All DJ Entries

I come back home from school early today and since I was feeling down in the dumps I tried at getting a lucid dream. What I recall happening was that I almost had a WILD. I observed as a image of a forum began to appear than a box. Than sketches of a cartoon man in a box. It was as if the person's followers were watching a art live stream. But as I kept observing I started thinking of something else on purpose and after a bit I fell asleep... When I woke up I recall dreaming of nothing.

I than tried at a lucid dream with more motivation. I ended up on my bed and it was dark. A figure began to appear above me and as I observed it I noted that it was in the form of a strong yet slim looking guy. Had a cloak that was layered a bit. It was also open in the front and long in the back. The skin was like a light white/ violet color. The cloak was the color orange and like a reddish purple with pretty designs. But what stood out the most was that the one Eye he had was huge and covered his whole face.

"Are you Eye or Dawn?"I asked knowing that I wanted to be lucid with one of them. But than I noted that the dream character's form was still morphing and becoming invisible. I grabbed the dream character than hugged it. It seemed to be morphing less so I told it."You remind me of Poe. That character from the legend of Zelda ocarina of time. I had a dream with a poe like character before". (The only reason I brought about this comparison was because Percy Lucid commented about it in my dream journal before)

The dc didn't really speak to me though. So I just gave it another hug and it accepted it. After that I tried asking it more questions but it didn't respond. The next thing that happened was that the dream shifted after a bit of trying to get an answer out of the dc.
I was now in a subway station and my lucidity wasn't there. I was trying to get in the train but it seemed too far from me.

As others around me began to contemplate how to get in I saw the word "spaghetti"on the train. I thought of the game Undertale when I saw it than remembered I was in a dream and still was. After that a man said out loud "spaghetti starts with a B". Only proving I was lucid dreaming again.

I got up than saw the tall like poe dc appear in front of me. It grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to it. Than flew me above the track and than into some tunnels. I wanted to see where it would take me but than I started thinking about OBE like dreams. I didn't want a OBE like dream. But once we passed the tunnel I could feel the wind hitting me and things were starting to feel more like reality does even though I still knew it was a dream. However, I wanted to wake up and ended up on my bed.

It became a false awakening but when I saw papyrus (A character from Undertale) in my room I hid under the covers thinking I was just seeing a quick passing image. But as I thought about it I eventually woke up for real.

Basically one long dream that had three distinct parts.


In which A's new dog's former owner returns...

I'm returning to an upstairs apartment after walking Lucy and Moose. I can picture the layout of the flat, but it's not a place I recognize from real life. When I open the door to the apartment, I enter an open rectangular space with a wall of windows directly across the room from me. To the right of those windows is a hall leading into a kitchen. There are people in the apartment, including my mother. I don't know all of them.

Moose is dirty from a walk to the river, and someone tells me that his owner will be upset that she has to wash him again. What owner? Not A. A asked me to walk him in the first place.

Now we are downstairs. Moose is in a crate, sleeping. Two women, one with curly long strawberry hair, sit nearby. They are both all about their calm smiles to the point that it is difficult to communicate with them. I'm trying to figure out how it is that they think Moose is their dog. They explain that he just runs off sometimes to live with others. He's theirs, though, and they want to keep him. I tell them that he's been with A for months now and that he really loves his new life. He looks so sad sitting in the crate. I tell them how he gets to walk down to the river and go for a swim every day. They just shrug. We can take him for a walk whenever we want, so long as we don't get him dirty.

I'm back upstairs in the apartment, trying to text A to let her know what is going on. I'm furious and confused, and I'm eager to scheme a way to keep Moose. Maybe they'll let us buy him from them. I'm having trouble texting because I can press the letters properly. Meanwhile, there is a knock at the door.



In which H is a zombie, again...

I open the door, and H is standing there. My initial feeling is terror. She looks healthy and pretty, but her hair is wrapped in a tight fitting cloth- not quite a turban. It looks like that part of her head has been wrapped up in plaster bandages that have dried into a cast around her skull. Otherwise, she looks normal.

Many things rush through my mind in a second. She can't possibly be there because she's dead. Maybe she's not dead and it was all a misunderstanding. No that's not possible- I saw her body, I know she's dead, it's been a year and a half, any misunderstanding would've been cleared up by now. So it's not possible for her to be standing there. Maybe it's not her. I look at her more closely. It is her, she is smiling now and coming inside. I'm terrified because dead people can't come to your house and walk inside. I wonder about the cloth wrapped around her head. Is this is a new fashion? Is it holding her skull together? There was nothing wrong with her skull when I saw her body. She looks young and healthy and happy. I'm going out of my mind with confusion and fear, and more than anything, I want to run, but there is nowhere I can go so I keep backing away from her, slowly, trying to grapple with the impossibility of her presence.

Ah, I realize, this is a dream.

I feel slightly less scared, but also exhausted. Usually, in dreams, I'm glad to see her. I try really hard to take advantage of the opportunity to tell her things. I try to focus, but those feelings aren't there this time. I'm just afraid and tired, and I don't want her to be in my dream.

