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It's been awhile since i've dreamt, but lately i've been dreaming. And it's always you. I dont want it to be, I hate it. But I can't help it.

A few days ago I had a lucid about me finding the lost parts of myself and piecing them back together to save my family. To create this kind of superman to defeat all evils. It bothered me a little that I thought of myself as able to do that. Ahh well.

well, I realize the last time I posted was before I did the ritual of the serpent. that was... nearly 2 years ago. It took awhile but my dreams have been coming back to me over the past year. I could talk about my nights in the crucible. Or my nights in the hells of death, the moment before death when all is fine. I could talk about my days in the arena, or my journey through the countryside into my darkest horrors. I could talk about my reflections on my past and vaugner the pussy lol. I could talk about my recent dreams where my guides have come back and started testing me more and more. I could talk... but instead I'll just say, lucid dreaming is the greatest thing anybody could do, at least for yourself, but every dream makes you stronger, every dream makes you a better person, and every dream makes you smarter. If not, don't dream until you know how.

So i've had many, many LD's since my last writing, Everywhere from further story progressive to adventures, many a nights I would scream in my sleep *I was told* what I was experiencing.
Since no-one but me will read this I suppose this would be better a chronicle now, than a dream journal, because my dreams are different now.

Since I have completed the serpent ritual and my rite of passage into shamanism, culled and weeded by my family I have changed a lot of my outlook on life, and now I exist in a time without space. My only moments to myself are drowned in the drug of my choosing while I perform my nightly ritual of knowledge, where I find myself on DV chat quite often. Here, as I am now, I learn about my day, and the days to come. As I pass back and forth through my own past and future I find a calm, comforting spot I can tell myself what is happening, and what is going to. I lay out my path every night and live it the next day, from now I tell myself what I will learn tomorrow.

My dreams now, are something beyond irregular. I no longer go on adventures, or progress through my old paths.

My dreams have become my reality, since I now live in a place without time, my dreams have become my memories. I live back through my life, re-learning everything, re-experiencing every single emotion and situation. I have already lived through 90% of my life, and I will continue reliving it every night for the rest of my life, to remind myself who I am. But then I awaken. And I pass through days ,weeks, and months, not yet years, all within the time it takes me to fall asleep again. The people around have said I have become a beacon lately. Always ready to dispense wisdom, and just slightly out of it. Everything thinks I'm taking something, and no-one believes me when I say I am sober. But everyone trusts me now, people I don't even know their names, now approach me, by name, and talk to me as if I am their best friend.

However, family tradition persists and I am not allowed to move forward until I complete my last act of business, and help my last charge, I succeeded but they then failed without me, therefore my job as a shaman is incomplete, and my body will show it, ever degrading until I accept defeat, or rework, now, through a strenuous process of bullshit.

Either way, I shall either confirm I am still purely human, or I will continue to fulfill my role as a community leader.
But I have never failed.

I awoke, to find a woman. It was white everywhere, and she was on her computer. She looked up my name. Ahh Jason, hodl on one second and I will get your information up. She looked at her computer, and froze. At that moment she said, hold on, this is beyond me. she disappeared and a man took her place.
"Hello Mr. A, I run this place, I hear you have something interesting, this is my associate," with that another woman appeared. "She will guide you."

The man disappeared and I was left with the woman.
"who are you?" I asked.
" Your guide," she replied. "It is my job to make sure the journey will be smooth."
She told me many things, Among which that, my destiny was to be a judge, the judge of the four winds. From there I met many parts of my self. She led me through a door, into a library, I looked through the books that were being read, I cannot remember them at the time but they seemed significant. I spoke with the musical incarnation of myself after we left finding myself on top of a cliff, and he told me how to return to lucidity and gave me tips. If I were ever ready to tread upon the path. My guide told me, for now, worry not about it, instead know yourself, and face your fears, with that she jumped off a cliff. I looked over and it was a sharp drop, hundreds of thousands of feet in the air. I stepped back a few times, the musical self, looked at me and waited for my reply.
I told him, Fuck it, I can't be afraid forever, and I jumped off. Only to find myself on a ice slide across the plane, (which was very fun if I might ad.) I found myself in a small meadow surrounded by trees. And my guide and two others, which I reasoned one to be how I view my wife in my subconscious looking into a pool of water. My guide told me, "We must leave for now, but when you are ready, we will be here." With that I awoke. I tried to force myself back into the dream but I managed only for half a second before awakening again.