Schmaven's Dream Journal of Randomness

Riding my bicycle up a really beautiful hill through a summer meadow, the road continues into a cool forest tunnel, thick with trees and vegetation. I go a few hundred feet into it, then turn around to zoom down the road really fast on my bike. I go too fast, and can't stay on the road. Trying not to crash, I go into the meadow off to my right, and bounce to a stop before walking back to the road to continue on. Lots of fun!

I reach home at the bottom of the hill, and feel a sharp poke on my hand. I look and there are several small spiders on me, apparently biting me. My hand and upper arm start to go numb, followed by my shoulder. They seem to have a powerful venom, so I try to brush them off without killing them so they stop biting me. As soon as I brush them off, I notice more on me. Using a soft leaf, I brush those off as well.

Now that I appear to be spider free, I prepare to take a shower. Suddenly, I am covered with the little spiders, and also a single other bug, not very large, but with a painful bite. It is very strong, and I can't brush this one off. I have to pinch my skin together and grab it to remove it from my arm. Tossing it aside, it runs really fast. Not sure if it is going to get me again, I am quickly distracted by the several hundred tiny venomous spiders all over my arms and legs. I also feel something on my back but can't see it.

Trying to get all the spiders off harmlessly, as they bite me, I flinch a little, and probably hurt a few of them. It takes me a while, but I manage to get all of them off that I can see, and quickly get in the shower to the relative safety of the running water. I suspect that when I veered off into the meadow, I picked up all those spiders on me somehow.

I fall into an icy river, and race a polar bear to a floating ice berg. We both get there at once, and climb atop to get out of the water. Floating for a little while, we approach a large waterfall. I suspect there are lots of rocks at the bottom, so I jump to shore before falling over the edge. Several people run over the edge of it, telling me to do the same. It is really far to the bottom, so I can't tell if they made it safely or not. I decide it's too risky, and turn from the cliff. Walking uphill, a young lady is next to me, quite short, and I can't see her face. Suddenly, I recognize her, and she's my age it turns out. She climbs on my shoulders and I give her a ride to a small cottage. No one seems to be home, but she wants to check first before we go inside. I take in the beautiful warm night scenery around me as she checks. Not much light, just a dim glow to the grass, the ground, and the cottage. There are some trees in the distance that all blend together into one blob of shape and color. The whole dream seemed rather surreal, and very fluid.

I notice I am seeing myself from the 3rd person now, I am tied to a lawn chair on the beach, next to someone else who is also tied to a lawn chair. My head is strapped to a palm tree behind me, and I have a cut in my neck. It doesn't look good. I appear to be having my neck slowly cut open. I don't want to scream because of the hole in my neck, but it seems like I only have one chance to get help. I let out a huge yell (still watching in 3rd person as I do this), and blood spurts out of my airway that has been cut open, not making much noise. The man behind the tree then swings his heavy knife, and in a few whacks, severs my head from my body. I feel sick to my stomach. As soon as my head is severed, my body starts pissing freely into the sand, no longer under conscious control. A guy nearby laughs at me because I'm peeing myself. My killer sneaks up to him, and shoves my head right in front of his face. Scared greatly, he now realizes why my body was peeing.

Traversing a rocky landscape with a friend, we descend a slope, scramble past some boulders and find a massive hole. Hundreds of feet wide, it has no apparent bottom. My friend urges me to taka closer look to see how deep it is. Nearly slipping on the steep rocks in the dark, I amble my way closer until I am right near the edge. With a flashlight, I attempt to light it up to get a sense of its size, but this doesn't work. I step even closer, dangerously close to the edge, and risk my life to look forward inside.

Far down below, what seems like a mile, I see Buddha Avalokiteshvara run past, glowing with radiant white light. Wishing to be closer to Buddha, I jump into the massive hole. Landing on the bottom, it is a labyrinth of cave tunnels, filled with demon beasts. Most of them are asleep, but those immediately next to me are awakened by my mere presence. I run before they fully awake, but the caves are thick with demons, hardly even a gap to step my foot. I know Avalokiteshvara is in here somewhere so I call out his name continually as I run, waking up a massive horde of beasts, just at my heels now.