By now, she's in the kitchen chatting with other people. She's leaning against a wall laughing. She's taller than I am. That's not right. But I shrug my shoulders- it's a dream after all.

I look up at her. She seems very big now. Her shoulders are wider than usual. I try to give her a hug, but I can't quite reach up to her or wrap my arms around her. She looks down at me, mockingly, and says "Are you going to tell me you love me?" It's what I always tell her when she's in my dream. But now, I feel it's insincere. I look internally, but I can't find feelings for this wide, tall, H-like being with the cloth wrapped around her skull. I realize I'm going to regret it later if I don't tell her that I love her, just on the off-chance that this really is her and it really is a visitation, but I think that lately I've been thinking/talking about her so much that I've projected my own thoughts/words on her to the point that I can't even find the original sincere feelings and memories anymore. It's not been about her- it's become about me and how I tell that part of her story, and I wonder if she'd agree with it and I feel selfish because she's not here to correct it and I wonder if I'd even notice if I slipped into bullshit. You can go so far into your own bullshit that you can't see anything clearly anymore. I should stop talking so much.

Just as I'm about to walk away, she says, "Are you going to start praying for me now?" The mocking tone stings. She does note my insincerity. Of course I'm not going to pray. I tell her that I'm not going to pray. I don't even believe in god or that she's in heaven or that she's here visiting and it wouldn't make any sense for me to pretend I do just because a dream image that I create asks me such a thing. Then for a second, I see what is maybe something real in her eyes, and I think, oh shit, what if this really is a chance to help her. Why can't I listen? Why can't I turn off my thoughts for a second and really let it be about someone else. I stop my rant. "Why? Do you want me to?" But that little glint is gone, and she is a zombie again, walking towards me, and I'm terrified.

There is another knock at the door, and I have no idea what is on the other side, but I know it's not good. I rush to the door and lean against it to hold it shut. There is an immense force trying to blow the door in, and I'm digging my heels into the floor trying to keep the door shut. I shout out for the other people in the apartment to come help me, but no one else seems troubled. They tell me just to let the door open, but I know some real horror would fill the room. I'm begging others for help, and finally my mother comes over. She half-heartedly leans against the door with me. She's doing it to make me shut up and perhaps even to comfort me. But she doesn't believe me that we MUST keep out whatever is on the other side.

My eyes are squeezed tight and I'm still holding the door closed with all my strength when my mother starts telling me to open my eyes and look towards the window. I hear the panic in her voice, so I respond by closing my eyes even tighter. I tell her not to look, not to think about it. This is a dream, so if we don't engage and we don't see anything, nothing can hurt us. If we think of other things and try to keep THESE events out, we'll fall into another dream. But she's insistent that I must open my eyes and see what is happening.

I do. I look towards the window and see all the people coming in towards us. I only look fast- just a quick scared glimpse- and then I shut my eyes tight again. They are coming towards us. My mom is fully panicking now. I tell her to relax. Focus on her breathing, keep her eyes shut, don't think about what is happening. This is how you can end the dream. It's not real, just relax and don't think about it and it can't hurt you. It will go away. I'm telling her this and focusing on my own breathing. The door starts to feel softer; my head rests on it like its a pillow. I'm thinking of my body, relaxed and floating, and I'm blocking out the sounds and sights around me. But my mother keeps shouting and pulling me back into this dream. I start to think about what is happening. I'm terrified, and I start to think that I need to see who is attacking me so that perhaps I can defend myself. Against my better judgment, I look up again and see the people surrounding us, looking down at us. They are tugging my mom's hair, poking her in the ribs, kicking her legs, tickling her. I tell her again, Don't think about it! Shut your eyes! But then it starts to happen to me too. I've engaged with them. One of them, a woman, starts poking me in the ribs too. It starts out as a tickling annoyance, but it starts to become hostile and suffocating. I start to panic. I start to struggle, and the more I struggle, the more hostile the people become.

And then, I put a stop to it. This isn't real. This is a dream. I lean against the door. The door is a pillow. I'm in a bed. I focus on my breath. The ribbing and beating and struggling and shouting become softer and more muffled. I stop fighting. I relax. I let it happen because I know it isn't real. Slowly, it passes, and I'm sleeping, warm and soft.


In which I get an MRI and meet an old friend...

Someone is shaking my shoulder to wake me. I sit up and see R crouched over me. I look around. We are in a small dark waiting room with some 12 other people. I'm sleeping on the floor, inappropriately. I've passed out drunk, it seems.

The others are couples or parents with children. The mood is somber and tense. I can tell that they are judging me. What sort of fully grown woman gets so drunk in public in the middle of the day that she has to sleep it off on a waiting room floor? I'm embarrassed.

