• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views




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    shannyball

    1. Back to LDing

      by , 08-10-2012 at 08:38 AM
      I have been on a LD hiatus for about 12 months. Truly being able to LD on a nightly basis takes an almost, medatative state of mind. I slipped out of the ability as I decided to go back to drinking alchohal. My mind id now off of that, cleared up agian. I have been reading Tibetian Dream Yoga, I have been considering the non duelism, I have found that most issues caused in my life are from directing to much energy twords one pole of the duelism sphere. I am either very angry and negative or I am happy and excited, I think that is why I enjoyed drinking, that allowed me to just be...until I got to drunk too function and then that allowed me to be an irrisponcible, ash***, that made neither a good parent or a friend. It also killed off my ability to have lucid dreams or even a small amount of awareness. Last night i drempt a normal dream, non LD. I saw a movie of my husband with his ex wife, they must have been dating when it was taken, it was an old movie- it was playing on a VHS tape I believe for added emphises to it's age. He was dancing with her, he was touching her lovingly, he was looking at her as if she was the only other being int he universe. I felt so much jelously I hit the roof, I struggled with myself in my dream as I was caught up in the scenario. I tried to calm myself and tell my self that that was the past and I could not be mad about an event that happened before me. But my jelously got the better of me and I was ranting at my poor dream husband. Nothing was getting solved, I was only exhausting my mental energy. When I woke up I was STILL angry about it, I talked about it with my husband relating the pure jelousy I had felt, and how even in waking life it still was sucking my energy out. I realised though that I had been given a gift, I should have used that dream to become non duelistic, to refuse to accept anger for the past, to choose not to be happy about her relationship ending with him and my being with him, to only feel it and then send it back out not really allowing any of it to soak into my soul, my karma, my being. Now I have a real goal, something I have lacked and part of the reason I let LDing go for a year and chose to drink agian. I had no direction after a while, I had reached a platue of learning, I had created a wall I couldn't scale by not knowing where to go on to next. Tonight even if I cannot go totally lucid, if I can become aware enough of my goal I can use it in my next dream scenario, I can choose to not react, I can see where that brings me in my dreaming and my lucidity... It is good to be back! It is good to be a student of the mind once agian.
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      non-lucid