I reach a large chamber and am spontaneously armed with a gun. I shoot many of these demons and free up some space, but countless more keep coming. I shoot to keep them at bay rather than to kill, partly out of compassion, and partly to save ammo and time. Even so, my situation starts to look hopeless as I am losing ground against them, even as I run and shoot like the best gunman who ever lived.

My meditation teacher appears around the corner where I expected to find Avalokiteshvara, and at the same time as daylight quickly dawns. He is operating a flying robot, built by google, using facial recognition software, motion sensors, and laser cannons. This machine easily obliterates all the hostile creatures in an instant. I only notice it now mopping up the few stragglers who run at us from around the corners. Really confused by all this, I notice that I feel more peaceful now that I'm not running for my life. But those demons... Were they living beings or just personifications of something abstract?

Guiding someone along a path, I send them around a river as I navigate the rocks and earth in the middle wearing waterproof boots. I slip and fall in the icy water up to my waist, feeling the water get in my boots. Happy they are dry, I ignore the accident and we move on. Reaching an adorable old city made from red stones, we take a break to eat. Many meditators are also relaxing here for a lunch break, having a good time together.

A woman tells us all that it's time to go back for the next meditation, and we all get up and start walking along the road. I follow them this time rather than taking the cold river pass.

Suddenly, I am somewhere else almost like a time traveler, but without the continuity, rather a gradual fading out and back in. I think it would be nice to go back to that town from earlier, and set out down the road toward it, this time in the evening. I find myself on a longboard, and enjoy the ease of travel along the flat road. As I approach the town, I see it is now fenced off, and a van is parked just inside a chain link gate. I roll closer and some people see me. They are doing something that would upset others and cause trouble if more people knew about it. To protect themselves, they try to kill me in case I might tell someone.

Quickly turning around, I kick off fast and tuck into a speedy position on the board. Despite going uphill now, I manage to gain speed just through willpower as I outrun those guys in their van. I turn down a dark road, and lose them. Hopefully for good. A guy approaches me as I am looking at dark places to hide along the road - in a tree, next to a fence, etc; and he tells me there is a key to the car right underneath it, and points to a car in a nearby parking lot.

I walk down a grassy hill and find a bunch of super heroes stretching and warming up for some kind of saving the world mission. They practice flying, and other super hero powers. Wishing to join them and help with this, I demonstrate my own abilities by jumping hundreds of feet into the air, and almost flying. My powers are not as well developed as theirs, and they don't let me join them for my own safety. At least not until I make more progress. They all fly away, quickly disappearing into the sky.

Standing in the street with a bunch of friends, we are all going to a skate park of sorts, but it is far away. They suggest I levitate to make the trip easier. I'm jump up in the air, and lay horizontally, levitating above the ground and slowly moving forwards through the air. I ask them how to go faster because I could walk this fast normally. One of my friends shows me that I can bang my fists together while holding them out in front of me to go faster. It works, but I only go a little faster. I keep doing it, and keep increasing speed, but only slightly.

A large crowd of people are walking in the street, and start tugging on me as I float past them. I think maybe they're jealous, so I stop levitating, and walk with them so they don't feel bad. They settle down when I do this, and we all walk together toward the skate park.

When we get there, it turns into a snow/ice version of a skate park, and I am on a snowboard. People look at me, expecting some fancy tricks. I realize I'm dreaming, and this seems fun, so I drop into a big half pipe type thing on my snow board.

Suddenly, the dream is in 3rd person, as I watch myself doing tricks. But physically, I feel myself doing all of it with first person tactile sensations. I manage to do lots of spins and flips in this way, and people are happy with the performance. I also retain a physical sense of observing all this from about 30 feet away, standing on the packed snow. I go full tilt with spinning super fast, and doing every twist and rotation physically possible.

Now the audience becomes loads of Buddhist monks and nuns, who all look at me at once and tell me it would be a good time to wake up now. I recognize that it's up to me, but I trust them, so I concentrate my mind on waking up. I feel a peaceful tingling, kind of dull and soft, as the dream fades back into my subtle mind, and my waking sense of my body in the dark room gradually exists again in my awareness.

