MadamAurantia

I don't know if I was lucid or not. But I was watching a TV recording of a freaky ballet based on some kind of 18th Century French Novel. Then there was an ad for a warped Peter Pan sequel, really New Agey. Then I left to go work in a theatre, which had a few levels of basement in descending levels of decay as they went downwards. In the lowest level, I found one of my French profs, my favorite one, also working on the stage piece the theatre was putting on (My old theatre prof was the director of this piece.). It turned out to be the same freaky ballet, and he was consulting on historical accuracy.

We chatted for a while, and we both found out that he's related to my husband's side of the family by marriage. Someone else's, not his, as he's never been hitched. We had a few moments of "Cool, we're kind of maybe related!" before the director sent me to a beauty parlor to get supplies.

I didn't fit in there any better than I do in real beauty places. Someone tried to convince me to cut all my hair off, showing me a wig with "Lesbian Chic" short hair in 5 different shades from yellow to red. I know this hair now; a few years ago I had an erotic dream featuring a chick with this hair. Odd. Sexy, though... I'd forgotten about that dream...

They completely ignored what I was needing, telling me that these colors were no good for me... but I needed them for someone else, I worked in a theatre, but no one even seemed to hear that part. I left angry, and it was dark. Kind of stormy, too, though I vaguely remember seeing stars. Then I woke up, happy because I didn't have to really go back and tell this theatre prof that her favorite salon wouldn't sell me anything basically because I was so ugly they wanted to fix me rather than help me.

This theatre prof's rage is notorious. I don't ever want her pissed at me. Not even in a dream.

Well, I remember discussing family oddities with Fonzie while my little sister did something involving dolls in the other room, then I woke up and crashed again.

Then I dreamed that I was desperate for a place to study, so bad that I broke into the first church I ever went to. Now, this place is a common element in my dreams, but it's always a building with one of those layouts that you can never escape from. Open an exit, it opens to the entrance on the other side of the building, and all that.

Well, I opened a door to one of the classrooms, hoping for a table and chairs to work with, and found a pastor there. He said he was going to call the police unless I watched a video the church had prepared. It seems that they had been having problems with burglars, and even with all my homework on my back I couldn't convince him that I wasn't interested in theft. I just wanted to study. I had homework due.

But he made me sit down and watch a cartoon (with anthropomorphic animals, no less!) about how no matter what my friends thought, breaking into buildings was "not cool." Very cliche.

"Look, Miss. The person breaking into that church is a rat. You don't want to be a rat, do you?"
"You do realize that I'm 26, right? Not 5?"
"This isn't funny, Miss. This is very serious. This is your future we're talking about. You're on the road to drugs and prostitution."
"That's nice. Can I do my homework while I watch this?"

Finally he let me go, so late that not only had I missed my assignment, but the class it was for. I had flunked my class. He asked me if I ever wanted to break into a church again, and I told him that I was never setting foot in any church again. I think I added a "you bastard" to that. On my way out, I found his a woman by the side of the road with a blown tire, and offered to give her a ride. Turned out she was the pastor's wife, come to pick him up from guard duty. I dropped her off back at the church, and the pastor started cheering that he had saved another lost youth. I flipped him off as I left.

Somehow, I wound up neighbors with Duncan McLeod, and he was teaching me to swordfight. I wasn't an immortal, it was just for fun. There was something involving My Little Ponies, and my old church, and of course a fight. I don't think I want any more details, really. This was quite enough 90's flashback for me.

I know it involved a movie theatre, watching Lord of the Rings. Something was far enough off about it that I even noticed it in the dream. Someone had a gun, or the characters jumped off the screen, or something. I remember a lot of action, and blood, and popcorn. It was the same Mall movie theatre that I've seen a few times, with the geography all skewed, but I didn't notice the odd geography at the time.

There may have been kids with me. Whose they would have been is a complete mystery, though.

I was hanging out in the forest with the old Bill Bixby's David Banner. We'd spent a lot of time hiking together since becoming friends. We joined Tyler Durden's Fight Club together, me because I LOVE to fight, and him because after Fight Club he didn't get angry as easily. We had much clean fun in the woods, then this very effeminate dude I knew as a child showed up with an axe and the dream turned into one of those freaky chase dreams. Banner didn't even shift to fight back, since he didn't get angry anymore. Dammit, and I would have liked the Hulk, too.

I need to not take Benadryl to sleep. With all the family issues going on right now, it wasn't good.

I was about 18, and my younger sister was 15ish. I don't remember exactly what was going on, but she started following me and telling me everything that was wrong with me psychologically. Every time I told her to leave me alone, she analyzed that too. I finally stormed out of the house, just leaving home to get away from her. She followed me still, chirping about how disturbed I must be to be running away from home. I stopped, gripping her wrist and bending it backwards until she started crying, and cussed her up one side and down the other telling her to f*** off and that I hated her. Then I woke up.

Before this, I was with my husband visiting an adult-themed shopping mall. It was a fascinating place with kinkiness that I didn't know my mind was capable of. Yay, me. But when I tried to leave, I suddenly found myself uncontrollably vomiting until I went back inside. I threw up blue hair at one point, and something pinkish and still undigested. I never ate, but I hurled several stomachfuls of yuk before waking.