I stand up, stumbling a bit, and try to stretch my arms. As I do, I hit an older man who is standing with a cane, and he falls over. He's a large (but not fat) older (but not elderly) black man, dressed in warm layers (coat, blazer, vest, shirt, slacks, boots, city hat). He falls to the ground slowly, and when he hits the ground, his legs fly up into the air. His wife runs to his side. I bend over to try to help him. He's on his back with his legs still up in the air. The wife says nothing, just holds his head in her lap as she glares at me. The fallen man says nothing either. He looks me straight in the eyes, then reaches into his blazer pocket for a wooden professor pipe. He lights it, and then smokes, staring at me from the ground with his legs up in the air. I tell him I'm really sorry, and I mean it. I'm also mortified.

I walk away and stand with R again. Because I'm inebriated, I lose all sense of reflection and start to act on impulse. I say that I'm going to read while I wait, so I pull out Burroughs' Queer which is what I happen to be reading in real life at the time. I try to read aloud, to entertain the waiting group, but I'm not able to make out the words because I'm so drunk that I see double. I place one hand over my eye and try to read with the other, but it's no good. In my grandiosity, I decide that no one will be able to tell if I simply fake it and make it up as I go along, pretending that I can read.

I orate. I wave my hands around as I speak. I pace around the crowd, exaggerating my facial expressions for emphasis. They are captivated. They shift in their chairs and stare at me silently. At some point in the story, I realize that I've lost track of my thoughts and that I needed to refer back to something I'd mentioned before, but I couldn't remember what it was. I realize that I'm running out of ways to complete the sentence that I'm on- that the end of this sentence is approaching and that I can't remember what it was I was trying to say. I get there and just stand there with my mouth open, my mind blank, and I blink at the crowd. Did they notice I screwed up? Are they enchanted? Or can they tell I'm making it up as I go along?

I decide the only way to save face is to claim that this is performance art. I begin to ramble about post-modernism and the deconstructed narratives. I'm keenly aware that I don't actually know what I'm talking about, but I hope they won't be able to tell. I run back over to R and begin to climb up his body. I put my foot on his hip and I grab his arm and hoist myself up until I'm standing on his shoulders. I'm towering above my audience, and I continue my oration, waving my hands madly.

And then I fall. On the way down, I strike the same older smoking man, and he falls too. We both tumble out of the waiting room and down a flight of stairs. People rush to the older man's side to see if he is OK. They help him stand. They light his pipe. They scowl at me. I'm a fool. I return to R's side, but when I look into his eyes I can tell he's ashamed of me.

The commotion has caused the management to check on us. A middle aged woman rolls over to us in a wheelchair. She has a hard face with a sharp nose and dark skin. Her hair is swept back from her forehead severely. She's beautiful, but not pretty. We recognize each other instantly. It's TM- a girl I knew in elementary school. Then, we attended different middle schools where she became friends with H, K and S. Then all five of us went to high school together, and though she and I were never close, we always seemed to have a lot in common. Aside from our elementary friendship, we had these mutual friends from her middle school time.

"C and R!" she shouts. "Fancy meeting you here!" I'm surprised because I haven't seen her since I was in high school so she's surely never met R. For a moment, then, I doubt that it is her. I look right in her face, and yes it is her, but she is quite a bit older looking. I realize that I must look old as well.

I hug her and ask about the wheelchair. She wasn't in a wheelchair last I saw her. She does not tell me what happened, but instead demonstrates how she can twirl and dance around in her wheelchair. She says she is the star of a reality show in which modeling contestants compete in wheelchair bound dance offs. As she rolls about in her chair demonstrating this, the floor lights up beneath her Billie Jean style and spotlights follow her from above. I mirror her movements beside her, letting her take the lead, and we dance together in front of all the waiting people. See, I think to myself, I'm not a fool. It's fun to be flamboyant.

She asks about K, and tells me to take a selfie with her and send it to her. R comes over and takes the picture. It's unflattering to both of us. He tries several more times, but there is no improvement. I'm not photogenic, I shrug. She does not ask about H. I keep expecting her too, but she doesn't. If I post the selfie on FB where K can see it, then TM will likely scroll through our pages and learn about H. I wonder if it is better to let that happen or to pull her aside and tell her myself. They were not close. I doubt she could be truly affected. I decide it would be awkward so I leave it alone, even though I realize that I actually want to tell her about it. I want to tell the story to someone who knows H but doesn't know already know what happened. I wish she would ask me about her, but she doesn't.

Instead, TM explains that she is a nurse and that she and the doctor will guide us through our MRIs. They apologize for the delay, but it is complicated running a recording studio at night and an MRI clinic during the day. We nod our heads. Of course this is complicated.

The doctor walks me over to my sound board and starts adjusting switches. He wipes down the equipment and clears out the cigarettes and empty beer bottles. The sound boards transform into the shapes of coffins. He hands R a kazoo and asks him to play. R plays poorly. The doctor explains that if I feel that something is wrong inside my sound board, then I should tell R to play the kazoo and he will come over and open it up and let me out. Then he tells me to climb inside. It opens like a coffin, but the interior bed still has volume knobs and sound switches that I'm sure will poke me in the back and be quite uncomfortable. I ask the doctor if he is sure this is safe and if I should take a sedative or something. He guarantees that all will be well. I climb inside, and he starts to lower the coffin lid. Only then to I remember that my podiatrist wrote the wrong diagnosis on my MRI form. Wait! I shout. R plays the kazoo. The doc haults the closing process. I explain that I need my heel imaged, not my ankle. He nods as if he isn't really listening and doesn't really care, and he closes me inside.