About 30 seconds later, I get out of bed, and walk over to the desk to check the time on my phone. As soon as I pick up my phone, the alarm starts to go off, and I silence it before it wakes my room mates :-)

Being chased by super-human bad guys, I feel like I'm in the matrix. Running full tilt to get away, I turn a corner and end up in the street, with a hummer right in front of me. Without breaking stride, I dive forward through the air like superman, and smash through the windshield of the hummer, landing in the passenger seat right on top of a baby in a child seat, next to its mother.

Realizing that the agents can take over the mother's body in her spot if she is too startled, I lovingly move her baby to the other seat, and give her a reassuring look. Then I help her into the seat next to her baby, and take the wheel, driving very quickly to try to escape.

At work, I'm in just my underwear. I'm trying to avoid people, especially one creepy guy. I think they wouldn't like seeing me in just my underwear at work. So I look for the bathroom that is more in the back part of the store to stay clear of customers and employees.

I go into the back room where it is, but hear someone at the back door working with their keys to open it. I take off at a sprint - much faster than normal being in just underwear and bare feet. I don't know if they saw me, but I think two of the girls did.

I reach some stairs at the end of the hallway, but as I go to sprint down them, my legs stop moving quickly, and I feel like I'm up to my waist in molasses. It is really hard to move my legs, but they do move slowly with a lot of effort. I think, "This is just like when it happens in my dreams" and consider that I may in fact be dreaming. (It only happens in my dreams)

I decide to think about that once I get a bit further down the stairs just in case I'm not dreaming. Since I might be dreaming, I also try to levitate through the air while also walking. I somehow manage to split my reality into two separate experiences, doing both simultaneously - floating above the stairs slowly, and also walking down them with great effort. Both simultaneous experiences feel like they're totally in my mind. Like when I think of two or more people at once in my mind's eye, imagining what their perspective is, their experience - only more real.

Playing a game of "keep the balloon ball in the air" with a couple girls, we volley it around the living room for a bit, trying to hit it as few times as possible as we pass it between us, and keep it off the ground.

I fall down as I dive for it, managing to keep it off the ground. They are amused by this. One of them is really shy and goes to the top of the stairs. The ball is slowly settling toward the floor. I use telekinesis to bring the ball directly to my hand, hold it there for a few moments, then send it against gravity up to the shy girl.

They are both really surprised by this, and ask how I did it. I try to hide the fact that it was telekinesis and tell them it was just static electricity. The non-shy girl tells me to do it again. I tell her I probably shouldn't show off in public.

Riding my bicycle on a narrow path through the snow. I stop to let another bicyclist enter the path. As he does, someone else approaches and they block the entire path as they talk. I wait a bit to see if they start moving. They don't. I go to sneak past them, but they shift their stances and block my way. I'm just happy they are having a good conversation. The second guy notices me and lets me through.

As soon as I pass by, I notice a side path that goes to a floating wooden island in an ice river. I ride out to it. The two guys follow me to it because it is a really cool raft that is connected to the path. The two of them ask me where the forest is. They have heard there is an impressive forest around here. There was. I look around at all the tree stumps from where it was all around us, and inform them that it is gone now. Also, it wasn't that impressive in terms of size compared to other forests.

Suddenly, the platform jerks loose from the path, and begins moving through the water. We all hang on, nearly knocked into the river. Stabilizing ourselves, the two of them jump off as we near the shore. As they do so, the raft jerks again as it accelerates rapidly, nearly knocking me off. I hold onto the front edge of it, letting my bike fall into the river as I lay down to stay on it.

It speeds up again, too much for me to hang on, and I fall into the water. Before being left behind completely, I grab onto a small metal ring with one finger and hold onto it with all my might. It is really cold, and I am completely soaked.

Holding on against all odds, I stay with the raft, and manage to pull myself back onto it. It is just coasting now. I lay down on the raft and catch my breath for a bit.

