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    Tortured Artist

    by , 06-14-2010 at 08:38 PM (1019 Views)
    I find myself flying through a dreamscape, that is very vivid and yet closer to hypnagogia than an actual dream. I see gorgeous places and I start thinking how to paint them in my mind, because at this point I know that I'm not awake, and honestly I don't know exactly where I was. Somewhere between dreaming and awake I suppose. In this place I can paint beautiful things. Everything and anything that I think suddenly manifests, I am in control of what I am seeing. Like I am conducting and controlling the hypnagogia somehow. Each image I see is so incredible, that I take a moment to memorize it, and observe it's finest details. It has an infinite resolution. I know in my heart that I can paint such things as I see them in my mind, and I become sad that I can not so clearly see...truly see...when I am awake. I test myself. I imagine a group of people and I pose them in different ways and observe them at extreme angles as if I were below them looking up, or above them looking down. The perspective is all perfect, and I tell myself that I need to remember this when I wake up. How to see...while awake. How to tap into this place of pure inspiration. Either my own subconscious or the whole of the collective consciousness. Perhaps this is akashia. I examine every detail and notice things I never noticed before, like the structure of the big toe, and how the heel looks when viewed from a certain angle. Then I go on to imagine the most beautiful scenes I can think of. I don't even have to try, I just think, "imagine something beautiful" and it happens, and what I see is so stunning that it would bring me to tears. Not only because of it's beauty but also because I know that I could never create anything so masterful, so absolutely divine. I am the tortured artist, blessed with visions of beauty beyond measure and compare, yet without the skill to be able to recreate such visions on paper or canvas. The frustration of knowing that these things are here...in my head...inside me...and yet I cannot see them while awake. I cannot use them to help me to create. Instead all I have are vague impressions, outlines, misconceptions about form and shape. True testament to how I live my life.

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    1. Phion's Avatar
      Look at it, but you cannot see it.
      Because it is formless, you call it invisible.
      Listen to it, but you cannot hear it.
      Because it is soundless, you call it inaudible.
      Grasp it, but it is beyond your reach.
      Because it is subtle, you call it intangible.
      These three are indescribable and imperceptible,
      but in the mystical moment
      you see it, hear it and grasp it,
      the Unseen, Unheard and Unreachable
      presents itself as the indefinable essence.
      Confront it, and you do not see its face.
      Follow it, and you do not see its back.
      It does not appear bright when viewed at the zenith.
      Nor does it appear dark when viewed at the nadir.
      There is nothing that can make this subtle essence
      of the universe distinct.
      When you try to make it clear to yourself,
      it evasively reverts to Nothingness.

      You may call it the Form of the Formless
      or the Image of the Imageless.
      Yet the elusive, subtle essence remains nameless.
      If you hope to meet it,
      it has no part you can call front.
      If you hope to follow it,
      it has no place you can call behind.
      Yet it can be observed
      in the constant regularity of the universe.
      The constancy of the universe of antiquity
      is the constancy of the present time.

      If one knows the Primal Beginning,
      one may thus know the truth
      of the universal subtle Way.
    2. nina's Avatar
      wow, great comment...did you write that?
    3. Phion's Avatar
      That's chapter fourteen of the Tao Te Ching, as interpreted by Hua Ching Ni. It seemed to fit perfectly.
    4. juroara's Avatar
      Aahhhh!! I know what you mean!! I've asked myself this before. I'm still searching an answer, trying to find a way to tap into this limitless creativity. What a great dream/hypnagogic experience.

      Are you an artist in real life? Have you read the book the Artists Way? It proposes the idea that the artist is only a vessel for the subconscious/higher self/creative self. The book gives some good advice how to tap into this creative self. But even then, it doesn't measure up to the pure creativity (literally to create) of dreaming!
    5. Sekhmet's Avatar
      What an incredibly awesome dream!!!

      I quite envious!