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    Kinda traumatizing dance (?)

    by , 06-08-2021 at 10:15 AM (40 Views)
    With Adam F at the school dance with hot pink lights in pozen, bleachers on both sides, crowded with people at 2am. We're standing and swaying and he's looking at my sketchbook for some reason.
    "you can look at it with me if you want" he says. There's an unspoken sense of aggression.
    He lowers it down a foot for me, as if I'm really short.
    He says something and I respond by saying this is exhausting--the standing, constant shuffling, showing your work and the small talk--but then I hope he doesn't think I'm talking about him specifically. but I don't backtrack, and instead start putting extra effort into my body language to make up for the perceived slight.
    I think it's going well.
    He is commenting thoughtfully on the pieces and it seems like he might be into art.
    and then he points to something and turns the book towards me to show me, and brings his body really close to mine. I thought he had a girlfriend
    And looks down and the top of his head brushes mine and I look up and I can smell him and see the beads of sweat on his red hot face in the deep pink colored room
    And he comes back and forth in and out, swaying with me a bit aggressively
    and he never makes eye contact once while doing this. EVER. In a coy way.
    but he knows I am so turned on
    and he starts saying really douchey things while he towers over me and practically presses his chest into my face, and my knees are jelly and the smell of his cologne fills my nose and he starts saying really awful things
    and there's a page of my art with a female character, and he gets closer and starts spitting and drooling on what I made
    and it soaks the page enough to warp it and there is a thick webbed pattern of warm viscous saliva dripping from it into my hand now, and he smiles and stares directly into my eyes for the first time and tells me how he would love to blow a hot load all over her
    and I feel my face is white like I'm going to throw up
    and he walks away slowly and casually as if I wasn't there and slams the book shut in his hands, then drops it casually
    and it hits the floor heavy like the slam of a metal door and makes me jump and curls my lip, and I see the pages crumble in on themselves
    and my head feels dizzy and hollow, like it's floating away from my body and I don't want to try to move because I know I'll throw up
    but some short girl comes and takes my hand with her soft one
    another one asks if I want to call 911 but I say no no no but I'm glad someone else saw and asked, and the first girl leads me gently out of pozen into the warm hallway.
    I feel like I was traumatized but I don't know why that did it, maybe because I didn't expect it from him. Or the anxious bad part of me did, but he tricked the good side of me into giving him the benefit of the doubt and lowering my guard.

    I'm sitting down under an old dark wooden table in the pozen hallway looking at my crosslegged feet and someone else asks if I'm okay, and I look at the girl who helped me. She's under here with me
    She looks like Becca K, with a modest tan jacket on
    And for some reason she dissapears and I go back into pozen looking for her.

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    non-lucid , nightmare


    1. aussiemusician's Avatar
      what images were in the sketchbook ?