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    Death of a Lover

    by , 04-30-2016 at 07:20 PM (356 Views)
    This entry is both lucid and non-lucid, because in the dream I was aware I was hallucinating but not that I was dreaming. I'm posting it because it's a total mindfuck and I can't get it out of my head.

    I can't remember how it began, but it ended tragically. You ever have those dreams where you meet an amazing person and connect only to wake up and get let down, realizing it was only a dream? Or how about a nightmare, from which waking provides a profound sense of relief? This is neither of those. I got to be with someone amazing, but she died. I got to hold her again, but only a phantom of her concocted by my mind. The thing is, I was perfectly aware that I was concocting the last fragment of a dead lover so I could continue to feel close to her. It felt so good, knowing she could still feel so real to me, but as I caressed her abdomen, I realized I couldn't even remember the exact shape of it, that her minuscule details were fleeing my mind by the second and being replaced by estimations. This feeling wretched at my gut. I had to let her go. So I did. Releasing her effigy, I felt a new, darker emotion. Anger twitched through every fiber of me, and I felt compelled to lash out at the seems of existence and rip them apart. So I did. Then I woke up.

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