I pretty much turn into Tom Cruise as I watch myself move in the third person. I get out of a truck and run to an abandoned building. Quickly diving through the door, I shoot someone before I tuck and roll up against a wall. Jumping around the corner, I shoot another person, then run up some stairs.

Grabbing the railing of the stairway, I pull myself up parkour style, and shoot a few more people as I'm flying mid-air. It's almost like I've rehearsed this a thousand times before - I know where all the bad guys are, and the exact timing of when they are going to attack.

At the top, I shoot through a wall and kill another guy, then shoot a metal plate at the end of a hallway, causing the bullets to bounce back and kill another guy who is hiding around a corner.

Still not much time for some reason, I run down the hall, and see someone's hands poking through a metal stock thing. I grab them and break his wrists as a form of interrogation that is the only way to make everything work. As I do so, I get shot in the arm, and without looking, shoot off to my left and kill the shooter with a no-look shot.

I feel like I've done all this countless times before, and for some reason, all of this is required of me in this current situation.

I'm laying in bed, trying to fall asleep (or so I think I am), when I hear my co-worker tell me that he just lets go completely. I try this, and feel amazing as my body falls asleep while my mind is awake. I go in and out of a really cool sensation, then feel a strange presence in my room.

I sense a being that is made completely of shadows and fear - the essence of darkness and evil itself. Quite a strong presence, but not a very happy one.

It is either a spirit or a demon, I'm not sure which it is, but there is definitely a presence here, and it doesn't like me being alive apparently. I don't mind that, and try to mind my own business, but this spirit/demon seems to attack me. I am partially crushed psychically, and have trouble breathing.

I start saying a mantra to ground me in the experience of safety, but feel too intense of a presence that is trying to harm me to even remember my mantra. "Alright, then I guess I'll just feel love for everyone since I can't do anything else"

It turns out that works more or less to pacify the demon/spirit thing. I feel like I'm left alone briefly, and allowed to collect myself. But not for long, as I feel like I am having my soul ripped from my body very shortly thereafter. I'm pretty much okay with that, I figure the end has to come sometime, but it is a little surprising. Still not many options for what to do, so I just feel love for everyone again. It seems like when I deeply do this, I am invincible. Not in the sense that my body won't die, but that my mind will not cease. It feels good to love everyone anyway.

I hear it say in a rhaspy clicky kind of voice, "booooooo bohohohohp annnnnnnnd hoooooooooold Z level now" Still not sure if it is a dream or not, I decide to just get up because it doesn't feel like I'm getting much rest facing this challenge right now, and there are things I must be doing.

At the very least, I feel like I can handle these kind of things now. Not that I enjoy it, but that it's not much of an issue.

I watch a plane crash on the television as part of a breaking news story. The last part of the clip before they cut it shows the plane flying away from the crash site. It doesn't make sense to me, so I re-play the scene in slow motion. This time, the second plane is a missile. Both are in fact missiles. Nuclear missiles. I get on my computer and try to find the exact town in England where the crash happened, but can't find it. Just a bunch of English towns. Finally, I spot the wreckage.

As soon as I see the wreckage, I'm on a bus that's headed right to the crash site. My mom is on the bus, as well as my good friends. Up ahead is an unexpected building, billowing with thick gray smoke. Just pumping smoke out the top of it like it is manufacturing something. Our bus stops at a gate just before this building and a bunch of men with guns board our bus speaking a combo German/Italian language that I can't understand. Through their non-verbal cues, I understand that they must search our bus and everyone on it before they let us go on our way.

One of the men searches me, but gets upset when he sees that I'm wearing a belt. He passes me to the next guy who also finds nothing hidden. Even more upset than the first guy, he picks me up by my shoulders, and shakes me vigorously as if to get any pills to fall out my ass if I were a drug mule. Fortunately (for many reasons) there is nothing.

They finally let us all go. I sit down back in my seat, cautious not to draw any unwanted attention to myself. I see my high school sweet heart in the seat right in front of mine and we smile at each other. Then I see several layers of cloth all stacked on top of one another. The cloth itself begins to speak, telling me, "There are many ways to love a woman." Then the pile of stacked cloth lays completely flat on the bus seat, melting into it. Seems like good advice I suppose...

