sedrick

A family brought two live turkeys to church one morning.

A little girl showed me a way to age myself immediately. (It was only one way. You couldn't get younger.) The aging process required the use of a very small frog, which the girl and I found hopping around on our living room carpet. I tried to catch it, but it hopped out from between my fingers and his under our couch. When I tried to retrieve it, a regimented line of tiny black scorpions came marching out to challenge me. I withdrew in fear and waited. Finally the frog came out again and I caught it in a box.

Then the girl and I went to our church and sat next to my friend on a piano bench. A bunch of people were watching us. I told my friend my plan to age myself and how it involved the frog. The girl watched eagerly. I inserted the box which contained the frog into what appeared to be one of those yellow carts that holds mop water. Instantly, two things that looked like a pair of stockings shot out of the cart and hit the wall. My friend said they looked like his mom's underwear. The little girl laughed hysterically.

Then by some process involving electrical switches I aged myself to be about twenty or twenty-one.

I dreamed I discovered an easy way to lucid dream. It involved taking a supplement and inducing a coma-like state. I tried it one night and it worked beautifully. Since it was my first "lucid dream" I was guided through a sort of instructional manual on the in's and out's, do'sand don'ts of lucid dreaming. I recall getting insanely excited, but I never ACTUALLY became lucid.

I lived in a Minecraft world.

It was very early morning and I was at a friend's house, sweeping off the porch. A man drove by on a tractor, pulling something.

I was working at a butcher plant. The plant was open-air and was on a dock on the banks of the Mississippi river. We dumped the entrails down holes directly into the water, where they were swept away downstream.

My grandpa had only a moth left to live, except when he told me half of the month had gone by.

Someone was making a new version of Lord of the Rings. it was turning out horrible. The orcs were basically people dressed up in chimpanzee suits. Sauron was a huge ugly monster and he had a wife. He ate his own spit.

I was sent to live in a bookstore. There was an all-boys' section. As sort of a personality test and to see if I had what it took to live there I had to fight a Pokémon boss battle. I did horribly. Some obese teenager pushed me over from behind. I remember being a bit surprised by that.

A screaming man came riding over a hill on a tractor and started shooting maniacally at me with a machine gun. I ducked underneath a car for protection and started saying my prayers.

I worked in a very fancy pastry shop. The walls were sort of a pastel red and there was lots of gold trim. Lots of sunlight streamed through the large front windows. The shop was owned by a guy I know. He had a big hole in his forehead, about the size of a lemon. It went all the way down to his brain. There was a Wes Anderson museum a few doors down to the left of the shop, and I was excited about getting off work and visiting it.

My family lived in a really neat antique shop next to a vibrant brook in a weird lonely gnarly forest. The brook flooded one day in the spring and flowed into the store. One lady's display was ruined. I went to go see her. Everything was destroyed by the water, except for a very neat old professional film camera. She gave it to me. I went up to a different floor of the building and found my friend lounging on a balcony. I wanted to test out the camera so I filmed him. Then I rewound the tape and watched the playback. For a bit, we saw my footage, but then it abruptly cut off. Apparently there was different footage underneath mine on the tape. The image cut to two young women laying on a bed in their underwear, touching and fingering each other. I instantly turned off the camera and yelled, "I didn't film that!!"

In another house in those same woods there lived an extremely ugly old witch. Her daughter, (yes, her daughter!) was protesting against her mother's overweening desire to cover her daughter in shredded cheddar cheese. They argued back and forth heatedly for a long time. The witch stated that when she was her daughter's age, she too was covered in cheese by her mother. With that, she shrunk her daughter, scooped her up and stuffed her into a ziplock bag filled with cheese. She rolled her around in there for a bit and then let her out and put her back to normal size. Then a narrator-sort-of voice on a voice-over deadpanned, "no one could ever mistake the old lady for a normal human being".

I could jump really high and effortlessly but only if I constantly gave a thumbs up with both my hands.

We put sod down in the sanctuary of a church. The grass was very green and lush, quite pretty. To keep an eye on the grass, (we must have been afraid someone might try to rip it up), we planted a tombstone outside one of the windows of the church and planted a human eye in a round hollow in the stone. It acted as our security camera.

One guy wanted to build a huge fancy apartment complex directly behind our church. So he wheeled in this huge red condo that was pulled on a ridiculously small trailer. He pulled it into the parking lot in front. It was way bigger than the church. As he tried to back the condo up so he could get it into the back lawn, it kept hitting the power lines and shooting impressive sparks everywhere.

Something about maggots/worms.

A Peruvian man had skin that looked exactly like an under-ripe green banana peel.

I was looking at Kermit the Frog. He was holding something small and black between two of his fingers. I thought, "that must be a cigarette". And instantly it WAS a cigarette, and Kermit was avidly smoking.

