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    11-22-14 Ziplocked witch

    by , 12-04-2014 at 08:40 PM (275 Views)
    My family lived in a really neat antique shop next to a vibrant brook in a weird lonely gnarly forest. The brook flooded one day in the spring and flowed into the store. One lady's display was ruined. I went to go see her. Everything was destroyed by the water, except for a very neat old professional film camera. She gave it to me. I went up to a different floor of the building and found my friend lounging on a balcony. I wanted to test out the camera so I filmed him. Then I rewound the tape and watched the playback. For a bit, we saw my footage, but then it abruptly cut off. Apparently there was different footage underneath mine on the tape. The image cut to two young women laying on a bed in their underwear, touching and fingering each other. I instantly turned off the camera and yelled, "I didn't film that!!"

    In another house in those same woods there lived an extremely ugly old witch. Her daughter, (yes, her daughter!) was protesting against her mother's overweening desire to cover her daughter in shredded cheddar cheese. They argued back and forth heatedly for a long time. The witch stated that when she was her daughter's age, she too was covered in cheese by her mother. With that, she shrunk her daughter, scooped her up and stuffed her into a ziplock bag filled with cheese. She rolled her around in there for a bit and then let her out and put her back to normal size. Then a narrator-sort-of voice on a voice-over deadpanned, "no one could ever mistake the old lady for a normal human being".

    I could jump really high and effortlessly but only if I constantly gave a thumbs up with both my hands.

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