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    2/22/20 - Car-Stealin' and Justice-Dealin'

    by , 02-23-2020 at 05:33 AM (357 Views)
    I'm driving with my dad, taking him to some appointment downtown. He seems really out of it, and the whole interaction with the doctor takes a lot longer than normal because he's giving them weird answers to their questions about his medical histor. We eventually leave and head back to the car, when I look at my watch and realize it's 1pm. I remember that I had an errand I had to run before the place closed at noon (I actually did have that in real life), and I start getting incredibly frustrated with myself, since this is the second appointment I've missed this week. I start to beat myself up about it, but then I start to think back, and I can't remember when I woke up. Holy crap, I must be dreaming! I do a quick nose pinch and find that I really am dreaming.

    This is my first lucid in months, so I start to wonder what I should do. Behind me is a busy highway, so I decide to take a page out of GTA and try stealing a car. I know that I'm invincible, so I decide to run out into the middle of the interstate towards the first car I see, jump towards it, and grab onto the side. I look in the window to see a whole family of 4 inside, all screaming in terror at me. Thinking that it'd probably be difficult (and unsafe) to throw all four of them out of the car, I decide to let go and try again with the next car, a large brown van. I hang onto the drivers' side and look through the window. This time, I see a 90-year-old lady driving, completely oblivious to the fact that I was right outside her window. I tap on the glass, but she still doesn't look away from the road. I inch my way further into her field of view, and eventually she notices me. "Oh goodness, dear, you startled me. You know my little old heart can't take it." She had a friendly smile on her face as she said it. I decide she's too nice to throw out on the road, so I apologize, wave goodbye, and let go of her car.

    The next car I see go by is a convertible, with two men holding guns out the windows - apparently having just come from robbing a bank. Ah, that seems like a morally-justifiable car to steal. I somehow run to catch up with the car, leap towards it, and grab onto the trunk. I start climbing my way towards the front, but as I get on top, the convertible top starts to pull apart. Meanwhile, the driver has noticed I'm on top of the car and has started swerving in an attempt to knock me off. Eventually, this swerving causes the convertible top to completely rip out of the car, sending me tumbling across the pavement. I look up just in time to see the car pulling off the road into a Publix parking lot. They both hop out of the car and into the store, and I quickly give chase after them.

    The inside of the store is a labyrinth - aisles are arranged in no particular layout, criss-crossing in a ton of different directions. The store's also very busy, with a ton of people around. And to make matters worse, the store is filled with Valentine's Day balloons, which block visibility around most corners. I chase the robbers on foot as best as I can, but I eventually lose sight of them. I pause in front of the deli to try to figure out which direction they went in, when a man taps me on the shoulder.
    "Hey man, I need a favor. I ordered a sub that should be done soon, but I really, really need to take a poo. Can you hold my place in line?"
    "Uh... I'm kinda busy."
    "PLEASE, I'm dying here!"
    I spot the robbers through the glass of one of the "Employees Only" doors. "I really can't help you man, sorry!" I shout, taking off for the door.

    I make it through the door and spot the two of them behind a second door, apparently counting up the money from their haul. I walk through the door to confront them, and immediately both of them point their guns at me.
    "Put your hands up! Now!"
    I observe the guns in my face - both revolvers. I reassure myself that I'm still dreaming. "Okay. But what if I don't?"
    Both of them look at each other, perplexed. The first one cocks his gun. "Okay wise guy, then what if I pull this trigger?"
    "Mmmm, I don't think that's a good idea."
    BANG! He pulls the trigger, only for his gun to backfire a ton of ash and smoke in his face. "Yeah, that's the problem with those things - you gotta make sure your bullets are facing the right way in the chamber. Otherwise it makes a big mess."
    The second guy fires his gun, with an identical result. I take a moment to tease them some more. "C'mon guys, is this your first first-degree murder?"

    The first guy, having regained his composure, checks his chamber to make sure his bullet is correct, and pulls the trigger again. The scene cuts to a side view in super slow motion. The bullet exits the chamber, flies towards me, and bounces off my forehead. With my super speed, I grab the bullet out of the air. I then pull the spent magazine out of the gun, which still has some gunpowder in it. I pour it into my hand, and then fling it into the man's face. For good measure, I also grab a hair net from the deli counter nearby and pull it over his face - and then just slap him a few times just to really rub it in.

    The scene goes back to normal, with the guy again covered in ash (and this time, the hair net). Both of them seem to realize what's happening now. "So, are you fellas done now, or do I have to kick your butts a little more to let the lesson really sink in?" They both look at each other, and then slowly place their guns on the ground. "That's what I thought."

    The scene fast forwards, and I'm now standing over both men, who are sitting on the curb in handcuffs. I apparently work for the FBI, as I have just phoned in to tell them that I've caught the suspects. I'm now looking through my phone at some database info on the two guys.
    "We're probably going to jail for a few days, right?"
    I scroll down in my phone to the section on the charges they'll be getting for the robbery, which include 3 counts of first-degree murder for the three Toads (from Super Mario) that were apparently working at the bank. "Oh, don't worry, bud. You'll be going to jail for a lot of days."
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    Updated 02-23-2020 at 05:37 AM by 63804