New Dream Adventures of Raven Knight

12/17/11

Oblivion: The Escape
I am in prison. I look around to see where I am. I have no memory of how I got to be there or where I actually am. I finally decide I am in a video game, I am playing Oblivion. Awesome! And it's so realistic. The asshole across the hall starts calling me a harlot or something, and I tell him to shut the fuck up unless he can come over here and say it to my face. He keeps talking, saying I wouldn't be talking like that if there weren't bars between us. I ignore him until I hear him say the guards are coming for me, then I look out again and see the emperor and the blades coming into the dungeon. I get back from the door and wait for them to enter. The emperor comes over to me and says he knows me from a dream. Ooo… sounds kinky… he just gives me a strange look. Then he says today is the day the stars foretold. At the urging of the blades, they leave through a secret passage in my cell. I go back to the cell door and tell the asshole across the hall that I'll be going now, maybe we can meet up for a drink… oh, wait! You didn't get a secret passage opening in your cell, well it sucks to be you!

I follow the secret passage and I reach the next chamber just a couple seconds too late. The emperor and the blades have just disappeared through a door, which is now locked. Apparently they locked it behind them. One of the blades is dead in the room, along with a few cloaked figures. I find a sword there which I take. As I had expected, two very large rats attack me from a collapsed wall, we're talking rats the size of an English Mastiff or a Great Dane. I kill the rats with the sword and then head into the caves beyond the collapsed wall. I find some treasure chests and a skeleton with old leather armor. I take the armor as well as a few lockpicks and some gold I find in the chests. I also find a bow and arrows. I snipe a giant rat in the next room with an arrow before it is even aware of my presence. I continue along the passages, there are more treasure chests, some of which are locked so I pick the locks… I find a zombie eating the flesh off of a dead rat. Apparently deciding I look tastier, the zombie comes at me. I throw fireballs at the zombie and it is incinerated. No body left behind? Where is the mort flesh? Oh, well. A couple chambers later I meet my first goblin who I also take out with an arrow.

After a bit more wandering in the caves I find another collapsed wall that leads back to the castle dungeons. I find the emperor and the blades there, resting up a bit after a fight. The two remaining blades want to kill me, saying I might be working with the enemy. The emperor orders them to stand down. I chat with the emperor for a bit, he seems very certain that he is not going to get out of here alive. I stay with them for now, following them through a few more chambers in the dungeons. I snipe a couple of attackers from the shadows where they lie in wait. We soon come to the last chamber where I know the emperor will get killed, he knows it, too. He gives me the amulet of kings just before he is attacked.

I find I can move this time, though! It's not a cut scene, I can attack the asshole! I attack the asshole attacking the emperor and fight him sword to sword. After a short fight I win. I turn back to the emperor and I see a second attacker standing over the emperor's dead body. Damn… I have never seen a second one! Baurus comes in and says he has failed, then asks about the amulet of kings. I tell him what the emperor said about Jauffre and the one remaining heir. He says to take the amulet and go, so I head into the sewers. I snipe a couple more trolls and rats. I soon find my way out of the sewers and into the wilderness outside of Imperial City. I head straight into the city where I am able to sell a lot of the crap I collected for gold and then get a room for the night. I figure it is a good time to save the game, so I do so and lie down on the bed and fall asleep.