It's uncomfortable and I have no way to communicate with anyone on the outside. I hope that R will make sure everything turns out OK and advocate for me, but I'm not sure that he even cares enough any more. He seems more disappointed or ashamed than anything. I wonder if it's even worth the hassle for him anymore.

Here is the dream from 2 days ago (the first of the three in a row).

Lucid Dream:

It was night and I was with Jeff walking on this path up a hill. We were looking for something (a museum, maybe). At one point I remember lifting up my legs (like when you're a kid holding your parents' hands and letting them swing you along). I think this made me go lucid because I was trying to figure out how I could be doing this while only holding one of Jeff's hands.

We got to the top of the hill. We were on a kind of covered patio. Behind us was a door. In front of us was a rail where we could look down at a large pool of water far below. I could also see a building and a dock by the water.

Jeff then says to me, "Did you notice how when we move our hair doesn't move in the wind?" I said, "Yeah, I did notice. I think that's because we're lucid." I then said, "I know a good way to find out for sure if we're dreaming. Let's jump off this and down to the water below. If our hair doesn't move, that means were dreaming."

Jeff agrees to jump with me. We then run to the edge and hop the railing. I didn't even think to try to fly. I feel super heavy and we fall fast. I notice feeling that very real feeling of my stomach lurching as I fall. The fall is long enough that I had the chance to look over at Jeff and see that his hair is perfectly still. I call out to him and point that out.

Finally we hit the water and sink quickly to the bottom like a heavy rock. I'm a hundred percent positive that this is a dream now, so I don't worry about breathing. In fact, I start to talk to Jeff under the water.


And that's all I remember.

I am on the top of a tower with my girlfriend's best friend. It's kind of like Sauron's tower in Lord of the Rings, except it's not dark and scary around here. It's bright and sunny and beautiful, except it's supposed to be midnight. We reason that it's due to time zones, but a few moments later I'm questioning it again. It looks like mid-afternoon but it's supposed to be midnight. Then it clicks. I look at J. I say, "You know why we can't figure this out? It's because we're dreaming." I shake his shoulders for emphasis. But I don't get lucid. Everything seems so deceptively real. When I shut my eyes and scrunch them and focus on waking up, I can't fathom how any of this could be a dream.

But then another few moments pass. I can feel the dream slipping, like I'm on the verge of waking up. So then I say, "Wake up."

I wake up in the bed of another dream. I'm still not lucid, but I know it's a dream. I'm in what was my younger sister's bedroom of my mom's house. A dream sign missed.

I leave and go exploring. I have to go to some high school graduation of an all-boy's school.

On the way there, we run into some bosses that remind me of the difficult bosses from FFVII. I tell my gf and her friend that we have to save our progress before fighting them, because they are in an inconvenient spot of the game and losing would keep us trapped here and unable to level up. We fight them. I'm unsure if we beat them, but we get passed them.

I need surgery on my stomach. Then I'm on a surgeon's table. They only give me a local anasthetic. I watch the doctor take a blade specifically for cutting humans. I see the blade approaching me from his perspective, but then I look away because I don't want to see. Cut to after the surgery. I get incredibly nauseous and my fever spikes. The nurses ask me if I'd eaten anything before the surgery. I remember eating breakfast. I should have known. I tell them I didn't know I wasn't supposed to eat.

The doctor prescribes me a huge bag of orange vicodin. I am afraid of becoming addicted, and also of my gf finding out and freaking out about it. I'm not in any pain, but I do feel like my insides are not what they used to be. It is very uncomfortable. I leave and go to the high school graduation.

I'm sitting in the bleachers of this small schoolyard. The valedictorian and his best friend are leading the event. They have so much energy and look so bright and happy. The best friend looks like a younger BM. The valedictorian is small and in shape. I reflect on being younger, and that it's strange how quickly that youth seems far away.

After the graduation, someone fights me. I'm still weak from the surgery. They flip me over and stomp on my stomach. I curl up and cry, I can't believe they would do that. K comes to me and I ask her if I can take some pain medication. I show her the bag and she freaks out at how much the doctor gave me. That shouldn't be allowed. One of the women in the schoolyard looks hungrily at the bag, and salivates while doing so. I take the bag back and hide it on my person.

Lucid dreams three days in a row. I'm on a roll. I love it.

I did a Wake Back to Bed. The beginning of the dream is fuzzy. I can't remember the moment I became lucid. I remember standing in the kitchen of an author (one I had recently been reading about in real life). He was an older man but still very nice looking. I knew I was dreaming at this point so I went up to him and started to kiss him. He seemed very happy to kiss me back. The next thing I know is we are in his bedroom. He is partly undressed and climbing into bed. I look around and see his wife's stuff all around me, on the nightstand, floor, on the bed. Even though I knew this was a dream this suddenly felt completely wrong. I wanted nothing to do with this. I needed to leave.

