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    12/12/12 Once Upon the Simpsons

    by , 12-13-2012 at 12:10 AM (664 Views)
    12/12/12

    Simpsons
    I am in a toy store of some kind. I look around and find the store seems to specialize in Simpsons items. I also realize I have no money. But I want to get a present for my friend who is really into the Simpsons. So I find a container of small Simpsons figures and I figure I can help myself to them. They aren't very expensive, and they are small, and the container is on the lower shelf of an aisle in the back. So I dig through the toys and pocket one of each of the Simpsons figures except for Bart.

    I am having trouble finding Bart. I keep digging and I finally find Bart. I have just slipped Bart into my pocket when I see the store owner is right behind me glaring at me. Shit. I should've been more careful. He says I have to pay for those. I tell him I have no money, hoping that if I return them and never come back to the store that will be good enough. He doesn't give that as an option. He says I have to work it off. We go to the back and it turns out he has been making pirated Simpsons merchandise. I have to help him make illegal Simpsons rip offs. That or he calls the cops. The fact that calling the cops would be worse for him than for me doesn't occur to me. So I start painting small Simpsons figurines in the appropriate colors. I get bored with the proper colors, and I am painting Bart blue when I wake up.

    Once Upon a Beach
    I am on a beach. There are a few other people there but they aren't bothering me at all, so I start walking on the beach. It is a very relaxing scene. I soon find I am alone on the beach. The sand is surprisingly soft on my feet. It feels more like flour than sand. I keep going, watching some colorful birds in the sky. I look out over the ocean and see there is one strange person there with me. It looks like Rumplestiltskin from the Once Upon a Time series. I stop for a minute, thinking, then I remember getting a potion from him that was supposed to help with depression. Since it has been an epic failure I wonder if it might have been a scam of some kind. I tell him his potion sucks ass. He says his potion can't possibly work when I want so badly to be depressed. I tell him no one wants to be depressed. He says I do. Otherwise why would I keep bombarding myself with negative comments even if I'm not feeling that way? It's a bad habit. Besides, how would he know about my negative comments? He says if he didn't know before he knows about it now! I just give him a dirty look. He says he has a stronger potion. If I'll stop attacking myself maybe it can work. He takes out a potion that looks like a disgusting black fluid. What the fuck is that? He says it's a concentrated form of the first potion.

    He holds it out and then pulls it away. He says nothing is free. I am not in the mood for games. I tell him to fuck himself. He asks if I'm not even going to hear the price before deciding against it. Some prices are very reasonable. I ask what the price is. He seems to think about it for a minute… then says a hair. My first thought is a hare. I summon a rabbit. Not a hare, he says laughing, a hair. My hair. I look around for a bit trying to think of what he could want with my hair. I turn back and see he is right in front of me. He plucks a hair from my head, apparently taking my silence as an agreement. He hands me the potion and slips the hair carefully into a small vial. The potion smells like chocolate. Well that settles that… I drink it… it tastes like liquorish… I hate liquorish… I almost puke it back up. But instead I wake.

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