On waking this first time, I saw my husband asleep next to me but he somehow registered as my Dad. I was shocked and disgusted at my cuddle instinct until I realized who it was beside me.

The sister thing is reliving some family drama, but a different sister is the one doing this. My elder sister has decided that something has damaged me to make me convert from the family religion, and is determined to heal me by the power of the family deity whether I want it or not. She recently sent me a Christmas card full of rather threatening rhetoric about what this god will do to me if I don't repent. And since I'm the only one of my faith in the family, no one will back me in this. They think she's a little over-the-top, but still in the right mind-set.

My little sister has come the closest to supporting me, and I'm very big-brotherish in my overprotectiveness of her no matter my femininity. I'd never hurt my Bugg in reality. Dunno why my mind translated my older sister into her.

I don't have many scary nightmares, just rage and screaming fits.

There are some dreams just too weird to share. Sorry.

I remember traipsing around Warrensburg, where my university is, yard sale shopping, but all anyone had was mountains of pink and yellow plastic baby gear (Stupid estrogen!). Then I was back in Illinois, in my childhood home, and we somehow had a pet mini-polar bear. It was about 8 inches in length, and had a baby that was the size of a hamster. I loved tickling the baby mini-bear, as it would growl all tiny and try to maul my hand. Cuuuuuute! But then I'd see the mother mini-bear climb my leg all mama-bearish and she'd maul my knee trying to get the baby back. So I gave it back to her, and she washed it, then growled at the family cat for looking at the baby too hungrily.

I woke up, then went back to sleep. I was visiting my granddad's house in Christopher, and hanging with his houseguest while Dad and he chatted. This houseguest was Joe Pesci, and we played with rollerblades in granddad's kitchen when no one was looking. Dad came in, told me to get my regular shoes on so we could leave (never complained about rollerblades), and I had trouble. I can never tie my shoes in a dream. Then Antonio Banderas wandered up from the basement, don't ask me what he was doing in there, and put on a tango CD. He and Pesci (still in rollerblades) began to dance purely for the silliness of it in the dining room, with Banderas leading. After a few moments of tango, still silly and pretending to quarrel, Pesci grabbed a yardstick and Banderas a broom handle and they proceeded to have an old school fencing match in the dining room. I got a bit weirded out, so I tried to put on my headphones (P!nk's "There You Go" was playing) but the earbuds shattered when they touched my ears. Then I woke up, very confused.

Feeling much better. Over the last couple of days, I've had some rather interesting elements.

At one point I flew a couple of miles straight up in the air (Not so good at actually traveling, but I like to hover. This was non-lucid.) at night. I saw stars dancing and flying around in formation, coming towards me. I got disturbed, thinking it was possibly divine in some way and not wanting to really interact with them. I made a troop of them disappear in a flash, simply by willpower. It was as if I wasn't supposed to be up there, and they wanted to catch me for it. I let myself drop, both to mischievously spite the dancing stars and to just enjoy the falling feeling. It's not the first time I've flown high simply to ride the freefall. But this time, instead of hitting the ground, the ground simply opened up beneath me and I kept falling into the hotter layers of the Earth. Like the "divinity" was crossing my escape by sending me southward (if you know what I mean...). I thought "No." to myself, and suddenly kicked awake into reality.

Another time, well, I was ovulating for the first time in years (Off the Pill) and the downstairs neighbors have a baby who's either teething or has an infected ear. The poor thing screams and cries nonstop, which combined with my hormones meant that I dreamed of a baby. I was a teenager, and we had a new baby brother (never in reality, though), but I wasn't "good enough" in my mother's mind to care for him. My younger sister was given the job, and I was told not to mess with the baby. But I heard the crying outside, and learned that my more "responsible" sister had gotten distracted and left the baby outside in early January. I rescued the baby, still crying, and gave it to Mom. I told her that the responsible one had left my brother in the cold, and Mom chewed me out for messing with the baby when I wasn't supposed to. The younger sister was never in trouble, and told to keep taking care of the baby.

I remember another time, dreaming of a woman I knew several years ago. I don't remember what she was up to, but that I saw her.

Still not remembering dreaming, exactly. Thanks to the cold meds and fever, though, being awake is so surreal that I don't need to.

When I do sleep, the closest I'm experiencing is delirious flashes of senses: tastes, sounds, smells, etc. before I fall asleep. Usually I wake up for one of them and have to try to get back to sleep. People spend beaucoup bucks for this kind of trip, and I'm getting it naturally. Woo hoo.

I am dreaming, I know that. I just can't remember them other than the sense-disco.

The other day, I was aware of lying on the sofa while I was also aware of sitting up reading a paper that turned to gelatin in my hands. Was this a dream? Or just a hallucination brought on by meds and fever? Screw this, back to bed.

Well, I think the psycho dream redhead might have had something to do with the fever I just found out I've had for a couple of days.

No dreams last night, or today, as the NyQuil does its job well.