But since I did know this was a dream I decided to be creative about it. I went back out into the living room. There were helium balloons all around from a party for one of his kids. I grabbed a large bunch of them, holding them by the strings. I went back into the bedroom and told the author to follow me out to the front yard. We both walked out of the house and into the yard. I then told him I needed to leave. And at that point I let the balloons start carrying me up into the air. He looked at me sadly as I left, saying nothing. I floated higher and higher.

I suddenly came to the edge or top of a large dome. I "remembered" that this city was under a dome, that it was a protection from something out in the world. (I think I was a little less lucid now--at least I was letting a new story line pull me in.) I wanted to see what was out there, what this city was being protected from. I floated around looking for a door of some sort. I finally found a door-like opening and exited the dome.

To my surprise a huge space battle was happening right outside the dome (think the first scene of Star Wars III only closer to the land). All kinds of space ships large and small were whizzing by me shooting at each other. I was still clinging to the balloons. I must have been lucid enough to know I couldn't get hurt because I wasn't worried at all. I thought this was amazing to witness a battle like this so close up. The "graphics" were incredible (thank you mind). I watched this happening all around me for a while before deciding to land and see what was happening on the ground.

I found myself in a building. People that I knew were "enemies" were all around me. I no longer had the balloons but I knew I could still float, and I also made myself invisible. I hovered near the fairly low ceiling. At some point someone figured out that I was there and for the next 15-20 minutes or more (that's what it felt like) I was moving from place to place in the building trying to avoid capture. I was never really worried, but found this rather exciting. I knew that they couldn't catch me, or if they did it wouldn't be bad. At one point I remember finding a room with a baby. I woke up the baby and had to put it back to sleep. I also found myself in a kids room with a lot of bunk beds.

And that's all I remember.

Although I do remember a scene that I have no idea where it fits in. At one point when I was quite lucid I remember looking for something to eat. I went out from a house into a backyard and found a fruit tree. This tree had strange fruit on it. They were large and green. I picked one and found that the rind was very tough. The one I picked had split open, though, so I could easily pull the rind back and get to the fruit. It was white and soft and creamy--almost like a banana that's been put in a blender. It was very sweet and tasted a bit like a vanilla milkshake, but not as cold. I sucked it out, not having to chew it at all. It was quite good.

Had a lucid sometime this morning. I actually heard music. But I couldn't remember the tune when I finally woke up. But proud that I actually heard something in my dreams.

In my dream I didn't see anything, rather it was all feeling and hearing. I was laying down somewhere, probably in a bed. My arms were around a man, I could feel his hands around my waist and back. We were enjoyably pressed together. He said something and I nibbled either his jaw or part of his shoulder or even his neck. He held me tighter and said something along the lines of,"You're getting smarter doing things like this to me." I'm not really sure about the dialogue though, honestly I wasn't focused on it at all.

4 nights left in Feb and 7 LDs remain of my goal! Had a BTS victory this morning with the intention of LDing, and the subject of dreaming came up and I even did a RC but I was just showing off for my friends, not really suspecting, so I just went on with the dream.

Recall not great tonight, but some fun moments!

+ see hot neighbor woman from my window through their window, play frisbee with her and her husband in their yard, frisbee goes on their roof and they're off to play tennis so I go home, and there's an odd gasoline dispenser in my garage that won't stand up straight and there's some strange guy on it

+ sitting on some (boat?) vehicle or airport seating area with my two sons when a girl comes up and gives something to each of us which we don't want. She sits down to our right (sons are to my right), a narrator says that she must sleep with us (as is sleeping). Girl says "oh I won't sleep with *them*" meaning my sons, "but I'll sleep with *him*" meaning me. I feel a little zing from this.

+ in a yard outside I'm sitting at a table and I unzip my jeans for some fun time, but I hear someone on the edge of the area clear their through "hem hem" and I freeze, there's a girl there reading something. I don't want to zip up my pants because the gesture will be easily seen and they'll know I had previously unzipped. I stand up and try to find a place to zip up but can't, and go back to my seat still unzipped. Girl comes over and sits next to me at my table, says "I didn't want those guys looking over me" (there were 3 guys standing behind where she was).

It turns out she is a student of (information warfare?, the art of convincing people to do things for the government?). She talks animatedly about her studies in some detail and I'm very interested. She has a thick pile of books and I glance at the titles along the spines. She is thin, and has some (in an adorable way) not perfectly straight teeth, and has deep brown eyes.

After some while of speaking with her, I get bold and place my hand on her thin thigh (she's wearing jeans) and mention something like "it's time we got down to business"?

Then we're having sex, I want to change positions, and as we do, she disappears, she's replaced by a magazine (comic-like) of many pictures of her, I think somehow if I can get her to reappear from this comic. I head upstairs, (it's now my childhood home), I notice a door off the side of the stairway to an attic area [false, no such door] is slightly open and the light from inside rims the door frame, I think my mom is in there looking for something.

