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    Realizations in Bardo

    by , 05-16-2023 at 06:52 PM (181 Views)
    Was spending time with my dad and he said "It just occurred to me in bardo that, this whole time, you wanted to spend time with me..." and he and stared straight ahead in shock as the realization hit him.

    I nodded. I wanted that more than anything, but gave up because he was cold towards me. I tried for years and he always shot me down.
    One time I asked if he wanted to go to this festival we went to once when I was a kid, one of the few memories I have of him, and he said "No, that's for young people. I don't do that anymore." with bitterness as though he thought I cared about the festival.
    That was when I realized he didn't cherish those memories. I don't know if he ever thought twice about me and the more I tried to spend time with him, the more it seemed he didn't.

    "...No one ever wanted to spend time with me. Why?" he asked me, looking so shocked, confused, and heartbroken.

    I lifted my hands struggling to come up with the words, but gave up. "I don't know. Your my dad. I love you. And... I thought you seemed fun to be around, anyway." I said but couldn't hold it together and started crying. I had to leave, so I walked away.

    I saw it on his face that he finally understood.
    If only it wasn't a dream. I cried for a bit as I put away the dream ice cream I was going to eat—but no longer felt like eating—and then woke myself up because I was only dreaming to avoid waking reality. It's like 10 AM...
    Meiseki and Harlequin like this.

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    Updated 05-16-2023 at 08:11 PM by 99032

    Tags: bardo, lucid
    lucid , memorable