Ruesia's Dream Journal

Had this dream last week and didn't document. only remember fragments.

I am with copper and his coworkers and we are walking in a desert. it is hot. and we have been walking for awhile. there are about 4-5 of us. Im not quite sure why I am with him. he seems to be on duty. they are working. in their uniforms. and we get to this cage of sorts. it is surrounded by chainlink and there are vines everywhere (almost like grape vines) and there is a wooden structure. the roof is sagging. and we have to go through. get past this. because there is no other way than through. and so I seem to be the smallest-- maybe that is why I am there. the shortest, that is. and so they think I can fit over the roof and climb over and open the door. because it is blocked from them going through. so they hoist me up and I break through the vines and through the rafters and I am walking up above them all. and then -- I don't know. is it a bomb? is it just the structure? but it all explodes. it caves in. implodes, may be a better word. and I am knocked out. I guess. because when I wake up and I am next to what was the structure and hear a helicopter and I see people going through the rubble and somehow I know its copper theyre pulling out. and I see them pull him in to the cage they have under the helicopter and start hoisting it up and I run over and see the paramedic or fireman or whoever he is and he has tears in his eyes and I just stare at him and he screams above the noise and the dust "we don't know...we don't know if he is going to make it". and I feel my stomach drop. and the paramedic jumps on the cage. I don't know what to do or say. I see the helicopter reel him in and then it speeds off.

and then I am at an abandoned mall of sorts. its quiet. no one there. maybe its just closed. the marble-style floors and benches. very white. walls are white. floors are white. its very clean. plants. fancy. maybe even a hotel style lobby.

and we are all waiting. and I see one of coppers coworkers. he was fine. and ask him if he knows anything. and he says they're still working. still trying. and I just don't know what to say or do. I don't know why im not there. but I get the feeling its because of the nature of that mission. and I just rock back and forth and think how im going to live without copper. how I am going to cope with losing him. how I cant fathom this. how I have no way to handle this. my mind is full and my mouth is cotton and I am rocking and trying to act like im ok. like ive got this. but inside I am lost. I am absolutely crushed. I didn't get to say goodbye. I cant lose him.