+ Next scene: I'm sitting on some torture/interrogation chair, and some bad guy is pacing behind me, I place my fists up tightly under my chin so he can't put a strangling cord around my neck. There is a girl in the scene and I manage to convince her to come sit on my lap (and I pull down her pants?)

+ (f) pool, swimming laps, going faster than someone to beat them to the edge

+ I'm in my house and there are several people there taking showers. Some women are toweling their hair on the other side of a barrier and I walk around it to check them out. They're all wearing disposable robes and shower caps it turns out. There is a tennis shoe that I pick up and look at closely, it is white and clean except for the tip, it's not my shoe though. I head out to go take a shower, and people tell me that towels (green ones) are folded on the table by the doorway, I see them, but I already know this because it's my house!

+ (f) see my reflection, I'm starting to look hot with all the exercise I'm doing, women in shower checking me out.

+ joking around outside with friends. I say "hey I'll check to see if we're dreaming, ha ha (I think, obviously we're not), how can I do that? I'll show you, <nose pinch> (I think I can't breathe, but not sure), I slap myself a few times jokinging, "hah, see, told you!" and then we clear out of the road so the procession can come by. Hitler is giving a speech across the street and we want to go listen.

First dream

I was inside a bus, my father was driving it for some reason. We were driving through a city, picking up people on the way. I was taking different seats all the time, sitting with different people. In the end there was only me and my father inside it, driving through fields with a plow plugged to the bus.

Second dream

I was in a bus (again). It was a school trip to a nuclear power plant. Everyone was arguing all the time, and I was thinking if that trip would be successful. We left the bus and had to follow a road. I recalled this place from previous dreams, and knew where we had to go. I took the lead and we went to buy some tickets. Someone asked where is our destination, I said that I'm not sure, but I knew where the lakes are. We entered a building and went high up stairs. I had troubles walking up these stairs for some reason. Everyone was arguing. (This is where voices from TV turned on nearby added up, and story changed from school trip to student and teacher arguing about a dress that she has bought). I fallen down the stairs, and went outside. My father was waiting there. I said that we have to wait, the trip might not be successful.

I had a dream last night that I partly remembered..!

I was on a bus, going somewhere.. I'm not sure where, and a guy, who looked about my age sat down next to me. He got really close. Then he whispered words in my ear; "Are you taken, because if you are I can't touch you.." For some reason I said I wasn't, and he began to touch me with his hands.

When I woke up, I didn't realise why I told him the truth, knowing what that guy was going to do..!

2.23.16 Tuesday
Yesterday third night of midnight shift.

Can't really sleep, bed at 5pm - 10:30

DR 1:
I'm waiting at the dentist. She announces through a PA system, that she will work an extra hour for more profits and I hear 2 names of patients she will take. Somebody declines or something so it's my turn. But then she says she is getting a headache, lol, so I will go back the next day.

DR 2:
I'm following someone through some dirt path in the fields to see where the end up.

DR 3:
My brother is visiting so we wanna go to eat out. We are in some smallish elongated town on the edge of something to the south. I grab a turist brochure and show him restaurants marked with stars for ratings.

DR 4:
I'm in a room that has huge glass windows on at least 3 sides. I'm sitting and kinda meditating, while looking at the yard in the back of the house, or at least trying to have a quiet moment. This is not my house, not sure why I'm there.

I look to my right at a distant scenery of fields and small towns. I point out some very low hanging dark clouds that are touching the ground and it looks like it's raining over there and very windy. Suddenly there is a huuuge gust of wind and everything is moving. The huge metal electric towers are swaying, trees going back and forth, cars on the highway in front of the house are moving left and right.

My mom opens the front door all worried and even before she says 'tornado", I see the fully formed skinny funnel. I grab my socks and shoes and start putting them on, when someone says it's about 3 miles/km away and we are ok, and should go inside.

Back inside, I see "stuff" flying in the air. Huge chunks of debris. There is a porous building block bouncing off the road and a piece of the wall size of a WV Beetle flies by the window. I say we should go to the upper floor to find a room without glass, but I realize if something like that hits us, it will obliterate the whole house.

1) At a London Tube station. I need a travel card. Someone tells me the exact price £2.30. The ticket machine is located at the far side of the station on the other side of a gap so I have to lean across the gap to ge to the machine. I drop some of my change down the gap. I have to scramble down the gap to get the change but it's a narrow gap so it takes some effort. When I get down to the level below there is another ticket machine but for some reason I can't use it. I find my change buit it's only 5p and realise that I had enough anyway. I climb back up. Now a car has parked in front of the ticket machine, then a lorry pulls up and double parks. I have to climb over them. I'm not sure if I ever actually got the ticket.