I've been both sick as a dog, and out of town. Dreams have been so crazy. At one point, I was nightmaring lucidly about the Saw movies, which I don't even watch (Saw 1-3, then gave up.), then woke into a higher layer non-lucid to find myself having sex with Jigsaw. Ew? Think this had something to do with seeing my rather useless brother-in-law. I think he fits the vic profile nicely.

Yes, you can nightmare in a lucid. It's like watching a scary movie of yourself: you're a spectator, not a participant. Yeesh.

There were a few others, but nothing as vivid as last night. That one broke into my reality for a short time. I was totally lucid in a dream of my hometown (Dream-world geography again!), and I figured that I'd have some fun in an antique/thrift shop by playing dress-up. I'm never as mature in dreams as I am in reality, but I'm much more fun. Unfortunately, there were no dressing rooms, and the outfits I had started to shrink as soon as I started walking around looking for one, so I figured that since I'm dreaming, it was alright for me to start changing there in the store in front of everyone. I got a couple of items on, then the proprietress appeared and told me that it was inappropriate to be changing clothes in the store and that Id have to leave.

I tried to reason with her that this was all a dream, so it didn't matter because she and everyone else were imaginary, but several of the other shoppers physically threw me out. Then a Gothic chick with short, fire-engine red hair and a low growly voice (I swear she was one of my old Harry Potter fanfic characters!) showed up and told me that the proprietress was very powerful and her friends were coming to beat me up for embarrassing her like that.

We ran all over my hometown trying to get away. I could have flown, and I knew it, but I didn't want to leave the girl who helped me. I was wondering how unreal they were since I couldn't control them, and was concerned for her well-being. Suddenly I was aware (watching, as if in a film again) that the proprietress was a sorceress, and to avenge herself on me she made my friend aware that she was a dream, and not "real."

She cursed us both that we would know reality. This didn't bother me, the real person, but suddenly the redhead started screaming and chanting that she wanted to know, see, hear, and live reality. She attacked me, trying to claw her way through me into the real world. When she hit me I found myself awake in my mother-in-law's spare room, yet in sleep paralysis. The dream redhead appeared as a lump in the blankets, completely non-humanoid yet I recognized her, and attacked again by biting onto my left breast and clinging on. I couldn't move to fight, being paralyzed, but I managed to get out the thought "HELP ME" aimed at my husband. He was sleeping next to me. Then the blanket-chomper vanished, only a blanket over my breast, and we were both awake. He is completely unaware of what happened, so I dunno if he helped or if I jerked and startled him awake.

But that freaked me out.

I remember sitting in a restaurant/kitchen for a holiday, with all of my relatives around eating waffles. One of my older sisters, with whom I have never gotten along, told me that there was a waffle iron in Mom and Dad's bedroom.

Before this, I was wandering the plant aisle at Lowe's looking for garden plants.

I went into the bedroom and found a rectangular waffle iron, functioning more like a mold. I poured some batter into the hole and set it to heating, and waited at my parents' computer playing a game.

Hmm. The first one involved visiting a city on an island, but unfortunately the island was raised (and balanced, eek) on a stone pillar a couple of hundred feet in the air. I decided not to visit, as I get vertigo and am scared of heights in my dreams. So I took the giant climbing rope with which people were supposed to visit, and played ultimate rope swing with it. Wheeee! I woke from a delicious sense of freefall.

Second and third, don't remember. I've been sleeping in 2-3 hour shifts, had several over the last couple of days. I just can't keep track of everything, can I?

Last sleep, I dreamed that I was attending a CLC church (nightmare fuel, for my mind: no good memories there) lunch before a big service, with my parents, my husband's grandmother, and my granddad. BTW, Granddad's still dead IRL. Grandma-in-law's still alive and awesome. My dad did something I can't remember, but I was so offended that I told him I didn't want to see him in public anymore today and I left.

Next thing I know, Dad's driving me towards the big house that my husband and I just bought. While I was getting offended at CLC, my husband and our two future-cohabitants were getting all moved in. I was going home, but Dad keeps "missing" the house. He drives past it over and over and over, until in anger I get out of the car in a traffic jam (road is somehow full of RVs) and try to walk there. But now, it's suddenly on a 50 foot high plateau. Somehow I'm not bothered by the heights, and begin to climb with no trouble whatsoever up the cliffs. I get about halfway up, and wake up.

This is very odd to me. IRL, I'm almost never this angry with my father. Since I started journaling, my mother finally left my mind and now Dad seems to be taking her place of sadism. Why???

The two high goals remind me of a common theme in my subconscious: staircases. There is often a staircase, a long one, that I can never master. I've had missing stairs that couldn't be passed, endless stairwells, vertigo, and moving stairs throwing me off. A rope ladder is another climbing tool, and this time I simply dropped the goal and enjoyed the ride. Once I became angry and determined enough, I could scrap the stairs completely and make it up without trouble. I've made it to the top once, years ago, and what I found I'm still unready to discuss.

It was very vivid, and didn't bleed over into reality this time, but I didn't have a chance to get to the computer in time and now I've forgotten everything. It was a fun one, too.