One Must Imagine Sisyphus Happy

Quo vadis? is Latin for "Where are you going?" I don't think the Romans used question marks though. The phrase is associated with a biblical scene, when Peter sees Jesus after his resurrection and asks where he is going. Jesus replies that he is going to Rome to be crucified again.

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I find myself in a grocery store. This is a common scene for me in both waking and dreaming. So far, I have procured all my items and now I approach the checkout lanes. I see that they are all long. That fact makes me a bit discouraged, but also I have patience. There is no other option but to wait, so I am content to wait.

As I wait, I glance around. By chance, I spot someone I recognize from waking. She is in the produce section, examining some fruit. Let's call her Siren, which is not far from her real name. She has been in just a few of my dreams, but in my recollection, all lucid. The incredulity of seeing her here makes me lucid once again. I stare at her. She is darkly tanned with long dark hair. She wears a black cocktail dress that perfectly complements her form. At this distance I don't see her face but, having recognized her, I bring my memory of her waking visage to mind. She has a beautiful face with striking hazel eyes and a warm smile.

Time passes. The checkout lane shuffles forward a bit. I remain in revery, staring at Siren as she chooses her oranges and onions and whatever. I am entranced. I am "lucid" but not lucid. In other words, I am self-aware but not clear-thinking. This is a common theme of my dreams recently. Perhaps it is a theme of my waking state too.

A thought enters my mind: What are you doing? It is a reminder that I have been trying to entrain in myself. It reminds me that I should be doing rather than merely being or observing. In this moment, I don't actually act but the thought does alter the dreamscene.

On cue, Siren turns and spots me. She smiles and I see her face, just as I remember it. Her hazel irises are piercing in the middle of the whites of her eyes, which contrast so strikingly with her tan skin. Similarly, her smile is pearlescent and radiant. It is hypontizingly attractive, and all the more so because she is looking and smiling at me. She begins to walk toward me, with her basket held just-so at her hip.

"Where are you going?" she asks me. She is Turkish and has an endearing accent to her English.

I look to my right, at the line of people waiting for the checkout counter. It hasn't moved. "No-where," I answer to her question.

She tilts her head, as if pondering the deeper meaning of my response. After a beat, her smile broadens. "Come with me," she offers.

Now, I tilt my head and ponder the deeper meaning of her words. Or, more accurately, the possible sexual meaning. I am suddenly filled with lust. The scene of the grocery store fades away. Her dress fades away too. I am now staring at her naked body, tan and lithe. I entertain visions of touching her, and, though I don't yet act them out in the dreamscene, the visions are nonetheless made manifest in the dream on some level, in a way that can only happen in dreams.

I catch myself in this fantasy. Once again, I think: What are you doing? And to that, I add her words: Where are you going?

I pull my attention away from her body and back to her face. She is still smiling, innocently. I'm only dreaming. What does that mean?