2) I'm in my local town in a shop, not sure why I'm there. I notice some of the receptionists from work working in it and think of course this is my local town, why shouldn't they be working here as well? I walk over the road and into a Chinese Restaurant. I notice a very large table with a lot of people at it and recognise a few of them then realise it's all my work colleagues and it's our night out. A group photo is being taken so I find my place at the table. I'm a bit disappointed about who I am sat next too they are a bit boring. I notice that all the other tables in the restaurant have been cleared away and we are the only people there. Everything shifts and suddenly I'm at a table with only about 6 other people and the rest of the restaurant is full of people at tables I watch them all eating. I ask what just happened and everyone seems unaware as if nothing has happened. A waiter comes over and tells us that we need to go downstairs to get pudding as it's self service. I set off downstairs through a maze of corridors and doors. All the good food has already gone I spend a long time looking around at what is left and eventually decide the only option is sponge and custard, the custard is in large jugs covered with a layer of warm water, I laddle some out it's very lumpy.
I'm at Hampstead Heath it's daytime and I talk to someone then I walking barefot back towards the road avoiding the sharp thistles in the ground. I reach the top of the hill in Hampstead and it's night and I'm on my way home from the work party I realise that I'm lost and my phone isn't working I decide to put a wire from where I am to the Royal Free Hospital the I will know where I am. I start nailing the wire to a wall. Then other people appear and it's a police investigation, the wall becomes the outside of someone's house, the officer knocks on his door, TV cameras are everywhere. Someone opens the door and is wearing a suit, there are mumbles from the press behind me about why he is wearing a suit and he must be guilty. The officer asks him to explain what he is wearing as it is most unusual. He makes a very clever comment about pop groups wearing suits and everyone laughs and I think how clever he is. Next we are all writing down hundreds of names of pop groups, I ask the person next to me why we are doing this in the middle of an important police investigation, he tells me it's fun and I feel like a complete killjoy.

Ritual: Went to bed around 2am. Woke at 5:45 and fed the cat. Returned to bed and set vibrating alarm, attached to wrist. Interval was 30 minutes, set at 5:55am. Last time I used this device I completely slept through several vibration cycles (it was at the lowest setting), so I turned the intensity up slightly. The first time it went off I remembered to lay still, but could feel that I had already lost dreamstate. The second time it went off, my mind felt fully awake but I felt like I might still be integrated with my dream body. I tested movement cautiously and sure enough, I could swing my arms freely, unconstrained by the covers that I knew lay over them in WL. There were still a few moments when I couldn't quite be sure if I was engaging dream muscles or real ones, so in order to avoid sending the wrong signals, I started spinning and sliding my whole body until I felt like I was lying the wrong way in the bed. I didn't feel like I could safely engage my legs yet, so remaining on my back (though in WL I was sleeping on my left side), I slid across the bed and off the other side until I dropped gently to the floor. The cat was lying on me in WL (confirmed when I woke up afterward) and the sensation of warmth and weight bled through into the dreamstate, so it felt very odd and amusing to have this remain constant even while my self-perception of where I was in relation to the room and the bed was changing. I took care to note this WL sensation cautiously and with a certain mental distance, lest it startle me awake. The sensation faded naturally as I now "stood up" and walked through the house.

EILD: I walk straight into the living room, which was dark, and stop to figure out what I should do. Although I have been trying to remember a few personal tasks, somehow it is easier to recall the TOTYs, so I figure I'll attempt another of those to start with. Most of them seem better suited to the outdoors, so I exit the kitchen patio door.

My initial thought is to look for a circle of fairy mushrooms. My cement back patio is unusually life-like this time, so I cross it until I reach the fence that borders the property. In WL this is a low wall of beige-painted cinderblocks; in the dream it is a chain-link fence several feet taller than I am. With the lightness and agility of my dream body, I easily climb over it and drop down. In WL the ground slopes steeply downward here; for some reason in dreams, it is typically a steep hill going up.

I start looking for fairy mushrooms among the trees, but notice a large area where the soil looks loose and disturbed, as if recently planted with the flowers that cover the expanse at regular intervals. The blossoms are very simple in structure, a small disk encircled by six delicate purple petals. I realize that I am unlikely to find a fairy circle in ground so recently landscaped, so I decide to pursue the gnome task instead. There are trees all around, but most look young, their trunks only a few inches in diameter. I look around for the biggest tree I can find, and approach one that is over two feet in diameter, conjoined with two similarly-sized trunks to make a row of three. I can't tell if they are three trunks from the same tree, or multiple trees that grew up in close proximity.

The earth is still bare and loose here, recently tilled, so it is easy to dig my arms in and start casting it aside. I alternately cast the soil I'm displacing to the left and right and back between my legs. It is much easier to dig than it would be in WL, but it is still too slow and tedious to form a hole of the depth and dimensions I need, so I decide that I need a new strategy. If there are tunnels down there, there shouldn't be any need to displace the soil outside the hole—I should be able to drill straight through. I leave my hands in the earth and focus on pushing the soil inward. As a hole begins to form, I step in and will it to widen, so that I won't feel claustrophobic. When it is a few inches wider than my shoulders on either side, I take the plunge, willing the earth beneath my feet to drop into the tunnels and carry me along with it.

