nightmare

Last night, I had my second lucid dream. In it, I became aware my mother, who I had just been talking to, had vanished. This sparked lucidity, and I euphorically ran down a track at a college I live nearby to, shouting in triumph. I nearly lost lucidity, so I calmed down. I've never flown in a dream, so I tried. Nothing happened, even though I knew it was a dream, I knew I was able to fly if I had the expectation present. Disappointed, I saw my sister walking ahead of me, but she was walking funny.. like she was made of melted putty, swinging her arms and legs strangely. She transformed then into a large, sinister character with a monstrous face torn in some parts to reveal his skull, which was slightly on fire, wearing a trench coat. Rorschach meets Ghost Rider, then takes nightmare steroids and grows. He strode quickly toward me, then transformed into an obscure acquaintance. My desire in dreams is to talk to DCs, so I asked him, what do you represent? He answered, you, now. He walked away, gaining a blue toga and a massive bow, like a Greek hero, or Kid Icarus. I looked into the sky, which started to fade to black, then back down to retain my dream awareness. I tried spinning to a new environment to no avail.

Knowing this was a lucid dream, I started looking for some lucid booty, and I am not a pirate. I asked several women I saw to undress, but they vehemently defended their honor as any woman in a street would, making me feel self-conscious and slightly abashed. I walked into a nearby building and couldn't change anything. Nothing, I was in a very low degree control over the dream. I talked with a couple people about making plans to go to another dream, and they were drawing up plans for it (a cruise in a wondrous tropical sea with a boatload of girls), when I walked past a man I knew sitting on a couch. He said, Matt, this will always be a part of you, then proceeded to molest a girl I know who he was next to, who was sniffling and unresponsive. Enraged, I lost sight of creating a tropical paradise and wanted to hit him, though I'm not generally violent. As I moved slightly toward him, I merged with the girl on the couch, who turned into a very close lady friend, and the dream turned sexual.

I woke up feeling angry, ashamed at the disturbing content and thrown off in general. Did I expect to be turned down? Was the amorous ending a reward for trying to attack evil, or did I give into my anger and become the evil itself? Mainly, I see the strangeness of it all as being caused by my inability to control and manipulate my dream environment (not able to fly, create new dream, etc.). If I had been flying, I think I could have escaped the nightmarish elements of it.

The real unanswerable question is, why are the two evil characters in the piece, the fearsome monster hero and the predator, a part of me, and how can I either integrate them into my psyche... or destroy them? Love your enemies despite their wickedness, even if they are within, or are these weeds in me that I should be rooted out and burned?

These are moments that struck me as odd or notable, drawn from a number of dreams over the past four or five months. All non-lucid. Mainly these are moments that disturbed me, the ones I felt had deeper meaning if I had the wisdom to penetrate the veil around them--moments with animals, periods of huge change in the dream, and quiet, dark aspects.

-My ex-girlfriend and now good friend had written a book of life advice. Knowing she wrote it, I spoke to her, and she answered through the pages. I felt a sudden chill of knowing and a measure of uneasiness. She told me to sell everything that I owned.

-An old lady who rode my bus. We got off at the same time. In the midst of mindless chitchat, I started discussing centaurs. She told me, "War is coming. Mars shines brighter than ever. And Pluto." I told her, "I am Pluto."

-The closest I've been to flying, I was on a Skyrim-esque adventure (what a beautiful, wonderful game), and I had jetpacks that shot me up into the air. I'd fall, then launch myself up again. Think Iron Man, but propulsion rather than energy.

-A wooden boat in an underground crypt, like the Phantom of the Opera. I knew it was preparation for something. Later, a Smith Agent reaches into my forehead. I left, and had a strange incident with a dog, which was tied to me, and a squirrel, which I tried to protect from the dog but ended up scratching me. A group of friends took a look at my wrist, rubbed my forehead and reassured me to not feel fear or anxiety.

-A group of schoolmates, who have no drug interest, all took magic mushrooms. They all described it as catapulting the mind into the universe. However, it was intuitively understood that the return to earth would have to be paid in blood.

-First lion dream, my friend had one chained. It ran back and forth, the length of its chain. I lay there. It would sniff me each pass, getting closer. Fear.

-Second lion dream. I'm sitting with a friend in a field, and I see a lion approach. I determine not to move or show any signs of fear, but I know I'm lying, the lion knows, my scent is palpable. He approaches, sniffs me as if to take a bite. Then, the dream shifts. Another friend tells me the lion was shot with a tranquilizer dart from a helicopter.

-In the dark of night, under an underpass in heavy snow, I stumble and fall as I walk with my brother's ex-girlfriend. My hand finds another warm hand buried in the snow, and I grasp it. Fear wakes me.

-An eagle perches on a totem pole, and lets down an ancient runed manuscript that reads: 'Human Yoga.' He transforms into a boy named Sam, though he wishes to remain anonymous and is only revealed by a group of passerbys.

-As I walk in the front door of my home at night, I see unfathomably massive lights in the sky, like great energy beams charging. They briefly grow in intensity (it looks like ancient letters with the Enlgish W, S and A) then fire. With a primal yell, I struggle to slam my front door shut due to the incredible shock wave that sweeps through. Low in the sky, a ship the size of a small city roars overhead.

-A very intelligent, conservative and large dragon was intent on consuming my family, friends and own person. We were in a castle by a forest of evil monkeys, and I was attempting to diplomatically see everyone out of this crisis.

-My brother and I were in an industrial, Spartan-like training complex where boys were trained into soldiers. We found a room with water and boxes. I opened one and pulled out this strange fleshly doll, abnormally proportion (large chest and arms, triangular but human). I dropped it into the water, and remember debating whether to pull it out. I knew it was right to, so I did. As I picked it up, it drew breath.

-I was playing a hunting game. I morphed into a werewolf, but then took to the skies as a pterodactyl.

-A dream of two blind men at different times. One passed me in a hall. The other, I scaled a wall, and he was scaling the opposite way. The guy looked rough, with strange eyes, oozing sores, and an expression of anguish.

-Three large snakes were moving in waves, all as one. There was one tiny white snake that I held in my hand.

-I had three bugs of different color which I noticed were imbedded in my forearm. They began to hurt, and I scratched at them to break free from their painful bite.

-I was driving with my friend in the city, when I noticed a bridge next to us begin to collapse. We were on a bridge, too, and it collapsed behind. As we entered, the buildings of the city began to be broken up and destroyed around us as we drove both forward and in reverse.

-I was missing several teeth. A woman I knew suggested I use various crystals and stones, but they were all too large to fit what was missing.