I was in a big mansion trying to explain how a kitchen sink worked to an old salty sailor.

A strange nose-less creature called the Stip lived in a blue bathroom cubicle. It was more than seven feet tall, incredibly emaciated, but it never stood up straight. It's back was always very bowed, and it's arms were disproportionately long. It was completely hairless, and it's skin was pale and saggy. It's eyes were very small, beady and wide-set, and it's mouth was very wide. I sent my boss into deal with it and see if he could get it out of the cubicle.

I was driving through a city with my father. There were lots of pelicans, hawks and large birds with tags on their feet flying through the air close to the ground. My father and I took interest in one pelican in particular. It had a foot tag that had the letter "B" on it.

We were having a family reunion, and we were meeting in a church. My family was gathered about the piano, singing a song. One of my second cousins, was wearing a pair of pants that were much too large for her. She kept pulling the waistline out, gazing down at her groin and panties in a satisfied manner. I distinctly remember her panties as being white, although I'm not sure how I came to know that...

I dreamed I awoke in the night and discovered that there was a frog in my throat and I could barely speak. So I got up and walked to the bathroom. I kept thinking about a ghostly girl and her cat that sometimes appeared in our house. If you so much as touched the cat, you would die instantly. I was so afraid that the next moment I would see the cat girl. I ran in fear out into our living room. My mother was lying on the couch, and she greeted me warmly. I tried to talk, and my throat cleared and a clear, oily liquid dripped out. I wiped it off my mouth. My father was sitting in my accustomed chair, dressing himself for the day. I figured we were going to have a day off and go into town with him, and that made me happy.

I worked at a pizza parlor, and I had to cut a dog in half lengthwise to put on a pizza.

I was ambushed in an old decaying barn by Voldemort.

I was in an indoor swimming center. There was a shallow end of the pool, then there was a huge roaring waterfall that drained all the water down into a lower level. One of my friends fell in the pool and was about to be swept down the fall. I pulled him out.

I saw myself in the mirror. My face was the same, but my hair was about shoulder length. (Longer than it is now.) Then I took a razor and shaved away some of it. I have a scar on my head from a past accident, so I shaved away all the hair that covers it. The scar was bloody and festering, and there were clumps of prickly pine needles that had become matted to the blood underneath my hair.

My mother, grandfather and aunt and I were working in a grocery store. We all stood around a giant stainless steel vat filled with green olives and crushed them into a paste with special paddles.

My mother was away from home, and I was in charge of my sister. One night she played Pokémon on her Nintendo in her room all night long. Then the next evening my mother came home. She had bought me a pair of silk pajamas. ("Thanks, mom.") They were sort of navy blue with white stripes. The bottoms were only knee-length but the top was long-sleeved. Then I told her about my sister and her gaming. Mom said she had talked to a man about taking my sister and I on an endurance trek through the Himalayas.

We had a miniature pinscher named Trickster.

There were these movies about giant robot elephants. The director said he was inspired by Steven Spielberg.

My deceased father and my aunt and sister and my grandfather made their own radio station at the base of a silo. They worked for a long time on it. Then they finished it and they came back to our house. I had a long conversation with my dad and we hugged.

Afterwards I got to go out and look at the radio station. It actually looked like the inside of a library I go to. I was scheduled to perform a puppet show over the radio.

My sister and I were walking down an old country road. We were close to the ocean, and parts of the road were flooded, forming tide-pools of various sizes. There was coral in them and all sorts of exotic fish and creatures swimming in the water. My sister didn't want to get her feet wet by walking through the pools so I carried her. But finally the walking got difficult enough that we turned around and started heading home.

We arrived back at someone else's house other than the one we meant to arrive at. A Portuguese man came up to the door and started jabbering to the owner excitedly. He couldn't understand a word he said so he sent the Portuguese man away.

A young man started having nightmares about a man named Dan Tacket who claimed to be the president of the Portuguese railway system. He would come into the young man's room, say something unintelligible, look the young man strangely in the eye and then rapidly multiply himself hundreds of times till he filled the whole room. Then all of him would swarm out the door, leaving the young man traumatized, screaming and yelling.

I lived in a country where all people were killed once they reached the age of thirty. However, once a year three convicted criminals were released from prison into an abandoned city, where they would fight to the death. The last man standing was allowed to live a normal lifespan. I was apparently one of the three, and I was being chased relentlessly by the other two men through a dark, overgrown alleyway. Ivy climbed up the walls of the brick and steel buildings.

A princess had a deadly infection in her legs and they needed to be amputated. She was obviously distraught. So I tried to cheer her up by eating her legs, which were still attached to her at the time.