heading for the Dark Tower, or that’s where I hope to go. I look around for a door. I don’t see any door standing alone so I go to the door to a house. MoSh says he doesn’t know who lives there. I say it doesn’t matter, it leads to the Dark Tower.

I open the door and step through into a field of roses. I am on a path leading through the roses to the Dark Tower, which is standing tall and dark at the end of the path in the middle of the roses. I hear a strange sound coming towards me from the tower and then the sound of Roland’s gun firing. There is an explosion not far from me as Roland tells me to get to cover for my father’s sake, he’s throwing sneetches! I look for MoSh and I see him there with a woman, they are headed towards the tower. The Crimson King is up on a balcony of the Dark Tower, I can see him in his red robes and hear him laughing like a maniac. Now he throws two of the spherical sneetches at once. I form each arm into an Alex Mercer blade and use the flat of the blade to knock them back, they explode safely in the distance. The Crimson King is having a tantrum. I look around again and I see some strange mutant Thalmor. When the Crimson King throws three more sneetches, I use my blades to knock them in the direction of those mutant Thalmor. Three of them explode in a bloody mess. Yuck.

I see MoSh off to my left fighting with a mutant Thalmor that has a tiny little head and huge arms, but I can’t focus on that much because the Crimson King is getting hugely frustrated with his inability to hit me with a sneetch even though I’m out in the open. He keeps throwing more and I knock them away, and if I miss any Roland shoots them out of the air. I loudly ask the Crimson King if that’s all he’s got, because if it is then he’s more pathetic than I’d originally thought… and I’ve always thought he was pathetic. He has another tantrum as I get closer to the Dark Tower. It really seems as if all he’s got are sneetches, as he throws more of them. Now I am aiming them back at him. This is a bit more difficult to do so it takes a few tries before it finally works. One explosion on the balcony leads to a much larger explosion, probably the rest of the sneetches getting set off by the first one.

Then I find I am with a couple other people at the base of the Dark Tower. Roland is there and he has been yelling a bunch of names, I don’t remember what names. Roland opens the door to the tower. I realize I still have the Horn of Eld. I’d hung on to it so it wouldn’t get lost before Roland reached the tower. Roland walks through the door to the tower and I quickly follow him to give him the horn. But when I get into the Dark Tower there is no sign of Roland. I am alone. I look around and start climbing. As I see familiar scenes in the rooms off of the stairway I realize that each person entering the Dark Tower would seem to enter their own instance of it… so I won’t be able to find Roland! Shit! I hurry up a few more levels until I have confirmed that I have fucked up royally. I focus on getting to wherever Roland is. At first it doesn’t work, but finally a door opens onto an endless desert. Roland is there and looks surprised to see me. I give him the horn and tell him if he wants to shoot me for my stupidity then go ahead. He just looks puzzled as I wake.