I find myself in a network of spacious square hallways, about seven feet tall and wide. They are dimly lit by what seems to be electric light, though I don't investigate the source. There is nothing natural or even rustic about these tunnels—they might easily be the basement corridors of some ordinary building. I look around for evidence that they are the gnome tunnels that I am seeking, and find that the most distinctive thing about the space is the graffiti scrawled here and there on the walls. It is not high-end arty spray-painted graffiti, just ordinary lettering written in what looks like thick black marker. I step closer to one example and find it at once legible and unexpectedly funny: "Hobbits are HUGE!" It does sound like the sort of thing a gnome might write, so it gives me confidence that I've landed in the right place after all.

I continue down the corridor, looking for more memorable examples of graffiti. The next piece that catches my attention says "SpiritLA." Something about the way it is written makes me think that this is a Los Angeles-based sports team that the gnomes apparently favor. A few steps further on, and I finally encounter the gnomes themselves, about six of them congregating in a junction where several corridors meet. There is also a sort of wire gate that appears to lead into a larger open space, though it is too dark to discern any details. Despite what the graffiti said about hobbits, these figures are pretty huge themselves, coming up almost to my shoulder, so I peer closely at their faces for evidence that they are in fact the gnomes that I seek. I am reassured by their features, which have distinctively rounded, gnomish features.

"Hello," I say, curious how they will respond to my intrusion. "Hello!" they reply cheerfully, completely at ease. I have been voicing my observations (like the examples of graffiti) aloud in order to assist my recall later, so as I take note of the appearance of the gnomes nearest me, I make a vocal shorthand description of their characteristics.

"Blonde, bangs, white dojo," I comment about the first gnome to approach me. She is a female wearing a gi (the garment used in karate practice), and though I know perfectly well what a gi is called in waking life, dream logic substitutes "dojo" instead. Her hair is long and straight, of a golden blonde color. Her gi is bound with a plain white belt. She smiles amiably.

Another female gnome is standing to my right, so I note her appearance in turn, remembering that the task specifies interacting with two of them. "Pink padded blouse and white skirt, knee-length" I say, but even at the time I realize "padded" might not be the right word. "Quilted" would probably be more accurate, since it looks like there is only a very thin layer of batting under the decorative overstitching, done with curving and intersecting lines spaced about half an inch apart. I note that the skirt has the same kind of decorative stitching over thicker cloth, with no apparent batting inside, as the stitches lay flat. "Light hair, long—no, shoulder-length," I continue, noting that her hair is exceptionally pale, almost white, and delicately textured. The way it falls reminds me of how hair was "feathered" in late '70s/early '80s hairstyles. The faces of both females look ageless, neither young nor old. Neither seems disconcerted by my weird mutterings, they both just look at me with calm curiosity.

Although I was able to make very detailed observations on the appearance of both, at this point I felt myself begin waking up and could not reverse the process. The EILD allowed me to time the dream precisely: it went off at 6:55 and I awoke at 7:04, so it only lasted nine minutes in all. Subjectively, it also felt very brief.

D1 - fringle the magician is making magic, his old friend mouse-fringle makes magic on the same wavelength causing a overlapping of waves of energy, enveloping all.
Someone is bending to get through a white doorway.
D2 - Staying on holiday in italy, trapsing through the streets, as staying away from the centre means the food is lousey.
Everyone we meet is planning on moving as we head through the busy streets. Nice houses but we are quite lost if we venture further, but we are drawn despite the danger.
D3 - ?
Feelings of acceptance and non-resistance on coming out of third dream.
By the time I came out of the third dream, i had strong feelings of acceptance and non-resistance, to everything.
The dream and me were one entity, on waking the world and me were one entity.
I now experienced what it meant to say that lightning and a drop of rain were one. All was the same essence. All me.

I hope you can understand my feeling, my sensation at the time.
The feeling you get when you get to slip back and the duvet for some extra sleep but without the exited emotion about the extra sleep and without the worried emotion about having to eventually get up. Just a lovely syrupy feeling like the world is one big glob of golden honey.

People were talking on the radio, all I heard was words, people talking talking they didn't realise that it didn't matter what they said it was just sounds, They had talked yesterday and everyday of their lives, they're was no resolution to be had through words, they just generated more, like thinking just making more thoughts. Just a noise going on forever, talking was fine but not nonsensical talking.

Anyway the feeling enveloped me further, and I was in a kind of beautiful daze as I had a shave, my mind was clear.
In the shower I felt a breeze, as it was a chilly morning, the wind felt like it was a part of me. The water that rained down on me was also part of me.
It was wonderful, but such a calm warm feeling. Just a constant emotion, if it could be called that, unbroken.
Then thoughts tried to make ther way into my mind, my ego was returning, as soon as I started to fear this feeling would depart.
So I experienced first hand that the ego is generated by fear.

On the street, I decide to tk around 10 cars at the same time. I reflect how obvious this is compared to my real life RCs. The cars levitate in the air, then slowly move higher towards the night sky. I recall the basic totm and look at the sky seeing tons of stars. But wait, these are not stars, these are the headlights of hundreds of cars that are being lifted and controlled by my thoughts. Hundreds of stars headlights gently moving around. I enjoy the view for a while then decide to go for some element bending, starting with metal bending the nearest fence.