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    The reason I'm a Bastard.

    by , 08-10-2011 at 05:05 PM (378 Views)
    Well, it's true isn't it? Once in a while I still have a dream that's worth sharing on here. I had an odd one just before I woke up this morning.

    The Reason I'm a Bastard - The first thing I can remember was that I was extremely angry. I was in some sort of suit that made me faster, stronger, and oh, I could fly with a jetpack. Pretty cool. Anyway, I was in the parking lot of my local safeway (supermarket), and the parking lot had apparently flooded for about 4-5 inches of water, and the store had decided to put in a tiny little dock for some reason. I was standing on this dock, staring at a tin container, which opened up to reveal a twisted and disfigured doll who had somehow come to life. I knew I had to put the doll down. It was evil. It walked up to me and said "My parents are dead!". That didn't stop me. "You killed my parents, you little shit." I said, as I grabbed the top of the tin container she had crawled out of and started slamming it on top of her. After a few hits I swung it low and shot her into the water, where she lied there fully submerged. I walked over and looked around for some way to possibly destroy the doll for good. I saw three grandmas wading through the water. I asked the first one "Do you happen to have a lighter?", to which she replied "Of course! Here you go." and tossed me a large, rigged together lighter. It worked though, and I could feel the doll fearing what i was going to do. Now I just needed gasoline. But where would I find that? I asked the third grandma, who replied "Why, I happen to have a container right here." and handed me a small black container filled with gasoline. "You're just going to give it to him?" asked the second one, slightly perplexed. "Well, if he tries to run off with it, I'll just make him pay for it!" the third one said, satisfied with her logic.

    As I began emptying the container on and around the area of the doll, who was still in the small lake, a crowd began gathering. I was wondering how I'd light it all, when all of a sudden someone shouted "HEAT SEAKER!". I looked up and saw a missle barreling towards me, and I rolled out of the way just before it could hit me. It grazed the water and then lifted itself up and apparently picked up something else, as it didn't come back. "Damn," I thought, "I've gotta pick this up". With the gasoline poured, I began to lit the lighter and was about to drop it and run away when some random janitor decided it was his duty to clean up part of the gasoline spill. Specifically, the part on top of the doll. For a split second, the doll had an evil grin on its face and thought that it was safe. "Like hell.." I thought, as I quickly pushed some of the gasoline back on top of the doll, who's anger and fury quickly turned back to distress and alarm. I'm pretty sure I said something like "Eat shit", and then pushed the lighter into the gasoline, causing it to burst into flames and then miraculously explode. The doll was destroyed, and I was shot into the air due to the force of the explosion, but quickly used my built in jetpack (Handy, huh?) to gain control and then land. The audience that had gathered applauded as if it were some fourth of July show.

    So, to answer any questions, yes, I did just dream about beating the shit out of a doll and then blowing it up, while wearing some sort of super suit. It either makes me awesome or insane, and I'm not quite sure which one yet.

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