Looking out the window, I watch as we pass the building from earlier. It is a power plant that burns some sort of smoky fuel, powering the entire town around it. Set up like some post-apocalyptic utopia, the buildings are all caddywhompus, but well maintained McGuiver style. The bus stops abruptly in the center of the town, and everyone is forced off of it.

I am taken to the front of a tank column and strapped to the front of it as a human shield for the point tank. Definitely not a safe place to be in general, let alone for what I fear is about to happen. Meat shields make me sad, but I'm happy that it's me and not someone else. Completely bound, I tensely watch from the front row of the action as a group of fighters (who I assume are on my side) ambush the tanks. The whole ridge above us seems to have come alive with machine gun fire and anti-tank rockets. Sadly, they are all killed by the tank fire and .50 Cal machine guns.

Due to all the rough driving, my bindings come loose toward the end of the fray and I make my get away, running as fast as I can before they notice. I dart into the first building I come across and hide up in the attic. I get the feeling that ninja-assassins have seen me hide in here, and are on their way sneaking inside. I have to do something to prepare myself.

I magically find in my hand a plastic spray bottle with an enchanted liquid inside that causes whoever is sprayed in the eyes to face their biggest fear. I test it on a nearby cat, who goes completely wide eyed, and then rigid for a few moments before moving again. The cat seemed to enjoy this, and now is like my minion. I direct it to the far corner of the room to help warn me of anyone approaching. Another cat walks right up to my face and looks at me like it too wants to get the fear spray. I spray it in the face once, and it reacts just like the first. Before I decide what to do with it, a third cat approaches and I do the same.

I send one of the cats down the attic stairs to investigate, amazed that the cats are voluntarily helping me through our unusual connection via the fear spray. I am about to spray myself in the face with it, but before I do, I hear someone downstairs. Sneaking down the ladder, there are no lights on anywhere, just a mysterious blue glow. I step on the floor and it is really wet.

A creepy woman's voice whispers directly into my ear, "The true test is how well you can step quietly through a puddle of blood" Quite a sadistic test, especially since she could've just killed me right there instead of toying with me like this. I see now that the entire floor is flooded with about a quarter an inch deep of blood. I get a quick mental flash back of this same woman killing a bunch of soldiers in this room using knives and dodging their bullets, and then draining their blood everywhere.

Thinking about her challenge, my feet change from wearing shoes, to slippers, back to shoes, and then to socks before settling on barefoot as I consider how to stay quietest. Barefoot it is then... The cold, sticky blood is really creepy, and not more than a few steps in, the sticky noises give me away.

She lunges at me, trying to bite my throat in half. I get a clear look at her face for the first time, it resembles a zombie face, with dark red slime and nastiness all around her mouth, crazy demonic eyes, and greasy straight black hair. I push against her chest and stomach to hold her back and get knocked on my back over some furniture. She jumps at me, using her teeth as her main weapon as I struggle to keep her off me. Pushing against her stomach, it turns into a dark empty void like space, but darker somehow. From this void, a second pair of arms reach out to fight me. Struggling with these, I kick at her, only to find another portal open up at her waist from which a second pair of legs come through kicking at me. There is blood everywhere, and she just doubled her limbs while trying to bite me to death. This fact sinks in a bit and I wake up.

Waiting in line for some cafeteria food at a university, I suspect I might be dreaming. I do a reality check by seeing if I can put my hand through the cinder block wall. I can! Now that I'm dreaming, I don't have to wait in line at all. I use telekinesis to pull fried chicken from across the room into my outstretched hand. Catching it, I put it on my plate as I hold my tray with my other hand.

Not that interested in food since I'm dreaming, I just sit down at one of the cafeteria tables, and run my hand through them like water. It feels really cool. After a bit of doing this, I look up and see none other than Chuck Norris sitting across from me. "Holy Sh!t, it's Chuck Norris!" I yell to get everyone's attention. I forget I'm dreaming as I assume everyone would appreciate being graced by Chuck Norris' company....